Humor

Jimmy Kimmel Shoots Down MTG, Tucker Carlson, and ‘The Four Gun Whores of the Apocalypse’

Posted by on February 25, 2023 at 12:06 pm. 3 Comments :

In the Era of Trump it has become harder and harder to produce good political satire when the potential subjects are so ludicrous on their own. But the Republican Party has been up to the challenge of providing the source material for searing comedy. With hysterical characters like Marjorie Taylor Greene, George Santos, and of course, Donald Trump himself, America’s humor supply remains well stocked.

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Jimmy Kimmel, Marjorie Taylor Greene

On his Friday night program, Jimmy Kimmel took aim at some of the easy targets that the GOP, and their Propaganda arm, Fox News, have provided (video below). It’s not the first time that Kimmel has featured the inadvertent buffoonery of the Republican Clown Show, and it won’t be the last.

RELATED: Jimmy Kimmel Hysterically Mocks Fox News for Whining About Biden Doing His Show

On this occasion Kimmel began by observing that many of the Fox News regulars are openly supporting Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and rooting for a Russian Victory, which Tucker Carlson said in exactly those words. These cretins are deeply devoted to Russian war criminal, Vladimir Putin, to the extent that they favor him over American leaders. And Kimmel couldn’t help but notice…

“I’m not saying that Marjorie Taylor Greene and Tucker Carlson are indebted to, or are compromised by, or have some sort of secret allegiance to Vladimir Putin in exchange for silence or money or some sort of weird nesting egg sex, but man oh man, they sure do seem to be on team Russia.”

Whereupon Kimmel played a video clip from Putin apologist Carlson’s show with Greene calling her own GOP colleagues who support Ukraine “stupid” and “so disconnected with what the American people want, that they are literally going to lead us into World War III.” She adds that Carlson is “one of the few people that tells the truth like the American people feel and talk and think on television.”

The fear mongering about World War III is a common talking point on the right, including Trump, who posted a comment on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, this morning crying frantically that “This is the most dangerous time in the history of our Country. World War III is looming, like never before,” and that “HOPELESS JOE BIDEN IS LEADING US INTO OBLIVION!!!”

Oh no, not oblivion! What’s more, it’s particularly pitiful for Greene to say that Carlson is a teller of the truth (that people “feel”?) so soon after it was revealed that he deliberately lied to his audience about election fraud, while privately admitting that he “did not believe it for one second.”

SEE ALSO: In Dominion v Fox News, Network Cries ‘We Can’t Make People Think We’ve Turned Against Trump’

Immediately following that, Kimmel brought up the preposterous bill that a GOP representative is pushing to make the AR-15 – the preferred weapon of mass murderers – the national gun of the United States. The families of those who were slaughtered by one should appreciate that. Kimmel notes that George Santos is a co-sponsor of bill, and adds that Santos isn’t the only one…

“This dumb bill was sponsored by a congressman from Alabama named Barry Moore, with co-sponsors Santos, Andrew Clyde of Georgia and Mozzarella six-shelled person, Lauren Boebert. These are the heroes working to get us a national gun. And the next time there’s a mass shooting with an AR-15, which will probably be by the end of the week, we’ll know who to thank. The Four Gun Whores of the Apocalypse.”

While so much of what Fox News and the Trumpian Republican Party do and say is dangerous and anti-American, it is important to include comedy and satire in our arsenal of responses. Unfortunately, we may not always have that option available, thanks to Greene. The biggest joke in Congress has already distinguished herself with commentaries about “Gazpacho Police,” “Peach Tree Dishes,” “Jewish Space Lasers,” and “fragrantly” violated rights. But she is also known for having claimed to have reported Kimmel to the police for brandishing humor:

SEE: Comedy Cop Marjorie Taylor Greene Reports Jimmy Kimmel to Capitol Police for Telling a Joke

UPDATE: It was recently reported that Snowflake Trump ordered his White House staff to pressure Disney to stop Kimmel from telling jokes about him.

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Trump is Silent About the Insurrection in Brazil, But is Very Upset About Late Night Comedy TV

Posted by on January 9, 2023 at 11:39 am. 10 Comments :

Two years after the violent and deadly January 6th insurrection in Washington, D.C., that was incited by Donald Trump, supporters of his compadre in Brazil, ousted president Jair Bolsonaro, launched an eerily similar assault against their own government. Ironically, Bolsonaro was in Florida at the time.

