Fox News Accidentally Posts – Then Deletes – Lesbian Wedding Photo

The traditionalists at Fox News, who still think that women should be subservient to the men in their lives, have been publishing a series of articles by contra-feminist Suzanne Venker (niece of Phyllis Schlafly). Her basic premise is that modern women are worse off because of feminists butting in and fighting for trivialities like voting and equal pay and freedom from discrimination and violence. Venker blames feminists for what she believes is the inability of today’s women to land a husband (which is, of course, their sole reason for living).

From the start the articles were ripped apart by saner voices who respect the right of women to fully realize their potential in an equal society. But in the latest chapter, Fox News accompanied the article with a photograph meant to illustrate the joys of traditional marriage. The only problem is that the photo selected by Fox was one of two women celebrating their marriage – that’s right – to each other.

Fox News Lesbians

After a flurry of well-deserved mockery in the press and social media, Fox has now removed the photo of the joyful lesbian couple. Apparently the sight of wedded bliss between members of the same sex was too much for their sheltered audience. However, their choice for a replacement photo is just as worthy of mockery. Instead of a picture portraying the happiness of a loving embrace, they now have a generic symbol of neutered clip art figures safely not touching each other. That is surely an improvement to convey the article’s message of happiness through inequality.

Could Stephen Colbert Join Al Franken To Form A Senate Comic Caucus?

Stephen Colbert - Al FrankenPublic Policy Polling has just released a new survey of South Carolina residents on who they would prefer as the replacement for Sen. Jim DeMint, who is leaving the senate to head the conservative Heritage Foundation.

Among those included in the speculation are long-time state pols like former governor Mark Sanford, his ex-wife Jenny Sanford, congressmen Tim Scott, Joe Wilson, and Trey Gowdy, and GOP official Henry McMaster. All of these folks would be conventional picks for Governor Nikki Haley, whose responsibility it is to appoint DeMint’s successor.

But leading the pack is Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert, a South Carolina native and former candidate for President of the United States of South Carolina. According to PPP…

“Colbert tops the wish list of who South Carolina voters would like to see join that body at 20%, followed by Tim Scott at 15%, Trey Gowdy at 14%, Jenny Sanford at 11%, Henry McMaster and Mark Sanford at 8%, Jeff Duncan and Joe Wilson at 5%, and Mick Mulvaney at 4%.”

This could send shock waves through the political world. Colbert has a hefty campaign war chest via his Super PAC that has nearly a million dollars left over from the presidential campaign. He has a devoted following that is nationwide in scope, and a platform for expressing his views on his television show, which gets a bigger audience than Fox News. He has testified before congress on labor issues. He delivered an epic speech before the White House Correspondents He has won two Peabody Awards. However, he also has powerful enemies. Nancy Pelosi launched the Stop Colbert campaign earlier this year:

Yet to be heard from is Minnesota senator Al Franken. The two have a common background and could form a coalition in the senate to advance legislation favorable to political satirists. A “Comic Caucus” in Washington could be a significant counterweight to the other congregation of politi-clowns, the Tea Party.

Neither Colbert nor Gov. Haley have given any indication of their intentions. For Colbert the decision has to include consideration of the fact that a seat in the senate would be a demotion for him. He has far more influence where he is now, although he could earn more money taking kickbacks from lobbyists who would eventually provide him with a multimillion dollar job when he tires of the senate, just as Sen. DeMint has done.

Fake Study Gets It Right: Says Fox News Viewers Have A Lower IQ Than Average Americans

A press release was published this morning on Yahoo! News with a provocative headline declaring that an “Intelligence Institute Study shows Fox News viewers have an IQ that is 20 points lower than the U.S. National average.” The article went on to assert that “Americans who watch Fox News have an average IQ of 80.”

Idiot Fox NewsThe underlying conclusions of this “study” are affirmed by research conducted by a number of reputable organizations including the University of Maryland, NBC/Wall Street Journal, and the Sunlight Foundation. Unfortunately, this study, and the “Intelligence Institute,” appear to be figments of some prankster’s imagination. There is no evidence that the institute exists and the sole source for the Yahoo! item is a press release that contains no verifiable identifying data.

Nevertheless, the perpetrator of this hoax seems to have a solid grasp on the cognitive capacity of Fox News viewers even if no study was conducted to document it. As noted above, plenty of other real studies arrived at the same conclusions. Here are some key “findings” by the imaginary Intelligence Institute:

The results of a 4 year study show that Americans who obtain their news from Fox News channel have an average IQ of 80, which represents a 20 point deficit when compared to the U.S. national average of 100.

One test involved showing subjects a series of images and measuring their vitals, namely pulse rate and blood pressure. The self-identified conservatives’ vitals increased over 35% when shown complex or shocking images. The image that caused the most stress was a poorly edited picture of President Obama standing next to a “ghostly” image of a child holding a tarantula.

Lead researcher, P. Nichols, explains, “Less intelligent animals rely on instinct when confronted by something which they do not understand. This is an ancient survival reaction all animals, including humans, exhibit. It’s a very simple phenomenon, really; think about a dog being afraid of a vacuum cleaner. He doesn’t know what a vacuum is or if it may harm him, so he becomes agitated and barks at it. Less intelligent humans do the same thing. Concepts that are too complex for them to understand, may frighten or anger them.” He continues, “Fox News’ content is presented at an elementary school level and plays directly into the fears of the less educated and less intelligent.”

