Category Archives: Humor

Most Hysterical Headline Of The Year: Palin Pulverizes Obama

Posted by: Mark @ 4:42 am

I know it’s only May, but this is going to be tough to beat:

Fox Nation

How anyone could take seriously the notion that Sarah Palin would provide any intellectual competition for President Obama is utterly unfathomable. This is the woman who thinks that a “gotcha” question is “What newspapers do you read?” This is the woman who thought that Africa was a country. This is the woman who thinks the vice-president is in charge of the Senate. And now Fox thinks that her nearly incoherent rambling on Sean Hannity’s program represents some sort of victory – and not just a victory, but a pulverization.

Fox Nation is fond of overextending itself with puerile hyperbole, but this is so far removed from reality that the guys with butterfly nets must not be far behind. The subject of the discussion was Newark Mayor Cory Booker’s remarks criticizing Obama for attacking Mitt Romney on his business resume, and specifically on Bain Capital. Booker was wrong on the substance of his criticism and went completely out of bounds when he conflated the right-wing’s obsession over Jeremiah Wright with the legitimate criticisms of Romney’s tenure at Bain. Booker later clarified what he meant and reiterated his support for Obama. Ignoring that, Palin referenced Booker as well as Democrats Harold Ford and Steve Rattner in an attempt to suggest that they were anti-Obama. She said…

“His surrogates there come from, in many respects the private sector, and each one of those individuals does have a lot of private sector experience, unlike their leader Barack Obama.”

Well, it was nice of her to praise these surrogates so highly. Indeed, they do have a lot of private sector experience. And what’s more, they all endorse Obama for reelection. So if we are to accept Palin’s commentary that these are intelligent, experienced people with insight into business and economics, then we should, therefore, be sure to vote for Obama in November.

Thanks for your support, Sarah. And thanks for a pulverizing so thorough that it whipped back around and transformed into an endorsement. Seriously, after seeing this I have to wonder if Palin would even know what pulverize means. Clearly the editors at Fox Nation don’t.

Mitt Romney’s Campaign Slogan: We’re Not Stupid

Posted by: Mark @ 1:10 pm

This week there has been a swirling mini-controversy surrounding the use of the word “Forward” in a new web video posted on Barack Obama’s campaign site. The Right-Wing Noise Machine sprung into action to assert that there was some sort of connection between that word and its use by socialist groups over a hundred years ago.

Of course the word has been used by innumerable organizations that sought only to convey a sense of progress and a positive vision of the future. It is the official slogan of the state of Wisconsin. It is part of the registered servicemark (Reagan Forward) of the Ronald Reagan Society at his alma mater, Eureka College. It was even used by Fox News in on-air promos that shouted “Move Forward.”

What has been ignored in this discussion is what the campaign of Mitt Romney was using for their slogan. Well, I went to his web site and found this:

Mitt Romney - We're Not Stupid

So there you have it. Romney’s campaign slogan is “We’re Not Stupid.” It’s safe to say that this slogan is not in use by any other organization. How many other organizations actually need to remind their supporters that they aren’t idiots?

Tea PartyThe Romney strategists are wisely tackling head-on a serious concern within their constituency. After all, the Tea Party is a major part of the GOP base. Remember the Tea Party? They were the ones disrupting town halls. They were the ones carrying signs that said “Keep government’s hands off my Medicare.” They were the ones who revered the intellectual prowess of Glenn Beck, Herman Cain, and Sarah Palin.

But this is no time to dwell on your flaws. This is the time to proudly display your declaration of non-stupidity. It’s a call to arms that will reverberate throughout the campaign season. Chant this slogan at your rallies. The more you say it, the more people will be forced to consider the message of your insistent affirmation. And while Obama’s supporters are mumbling their Marxist mantras about moving the nation forward, you can stay focused on the one thing that your candidate thinks should be highlighted in these troubled times.

It’s a bold strategy, to be sure. By so forcefully rejecting the stupid, Romney risks alienating one of the biggest and most reliable segments of his GOP base. But apparently the Romney campaign is convinced that it’s a worthwhile risk.

So march forward, I mean ahead, Romneyites. And be sure to ask everyone you know, for the next six months “Are ya votin for Romney?” But don’t be surprised if all they say in response is “We’re not stupid.”

Delusional Bravado: James O’Keefe Dodges Imaginary Bullets

Posted by: Mark @ 1:08 pm

James O'KeefIf there is a more pathetic representative of the cartoon-brained right than video con artist James O’Keefe, I cannot think of who it might be. Despite the fact that he is a convicted criminal who is best known for producing deliberately falsified videos and a sleazy attempt to seduce a CNN reporter on his “Love Boat,” O’Keefe continues to make himself the subject of news reports that exacerbate his already tawdry reputation.

O’Keefe was recently accused of harassing a female colleague, Nadia Naffe, by holding her against her will in a barn at his home in New Jersey, possibly drugging her, and later disparaging her publicly. Naffe has now published her own account of her encounters with O’Keefe in the first part of a series on her blog. That posting resulted in an exchange between O’Keefe and Tommy Christopher of Mediaite.

