The rants of Lewis Black are brilliant because they say so much that so many of us wish we could scream. Just watching him is cathartic therapy that brings near instant relief from the insanity of the day.
So it was fortunate that I stumbled upon one of Black’s most ferocious meltdowns on The Daily Show. It was back in March of 2011, and Donald Trump was making noises about running for president. Only Black could see the merit in having Trump lead our nation with his ignoramus, third-world dictator, ego-soaked persona.
This being a slow news Saturday, I thought people could use a little uncontrollable laughter to top off the evening. The news was so slow in fact that even Fox News completely ignored Trump’s stump speech in Iowa this morning. While both CNN and MSNBC aired significant portions of The Donald live, Fox aired none of it. What do you suppose they were trying to hide? It really says something when CNN and MSNBC are more interested in exposing people to Trump’s blathering than Fox is.
“When is Donald Trump going to stop embarrassing his friends, let alone the whole country?”
An excellent question. Especially coming from the potentate of Fox News. Of course the answer is “Never!” Trump has no ability, much less intention, of ceasing to embarrass himself, his party, or the country that he calls a “Hell Hole.” So without further ado, here is Lewis Black throwing his full support behind Trump. Enjoy.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Sarasota, Florida, July 16, 2015. The Distinguished Union of National Clown Entertainers (DUNCE) has filed a complaint against the Republican Party (GOP) for defamation and the willful infliction of reputational disparagement. The complaint alleges that the GOP did intentionally engage in activities that brought unwarranted shame to distinguished practitioners of clowning and the variety arts, and they failed to refrain from such activities when alerted to their impending harm.
DUNCE is being represented by the firm of ICP & Associates in this matter, in the jurisdiction of the State of Florida.
Members of DUNCE claim to have have been irreparably damaged professionally and personally as a result of the negligence and/or deliberate actions by the GOP. Specifically, by assembling a field of candidates with buffoonish characteristics that blatantly infringe on the intellectual property of the members of DUNCE, the GOP did appropriate the image and reputation of authentic clowns without authorization. They then proceeded to tarnish the good name of professional clowning by engaging in behaviors that were malicious and false.
Furthermore, the unsanctioned seizure of the recognized trademarks of the members of DUNCE has resulted in the public’s confusion of legitimate and honorable clowns with the political hackery of the GOP. Making ludicrous statements that compel laughter, stumbling over concepts that are commonly understood, juggling positions on issues, and throwing figurative pies in the faces of their political rivals, as well as their audience (i.e. voters), is unarguably an infringement of the rights of the clowning community, even though the GOP’s attempts are embarrassingly crude and amateurish.
In a statement to the media, DUNCE spokesman Flacko said that his members would no longer sit by and watch the GOP “drive their Clown Car over our rights.”“There is nothing more disheartening,” he said, “than watching someone like Donald Trump acting like a fool, and thereby taking the rubber chickens from mouths of our jesting brothers and sisters and their families.” Flacko also singled out Ted Cruz, whose candidacy has been aggressively farcical and even included a video “audition” for the animated TV program “The Simpsons.”
Other candidates committed their own brand of infringement with Chris Christie playing a loudmouth lout in a fat suit; Ben Carson doing his version of a Minstrel Show while calling ObamaCare “the worst thing since slavery;” Rick Perry donning “nutty professor” glasses; and Jeb Bush (who’s very name invokes clownishness) carrying on the tradition of his family’s “dimwitted yokel” act. In a recent performance he complained that“big-syllable words and lots of fancy conferences…creates a more dangerous world.” Indeed, that is funny material, but these people are not trained, experienced, or certified to practice professional clownery.
By acting like clowns, and appropriating the likeness of those who legitimately practice this age-old art, the GOP is doing demonstrable harm to an honored profession. They are creating confusion among the public. And they are damaging the profession and the people who have worked so hard to perfect it. It is on the basis of that harm that DUNCE is seeking compensation from the GOP collectively and the candidates individually.