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The parallels are too alike to ignore. The anti-democratic Bolsonaro seditionists were protesting what they believe to be a stolen election, despite having zero evidence of any irregularities. Even some of the key players are the same. Trump and two of his advisors, Steve Bannon and Jason Miller, met last month with Bolsonaro’s son at Trump’s resort/home, Mar-a-Lago. Bannon is currently appealing his felony conviction for contempt of Congress.

RELATED: Fox News on Steve Bannon Sentence: It’s Tyranny and Total BS – And We Need to Do It

In the 24 hours since the attempted coup in Brazil, Trump has been uncharacteristically silent. Perhaps his advisors managed to persuade him that speaking out in support of Bolsonaro would only remind everyone of his own traitorous behavior. The only time that Trump was so reticent to rant was during the January 6th insurrection when he didn’t say a word for nearly three hours as his StormTrumpers were besieging the Capitol.

Meanwhile, Trump had no problem spouting off about other matters that were bouncing around in his perpetually embittered brain. For instance, he rattled off a long series of exaltations of himself as the mastermind of Kevin McCarthy’s selection as Speaker of the House. And he took another swipe at Senate Republican leader “Mitch McConnell and his China flagrant boss, Coco Chow,” a racist reference to McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao. Then Trump broadened his attack to include any senator that voted with McConnell, saying “PRIMARY THEM ALL!!!”

However, Trump truly demonstrated his comprehension (or lack thereof) of the political zeitgeist that most stirs the souls of the American people in a comment concerning a subject that he ought to more about – television. As someone who starred as a reality TV game show host for 14 years, Trump is embarrassingly ignorant of the medium. He posted on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, the following foolishness…

“Wow, those TRUMP Hating Late Night Network ‘Shows’ are doing really badly…The worst ratings that those time slots have had (in Television History!). Why are the untalented fools who ‘host’ paid so much? Does the DNC make a $contribution as a wing of the Democrat Party? They are all a total joke – Not Talent, No Laughs!”

There’s a remarkable quantity of wrongness in that brief paragraph. Beginning with the fact that just about every TV program has suffered in the ratings due increased competition from streaming and the reemergence of movie theaters and other out-of-home entertainment after two years COVID.

It goes without saying that Trump’s opinion of the late night hosts as “untalented fools” is driven by his massive, yet fragile, ego that is incapable of tolerating jokes at his own expense. And of course he is jealous of their high salaries that are justified by the revenue they generate from advertising. Not to mention his envy that they are TV five nights a week, but he can’t get reporters to show up for his infrequent press conferences.

RELATED: LOL: Trump Starts 2023 with a New Year’s Eve Press Conference at Mar-a-Lago but Nobody Came

Trump’s crack about the DNC contributing to the pay for these hosts is a rather lame attempt to malign them politically. He seems oblivious to the fact that, if these late night comedy programs can be accused of being financial donors to Democrats, then what does that make Fox News, where the entire network is the Ministry of Propaganda for Trump and the GOP?

Trump and other right-wingnuts like to compare the ratings of the network late night shows to Greg Gutfeld on Fox News. However, that’s a blatantly dishonest comparison. The network shows air at 11:30pm local time (tape delayed) across the country. Gutfeld airs at 11:00pm Eastern time nationwide. That means that Gutfeld is on at 8:00pm in Pacific time, 9:00pm Central, etc. Therefore, most of the nation sees Gutfeld in primetime when there are more people watching television. Plus, Fox has their built-in cult audience that never changes channels.

Finally, Trump’s description of these shows as having “no laughs” raises the question: How does he know? Does he watch them? And if so, would he know a funny joke if he heard one? After all, has anyone ever actually seen him laugh? His face appears to be stuck in a permanent scowl. So he’s not exactly the best person to be criticizing comedy.

SEE ALSO: Crybaby Trump Bares His Ultra-Thin Skin in Tantrum Against Late Night Comedy Shows

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Donald Trump’s Cup of Christmas Jeer is Predictably Brimming with Hate and Ill Will Toward All

Posted by on December 25, 2022 at 9:14 am. 2 Comments :

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” And what could be more heartwarming and chock full of the seasonal spirit than a Christmas greeting from that perennial spreader of yuletide joy, Donald Trump? This is, after all, the Xmas savior who made it possible for Americans to once again say the words “Merry Christmas” after the dark ages when it was prohibited by pagan liberals.