Christopher sought a response from O’Keefe about the allegations made by Naffe, but characteristic of a narcissistic bully, O’Keefe responded by continuing to smear Naffe:

O’Keefe: The outcome of the probable cause hearing speaks for itself.

If you refuse to publish the fact this person was arrest for domestic violence in 2001 — public record, and you refuse to publish the fact this person sued the Bush/Cheney campaign in 2004, you will be acting in willful disregard for the truth.

Christopher obliged O’Keefe by noting the events O’Keefe mentioned, as well as noting that there were no findings of any wrongdoing by Naffe and that O’Keefe was merely evading the issue by bringing up unrelated matters that have no relevance to the allegations pending against him. To which O’Keefe responded:

“No, informing you about the existence of public court records — that speak to possible motive — was not my only comment to you. For the record, I break a huge story about dead people getting ballots in Vermont. You ignore this and two days later you bring up this issue which was dismissed months ago. You journalists cleary (sic) want my scalp by running lies and fabrications. This is a blatant smear, But it’ll take a bullet to stop me. My price is my life.”

First, the easy part: If his price is his life, that gives us an idea of just how cheap this SOB is. What’s more, I don’t know of anyone who would consider wasting a bullet on this rapidly disappearing media fluke. He’s nearly invisible now with nobody paying attention to his griping but rightist blogheads and smartasses like me who do it for the joy of mockery.

More to the point, O’Keefe is suggesting that Naffe’s motive for her allegations of harassment had something to do with events that occurred many years ago before she ever met him. That makes no sense whatsoever. Then he whines about people ignoring his non-story about dead voters in Vermont where he proved that the only perpetrator of voter fraud was himself. That’s his idea of a “huge story.” Finally, he completes his evasion of the issue that he had originally agreed to discuss with Christopher by declaring it moot because it was dismissed (due to a jurisdictional technicality). I wouldn’t get too cocky if I were him because the judge also informed Naffe that she could bring the matter up again in a different court with the proper jurisdictional authority.

Clearly O’Keefe has an acutely inflated view of himself as some sort of heroic citizen journalist. That impression clashes with reality in that his brand of journalism is nothing more than a childish impersonation of Borat (minus the humor), combined with the delusional notion that anybody cares about his carnival side show antics. That said, I’m still looking forward to the next chapter in his “Adventures of the Asinine,” because I’m beginning to believe that he’s about to reveal his true identity. And when he does we will know that the reports of Andy Kaufman’s death were a hoax.

[Update 3/22/12] Part two of Nadia’s story has been posted. It goes into greater detail about the incident in the barn, but the real juicy material is contained in legal documents that Naffe posted.

Rupert Murdoch’s Birthday Wish To His Staff: STFU You Wankers!

Posted by: Mark @ 3:54 am

Rupert Murdoch

Congratulations are in order for Mr. Rupert Murdoch, the Chairman and CEO of News Corp, who turns 81 today. However, as he surveys the empire that he built he must be bitterly disappointed with the tunnel-blind miscreants he employs. Their obsessive, knee-jerk hostility to all things liberal has clouded their judgment in ways that harm the very interests they are being paid to serve. The result is a rash of friendly fire from within the ranks of Murdoch’s menagerie.

The first casualty is a victim in the Limbaugh-induced war of indecency. Intent on spreading blame to everyone but Limbaugh, Fox News has embarked on a crusade against any liberal (or perceived liberal) who may have said something controversial. It commenced with a Fox favorite for vilification, Bill Maher, but has now extended to comedian Louis CK. Fox News host Greta Van Susteren was so incensed that Louis CK was tapped to provide the comic relief at the annual Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner that she publicly protested, called him a pig, and declared that she was initiating a boycott of the event. Subsequently, Louis CK dropped the gig. This is an unwelcome birthday gift for Rupert because the comedian also happens to be the star of “Louis” on his FX cable channel.

Next up is the battle between Fox News contributors. Tucker Carlson, one of said contributors, wrote an editorial on his DailyCaller blog that attempted to illustrate a hypocrisy in the media coverage of the Limbaugh controversy. Unfortunately, Carlson chose to include in his example the former LAPD officer Mark Furhman, who is best known for his use of racial epithets that was disclosed during the OJ Simpson trial. Carlson mocked Furhman as a pariah who is probably out of work, and deservedly so because “Nobody wants to be seen with a bigot.” The problem is that Furhman is actually employed by the same Fox News that employs Carlson. So not only is Carlson seen with Furhman, they are colleagues. All one big happy family of bigots. That can’t be making Rupert’s birthday any more joyful.

This is just the sort of thing that can occur when people are so blinded by their prejudices that they lose all sight of anything but their determination to harm their perceived enemies. The ultimate example of this mental defect occurred when Glenn Beck called Saudi Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal a terrorist. Alwaleed is the second largest shareholder of News Corp stock outside of the Murdoch family, and a close friend and business partner of Murdoch.

So anyway, happy birthday, Rupert. And good luck with that loathsome collection of reprobates you call a news team.

The Mutt Romney Blues

Posted by: Mark @ 12:39 pm

For your entertainment pleasure:

The whole story of this animal abuse includes the fact that Mitt Romney’s Irish Setter, Seamus, suffered fear-induced diarrhea that ran down the sides of the car. Romney pulled into a gas station and hosed down the car and Seamus, then put Seamus back into the cage on top of the car and proceeded down the highway for a 400 mile trip.