“The reputation and honor of our members must be preserved,” said Flacko. “We have had no success getting the GOP to take responsibility prior to this, which is why this lawsuit became necessary. They have been openly belligerent and disrespectful up until now and, frankly, we don’t find it very funny.”
Late Friday, in response to a request from Texas Governor Greg Abbott, President Obama signed an order declaring Texas a disaster area. The action makes federal funds available from the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and other government sources for recovery efforts in the area affected by severe storms and flooding.
Who does the President think he is calling the great state of Texas a disaster? The fact that he feels free to fling this insult is further evidence of the animus that Obama has for Texas and its citizens. It was only a few short weeks ago that Obama’s Storm Troopers (aka United States Armed Forces) designated Texas as “hostile” territory during preparations for the Jade Helm 15 invasion and subjugation of the state. Now he is granting himself additional powers to deploy his real “storm” trooping henchmen to impose “order.”
This appalling new development flies in the face of the defenders of liberty who cherish the freedom for which Texas stands. This includes former patriots like Sen. Ted Cruz and Rep. Louie Gohmert who bitterly objected to using taxpayer dollars to bailout the moochers who complained following other natural disasters like Hurricane Sandy, but who are now complicit to the White House conspiracy. Remember, it was not long ago that former governor Rick Perry was holding rallies to “Pray for Rain.” Apparently God has answered those prayers.
However, the tyrants in Washington, D.C. are not fooling the real Americans in Texas with their phony declarations that are merely cover for more widespread abuses to our civil liberties. The language in the disaster declaration includes ambiguous code words for carrying out “hazard mitigation measures.” What is stopping the Feds from invoking that language to confiscate guns from law-abiding patriots, detain “dissidents,” and/or impose martial law? This plot is still so clandestine that even Glenn Beck and Alex Jones have not caught on.
As the illegitimate government proceeds with its agenda of oppression they will employ the media to brainwash the gullible masses with propaganda that attributes simple rain storms to allegedly catastrophic myths about Climate Change. An example of this deception was recently exposed by the media watchdogs at NewsBusters whose headline blared “NBC Continues Media Push Blaming Flooding in Texas, Drought in California on Climate Change.”The article sought to highlight the hypocrisy of attributing both storms and droughts to the specious scientific theory. Even though the “experts” agree that such changes in the Earth’s atmospherics can occur as climate patterns are transformed by the accumulation of greenhouse gasses, heroic science deniers refuse to fall for the scam.
Even more impressive was the observation by NewsBusters that NBC deliberately skewed its reporting to ignore the positive side of torrential rains that have so far claimed the lives of 25 people and destroyed thousands of homes and businesses. NewsBusters noted that the current rainfall followed years of drought and “As opposed to expanding upon on the benefits of this news, [NBC reporter Miguel] Almaguer decided to invoke climate change.” Can’t these people see the bright side of anything?
Given the threats that are so apparent, Americans must be on their guard against efforts by aspiring dictators to enslave the population. And declarations of so-called disaster areas may be the first step toward complete slavery. This administration has proven that it is determined to breach the Constitution via its assault on the long-cherished American principles of gun fetishism and Christian supremacy. Notice how Obama has nearly depleted the nation of firearms already, and devout Christians are victims of rampant discrimination. The message to patriots is: Now is not the time to surrender (you crazy motherf*ckers).
Maybe the funniest top ten list ever – and still as profound as when it aired on October 6, 2010.
Letterman: The category tonight, the top ten signs there’s trouble at Fox News. Yesterday Fox News reported that the city of Los Angeles spent one billion dollars on jet packs for its police department. One billion dollars on jet packs for the LAPD. The story turned out to be a hoax first reported by the World Weekly News. Fox picked it up and ran with it.
Of course, the jet pack story was no more absurd and dishonest than the rest of the lies on Fox News.
Best wishes Dave. And now I can’t wait for Stephen Colbert to premiere in September.
Last night Jon Stewart delivered a segment that is destined to become classic among the Daily Show archives (video below). The brilliantly produced nine minutes of insight and comedy began with a montage of Fox News squaking heads doing what comes naturally to them: Complaining about President Obama.