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Donald Trump, Santa, Coronavirus

It’s inspiring that Trump had the spiritual fortitude to express his thoughts on this Christmas Eve while suffering the tribulations that he has been subjected to by the “Deep State” Grinches who are constantly persecuting him. Just a few days ago the House Select Committee investigating the January 6th insurrection that he incited released its final report, along with criminal referrals of Trump and his treasonous elves to the Department of Justice.

RELATED: Crybaby Trump Throws a Tantrum in Response to the House Select Committee’s Criminal Referrals

Despite having to bear his cross, Trump took the time to reach out to a weary nation on this hallowed day. He posted his celebratory tidings on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, saying…

“Merry Christmas to EVERYONE, including the Radical Left Marxists that are trying to destroy our Country, the Federal Bureau of Investigation that is illegally coercing & paying Social and LameStream Media to push for a mentally disabled Democrat over the Brilliant, Clairvoyant, and USA LOVING Donald J. Trump, and, of course, The Department of Injustice, which appointed a Special ‘Prosecutor’ who, together with his wife and family, HATES ‘Trump’ more than any other person on earth. LOVE TO ALL!”

“Hark the heinous angel…” whines petulantly about perceived enemies while exalting himself as “Brilliant” and even divinely “Clairvoyant.” In his evening epistle Trump rattles off the list of his political peeves. As always, he leads with the ominous “Radical Left Marxists.” Then he pivots to a crackpot conspiracy about the FBI that was run by his own appointed director who reported to his Attorney General.

Furthermore, Trump would never forget to malign the “LameStream Media”. Nor will he fail to insult the current President Joe Biden as “mentally disabled.” And finally, Trump unleashes a Christmassy attack on what he childishly calls the Department of “Injustice,” and disparages the Special Counsel Jack Smith, and his wife and family, who Trump in his paranoid derangement imagines “HATES ‘Trump’ more than any other person on earth.”

RELATED: Trump Admits He’s Guilty in a Fear-Drenched Rant Attacking the Special Counsel as a ‘Monster’

Gives you goose bumps, doesn’t it? But then this is the guy who celebrates the season by selling holiday themed wrapping paper in fundraising emails that say “Let’s Go Brandon,” a popular chant in Trump World that translates to a more obscene message of “F**K Joe Biden.” So now you can wrap your children’s gifts in a festive political profanity that embraces the true spirit of a Trumpy Christmas. And yet, while he desecrates their faith, and violates all of their principles, so many evangelicals, sanctimonious Republicans, and other supposedly pious Christianists still think that Trump shares their religious beliefs. Now that would be a real Christmas miracle.

UPDATE: On Christmas morning Trump added two more posts grossly glorifying himself and his imaginary “achievements” during his occupation of the White House, while disparaging America today as a dystopian hellhole. Happy Xmas, everyone. [Update addendum: Trump posted four more Xmas comments, all whining about how horrible America is for not sufficiently worshipping him]

Nevertheless, in the spirit of the season, News Corpse would like to continue its holiday tradition by presenting a musical gift that is truly inclusive and welcoming. This is for all of those who are not huddled around a dead tree today, buried in colorfully wrapped packages. It’s for the cynics who won’t accept the notion that the birth of a messenger of peace and love is an excuse to exchange material goods or fruitcakes that nobody likes. It is for the forsaken and forlorn, the outcasts and rebels and nonbelievers who are puzzled by the greed and commercialism that permeates the season. And yes, it’s for those who still believe that peace and goodwill are morally superior to profit and oppression. Here is Miles Davis and Bob Dorough performing the heartwarming traditional Christmas ballad Blue Xmas:

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Crybaby Trump Bares His Ultra-Thin Skin in Tantrum Against Late Night Comedy Shows

Posted by on October 10, 2022 at 1:29 pm. 2 Comments :

Poor Donald Trump has suffered long from the trials and tribulations of being a malignant narcissist. His inability to cope with trifling jokes at his rather modest expense has been one of his most pronounced personality disorders. By some estimations, it is the reason he chose to enter politics, following jabs by Seth Meyers at the White House Correspondents Dinner (WHCD) (Video below).

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Stephen Colbert & Trump Baby

During Trump’s occupation of the white House, he refused to attend the charity dinner all four years. That’s because he’s too big a baby to sit through a program where he might be the butt of a few jokes. Which is funny because he doesn’t seem otherwise opposed to being or having a big butt. Last year, for the first time in six years (it was postponed twice due to COVID), the dinner was attended by the President of the United States, Joe Biden. Trevor Noah was the featured comedian, and he didn’t shy away from Trump jokes.