The video is courtesy of Brave New Films and Ry Cooder.

IT’S OFFICIAL: Trumpney Is Born

Posted by: Mark @ 3:10 pm

Today will be remembered in the annals of political history as the day a hybrid presidential candidate was unleashed on America. A candidate that incorporates the wealth and breeding of a political dynasty with the riches and elitism of a casino boss.

Trumpney

Mitt Romney and Donald Trump have much in common. They are both filthy rich. They have both presided over businesses that went bankrupt. They both like to fire people, as they have said:

Romney: I like to fire people.
Trump: You’re fired.

Perhaps the most significant of their shared characteristics is that they are both proud members of the GOP (Greedy One Percent). That affiliation has got to be the worst timing for a political campaign in a year when the abuse of wealth, corporate power, and the marriage of the two, has become such a volatile political issue.

Romney’s campaign is already hampered by the popular impression that he is an out-of-touch, elitist, multimillionaire. His previous comments about being one of the unemployed, defending the personhood of corporations, and casually making $10,000 bets, has already hurt Romney with middle-class and independent voters. And now, the day after he told CNN that he “doesn’t care about the very poor,” he hooks up with America’s prime example of extravagant excess. Couldn’t they have waited a week or two?

Not that that would have helped much. According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, the Trump endorsement is toxic. The survey revealed that 20% of the respondents said that they would be “less likely” to vote for a candidate that Trump had endorsed. Indeed, the survey showed that Trump would scare off more voters than any of the other people tested.

Finally, Romney will have a lot to answer for. Some of the questions that should be put to him include:

  • Do you believe Obama’s birth certificate is real?
  • Do you believe Obama is a Christian?
  • Do you believe Obama wrote his own books?
  • Do you believe Obama earned his academic credentials?

Those are all issues that Trump has highlighted in his media escapades, and he has made it clear that he would answer every one of those questions in the negative. Where does Romney stand?

So Trumpney has been loosed on the world. And comedians everywhere are gasping for breath as they scribble feverishly in their notebooks. This campaign just keeps getting better. With the potential for endless hilarity, November will come all too soon.

Sunday Funnies Featuring Stephen Colbert And Mitt The Ripper

Posted by: Mark @ 3:24 pm

This election season’s most electrifying development is the announcement that Stephen Colbert has formed an exploratory committee to discern whether there is a “hunger” for him to enter the race for the Republican nomination for President of the United States of South Carolina.

Colbert has already placed in polling that shows him ahead of Gov. Jon Huntsman. And today he appeared on ABC This Week with George Stephanopolous (which is more than Mitt Romney has done). Notably, Colbert appeared in character throughout the interview (which Romney always does).

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Clearly Colbert is off to a great start despite it being too late to actually get on the ballot in South Carolina. But in that regard he isn’t much worse off than the so-called “real” candidates like Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich, who failed to get onto the primary ballot in Virginia.

In other news, Colbert’s former SuperPAC (which he transferred to Jon Stewart so as not to run afoul of election law) has released its first ad in South Carolina:

Some may regard that as an over-the-top negative advertisement, but Colbert has made it clear that he is not affiliated with the SuperPAC and that he regards Jon Stewart as a political foe. In any case, Romney has other fictional comparisons he has to worry about.

Mitt Romney - Gordon Gekko

How Stupid Are The Fox/Tea Party Nuts Who Want To Impeach Obama?

Posted by: Mark @ 12:59 am

In case anyone is still wondering how stupid the Fox News/Tea Party crowd is, they have announced that they are trying to raise money to fly a banner over the Super Bowl that will say “Impeach Obama.”

Fox Nation Impeach Obama

That’s right. The Super Bowl, over which it will be illegal to fly. The Super Bowl, which will be held in a covered stadium. These geniuses are plotting to hire an airplane to fly in restricted air space, pulling a banner that no one in the stadium would be able to see, that advocates a criminal procedure for which there is no legal basis. And presumably there are dimwits willing to donate to this quixotic scam.

The video above was posted with their pitch for contributors. It proudly displays a prior banner overflying of the Rose Parade which, due to weather and a late takeoff, they missed all but the last half hour. That ought to convince their victims, I mean donors, to dig deep.

I’ve gotta come up with a really dumb idea to fleece these morons. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing a rare opportunity to bank some coin before the Tea Party is over. Any suggestions?

A News Corpse Christmas Carol

Posted by: Mark @ 3:21 pm

Here’s something to think about on this holiday from the Ghost of Christmas Past, Jacob Marley, who learned too late that there were more important things than business:

“Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

Jacob Marley

Happy Holidays,
News Corpse

Paranoia Runs Deep: Fox News Fears Sinister White House Renovations

Posted by: Mark @ 10:46 am

In a never ending effort to scare the bejesus out of their glassy-eyed congregation, Fox New is now speculating that President Obama is building something nefarious under the White House lawn:

Fox Nation

Oh my. What ever could it be? The suggestion that it might be a bunker is obviously a rouse because the White House already has an underground bunker (Dick Cheney famously hid out there after 9/11). Maybe it’s a lab where they are attempting to reanimate Karl Marx. Perhaps they are moving the classified artifacts from Area 51 to Washington. Could it be a secret prison to hold Rush Limbaugh and Michele Bachmann? Just think of the unholy experiments they could conduct on them.