The allegation that Fox News exploits their audience’s tendency to voraciously consume absurdly spun tales driven by fear has been documented by researchers at the University College London Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience (and yes, that’s real). Conservatives regularly demonstrate their proclivity for barking at the outrageous falsehoods proffered by Fox and other conservative fabulists. Among the university’s findings were that the brains of conservatives are more likely to have an enlarged amygdala which is associated with greater inflexibility, emotion, and fear response. This could account for conservatives having a greater susceptibility to conspiracy models of thinking as evidenced by this collection of right-wing crackpottery.

The editors at Yahoo! may have been fooled by this phony press release, but the bigger fools are those who watch and believe the certifiable nonsense that is broadcast every day on Fox News. It is difficult to ascertain whether watching Fox News actually makes the viewer stupid, or if stupid people are attracted to Fox News in the first place. Either way, neither Fox nor their audience should be taken as seriously as Yahoo! took this press release.

[Update:} The Huffington Post contacted the “PR guru” who is responsible for the phony press release. He admits that much of what is in the release is false, but maintains that a study of some sort was actually conducted. I doubt it. The misstatements to which he admits pretty much kill his credibility, and his alternate explanations are no more believable than his original BS. It is nonetheless, pretty funny. And none of the dubious claims from this huckster diminish the bona fide studies cited above.

FoxBlocked: What Becomes Of The Fox News Rejects?

Yesterday the news broke that Karl Rove and Dick Morris were being designated pundit-non-grata, at least temporarily, by Fox News CEO Roger Ailes. Apparently even a rabidly biased cable network known as the PR division of the GOP can tire of analysts who rarely get anything right.

Fox Blocked: Rove and Morris

I feel for the poor Fox viewers who are now going to miss out on the monumentally idiotic assessments and predictions by this pair of hacks. With important policy debates on the “fiscal cliff,” new cabinet appointments, immigration, Syria, etc., on the agenda, Fox viewers will be deprived of the insights that have made them so stupefyingly ignorant so long.

But I also wonder what will become of Rove and Morris. Their colleague, Rick Santorum, has already been reduced to joining WorldNetDaily, (aka Birther Central) as a columnist. Neither Rove nor Morris has commented publicly on the curb-stomping they just suffered. But I can’t help but feel that the worst part of this humiliation is that while Ailes dismissed them, he kept Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. How do they console themselves knowing that their commentaries were deemed unsuitable going forward, but Palin’s word salad jumbles, and Trump’s ego-soaked dementia, will continue to get broadcast? OUCH!

No doubt Rove will find a way to self-finance his media presence with funds misappropriated from his Super PAC. And Morris is still posting his vodcasts on his own web site for the willfully dumb and the aficionados of toe-sucking. But somehow, it just won’t be the same without their access to the vast audience of glassy-eyed Fox disciples (which is actually only about 1% of the population). At least we’ll still have Palin and Trump, and Limbaugh and Nugent and Hannity and, maybe, if we’re really, really good, Fox will hire Allen West and give us all something to brighten our holiday.

Glenn Beck Dunks American Flag (And Obama) In “Urine”

This may be one of the most asinine stunts Glenn Beck has ever engaged in. Apparently he was mocking an art exhibit that featured a painting of President Obama with his arms outstretched and a wearing a crown of thorns. That’s not a particularly original concept as I did a similar work years ago featuring Beck:

Glenn Beck Messiah

When I did my artwork portraying Beck as a Messianic figure it was in response to Beck’s own behavior and his wailing about being the subject of attacks. He wept and hollered and whined that he was being persecuted. Obama has never done any of those things.

Beck’s lame attempt at satirizing Serrano’s “Piss Christ” was really just a big waste of time – which makes it no different than anything else Beck does. On this occasion he dropped a toy Obama doll into what he said was a jar of his own urine. Beck asserted that he was only defending the First Amendment’s protection of freedom of expression, but there was really nothing of substance that he had to say about either the artwork or the Constitution. He just seemed to be getting an excessive amount of personal pleasure from his childish prank that was really nothing more than a desperate attempt to get publicity.

Glenn Beck Urine

The pretend artwork that Beck introduced in his pretend French accent was placed up for auction on eBay and generated bids in excess of $11,000 before eBay removed it. That says something about what his followers find valuable. What he seemed to have missed entirely, however, was that he was also submerging an American flag in the jar of pee. How patriotic of him.

And there was more craziness emanating from Beck yesterday. He delivered a sermon about his search for a plan to save the world. It was a disturbing display of a psychosis that should be troubling to anyone concerned about his mental health. In the course of the sermon he lamented that God was trying to tell him what he should do, but there was just so much that he was overwhelmed.

How can one guy with a video blog reform politics, culture, the economy, education, family, media, and the faith of a nation? Beck looked into the camera and lamented that he had no idea of how to do all of this – yet. But he was getting close to figuring it out. And he had diagrammed his draft of the solution on a giant chalkboard. But it looked like the scribblings of someone in the midst of a schizophrenic seizure, or peaking on LSD, or both.

Glenn Beck Chalk Wall

Seriously, this dude needs help. It’s really too bad that the people in his life are too dependent on his cash generation to intervene and get him into therapy. When he goes off it is going to be messy.

Right-Wing Blames God For Romney Loss And America’s Descent Into Socialism

The Republican Party has been suffering debilitating and very public seizures produced by the results of the election a couple of weeks ago. They are desperately attempting to find explanations for how they could have lost on such a grand scale an election they presumed was in the bag. After spending unprecedented amounts of money, Republicans still had to wake up Wednesday morning with Obama returning to the White House for another four years, two more Democrats in the senate, and nine more in the House. Even with the propaganda power of Fox News, the top rated cable news network, and its frothing companion web site Fox Nation, conservative fanatics were unable deceive enough citizens to vote against their own best interests.