NOR DID BIDEN: The Condensed White House Correspondent’s Dinner Remarks About Fox News and Crybaby Trump

On Monday morning, Trump took time away from his brooding and whining about having lost the 2020 election to complain again about the state of comedy in America. In a post on his floundering social media scam, Truth Social, Trump linked to an article on Fox News that roasted late night comedy as a declining format, which Fox blamed on the hosts mocking Trump. He wrote that…

“It was my great honor to have destroyed the ratings of Late Night “Comedy” shows. There is nothing funny about the shows, the three hosts have very little talent, and when Jimmy Fallon apologized for having humanized “Trump,” and his ratings soared, the Radical Left forced him to apologize—that was effectively the end of The Tonight Show. In any event, congratulations to Greg Gutfield!”

Once again, Trump is attempting to take credit for something that he had nothing to do with. He’s also assuming incorrectly that anyone regards his analysis of comedy as having any merit or insight. What’s more, the article he links to is profoundly lacking in any grasp of the TV business or program performance.

In order to make their argument work, Fox compared the current ratings of the late night shows hosted by Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Jimmy Kimmel, to their ratings – not last year – but six years ago, before Trump took office. That’s a long time in TV land. Fox completely ignored the fact that the television landscape had changed significantly during that time frame, with the advent of streaming and other methods of time-shifting. That’s what had the biggest impact on ratings. And it was an impact that occurred across every part of the TV schedule.

The article asserts instead that the ratings decline was due to the abundance of Trump jokes. However, it contradicts its own premise by noting that Colbert and Kimmel substantially increased their ratings when they told more jokes about Trump. Fallon, on the other hand, lost viewers with his less political style.

The Fox News article also took this opportunity to promote their own show with right-wing pseudo-comic, Greg Gutfeld. But it is deliberately dishonest to compare his ratings to the network late night shows. Those shows are shown at 11:30pm local time (tape delayed) across the country. Fox News airs Gutfeld at 11:00pm Eastern time nationwide. That means that Gutfeld is on at 8:00pm in Pacific time, 9:00pm Central, etc. Therefore, most of the nation sees Gutfeld in prime time when there are more people watching television. So when the article brags that Gutfeld’s 2.2 million viewers edged out Colbert’s 2.1 million, it’s missing the fact that Colbert actually drew a much higher percentage of the available audience.

Throughout the article Fox accuses the late night hosts of delivering Democratic talking points. But they never offer a single example to support that charge. If Fox has a problem with the leftward slant of the humor by these hosts, then their real problem is that, as Colbert once noted (at the WHCD in 2006), “Reality has a well known liberal bias.”

The article also ignores its own brazenly partisan perspective. The only quotes the author bothered to include were exclusively from washed up conservative “comedians” (Jimmy Failla, Tim Young, Joe Piscopo, Rob Schneider). There was no effort to get any statements from the shows that the author was maligning, their hosts, or their networks.

That won’t surprise anyone who is familiar with the purposeful dishonesty of Fox News. And it’s affirmation of the popular meme that has circulate for many years that says “I get my news from Comedy Central and my comedy from Fox News.”

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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Trevor Noah is Leaving the Daily Show – And Creating a Huge Opening for Media Satire

Posted by on September 30, 2022 at 3:18 pm. 1 Comments :

Late night TV comedy is getting significantly shaken up with the news that Trevor Noah is quitting as host of “The Daily Dhow” after seven years. He made the announcement on Thursday night in an emotional statement (video below) that recalled his unexpected selection to take over from Jon Stewart, and his early days in the anchor chair.

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Trevor Noah

There was no timetable given for his departure, and no indication of who might succeed him. Noah thanked his staff and crew and audience saying that…

“I’ve loved hosting this show. It’s been one of my greatest challenges. It’s been one of my greatest joys. I’ve loved trying to figure out how to make people laugh even when the stories are particularly shitty on the worst days.”

Noah was never in an easy position as the guy who had to follow in Jon Stewart’s footsteps. He had some hits and some misses during his tenure. But he eventually put his own stamp on the show and connected with a new audience. His focus leaned more heavily on racial politics and international affairs. He said early on that he didn’t want to continue doing jokes about Fox News and other media. That was unfortunate in my view.