Whatever it is, we should be dreadfully frightened. Obama is, after all, the Anti-Christ plotting to launch an Apocalyptic holocaust. We must ignore the facts that have already been revealed about this mysterious project. We can’t trust facts. As Stephen Colbert has advised us, facts have a well-known liberal bias. It is our patriotic duty to presume that the most outlandish conspiracies are behind everything that emerges from the Obama White House. What else can we do when we have a Muslim from Kenya steering the nation toward communism? Take heed, America.

Fox News Cooks Up A Toxic Menu Of Pepper Sprayed Lies

Posted by: Mark @ 1:37 pm

The latest travesty of justice celebrated by Fox News is the horrific use of excessive force on a group of peaceful protesters at UC Davis. Lt. John Pike of the Campus Police casually and callously sprayed students with an abrasive substance that has been known to cause permanent harm and even death.

Fox News typically sided with the perpetrators of torture. Just as they cheer the use of waterboarding and drool over the prospect of nuking everything from Iran to Tijuana (and even San Francisco), Fox News embraces the police state oppression of citizens who oppose the economic rape of our nation by wealthy corporations and their benefactors in Washington.

Recently Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told her colleague Bill O’Reilly that pepper spray was just “a food product, essentially.” O’Reilly agreed with Kelly that the police did nothing wrong and he went further to make the absurd claim that “I don’t think we have the right to Monday morning quarterback the police.”

We don’t? Does Bill O’Reilly believe that we live in a society where law enforcement authorities are indisputable? Isn’t that the sort of tyranny that he constantly (and falsely) accuses President Obama of attempting to enact?

The notion that pepper spray is merely a food product, or that waterboarding is just a bath, or that mustard gas is simply a condiment, is evidence of the brutal ignorance that has infected so much of modern conservatism. But it is also evidence of their obsession with diets that are harmful to your health. In the past few months Fox has published numerous articles castigating any effort to educate the American people about the benefits of good eating habits. Fox is similarly dismissive of any effort to protect children from harmful foods. Here is a brief compilation of some of the headlines from their gastronomic propaganda:

  • This Thanksgiving, Media Still Stuffed with Food Police Message
  • NYC Food Police Reach New Low
  • Even Obama’s School Potato Bill Fails
  • Liberals Going After Hot Dogs
  • SF Food Police Urge Meat-Free Mondays
  • Minneapolis Schools Ban Chocolate Milk
  • Food Police Try to Retire Ronald McDonald
  • Obama Identifies the Enemy: Tony the Tiger
  • Food Police Kill Cap’n Crunch
  • Obama Administration Getting Ready to Ditch Food Pyramid
  • Nanny Staters Crack Down on School Chocolate Milk
  • The Food Police Are Back! Coke and Pepsi Banned in S.F.!
  • Obama Food Police Messes With Your Chips
  • Food Police Attack Chocolate Milk
  • SF Hold First Public Hearing to Ban Happy Meals
  • Tater Nots: Gov’t Eyes School Lunch Potato Ban
  • Ronald McDonald Under Attack

With their abundant expertise in the culinary arts, it was only a matter of time until Fox launched their own show dedicated to diet and cooking. And now, with Lt. John Pike of the UC Davis Campus Police, they even have a star talent to helm the program. So stayed tuned to Fox News for the spring premiere of Pike’s Palate.

Pike's Palate

Lyin’ Ass Bitch: Michele Bachmann Appears on the Jimmy Fallon Show

Posted by: Mark @ 2:17 pm

You gotta love this. When Michele Bachmann was introduced on last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, the show’s house band, played a particularly appropriate number as she walked out onto the stage:

Yep, that was “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” by the incomparable Fishbone. This was an inspired selection by The Roots that went undetected by Bachmann. However, Glenn Beck took note and was overwhelmed with apoplexy. He called Fallon a “despicable human being,” and insisted that Fallon fire the band, saying…

“Fire them! You won’t. You know why? Because you’re a girl.”

Way to go, Glenn. The best insult you can come up with is one that shows contempt for all women? And this is what you use for your defense of a woman running for president. Would Bachmann also be incapable of terminating an employee? What would your pal Sarah Palin say?

Beck claimed that he never would have done such a vile thing. He said that he wouldn’t even do that to Michelle Obama or George Soros. But Beck’s phony indignation is repudiated by the fact that he has been far more repulsive in his attacks. He routinely insults Michelle Obama’s appearance and refers to her as a dictator just because she advocates healthy diets for children. And speaking of children, Beck has called the Obama kids stupid. And after apologizing for that he called John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, fat.

As for George Soros, Beck produced a three day series on his Fox News show dedicated solely to Soros whom Beck labeled the “Puppet Master,” an old Nazi slur for Jews. Beck also falsely accused Soros, a Holocaust survivor, of sending fellow Jews to the gas chambers. Soros was nine years old at the time.