At first the excuses focused on typically lame dodges involving the weaknesses of their candidates. Then they shifted to assertions that it was a failure from not being sufficiently conservative. Eventually they trotted out accusations directed at the allegedly negative, Chicago-style campaigning of the Democrats. And sprinkled in amidst all of this were hysterical wails of imaginary corruption and voter fraud.

Now that some time has passed, the forlorn right-wingers have been able to reflect on these events and discovered the true source of their despair: GOD!

That’s right. The Heavenly Father on whom they had entrusted so much of their hopes had betrayed them. It has become impossible to ignore that God clearly preferred Obama and other Democrats to the roster of GOP loonies that pretended to speak in His name.

Prior to the election, folks like Pat Robertson had confidently declared that God had personally assured them of a Republican victory. Now Robertson has had to backtrack saying that “I thought I heard from God, I thought I had heard clearly from God, what happened?” What happened was that you were unable to distinguish the voice of God from the hallucinatory voices rattling around in your senile head.

And speaking of hallucinatory, Glenn Beck had his own divine prophesies mangled when he spoke of an inner certainty that the Lord was preparing the path for righteous Republicans to prevail:

“I am to the point to where I think that God is trying to make this so clear to us that if it happens, it’s his finger. Because, boy, nothing looks good. And yet, everybody I know who I consider a spiritual giant feels good.”

Glenn Beck Messiah

The day after the election Beck was singing a different hymn when he said “Man, sometimes God really sucks.” But what else can he say when the day before he declared “If [voters are] so dead inside that they can no longer see the difference between good and evil, we have to be destroyed.”

That’s typical of the sanctimonious zealots who believe that they are the only ones with a direct line to God. They exalt themselves and their imagined favor with a deity that their principles mock. They blithely ignore biblical instructions to “judge not, lest ye be judged,” and openly denigrate the faith of others – particularly President Obama, who is wrongly believed to be a Muslim by about one-third of Republicans.

Right-wingers on the Fox News community web site Fox Nation even go so far as to explicitly state that Obama is “God-Less.” This article linked to the execrable conspiracy obsessed Breitbart News.

Fox Nation

The spiritual consternation of the right is thoroughly understandable. They had just run a campaign that fervently tried to paint Democrats as socialists bent on imposing a secular, atheist dictatorship on America. They condemned their policies as big-government takeovers that would throw freedom-loving patriots into bondage. They cast Democrats as leaning far too extremely to the left to be acceptable to voters. Yet people voted for them anyway. That could be interpreted in some circles as a mandate for the sort of socialism that the GOP was running against.

What the right missed was that all of the left-leaning agenda of the Democratic Party had far more in common with God’s agenda than the rank selfishness and greed of the GOP. Democrats advocated for health care (healing the sick), immigration (brotherhood), financial assistance (caring for the least among us), income equality and separation of church and state (giving Caesar his due), and deescalation of hostilities in Iraq and Afghanistan (blessed be the peacemakers). What’s surprising is that Republicans could oppose all of these things and still think they were doing God’s work.

The funny thing is that they had plenty of signs. The religious right is fond of ascribing meaning to significant events such as natural disasters. Many of them told their disciples that Katrina was God’s wrath on the sinfulness of New Orleans. Why, then, did they not see that God was sending them a warning when Hurricane Isaac slammed down on Tampa, scuttling day one of the GOP convention? Why didn’t they hear God’s message when Sandy battered the New England states just days before the election, giving Obama an opportunity to look presidential?

Now that we know whose side God was really on, Republicans are expressing their bitterness and disappointment with the Lord. That doesn’t seem like a particularly good way to get back in His good graces. But then the GOP was never very good at humility or admitting their mistakes. So what we see now is an escalation of apocalyptic doomsday scenarios that thrust the weak-minded into fearful panics. Leading the way is Fox News who broadcast this cheerful special on Thanksgiving Eve: “Countdown to Doomsday.”

Fox News Doomsday

They might make out better if they take some time to study the teachings of their Savior and seek to integrate them into their political philosophy. But then that would just make them liberals, wouldn’t it?

Here We Go Again: Fox News’ War On Christmas Lunacy Returns

It happens every year at this time. Chestnuts roast over open fires; Jack Frost nips at your nose; and Fox News declares that there is a “War on Christmas” that only they can see.

Fox News War on Christmas

Of all the phony stories that Fox News can invent, this is one of the silliest. This a nation in which a sizable majority is Christian. And many who are not also celebrate the Christmas holiday out of convenience. It is a national holiday for which most people, Christian or not, get the day off of work. Every store in America features Christmas sales with products designed for the holiday. Christmas decorations adorn homes, restaurants, offices, lampposts, and anything else that tinsel can be wrapped around. And amid this all-consuming, orgy of Candy Cane colors and Bing Crosby tunes, Fox News still thinks that Christmas is facing some sort of hostile threat.

Never mind that there is good reason for many Americans to feel slighted by the rampant yuletiding going on all around them. Jews don’t get a national holiday. There are no Muslim films scheduled to run non-stop for eight weeks on thirty different TV channels. Hindus and Buddhists and even Unitarians have to fend for themselves. And don’t even bring up atheists.

Nevertheless, the War on Christmas is something that seems to dominate the Fox News Channel every year despite having no evidence that any war is in progress, except against all of the non-Christians. And if it weren’t enough that Fox is once again ranting over a non-existent war, take alook at what else they are railing about as this holiday season commences:

Fox News Doomsday

Yep, that’s a real thing. “Countdown to Doomsday.” Fox News Reporting is covering this vital subject beginning this Wednesday. They are outraged over a made up war on Christmas, but they are producing specials about an expired Mayan calendar. They are committing their awesome journalistic assets to uncover the truth about an alleged Mayan prediction of the demise of planet Earth. Mark my words, brothers and sisters, Fox will get to the bottom of this and declare it to be an ancient hoax. They will firmly denounce any possibility that a civilization from the past can accurately prophesy the end of the world in an apocalyptic holocaust.