Jon Stewart’s Daily Show was not, as many people assumed, political satire. It was media satire. The whole premise was one of a fake news show with a fake anchor and fake correspondents, who mocked the failures and absurdities of the corporate television press. Naturally, Fox News was a frequent target given its abundance of material to ridicule. It is a feast of bias and lies and propaganda. But much of the mockery of that has receded during the Noah years. Which is too bad because there isn’t any other program on TV that is dedicated to media satire.

When Comedy Central selects its next Daily Show host, here’s hoping that they return to those roots and take on the media again. There is more reason to do so now than ever. Fox News has veered much farther into the fringy far right with their embrace of the loopy cult of Donald Trump and his QAnon-flecked following. Add to that Newsmax, the One America News Network, and an emerging crop of wingnut streaming and podcasting, and you have a severely unbalanced press pool that is screaming out for satirical spankings. Even CNN with new owners is lurching to the right.

So who are the most promising prospects to take over the Daily Show? There is actually a pretty deep a bench. It includes inspired comics like Jordan Klepper, Amber Ruffin, Samantha Bee, Roy Wood Jr., Desi Lydic, and Hasan Minhaj. However, it isn’t certain that Comedy Central will even continue the program. That would be a shame. In the meantime, we still have Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel and, of course, Jon Stewart, to lighten the load.

UPDATE: Trump weighed in on Noah’s announcement with a typically asinine comment saying that “Trevor Noah was a waste of time, no talent, no anything. Jon Stewart was only slightly better, but highly overrated.” He went on to advise Comedy Central not to do political comedy. But if they do, it should be all conservative. Sure, because Dennis Miller is cracking them up in whatever comedy graveyard he’s working in.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse
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Fox Nation vs. Reality:
The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.

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Trump Returns to the Scene of the Crime at Mar-a-Lago – and Freaks Out About the FBI’s Shoes

Posted by on September 19, 2022 at 1:11 pm. 3 Comments :

Last month the FBI conducted a search of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago bunker and found thousands of documents that he unlawfully took from the White House. Hundreds of them were highly sensitive and Top Secret national security documents. To date Trump has not explained why he took them, what he did with them, or why he lied about having them.

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Donald Trump, Ivana Trump, Shoes

However, Trump has been tirelessly whining about his rights having been violated by FBI agents that he maligns as thugs and a Justice Department that he baselessly accuses of corruption. And on a near daily basis Trump floats some new defense for his criminal behavior. Each new attempt achieves new heights of absurdity.

RELATED: WTF? Now Trump Says the FBI Was Looking for Hillary Clinton’s Emails at Mar-a-Lago

On Sunday Trump announced in a post on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, that he would be returning to Mar-A-Lago – aka, the scene of the crime – for the first time since the FBI’s visit. His typically rambling, incoherent comment was a goulash of lies and desperation. He wrote that…

“I’ll soon be heading to the scene of the unwarranted, unjust, and illegal Raid and Break-In of my home in Florida, Mar-a-Lago. I’ll be able to see for myself the results of the unnecessary ransacking of rooms and other areas of the house. It has already been proven that so much has been wrongfully taken, it is not a “pretty thing.” So sad! The 4th Amendment, and much more, has been totally violated, a grave invasion of privacy. I will keep the American public informed on TRUTH!”

For the record, here is an accounting of what was true and false in that post…

    TRUE:

  • “…my home in Florida.”
    FALSE:
    That the search was…

  • “unwarranted”
  • “unjust”
  • “illegal”
  • a “Break-in”
  • “unnecessary”
  • a “ransacking”

    • .
    And that…

  • “much has been wrongfully taken”
  • a “4th Amendment” violation
  • an “invasion of privacy”
  • “will keep the American public informed”

Other than that, Trump’s comments was still a psychotic mess unleashed by a paranoid basket case. But he wasn’t nearly finished. On Monday morning he posted another comment describing what he encountered at his Palm Beach hotel/home. He wrote that…

“Arrived in Florida last night and had a long and detailed chance to check out the scene of yet another government ‘crime,’ the FBI’s Raid and Break-In of my home, Mar-a-Lago. I guess they don’t think there is a Fourth Amendment anymore, and to them, there isn’t. In any event, after what they have done, the place will never be the same. It was ‘ransacked,’ and in far different condition than the way I left it. Many Agents – And they didn’t even take off their shoes in my bedroom. Nice!!!”