And then there’s Beck’s comments on President Obama. Beck has called the President a liar, an idiot, a racist, and a traitor. While the Fallon show, a comedy program, merely played a few bars of a song with a provocative title without ever mentioning the title or the lyrics, Beck has used explicit language to express his repulsive thoughts and he did so on a so-called “news” network.

Does Beck really think that his direct and repeated insults are less abhorrent than a suggestive musical introduction for Bachmann? It should also be noted that this morning Beck made an announcement on his radio program that, although he does not endorse candidates, he would vote for Bachmann, and then he spent several minutes explaining why she is now his choice for president.

This disgusting little hypocrite continues to prove that he has no moral center whatsoever. He behaves like an emotionally stunted delinquent who mocks people he despises but shrinks back into a defensive crouch if anyone should mock him or his idols. I can’t wait for him to appear on Fallon’s show. The band wouldn’t even have to learn a new song. Beck is at least as much a lyin’ ass bitch as Bachmann.

If All Political Ads Were Made Like Mitt Romney’s Ads

Posted by: Mark @ 10:27 am

Yesterday perennial GOP presidential frontrunner-up, Mitt Romney, released an ad that contained an unambiguously dishonest soundbite. The ad played a clip of President Obama saying…

“…if we keep talking about the economy, we’re going to lose.”

However, that clip was taken from a speech in 2008 where Obama was quoting a John McCain campaign spokesman. Here is full quote in context:

“Senator McCain’s campaign actually said, and I quote, if we keep talking about the economy, we’re going to lose.”

Political advertising is an activity that has seen more than its share of lies and deliberate distortions. But this perversion of reality will go down as one of the most brazenly disreputable misrepresentations on record. And to compound the deceit, Romney is defending his ad saying…

“Now, the tables have turned. … President Obama and his team don’t want to talk about the economy and have tried to distract voters from his abysmal economic record.”

So not only does Romney have no regrets about his false representation, he absurdly asserts that Obama isn’t talking about the economy. Of course, anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention knows that Obama has talked about almost nothing but the economy. Does Romney really expect voters to believe his nonsense?

Well, if they believe Fox News then he has a chance. Fox viewers will believe anything they are told. That’s why it would be great to see this alternative version of Romney’s ad played on Fox News:

Sarah Palin’s Top 10 Reasons To Support Occupy Wall Street

Posted by: Mark @ 6:10 pm

The Occupy Wall Street movement is a bona fide phenomenon that, in two short months, has grown to levels no one could have predicted. And despite the inability of the media to discern the goals of the OWS protesters, their agenda could not be more apparent. The movement’s core convictions revolve around the abuse and corruption of politics by the wealthy and corporations, and the economic inequities that have virtually vaporized America’s middle class.

These issues have unprecedented support from a broad swath of the American people. More than 70% support raising taxes on the rich. More than 70% oppose cutting Social Security and Medicare. And both of those include majorities of Republicans and Independents. Even a majority of our nation’s millionaires support these positions. Support for these principles is so universal that the only rebuttal opponents can muster are juvenile comments about socialism or hygiene.

For these reasons, perhaps it should not be surprising that Sarah Palin has jumped on the bandwagon. Her star has been fading rapidly since she stopped pretending to be a candidate for president. And while the press used to chase after her tour bus like whimpering puppies, the only attention she gets today is from her most devoted disciples and her boss, Rupert Murdoch, and the entities he controls such as Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.

It is in the pages of the latter that Palin has published a critique of the political-financial complex that is driving the nation to ruin. Her title for the op-ed is “How Congress Occupied Wall Street.” Many of her laments mirror the philosophy of the Occupy movement. While there is some obvious hypocrisy embedded in some of her remarks, it is still notable that these perspectives are being expressed by someone like Palin and published by an enterprise like the Wall Street Journal. Following are ten points that were extracted from Palin’s article that inadvertently endorse the principles of Occupy Wall Street.

1) How do politicians who arrive in Washington, D.C. as men and women of modest means leave as millionaires?
Good question. Do you suppose it has something to do with the unholy relationships between members of Congress and their wealthy benefactors? If anyone can answer this question it’s Palin, who has personal knowledge of how to earn millions by exploiting political opportunity.

2) The corruption [is] an entire system of public servants feathering their own nests.
Indeed. Although it may be a stretch to refer to a political Mafia who shakedown constituents and accept bribes from special interests as public “servants.” And once again, Palin’s personal experience with nest feathering is invaluable.

3) The moment you threaten to strip politicians of their legal graft, they’ll moan that they can’t govern effectively without it.
What politicians refer to as contributions and earmarks are what citizens regard as graft. And while the politicians make a lot of noise about cleaning up Washington, they have no genuine interest in doing so.

4) [T]heir idea of reform is to limit the right of “We the people” to exercise our freedom of speech in the political process.
It is unclear what Palin is referring to here because she has not exactly been forced into silence, much to America’s dismay. But 26 journalists covering OWS have been arrested so far. What’s more, the GOP is working at the state level to suppress voting for millions of citizens, primarily seniors, students, and minorities.