Oh wait a minute. I guess there is one ancient civilization’s prophesy of an apocalyptic holocaust with which Fox concurs. And that’s the one that is at war with … someone, maybe the Mayans.

YOU’RE FIRED! Mitt Romney To Replace Donald Trump On NBC’s “The Apprentice”

NBC: Mitt Romney To Replace Donald Trump On NBC’s “The Apprentice”
[New York, NY, November, 15, 2012] NBC Entertainment announced this afternoon that the upcoming season of The Apprentice will feature former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney in the role of the corporate boss previously played by Donald Trump.

The Apprentice - with Mitt Romney

Eric Fehrnstrom, the newly appointed NBC Entertainment president of alternative and late-night programming, praised Romney’s business background and experience at Bain Capital as an ideal prerequisite for the corporate-themed reality game show.

“The Governor has a great deal of business experience,” Fehrnstrom said, “And he was in a position to evaluate employee performance and make decisions regarding their future. That’s a core function of the Trump role on Apprentice that Mitt will be assuming.” For his part, Mr. Romney reminded reporters that his remarks during the campaign that he “likes to fire people” make him the perfect successor to adopt Mr. Trump’s signature phrase, “You’re fired.”

At Bain Capital, Romney was indeed closely involved with establishing whether or not businesses were fit for continued investment or were better subjects for liquidation and bankruptcy. And Romney is no stranger to terminating people on a broad scale due to outsourcing their jobs to foreign countries or closing domestic plants.

NBC appreciates Mr.Trump’s contributions to the Apprentice over the years, however, his usefulness may have waned. The program debuted twelve seasons ago in 7th place with more than twenty million viewers. The audience has declined significantly in every subsequent season with last year’s audience dwindling to just seven million and a ranking of 73rd in the ratings. With that downward trend NBC decided that it was time to freshen the franchise.

Programming executives at NBC have reiterated their respect for Mr. Trump. They deny rumors that his departure had anything to do with his declining reputation amongst the American public due to his political activities and birtherism. NBC does not believe that Mr. Trump’s pursuit of evidence that President Obama was not born in the United States has anything to do with The Apprentice’s ratings downfall. Likewise, they do not regard his allegations that the President is a Muslim, a socialist, and a poor student, as contributing to the program’s loss of viewers.

Mr. Trump is well known for his outspoken personality and NBC has always regarded that as an asset, even after the election when he tweeted that, due to the President’s reelection, “We should have a revolution in this country!” Neither was NBC concerned when Trump was universally ridiculed for what he promoted as “very big news” but turned out to be a clownish challenge to donate $5 million to charity in exchange for Obama’s college transcripts.

More recently Trump engaged in a public argument with NBC News anchor, Brian Williams. Responding to Trump’s post-election call for revolution, Williams said that he “has driven well past the last exit to relevance and peered into something closer to irresponsible here.” Trump fired back at the top-rated news anchor saying that “his newscast has become totally boring,” and that “Williams was never a smart guy.” According to NBC insiders, this slanderous insult to a top NBC asset also had nothing to do with Trump’s departure.

Nevertheless, NBC still wishes Mr. Trump well in his future ventures, insisting that none of the aforementioned controversies contributed to the decision to fire television’s most famous pink-slipper. NBC is confidant that he will succeed with his many business activities, including his lucrative marketing deal with Macy’s. Although a petition demanding that Macy’s sever their relationship with Trump has acquired more than 500,000 600,000 signatures, NBC believes that they will continue to be mutually beneficial.

The all new Apprentice with Mitt Romney will debut next year and is expected to return with more of the drama, humor, and personal struggles for excellence that have made the program a hit for so many years. The new star is anxious to assume the role of a fake corporate bully who likes to fire people and has some ideas of his own to bring to the show. For instance, some of the contestants may be voted off to China when they fail to perform their assigned duties. With ideas like these, and other innovations yet to be revealed, the Apprentice is certain to surprise and entertain audiences for many years to come.

Hilarious MoveOn.org Video Rankles Right-Wing Prudes

A new video produced by MoveOn.org with help from Michael Moore is causing some right-wingers to reach for the smelling salts. The rest are falling off their chairs with outrage and frothing criticisms. What has them so unraveled?

OMG! Old people cussing. The world has finally succumbed to Satan’s call. What better evidence is there that Armageddon is imminent?

This little video is generating thousands of views, and millions of guffaws, across the InterTubes, but in the realm of the right it is stirring nothing but anxiety and outrage. It has been featured on Fox News on at least three programs: America Live with Megyn Kelly, Hannity, and the O’Reilly Factor. All of these “news” alerts castigated the video with vitriol usually reserved for terrorist bombings or Obama sightings.

Sean Hannity and Megyn Kelly both brought Fox News “Democrat” Kirsten Powers on to fulfill her mission of pretending to be a liberal while bashing her alleged allies. As the representative of the left she responded to Kelly’s leading questions saying “I don’t know why Michael Moore would do it, but even worse, I don’t know why MoveOn.org would be associated with it.”

Far worse, however, was Bill O’Reilly’s Talking Points Memo segment that he titled “Threats From The Far Left.” In his feverish denouncement of the video he said “So now the far left is threatening violence if President Obama loses the election.” Then he charged that President Obama is “culpable” for the video because he hasn’t condemned it. Really?