On this occasion, the topic of the complaint was that the President did not talk enough about poverty, a subject that Fox News generally regards as a scam run by moochers and Democrats who are either trying to enslave them or are fishing for their votes. But since Fox’s mission is to denigrate Obama at all times, when he talks about poverty he is pandering and when he doesn’t he is heartless and hypocritical.
It quickly became apparent that Fox must have been watching a different President Obama than the the one that inhabits reality. Stewart noticed that divergence saying that Obama has indeed “been addressing those issues his entire presidency,” and that Fox ignored that fact in favor of obsessing over Obama making an unarguably true observation about Fox.
“Yep, just like college students at a four hour commencement, Fox basically paid no attention until they heard their own names. It turns out at one point during this incredibly thoughtful and productive session on poverty, the President made the easily provable and decidedly true point that the Fox News narrative is that poverty is not a function of economic condition, but of character.”
“If you watch Fox News on a regular basis, it is a constant menu, they will find folks who make ME mad. I don’t know where they find them. They’re all like ‘I don’t wanna work. I just want a free Obamaphone.’ And that becomes an entire narrative that gets worked up. And very rarely do you hear an interview of a waitress, which is much more typical, who’s raising a couple of kids, and is doing everything right, but still can’t pay the bills.”
Stewart accurately noted that the President has a “remarkably firm grasp” on the Fox business model and mocked Fox anchor Stuart Varney’s assertion that they are “honest messengers.” He then laid into what he called a “rich buffet of bullshit” when Varney claimed that Fox never characterized the poor as lazy. What followed was another montage of Fox News callously demonizing the poor in direct contradiction of what they had just claimed.
This caused Stewart to wonder “How fucking removed from reality” is Fox of their own coverage. That is, I assume a rhetorical question. Obviously Fox does not factor reality into their coverage from the outset. Otherwise, how could people like Varney say that the poor “have a richness of things, what they lack is a richness of spirit,” in one breath, and then pretend that he would never say such a thing in the next? Stewart’s response…
“Are these glaring contradictions a product of lack of self-awareness, or cynicism, or stupidity, or evil? I don’t know anymore, and I’m starting to lack a richness of fucks.”
It is easy to understand the sense of exasperation that Fox’s hypocrisy can incite. But the truth is that they have been doing this for years. Take for example this account of how the poor just have things way too good; or this one; or this one. And the funny thing is that all three of those stem from the same source that Fox keeps recycling for years on end. It’s a mantra that surely brings them the inner peace of a Bizarro World Buddha who lusts for ever more material possessions, while condemning anyone who is struggling to survive for wanting just the bare necessities of life.
Just when you thought that Congress was an utterly dysfunctional institution that couldn’t get anything done, Colorado representative Jared Polis introduces legislation that may be the precursor of a truly productive era of government.
The “Restrain Steve King From Legislating Act” is a brilliant legal maneuver that has the potential of making Congress a more rational and deliberative body. The bill’s language is simple and direct, as described by Polis on his House website:
“For too long, Steve King has overstepped his constitutionally nonexistent judicial authority,” Polis said. “Mr. King has perverted the Constitution to create rights to things such as discrimination, bullying, and disparate treatment. These efforts to enshrine these appalling values as constitutional rights were not envisioned by the voters, or by King’s colleagues who must currently try to restrain his attempts to single-handedly rewrite the nation’s founding principles on a bill-by-bill basis.
“I urge the House to bring this bill to the floor. If passed, my bill would preserve the right of millions of voters in all 50 states who would prefer that Steve King refrain from legislating a role for himself in their marriage decisions.”
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the Polis bill is a satirical swipe at an actual bill by King that seeks to prohibit the judiciary from ruling on the constitutionality of marriage equality and/or bans of such. Polis used King’s own wording as the basis for his mock bill.
Polis is distinguishing himself as a Congressman with a biting sense of humor that he employs deftly on matters of very real importance. A few years ago, after the GOP introduced what they called the “Energy Tax Prevention Act of 2011,” a bill that would have the effect of prohibiting the Environmental Protection Agency from protecting the environment, Polis countered with an amendment to change the title of the bill to “The Dirty Air Act of 2011.” His colleague, Rep. Gerry Connelly, joined in with a similar amendment proposing a title change to “The Koch Brothers Appreciation Act.”