5) [T]he only solution to entrenched corruption is sudden and relentless reform.
Could Palin have come up with a phrase that better describes OWS? When protesters occupied Zuccotti Park in Lower Manhattan it was a spontaneous response to an untenable situation. And the fact that they planted themselves in the park, and other sites across the country, demonstrates just how relentless this movement intends to be.

6) We need reform that provides real transparency.
Welcome to the club, Sarah. Progressives have been arguing for more openness by government and public agencies for years. And a major component of the OWS agenda is the reversal of the Citizens United decision by the Supreme Court that permits corporations and others to bankroll political initiatives without revealing their identity.

7) We need equality under the law.
Absolutely! Equality and fairness and a sense of shared sacrifice. It is time for the wealthy, who have benefited more from their position of privilege than anyone else, to be treated equally under the law. No more special treatment. Palin should give this more than lip service.

8) No more sweetheart land deals with campaign contributors.
This is just another method of funneling bribes into the pockets of politicians and it must stop. Including the land deals where politicians advocate on behalf of contributors to get oil leases in protected wild spaces in Alaska.

9) [N]o transitioning into a lobbying career after leaving office. No more revolving door, ever.
Here is another plank of the progressive platform that has been beaten down by entrenched politicos every time it was proposed.

10) This call for real reform must transcend political parties. The grass-roots movements of the right and the left should embrace this.
Amen!

Now, is Sarah Palin actually getting behind Occupy Wall Street? Of course not. She undoubtedly considers them unclean, unfocused, and un-American. But the positions she appears to advocate here could be interpreted as aligned with the goals of OWS, even if it is entirely accidental on her part. Perhaps she deliberately plagiarized the platform in a desperate attempt to steal some of its popularity for herself. There is a delicious irony in that Palin has published this piece in Murdoch’s paper. You could say that these ideas have Occupied the Wall Street Journal, albeit from a back entrance.

[Share this infographic on Facebook]
Sarah Palin OWS

PolitiChicks: Victoria Jackson & Co. Love Muslims And Gays

Posted by: Mark @ 5:04 pm

Here’s a logic puzzle for you: What comes next in this list?

Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich…

Of course, it’s former Saturday Night Live bimbo Victoria Jackson, who is continuing her performance as the greatest comedy hoax of all time. There is simply no way that what she has been doing and saying can be real. The only place her antics could be taken seriously would a Republican primary debate. In fact, if she were to announce her candidacy today she would probably be the next front-runner within days.

Jackson’s latest project (video below) is an Internet talk show that aspires to be a right-wing version of The View. In the debut episode Jackson shines with her Dadaist comedic stylings. She gets the show rolling with her song about Muslims that casts them as bloodthirsty pedophiles. The ensuing conversation leads to the shared conclusion that “all Muslims are not terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims. That’s just a fact.”

Jackson is quick to point out that she loves Muslims, she just hates what they believe. It’s her Christian faith that requires that she love these people whom she regards as mass murderers. What’s more, she simply can’t understand “why liberals are pro-Muslim and pro-gay, because Muslims kill gays.” I supposed she is similarly confused as to why conservatives are anti-Muslim and anti-gay, for the same reason. The truth about liberals, however, is that they are pro-Constitution, and they know that American Muslims are no more likely to kill gays than extremist, Republican evangelicals like Jackson.

The happy talk continued with Jackson almost opining on matters ranging from Obama’s support for “the thing built on ground zero” [a mosque], to meat preparation “like how Jews do” [keeping Kosher]. This open and freewheeling discussion then turned to the subject of free speech, which Jackson and her co-panelist lamented as having been abolished decades ago:

Jackson: It used to be America, you could say whatever you want. Now everyone can say what you want except if you love the country and God and the family.
Ann-Marie Murrell: If you’re conservative you basically have to shut up and listen and let them say whatever they want. That’s the way it’s been for about 40 years now.

Exactly. Which is why everything they just said has been banned and cannot be heard by anyone, and warrants have been issued for their arrest. Neither can anyone hear their complaints about gay marriage because it infringes on the rights of others. For example, the churches that would be forced to perform marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples. Of course, that isn’t true, but how could Jackson know that. Her research ability has been hobbled by a recent startling and terrifying discovery:

“I just found out that Snopes is owned by George Soros.”

Uh oh. Now where will she go to get the truth about rumors she reads in anonymous chain emails? Rumors like Snopes being owned by George Soros. Just to be sure, I did some research myself on this rumor and discovered this on Snopes:

“The snopes.com web site is (and always has been) a completely independent, self-sufficient entity wholly owned by its operators, Barbara and David Mikkelson, and funded through advertising revenues. Neither the site nor its operators has ever received monies from (or been engaged in any business or editorial relationship with), any sponsor, investor, partner, political party, religious group, business organization, government agency, or any other outside group or organization.”

That’s pretty definitive, but what else would you expect from a Soros controlled web site? The unabridged idiocy of this group is both hilarious and frightening. And the scariest part is that very little of what is said strays far from the mainstream of the Republican Party and its current crop of presidential candidates. Watch the whole video here:

And if that’s not enough, catch episode #2 here. It’s a classic that focuses on President Obama’s fake citizenship and contains another song by Jackson (“Yes, I am a Birther and I’m really, really proud”). Somewhere Andy Kaufman is squirting milk through his nose.