Someone needs to inform O’Reilly that this video is what we humans like to call “comedy.” It is not threatening any actual violence. For a demonstration of actual threats, just visit the Fox News community web site, Fox Nation. There you will find Fox fans literally yearning for Harry Reid to die; for Nancy Pelosi to have her skull crushed; cheering Arlen Specter’s death; advocating the assassination of President Obama. Since O’Reilly has never condemned these remarks he must be regarded as culpable for them.

The zealous acrimony expressed by these puritanical louts is almost as funny as the video. They clearly have a hard time discerning the difference between comedy and reality. And that may explain why they are unable to see the humor in this video but they can take Mitt Romney seriously.

ADDENDUM: For an idea of what the Fox News crowd thinks is funny, note this item posted on Fox Nation:

Fox Nation

The rating given to this article by the Fox Nationalists is “Funny.” Apparently they regard bad news for American businesses and workers as a joke. These cretins actually celebrate the hardships of fellow citizens. For the record, Fox failed to note that GM’s earnings statement was actually better than analysts expected and the stock rose almost 10% after the release. It was an indication of an improving economy. But that didn’t stop Fox from latching on to what they could spin as bad news and lifting the hearts of their America-hating audience.

Mitt Romney: Putting This Country Back On The Path To A Zombie Apocalypse

Zomney

Joss Whedon’s must-see video explains exactly why American needs Mitt Romney. It’s because Romney is “ready to make the deep rollbacks in health care, education, social services, reproductive rights, that will guarantee poverty, unemployment, over-population, disease, rioting, all crucial elements in creating a nightmare Zombie Wasteland.”

They’re out there. And they need brains.

The Heartbreak of Romnesia: A Tragic Prognosis Of Cognitive Dysfunction

Sometimes the world is a cruel place that indiscriminately strikes down innocent multimillionaires whose only desire is to fatten the wallets of their friends, family, and wealthy contributors. At times like these we must set aside trivial differences and band together to find solutions and ease the suffering.

Heartbreak of Romnesia

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is one such victim of the scourge of Romnesia. Early symptoms were apparent during the GOP primary season when Romney became noticeably confused by the inquiries of the press. When asked to comment on his previous statements he stammered “I’m not familiar precisely with exactly what I said, but I stand by what I said, whatever it was.”

His condition has deteriorated rapidly since then. He now seems to have lost all cognitive awareness of closely held beliefs and principles. The severity of his disability threatens to render him incapable of performing the routine activities of daily life, much less those of the president of the United States. Here is a brief sampling of his symptoms:

  • The man who once declared that he was unwaveringly pro-choice now campaigns to overturn Roe v. Wade.
  • While he recently insisted that he opposed giving employers the right to deny contraceptive coverage in their health care plans, he has also supported the Blunt Amendment in congress which would do just that.
  • He once was adamant that he would be a stronger advocate for gay rights than Sen. Ted Kennedy, but now he backs legislation that defines marriage as being a union between one man and one woman.
  • As governor of Massachusetts he signed a bill banning assault weapons, but today he lines up with the NRA’s position to refrain from any such laws.
  • As a college student during the Vietnam War he protested efforts to end the draft, but he evaded service himself to become a Mormon missionary in Paris and took four academic deferments.
  • His father George Romney set a precedent by releasing twelve years of tax returns, but Mitt refuses to reveal more than two, neither of which cover the controversial years when he was CEO of Bain Capital.
  • He drafted and implemented a health care program in Massachusetts that he said should be a model for the nation, but when President Obama actually used it as a model, Romney castigated it and promised to repeal it.

With such an obvious display of symptomatic decline, it was only a matter of time before outside observers were forced to comment. Most notably, President Obama was among the first to acknowledge the situation with grace and sympathy:

“He’s forgetting what his own positions are, and he’s betting that you will too. He’s changing up so much – backtracking and sidestepping. We’ve gotta name this condition that he’s going through. I think it’s called Romnesia. [...] And if you come down with a case of Romnesia, and you can’t seem to remember the policies that are still on your website, or the promises you’ve made over the six years you’ve been running for President, here’s the good news: Obamacare covers pre-existing conditions.”

How thoughtful of the President to note that his own health care plan is available to provide some relief for Romney in his time of need.

Obamacare Cures Romnesia

Despite that show of support, Romney lashed out at Obama for raising the issue. But even Romney’s criticism was further evidence of his diseased state of mind. He said…

“They’ve been reduced to petty attacks and silly word games. Just watch. The Obama campaign has become the incredible shrinking campaign.”

In the space of a single sentence Romney disparaged the President for playing “silly word games,” and then himself invoked word game silliness with his “incredible shrinking” crack. Only eight words separated the first thought from the Romnesiatic contrary thought. There is no clearer signal that his disease is at a dangerously advanced stage.

While there is no known cure for Romnesia at this time, our thoughts go out to his family and we have hopes that he will get some relief. The nature of the treatment he will have to undergo will take a fair amount of time and require great fortitude and endurance. Therefore, the best thing that we can all do to help is to vote for Barack Obama for president. Romney will need to focus on his recovery for the next four years and the last thing he needs is the additional distractions of such a stressful job. And it’s the last thing America needs as well.

Wake The F**K Up: Samuel L. Jackson vs. Ted Nugent

A new video is trending on the InterTubes that features Oscar-winning actor Samuel L. Jackson in a parody of the bestseller “Go the F**k to Sleep” by Adam Mansbach. The video follows Jackson and a young girl warning her family that this election is too important to become complacent. It’s not safe for work, and also hilarious.

So queue up the right-wing outrage over a liberal from Hollywood unleashing a string of (bleeped) profanities. The conservative blogosphere is aghast at this display of uncivil language.