As if it weren’t funny enough to put forward a bill telling King to STFU, the blockheads at Breitbart News actually took it seriously. They posted an article with the epically over-the-top headline “Big Gay Hate Machine Attempts To Take Over Congress.” It appears they were just shooting for something patently offensive that has no relationship to the actual topic. BreitBrat Matthew Boyle accused Polis of “introduc[ing] a bill aimed at silencing King and stripping him of his power—something the Constitution wouldn’t allow him to do anyway.” Nowhere in the article does he recognize that Polis’ bill is satirical, however he does veer off into homophobic rants on other unrelated subjects.
It’s too bad that Polis’ bill won’t ever get a vote. There’s a pretty good chance it would pass with the help of some of King’s fellow Republicans who are embarrassed by his puerile antics and Tea Party dementia. President Obama, however, would likely veto it for purely political reasons. After all, it helps him to have a maniacal voice in Congress who opposes the Violence Against Women Act, advocates violence against animals, voted against aid to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, compared immigrants to livestock as he proposed an electrified border fence, and praised disgraced, blacklisting senator Joe McCarthy as a great American hero. And there’s the problem with the bill Polis is offering. Allowing King to speak as much as he wants will assure many more Democratic victories in the future.
The presidential electoral season is rapidly heating up with candidates for both sides jockeying for position. Most of the activity is on the Republican side as the Democrats have not yet fielded a candidate that is seriously challenging Hillary Clinton.
The list of Republican hopefuls is long and comical, including such farces as Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and Ben Carson. Those considered “establishment” contenders like Jeb Bush and Lindsey Graham have been rejected outright by the Tea Party base. Consequently, there is a sucking vacuum of emptiness in the GOP that threatens to sink their 2016 aspirations before they even get started.
Given the lack of any candidates that can unite the party and generate the energy and passion necessary to win next November, the GOP is casting a wider net in search of a more palatable offering. The consensus among insiders in the party is that Israels’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu best fits the bill to fire up a demoralized GOP that has lost two straight elections to a black guy.
That makes the recent travels of Republican leaders to Israel a more significant news story than previously disclosed. Mitch McConnell, the GOP chieftain in the Senate was there last week and huddled with Netanyahu, taking his side against President Obama regarding the sensitive negotiations over Iran’s nuclear arms capabilities. Next up is John Boehner, the GOP Speaker of the House, who is also scheduled to fluff Netanyahu during a trip to the holy land. These trips, it turns out, were not solely excursions to attempt to embarrass Obama on an international stage. Sources in the GOP have revealed that they were arranged to recruit Netanyahu as the next Republican nominee for president of the United States.
While there would be some obstacles to a Netanyahu candidacy, there are also some distinct advantages from the Republican perspective. Netanyahu is a war hawk who gives American conservatives goose bumps when he talks about escalating hostilities in the already volatile region. He has demonstrated a total inability to manage his nation’s economy, which should also excite Republicans who have made that their trademark in the United States. And best of all, he hates President Obama with a passion that comes very close to that of the Tea Party right in America.
The question of his citizenship is expected to be buried in a campaign that emphasizes his strong personal character that has the divine power to overcome trivialities like constitutional law. Republicans are planning to flood the media with arguments of equivalency to Obama’s Kenyan nativity and even to Ted Cruz’s birth in Canada to a Cuban lieutenant of Fidel Castro.
The religious right has long been one of the most powerful and loyal constituencies in the GOP. Their influence in this can also be felt as they regard a Netanyahu presidency as a prelude to the End Times that they so fervently await. They see his ascendancy as a path to war in the Middle East and eventually to the Apocalypse.