So Trump is alleging that no one cleaned up after the FBI completed their search more than a month ago. And that the feds did damage so severe that the “the place will never be the same.” And worst of all, the FBI heathens “didn’t even take off their shoes in my bedroom.” How utterly uncivilized!

Everyone knows that decent law enforcement officers will remove their shoes before entering the bedroom of a suspected criminal. And this offense is especially heinous when considering that the victim, Trump, is so well known for his high standards for etiquette and decorum. Just take a look at the photograph above for proof that Trump would never breach bedroom shoe protocol.

Oh wait… Never mind.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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Fox News Hack Tucker Carlson Lamely Tries to Insult Jon Stewart, Gets Another Brutal Beat Down

Posted by on August 5, 2022 at 11:18 am. 3 Comments :

Some people just don’t know when to leave bad enough alone. And at the top of the list of those pitifully oblivious meatheads is the Fox News Senior Schmuck and Fascist Asslicker, Tucker Carlson. For someone who has been savagely steamrolled so often in the past, you might think that Carlson had learned something. You would be wrong.

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Tucker Carlson Fox News

On Thursday night’s episode of Carlson’s White Nationalist Hour on Fox News, he felt compelled to malign America’s most beloved humorist, Jon Stewart. The impetus for this attack was that Stewart had the gall to speak out on behalf of American soldiers who were poisoned while serving, but for whom the country was not providing necessary healthcare. Stewart’s efforts contributed to the bipartisan passage of the PACT Act (despite eleven Republicans voting against it) that will finally deliver the care that they need.

RELATED: Jon Stewart Wants to Know How Fox News Can Put a Sh**head Like Tucker Carlson on TV Every Night

So what on Earth could have triggered Tucker into such a tempestuous tantrum? Well, apparently it has something to do with his looks, particularly his height. Carlson lashed out maniacally at Stewart accusing him of…

“…looking like a guy who lives in the men’s room at your public library, eating imaginary insects out of the air. And he was there to get, for some reason, into a shouting match with the senior editor of Human Events called Jack Posobiec. […] He looks demented.”

This raises the question of how Carlson is so familiar with denizens of men’s rooms at libraries. More to the point, Carlson completely misunderstood the reason Stewart was there. It wasn’t to argue with Posobiec, a notorious racist and conspiracy theorist. It was to help the heroes that Fox News pretends to support. But Carlson was just getting started. After playing a brief, and purposely edited video clip intended to make Stewart look bad, Carlson went on to rant…

“That’s Jon Stewart? The famous Jon Stewart? He looks like a homeless mental patient. He’s shrieking and disheveled. And very short. Really short. Too short to date. Was he always that short? What happened? Where’s he been the last 7 years? If you know, let us know. We want answers.”

Yes, Tuckums. That’s the famous Jon Stewart, passionately standing up for sick veterans, which is more than you’ve ever done for anyone else. And while Stewart may be only 5’7″, if he 6’7″ he still wouldn’t date you. So take a cold shower in a library men’s room and get over it. Or go try to get a date with the “sexy” cartoon M&Ms that make you so hot.

It’s interesting that Stewart works so hard on behalf of others, but Carlson can only find fault with his height. Carlson’s hatred of short people says much more about himself than it does of Stewart. However, Stewart had a prompt and appropriate response…

“Friends. Tonite I am sad. @TuckerCarlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.”

OUCH! Did Carlson really think he could beat Stewart in a battle of the burns? Stewart’s retort was both funny and topical. Hungarian dictator Orbán just spoke at the ultra-rightist CPAC conference where the conservative crowd cheered his racist and authoritarian views. Carlson is a huge fan of Orbán, having traveled to Hungary in order to do a slobberingly softball interview late last year.

RELATED: Fox News Fascinista, Tucker Carlson, Cozies Up to Hungary’s Authoritarian PM Orban

What’s more, Carlson’s infatuation with Orbán is reciprocal. Orbán recently praised Carlson saying that “programs like his should be broadcasted day and night. Or as you say 24/7.'” He better be careful or Vladimir Putin, who Carlson is also enamored of, will get jealous.