Which is funny because they absolutely worship Ted Nugent when he does it. Here is a video of him threatening President Obama, and Senators Boxer and Feinstein with machine guns while calling them “piece[s] of shit” and “worthless whores.”

Nugent: I was in Chicago last week I said, “Hey Obama, you might want to suck on one of these, you punk?” Obama, he’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on one of my machine guns. Let’s hear it for them. I was in New York and I said, “Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset you worthless bitch.” Since I’m in California, I’m gonna find Barbara Boxer she might wanna suck on my machine guns. Hey, Dianne Feinstein, ride one of these you worthless whore.

And don’t forget that Mitt Romney actively solicited (and received) Nugent’s endorsement for president, but has never repudiated these remarks. In fact, he seems to be completely OK with Nugent’s performance as his surrogate. He never complained about his either:

Ted Nugent

There’s nothing subtle, creative, or humorous about the way these miscreants communicate their hate. It’s just a load of the sort of vacant bravado that appeals to Republicans. They cheered when bush stood on a mound of rubble on 9/11 shaking his fist at the terrorists, even though he failed to bring them to justice, as Obama did. They admire chickenhawks who advocate for more and bigger wars, but who have never served in the military. Both Nugent and Romney went to great lengths to evade military service. It’s typical of their mind-numbing hypocrisy and, now they present another example of just how detached they are from reality.

Jon Stewart Hammers Fox News For Misleading Editing Of Obama Video

Once again, the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart has proved that he’s a better journalist than the dishonest hacks at Fox News and, for that matter, most of the rest of the media. And he’s not even trying to be a journalist.

Ever since last Friday’s announcement by President Obama that his administration would suspend deportation of certain younger immigrants, the right-wing media has been trying to trip up the President’s policy by portraying it as an unconstitutional power grab or searching for some evidence of hypocrisy. On the latter front, Fox News uncovered a video of Obama from last year where he appeared to give Fox just what they were looking for. In the video, as broadcast by Fox, Obama said that…

“I just have to continue to say this notion that somehow I can just change the laws unilaterally is just not true. We are doing everything we can administratively. But the fact of the matter is there are laws on the books that I have to enforce. And I think there’s been a great disservice done to the cause of getting the DREAM Act passed and getting comprehensive immigration passed by perpetrating the notion that somehow, by myself, I can go and do these things. It’s just not true.”

That would seem to close the file on the matter of presidential hypocrisy, were it not for the intrepid investigative reporting of Jon Stewart. On the Daily Show last night Stewart aired the uncut video of Obama (see it below), including the part immediately following the point where Fox News ended their clip:

“…It’s just not true. What we can do is to prioritize enforcement — since there are limited enforcement resources — and say, we’re not going to go chasing after this young man or anybody else who has been acting responsibly, and would otherwise qualify for legal status if the DREAM Act passed.”

In other words, Obama very clearly said, as Stewart put it, “…that he can do the exact thing he just did, but which you said he said he’s not supposed to.” This is a blatant, inexcusable example of deliberately editing video to misconstrue its meaning and deceive their audience.

Sadly, it is not particularly uncommon for Fox News. But their brazen dishonesty doesn’t prevent them from making false claims about others. Yesterday Fox ran a story wherein they charged that MSNBC had edited a video of Romney that they say created a false impression. It wasn’t true, as is documented here, but Fox still featured the allegation prominently on their web site. Perhaps they will now publish a story exposing this new and verified incident of unethical journalism:

Yesterday on Fox News.
Fox News Projection
Tomorrow on Fox news?
Fox News - Not

Yeah, sure. That’ll happen.

Most Hysterical Headline Of The Year: Palin Pulverizes Obama

I know it’s only May, but this is going to be tough to beat:

Fox Nation

How anyone could take seriously the notion that Sarah Palin would provide any intellectual competition for President Obama is utterly unfathomable. This is the woman who thinks that a “gotcha” question is “What newspapers do you read?” This is the woman who thought that Africa was a country. This is the woman who thinks the vice-president is in charge of the Senate. And now Fox thinks that her nearly incoherent rambling on Sean Hannity’s program represents some sort of victory – and not just a victory, but a pulverization.

Fox Nation is fond of overextending itself with puerile hyperbole, but this is so far removed from reality that the guys with butterfly nets must not be far behind. The subject of the discussion was Newark Mayor Cory Booker’s remarks criticizing Obama for attacking Mitt Romney on his business resume, and specifically on Bain Capital. Booker was wrong on the substance of his criticism and went completely out of bounds when he conflated the right-wing’s obsession over Jeremiah Wright with the legitimate criticisms of Romney’s tenure at Bain. Booker later clarified what he meant and reiterated his support for Obama. Ignoring that, Palin referenced Booker as well as Democrats Harold Ford and Steve Rattner in an attempt to suggest that they were anti-Obama. She said…

“His surrogates there come from, in many respects the private sector, and each one of those individuals does have a lot of private sector experience, unlike their leader Barack Obama.”

Well, it was nice of her to praise these surrogates so highly. Indeed, they do have a lot of private sector experience. And what’s more, they all endorse Obama for reelection. So if we are to accept Palin’s commentary that these are intelligent, experienced people with insight into business and economics, then we should, therefore, be sure to vote for Obama in November.

Thanks for your support, Sarah. And thanks for a pulverizing so thorough that it whipped back around and transformed into an endorsement. Seriously, after seeing this I have to wonder if Palin would even know what pulverize means. Clearly the editors at Fox Nation don’t.

Mitt Romney’s Campaign Slogan: We’re Not Stupid

This week there has been a swirling mini-controversy surrounding the use of the word “Forward” in a new web video posted on Barack Obama’s campaign site. The Right-Wing Noise Machine sprung into action to assert that there was some sort of connection between that word and its use by socialist groups over a hundred years ago.