Anatomy Of A Fox News Manufactured Political Scandal

Posted by: Mark @ 10:45 am

It was a blustery November morning. I was in my mother’s basement Tweeting waffle recipes to chums in my Marxist study group. My fingers were still sticky with maple syrup. Then she walked in. Or rather, she showed up in my Google news alerts. Her name was Winter, and it fit her like an Old Navy Fleece hoodie. Jana Winter. She said she was a reporter for Fox News. I should have known right then that she couldn’t be trusted. Everyone knows there aren’t any reporters at Fox News.

Fox News - ACORNWinter had been writing articles about how ACORN, the group of community organizers that ceased to exist more than a year ago, was secretly still operating and was behind the Occupy Wall Street protests. Her stories were obvious fabrications that posed absurd theories wherein the bankrupt ACORN could somehow afford to pay homeless people tens of thousands of dollars to attend rallies that were already populated by thousands of genuine protesters who attended for free.

Winter wrote three progressively more delusional articles on this subject in as many weeks. She was able to be so prolific because she never bothered to gather any actual evidence or testimony from anyone other than anonymous sources. The first article laid out the imaginary ACORN plot to subvert capitalism from beyond the grave. The second alleged that the resurrected ACORN, spooked by Winter’s first article, scrambled to destroy every remnant of its reincarnated existence. Once again, almost every assertion was absent an attribution. Winter is a master at coaxing incriminating confessions from ghosts.

But it’s the third article that reveals the depths of Winter’s deviousness. After laying the groundwork for a scandalous tale of corruption and clandestine schemes, Winter’s latest composition divulges the efforts of Darrell Issa, Congress’ self-appointed hall monitor, to bully the Department of Justice into launching an investigation of the gossip spread in Winter’s columns:

“In a letter dated Monday, Issa, R-Calif., called for U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch of the Eastern District of New York to launch a probe into allegations first reported by FoxNews.com.”

Notice the meticulous attention to journalistic precision in Winter’s description of Loretta Lynch as the Attorney General. That would be an interesting detail if it happened to be true. But even more interesting is the way she refers to “allegations first reported by FoxNews.com” without noting that she is talking about herself. It was her own reporting from which Issa derived his accusations of scandal. Several times in the article Winter cites “reports from FoxNews.com” and even noted that “Issa’s letter quotes from the initial FoxNews.com report.” Later Winter added that “Issa also referenced a second FoxNews.com report.” That second report was also Winter’s handiwork.

So what we have here is a circular wheel of affirmation wherein a Fox News “reporter” invents a phony scandal by writing thinly sourced articles that allege fraudulent activity by a defunct organization. Then a United States congressman cites those articles as evidence that an investigation should ensue. Then the same Fox News reporter writes an article about the congressman’s request for an investigation. I suppose that the next thing we’ll see is Issa citing the Fox News report on members of Congress demanding that the Justice Department investigate. And around it goes.

To be clear, there is absolutely no evidence of any wrongdoing by the non-existent ACORN, the New York Communities for Change (NYCC), whom Winter and Issa are slandering, or the Occupy Wall Street movement. Winter’s articles contain dozens of citations from anonymous sources that are uncorroborated. Yet in the latest article she doesn’t even bother to attempt to interview anyone representing the other side of Issa’s baseless accusations (fair and balanced?).

To her credit, Winter notes the inherent problem with bias in the media on the part of influential news enterprises:

“A leading force in online journalism appears to be making a strong effort to be anything but fair and balanced.”

The only problem is that she is not referring to the bias in her own reporting. That quote was from an article she wrote last month criticizing Arianna Huffington for “injecting her endorsement of the demonstrations into her media outlets’ coverage of the events in lower Manhattan.” It’s another proud moment for Winter who has somehow managed to out Huffington as a liberal. Who knew?

Winter has a bright career ahead of her, so long as she stays at Fox News. She doesn’t know who the Attorney General is. She doesn’t know that the Huffington Post is not a neutral media outlet. She doesn’t know how to compose an article without relying solely on anonymous sources and right-wingers. She doesn’t know that it’s bad form to cite herself as a source for subsequent reporting without disclosure. Best of all, she is not the least bit embarrassed by exhibiting her ignorance in public. If she’s an attractive young blond then she is everything Fox News could hope for.

And therein lies the mystery. Why isn’t she already appearing as part of Bill O’Reilly’s harem? Why hasn’t she filled in for Gretchen Carlson on Fox & Friends? Does Megyn Kelly have some nasty dirt (or dirty pictures) on her? Who can say? As for me, I’ve got bigger fish to fry and can’t be distracted by every dame that Fox throws in my path. Winter’s a big girl and can take care of herself. She’s demonstrated her willingness and ability to peddle Fox’s snake oil with the best of them. And she is adept at feigning being shocked – SHOCKED – to find that there are ACORN shenanigans going on here.

Artist Says Fox News Lies While Being Interviewed On Fox News

Posted by: Mark @ 3:46 pm

On today’s broadcast of Happening Now on Fox News, host Jenna Lee interviewed New York artist Jay Shells on his “Subway Etiquette” street art project. The works consist of mock signs saying things like “Pull up your pants.”