This, of course, isn’t the first battering that Carlson has had by Stewart. In 2005 Stewart appeared on CNN’s Crossfire which was co-hosted by Paul Begala and Carlson. In that encounter Stewart told Carlson that he was “not going to be your monkey,” and that he is “as big a dick on [Crossfire] as you are on any show.” A few weeks later Crossfire was canceled and Carlson was fired. It’s clear that Carlson has never gotten over it. Watch the classic exchange below.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse
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Fox Nation vs. Reality:
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Lauren Boebert Tells Newsmax that They Eat Dogs In Venezuela Because They Don’t Have Guns

Posted by on August 1, 2022 at 12:14 pm. 2 Comments :

At what point do we throw up our hands in the air and concede that Republicans are are just a perverse comedy troupe trying to punk America? Because that appears to be only way to make any rational sense of some (most) of the blitheringly idiotic things they do and say.

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Lauren Boebert

It would explain so much. It would explain how every Republican can get away with voting against the gouging of gas prices. It would explain how the GOP can vote against healthcare for veterans poisoned in the line line duty. It might even explain how a former reality TV game show host, who believes that windmills cause cancer and bleach injections cure COVID, came to occupy the White House, and still has supporters after being impeached twice and trying to overthrow the government.

RELATED: Trump Projects His Own Dementia on Biden in a Nauseating Mash Up of COVID and Election Fraud

The Republican Party is really giving Saturday Night Live some serious competition. And there could be no better example of that then what Rep. Lauren Boebert (CO-QAnon) said during an interview with former Trump flunky Sebastian Gorka on Newsmax Sunday night:

“If the citizenry of America is disarmed, then we are no longer citizens. We are subjects. You know, here in America we have gourmet treats for puppies. We have these amazing groomers for dogs. Well in Venezuela they eat the dogs. And it started because they don’t have firearms. They do not have a way to protect themselves, to defend themselves against a tyrannical government.

Indeed. American citizenry is defined by each individual’s personal arsenal. And American democracy is admired around the world because it provides “gourmet treats for puppies,” just like it says in the Constitution. Never mind that Boebert is imagining a scenario wherein all Americans are disarmed., something no Democrat has ever suggested. Although, perhaps we shouldn’t dwell on Boebert’s affinity for “amazing groomers.”

The key point that this GOP member of Congress was intent on making was that America’s lax gun policies have kept the nation from consuming it’s canine friends. Having the freedom to own all manner of weaponry, even military assault rifles, is what separates us from the heathens in Venezuela.

Boebert doesn’t mince her words. She flatly states that the reason Venezuelans eat dogs is because “they don’t have firearms.” That’s true. After all, if the dogs had firearms they would mow us down in the street if we tried to approach them with steak knives and BBQ sauce.

It’s difficult to grasp how Boebert got from gun regulation to doggie dinners. But that’s because we don’t have the kind of twisted sense of humor that she does. It’s because we don’t ignore facts, such as that much of the Venezuelan population is so poor that often dogs are the only source of food available.

Boebert’s stab at comedy comes at time when actual comedians are taking more serious positions on matter of critical importance to the nation. Jon Stewart has been lobbying Congress to pass the veteran’s healthcare legislation that the Republicans have been voting against. And Stephan Colbert sent Triumph, the insult comic dog, a rubber puppet, to Capitol Hill to confront members about the January 6th insurrection that was incited by Donald Trump.

RELATED: Stephen Colbert Hysterically Mocks Tucker Carlson’s ‘Comedy’ on the Arrest of His Staff in D.C.

Triumph is lucky that the hungry Democrats in the House of Representatives didn’t tie him to a spit with an apple in his mouth. Although, it is important to note that Triumph managed to escape with his life even though he and his human handlers were all unarmed. And with no help from Boebert, either.

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Big Baby Lauren Boebert’s Pathetic Insult of Eric Swalwell Would Make a Kindergartener Cringe

Posted by on July 17, 2022 at 5:42 pm. 5 Comments :

You have to appreciate it when Republican blowhards conveniently provide the best evidence of their astonishing idiocy. And no one is more accommodating in this regard than Colorado’s QAnon representative, Lauren Boebert.

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Lauren Boebert

On Saturday Boebert appeared on Mike Huckabee’s program on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. During her slushball interview, Boebert thought she had devised a clever way of insulting Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell. Boebert was obviously proud of herself when she said that…

“Unfortunately, [Swalwell] only acts tough on Twitter so I’ve actually tried to have conversations with Eric “Smells Not So Well” and it doesn’t really work out. He bee-lines away from me. And so maybe I’m intimidating. I’m not sure. But he actually compared me to the horrible mass shooter in Highland Park. He put a picture of me with a firearm, and said ‘Let’s start drawing straight lines.’”