Of course the word has been used by innumerable organizations that sought only to convey a sense of progress and a positive vision of the future. It is the official slogan of the state of Wisconsin. It is part of the registered servicemark (Reagan Forward) of the Ronald Reagan Society at his alma mater, Eureka College. It was even used by Fox News in on-air promos that shouted “Move Forward.”

What has been ignored in this discussion is what the campaign of Mitt Romney was using for their slogan. Well, I went to his web site and found this:

Mitt Romney - We're Not Stupid

So there you have it. Romney’s campaign slogan is “We’re Not Stupid.” It’s safe to say that this slogan is not in use by any other organization. How many other organizations actually need to remind their supporters that they aren’t idiots?

Tea PartyThe Romney strategists are wisely tackling head-on a serious concern within their constituency. After all, the Tea Party is a major part of the GOP base. Remember the Tea Party? They were the ones disrupting town halls. They were the ones carrying signs that said “Keep government’s hands off my Medicare.” They were the ones who revered the intellectual prowess of Glenn Beck, Herman Cain, and Sarah Palin.

But this is no time to dwell on your flaws. This is the time to proudly display your declaration of non-stupidity. It’s a call to arms that will reverberate throughout the campaign season. Chant this slogan at your rallies. The more you say it, the more people will be forced to consider the message of your insistent affirmation. And while Obama’s supporters are mumbling their Marxist mantras about moving the nation forward, you can stay focused on the one thing that your candidate thinks should be highlighted in these troubled times.

It’s a bold strategy, to be sure. By so forcefully rejecting the stupid, Romney risks alienating one of the biggest and most reliable segments of his GOP base. But apparently the Romney campaign is convinced that it’s a worthwhile risk.

So march forward, I mean ahead, Romneyites. And be sure to ask everyone you know, for the next six months “Are ya votin for Romney?” But don’t be surprised if all they say in response is “We’re not stupid.”

Delusional Bravado: James O’Keefe Dodges Imaginary Bullets

James O'KeefIf there is a more pathetic representative of the cartoon-brained right than video con artist James O’Keefe, I cannot think of who it might be. Despite the fact that he is a convicted criminal who is best known for producing deliberately falsified videos and a sleazy attempt to seduce a CNN reporter on his “Love Boat,” O’Keefe continues to make himself the subject of news reports that exacerbate his already tawdry reputation.

O’Keefe was recently accused of harassing a female colleague, Nadia Naffe, by holding her against her will in a barn at his home in New Jersey, possibly drugging her, and later disparaging her publicly. Naffe has now published her own account of her encounters with O’Keefe in the first part of a series on her blog. That posting resulted in an exchange between O’Keefe and Tommy Christopher of Mediaite.

Christopher sought a response from O’Keefe about the allegations made by Naffe, but characteristic of a narcissistic bully, O’Keefe responded by continuing to smear Naffe:

O’Keefe: The outcome of the probable cause hearing speaks for itself.

If you refuse to publish the fact this person was arrest for domestic violence in 2001 — public record, and you refuse to publish the fact this person sued the Bush/Cheney campaign in 2004, you will be acting in willful disregard for the truth.

Christopher obliged O’Keefe by noting the events O’Keefe mentioned, as well as noting that there were no findings of any wrongdoing by Naffe and that O’Keefe was merely evading the issue by bringing up unrelated matters that have no relevance to the allegations pending against him. To which O’Keefe responded:

“No, informing you about the existence of public court records — that speak to possible motive — was not my only comment to you. For the record, I break a huge story about dead people getting ballots in Vermont. You ignore this and two days later you bring up this issue which was dismissed months ago. You journalists cleary (sic) want my scalp by running lies and fabrications. This is a blatant smear, But it’ll take a bullet to stop me. My price is my life.”

First, the easy part: If his price is his life, that gives us an idea of just how cheap this SOB is. What’s more, I don’t know of anyone who would consider wasting a bullet on this rapidly disappearing media fluke. He’s nearly invisible now with nobody paying attention to his griping but rightist blogheads and smartasses like me who do it for the joy of mockery.

More to the point, O’Keefe is suggesting that Naffe’s motive for her allegations of harassment had something to do with events that occurred many years ago before she ever met him. That makes no sense whatsoever. Then he whines about people ignoring his non-story about dead voters in Vermont where he proved that the only perpetrator of voter fraud was himself. That’s his idea of a “huge story.” Finally, he completes his evasion of the issue that he had originally agreed to discuss with Christopher by declaring it moot because it was dismissed (due to a jurisdictional technicality). I wouldn’t get too cocky if I were him because the judge also informed Naffe that she could bring the matter up again in a different court with the proper jurisdictional authority.

Clearly O’Keefe has an acutely inflated view of himself as some sort of heroic citizen journalist. That impression clashes with reality in that his brand of journalism is nothing more than a childish impersonation of Borat (minus the humor), combined with the delusional notion that anybody cares about his carnival side show antics. That said, I’m still looking forward to the next chapter in his “Adventures of the Asinine,” because I’m beginning to believe that he’s about to reveal his true identity. And when he does we will know that the reports of Andy Kaufman’s death were a hoax.

[Update 3/22/12] Part two of Nadia’s story has been posted. It goes into greater detail about the incident in the barn, but the real juicy material is contained in legal documents that Naffe posted.

Rupert Murdoch’s Birthday Wish To His Staff: STFU You Wankers!