At the end of the interview, Shells slips in a little personal note for the network:

“It’s ironic that I’m here actually. I was gonna do a sign that said “Fox News Lies” and put that up. But then it got bumped for “Clean Up After Your Horse” so I couldn’t do it.”

Lee gasped upon hearing this, but recovered her composure and thanked Shells for appearing.

I’d like to thank him too. Nice work Jay.

Fox News: Earthquake In D.C. Obama’s Fault

Posted by: Mark @ 2:11 pm

Fox News Obama Earthquake

The massive 5.9 earthquake that struck Washington, D.C. and caused panic throughout much of the east coast is causing rumblings across the political landscape as well.

Republicans have stepped forward to criticize President Obama for not having an effective anti-earthquake policy.

Michele Bachmann: In my administration I can promise you that, in addition to $2.00 gas, there will be no earthquakes.

Rick Perry: As I have said before, there are some problems that Washington cannot solve. That’s why I am calling for a day of prayer to bitch at God for causing these earthquakes.

Mitt Romney: If an earthquake destroyed my home in New Hampshire, I could easily relocate to California or Colorado or any of my other luxury residences. That’s why we have to run the government like a business and build several Washingtons around the country.

Herman Cain: When I ran Godfather’s Pizza I learned to be prepared for everything. After all, science knows that this ObamaQuake was caused by lunar cycles that stretch the earth’s crust like the tides. Now we have to watch out for Sue Nawmee.

Ron Paul: Audit the Federal Reserve and abolish all regulations and we wouldn’t have any problem with an earthquake every now and then.

Sarah Palin: In these troubling times the good patriotic citizens of our rich heartland know that America’s greatness relies on having real leaders who love their country and do not pal around with tyrannical tectonic plates.

Glenn Beck: Thank God I’m in Israel today. The far-left, and their cohorts in the Muslim Brotherhood, have infiltrated the political class in the Capital and the time has come for them to receive the vengeance of the Lord. And if you want to see this all happen live, be sure to sign up for GBTV right away.

In other news:

  • Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi’s compound was overrun by rebels who, with help from the United States, have succeeded in toppling his four decades of dictatorship.
  • The stock market rose over 300 points despite the earthquake that rattled the east coast.
  • Hurricane Irene is hurtling toward Florida.
  • Millions of Americans are still unemployed or under-employed.
  • Casey Anthony did something or other.

Yet the media had several hours of blanket coverage of an earthquake that caused no injuries and did no significant damage. Stay tuned for more coverage – of Casey Anthony.

Mitt Romney: Corporations Are People, My Friend

Posted by: Mark @ 12:24 am

The front-runner for the Republican nomination for president, Mitt Romney, took a courageous stand today in support of the browbeaten, wealthy corporations of America:

That’s right. Corporations are people. They’re born, they live, they dream, they love. And that’s not all…

Soylent Green is people. Corporations are people. And don’t even get me started on Depeche Mode.

It’s about time somebody stood up for the downtrodden multinationals. When will society treat them fairly and allow them to marry and to serve in the armed forces? While they can’t vote, at least they can manipulate elections with their riches because the Supreme Court has ruled that money is speech. And since corporations have more money than “ordinary” people, they get more speech.

Aint Democracy grand? Way to go, Mitt.

EXCLUSIVE: Photo Of Private Debt Ceiling Talks In John Boehner’s Office

Posted by: Mark @ 7:59 am

The political pugilism over the debt ceiling debate is raging on in Congress and the media as John Boehner’s rightwardly-revised legislation passed in the House on a party-line vote but failed in a more bipartisan fashion in the Senate. This leaves the nation right where it was before these votes took place – on the precipice of a fiscal calamity.

Many observers were perplexed that Boehner, upon failing to hold the GOP caucus in line, added a provision to the bill calling for a balanced budget amendment to the Constitution. That provision may have swayed a few intransigent House members, but it doomed the bill in the Senate.

In pursuit of some insight as to why the Speaker would deliberately make the bill less likely to ever become law, an intrepid reporter infiltrated the secret negotiations that took place in the Speaker’s chambers prior to the vote. Here is what was discovered:

John Boehner Tea Party

Amongst other things, this revealing photo is evidence that Speaker Boehner is not really in charge of House legislative activities. His leadership is subservient to the Tea Party faction of the Republican Party, or the TeaPublicans. This explains why, after admonishing his caucus to “Get your ass in line,” he was still unable to schedule a vote for fear that it would fail. It further explains why he was forced to make revisions that pushed the bill farther to the right and weakened it’s prospects for passage.

Now that we know who’s in charge of the GOP, perhaps Democrats will fashion a strategy to resolve these issues that takes this reality into account. The extreme right of the Republican Party is fixated on an agenda based on ignorance, faith, and Randian fiction. The only path to resolution is to ignore the TeaPublicans, shame any GOP members who still retain some measure of reason, and alert the public to the dilemma created by the delusional wing of the GOP and Fox’s phony version of “news.”

[Editor's Note:] In view of recent incidents involving journalists acquiring scandalous information improperly, rest assured that no cell phones were hacked in the development of this story.

Fox Nation vs. Reality