REALLY? Boebert thinks it’s funny to distort the name of a congressman in a way that maligns his grooming. That’s the sort of insult that children learned to stop making before they graduated to elementary school. But Boebert thinks that she landed a harsh burn. And Huckabee, as well as his allegedly “Christian” audience laughed heartily.

For his part, Swalwell didn’t waste much time or thought on Boebert’s asinine outburst. He merely retweeted it with a meme from the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” clarifying that he isn’t intimidated by Boebert (an utterly ridiculous suggestion). He just doesn’t like her. Which most members of Congress can relate to.

Ordinarily this would be an event of such minor significance it would be ignored by the media and the public. However, in this case it is emblematic of a disastrous transformation of the Republican Party into an entity that embraces, and even exalts, this kind of gross stupidity. It is a reflection of the same sort of childishness that Donald Trump exhibits with his puerile nicknames (i.e. Adam “Schitt,” “Sleepy” Joe, Sen. Jeff “Flakey,” Al “Frankenstein”)

The Republican Party is fully engaged in a crusade to dumb down the nation. They want an electorate like the one that Trump described when he said that he “>loves the poorly educated.” Because who else would vote for them. And Boebert has picked up that baton and is running with it. It might have been a pretty funny premise for satirical movie, but when the characters have responsibility for trillions of dollars and massive armories, the humor quickly dries up.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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Rudy Giuliani is OUTRAGED that Fox News Isn’t Hyping the ‘Vicious’ (Gentle Pat) He Suffered

Posted by on June 27, 2022 at 11:25 am. 8 Comments :

This is terrible news for The Onion and other producers of political satire. It has been long coming that the alternative “reality” of right-wing politicians and pundits would supersede the work of comedians. Donald Trump has led the MAGA (Make America Gag Again) movement with his increasingly preposterous outbursts that would make a street-corner schizoid cringe.

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Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump

With cartoonish figures like Marjorie Taylor Greene and MyPillow’s Mike Lindell challenging the professional humorists, it was bound to happen that the balance of parody power would shift to the Trumpian GOP crackpots who present their gags as truth.

RELATED: Trump Does a Great Job of Proving How Pitifully Stupid He and His Cult Followers Are

On Sunday Trump’s disgraced lawyer, Rudy Giuliani (whose license has been suspended), suffered a “horrific” assault in a Staten Island grocery store. He claimed that the attack resulted in severe injuries and, but for his astonishing good health, would have killed him. See the frightful thwacking here for yourself…

“All of a sudden I feel a shot on my back, like somebody shot me. I went forward, but luckily I didn’t fall down. Luckily I’m a 78 year old in pretty good shape, cause if I wasn’t I would have hit the ground and probably cracked my skull.”

The following day, and after the video had been widely distributed, Giuliani continued to portray the incident as a heinous act of domestic terrorism…

“I got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me. It knocked me forward a step or two. It didn’t knock me down, but it hurt tremendously.”

However, the grisly violence was only the beginning of what infuriated Giuliani. The media response was like a the knife twisting in his near fatal wound…

“One of the only two living ex-mayors of New York – and probably, I’d say modestly, the most famous – was assaulted, was not even on Fox. Even if Putin got assaulted, it would be on Fox.”

First of all, you have to wonder which of the three living ex-mayors (Giuliani, Bill de Blasio and Michael Bloomberg) Giuliani thinks is dead. Perhaps he thinks he actually did succumb to the grocery store stunt. Secondly, if Vladimir Putin received a little love tap like the one Giuliani got it would only have made Fox News if it came from that RINO, Melania.

It isn’t surprising that Giuliani is upset with Fox News. He has already been banned from the network because he wouldn’t stop lying about election fraud on behalf of Trump. Fox is apparently sensitive about that sort of deceit since they are being sued for billions of dollars by two voting systems companies that they defamed – Dominion and Smartmatic.

Giuliani is named as a defendant in both lawsuits. And it can’t be helpful to his defense that he is making up stories about being attacked. Not that his credibility wasn’t already shot long ago. Now he is whining that a harmless, albeit non-consensual, touching is akin to an actual shooting. This is what it’s come to. And satire is the real victim here.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse
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And check out my books on Amazon:

Fox Nation vs. Reality:
The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.

Thanks so much for your support.