Rupert Murdoch

Congratulations are in order for Mr. Rupert Murdoch, the Chairman and CEO of News Corp, who turns 81 today. However, as he surveys the empire that he built he must be bitterly disappointed with the tunnel-blind miscreants he employs. Their obsessive, knee-jerk hostility to all things liberal has clouded their judgment in ways that harm the very interests they are being paid to serve. The result is a rash of friendly fire from within the ranks of Murdoch’s menagerie.

The first casualty is a victim in the Limbaugh-induced war of indecency. Intent on spreading blame to everyone but Limbaugh, Fox News has embarked on a crusade against any liberal (or perceived liberal) who may have said something controversial. It commenced with a Fox favorite for vilification, Bill Maher, but has now extended to comedian Louis CK. Fox News host Greta Van Susteren was so incensed that Louis CK was tapped to provide the comic relief at the annual Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner that she publicly protested, called him a pig, and declared that she was initiating a boycott of the event. Subsequently, Louis CK dropped the gig. This is an unwelcome birthday gift for Rupert because the comedian also happens to be the star of “Louis” on his FX cable channel.

Next up is the battle between Fox News contributors. Tucker Carlson, one of said contributors, wrote an editorial on his DailyCaller blog that attempted to illustrate a hypocrisy in the media coverage of the Limbaugh controversy. Unfortunately, Carlson chose to include in his example the former LAPD officer Mark Furhman, who is best known for his use of racial epithets that was disclosed during the OJ Simpson trial. Carlson mocked Furhman as a pariah who is probably out of work, and deservedly so because “Nobody wants to be seen with a bigot.” The problem is that Furhman is actually employed by the same Fox News that employs Carlson. So not only is Carlson seen with Furhman, they are colleagues. All one big happy family of bigots. That can’t be making Rupert’s birthday any more joyful.

This is just the sort of thing that can occur when people are so blinded by their prejudices that they lose all sight of anything but their determination to harm their perceived enemies. The ultimate example of this mental defect occurred when Glenn Beck called Saudi Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal a terrorist. Alwaleed is the second largest shareholder of News Corp stock outside of the Murdoch family, and a close friend and business partner of Murdoch.

So anyway, happy birthday, Rupert. And good luck with that loathsome collection of reprobates you call a news team.

The Mutt Romney Blues

For your entertainment pleasure:

The whole story of this animal abuse includes the fact that Mitt Romney’s Irish Setter, Seamus, suffered fear-induced diarrhea that ran down the sides of the car. Romney pulled into a gas station and hosed down the car and Seamus, then put Seamus back into the cage on top of the car and proceeded down the highway for a 400 mile trip.

The video is courtesy of Brave New Films and Ry Cooder.

IT’S OFFICIAL: Trumpney Is Born

Today will be remembered in the annals of political history as the day a hybrid presidential candidate was unleashed on America. A candidate that incorporates the wealth and breeding of a political dynasty with the riches and elitism of a casino boss.

Trumpney

Mitt Romney and Donald Trump have much in common. They are both filthy rich. They have both presided over businesses that went bankrupt. They both like to fire people, as they have said:

Romney: I like to fire people.
Trump: You’re fired.

Perhaps the most significant of their shared characteristics is that they are both proud members of the GOP (Greedy One Percent). That affiliation has got to be the worst timing for a political campaign in a year when the abuse of wealth, corporate power, and the marriage of the two, has become such a volatile political issue.

Romney’s campaign is already hampered by the popular impression that he is an out-of-touch, elitist, multimillionaire. His previous comments about being one of the unemployed, defending the personhood of corporations, and casually making $10,000 bets, has already hurt Romney with middle-class and independent voters. And now, the day after he told CNN that he “doesn’t care about the very poor,” he hooks up with America’s prime example of extravagant excess. Couldn’t they have waited a week or two?

Not that that would have helped much. According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, the Trump endorsement is toxic. The survey revealed that 20% of the respondents said that they would be “less likely” to vote for a candidate that Trump had endorsed. Indeed, the survey showed that Trump would scare off more voters than any of the other people tested.

Finally, Romney will have a lot to answer for. Some of the questions that should be put to him include:

  • Do you believe Obama’s birth certificate is real?
  • Do you believe Obama is a Christian?
  • Do you believe Obama wrote his own books?
  • Do you believe Obama earned his academic credentials?

Those are all issues that Trump has highlighted in his media escapades, and he has made it clear that he would answer every one of those questions in the negative. Where does Romney stand?

So Trumpney has been loosed on the world. And comedians everywhere are gasping for breath as they scribble feverishly in their notebooks. This campaign just keeps getting better. With the potential for endless hilarity, November will come all too soon.

Sunday Funnies Featuring Stephen Colbert And Mitt The Ripper

This election season’s most electrifying development is the announcement that Stephen Colbert has formed an exploratory committee to discern whether there is a “hunger” for him to enter the race for the Republican nomination for President of the United States of South Carolina.

Colbert has already placed in polling that shows him ahead of Gov. Jon Huntsman. And today he appeared on ABC This Week with George Stephanopolous (which is more than Mitt Romney has done). Notably, Colbert appeared in character throughout the interview (which Romney always does).

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Clearly Colbert is off to a great start despite it being too late to actually get on the ballot in South Carolina. But in that regard he isn’t much worse off than the so-called “real” candidates like Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich, who failed to get onto the primary ballot in Virginia.

In other news, Colbert’s former SuperPAC (which he transferred to Jon Stewart so as not to run afoul of election law) has released its first ad in South Carolina:

Some may regard that as an over-the-top negative advertisement, but Colbert has made it clear that he is not affiliated with the SuperPAC and that he regards Jon Stewart as a political foe. In any case, Romney has other fictional comparisons he has to worry about.

Mitt Romney - Gordon Gekko