Fox News is also on board as the network of Christian soldiers who believe that a return to the Crusades would benefit both their political goals and their ratings. With a roster heavily weighted by devout Catholics, they are the closest thing in media to a Vatican PR office. The Fox faithful include: Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Megyn Kelly, Bret Baier, Bill Hemmer, Brian Kilmeade, Andrew Napolitano, Jeanine Pirro, Laura Ingraham, Dennis Kucinich, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Father Morris. Rupert Murdoch, the CEO of Fox News parent News Corp was himself inducted into the “Knights of the Order of Saint Gregory the Great” by Pope John Paul II. And if that isn’t enough, the current Senior Communications Adviser in the Vatican’s Secretariat of State, Greg Burke, was previously the Fox News correspondent covering the Vatican, a position he held for ten years.
No timetable has been set as to when Netanyahu would announce his candidacy. However, there doesn’t seem to be any hurry as their is only one announced candidate to date (Ted Cruz) and no one is taking him seriously. The first debate (on Fox News, of course) isn’t scheduled until August. That gives Netanyahu time to settle his affairs in Israel and make several trips to Iowa and New Hampshire. Historically, campaign announcements have not been made on or around April 1st for the obvious reason: That it is simply too early in the cycle.
In an announcement confirming recent speculation, South African comedian Trevor Noah has been named as the successor to Jon Stewart. After sixteen years of entertaining and thought provoking comedy, Stewart will be stepping down later this year, leaving a gaping hole in the world of political satire just as the 2016 presidential cycle is warming up.
The selection of Noah came as a surprise to many who regard him as an untested novice who cannot possibly fill Stewart’s shoes. That assessment comes from ignorance because a little research reveals that Noah is an accomplished performer who sells out shows around the world and has even hosted his own late night program in South Africa. He is also a smart observer of culture and politics who speaks several languages.
Some critics are pointing out that Noah has only appeared on the Daily Show three times. However, that is not a prerequisite for becoming host. Jon Stewart had never appeared on the Daily Show prior to his selection as host. Yet he leap-frogged a correspondent already working there named Stephen Colbert.
Noah’s personal journey holds promise for a unique perspective on American politics and media. He jokes that he was “born a crime,” which is actually no joke. His mother was a black South African and his father a white man from Switzerland. Under the racist Apartheid regime it was literally against the law for them get married and have children. Nevertheless, Noah transcended the harsh realities of his youth in Soweto to become a successful entertainer. No doubt America’s mush-brained birthers will note the parallels with Kenyan-born Barack Obama’s mixed-race heritage.
The future of the Daily Show is still in doubt. There have been rumors circulating that Comedy Central wants to take the program in a less political direction. That would be huge mistake from a business perspective because they would be abandoning a large and loyal audience that Stewart spent sixteen years building. But worse, it would be huge loss for the state of satire on television. There are few other places where it is available in such quantity and quality.
The selection of Noah suggests that the network may intend to maintain the current theme of the show. And Noah has praised the current production staff, which hopefully signals an intention to retain the writers and producers that have contributed so much to the show’s success.
After the departure of Colbert, Comedy Central made an inspired choice to give the timeslot to Larry Wilmore. Unfortunately, they delivered a program that doesn’t have the energy and edginess of its predecessor. Replacing an expertly scripted and rehearsed comedy program with one that is mostly a panel of talking heads could not possibly live up to the iconic stature of the Colbert Report. [More on that here]
Reaction to Noah’s selection has been mostly positive, citing his youth and international outlook as assets that could expand the audience and make it relevant to a new generation. Ironically, those are the same qualities that some critics are citing as drawbacks. In a hilarious critique by the cretins at Breitbart News, editor-in-chief Joel Pollack complains that Noah will be limited by “his specialty in racial and ethnic humor,” and that the new show “probably won’t last more than six months on the air.” But the Breitbrats have been trash-talking the Daily Show for years. So it comes as no surprise that Pollak would compose this bit of dumbfuckery:
“The reason Stewart is funny–even, at times to conservatives–is that he has a deep understanding of American politics, and especially American media, even if his ideological blinders prevent him from understanding every issue. That is not something a crack team of writers can produce on demand for any host, much less one from overseas, even for a fast learner like Noah.”
As usual Pollak’s brain is AWOL. Never mind his first-ever admissions that Stewart is funny and “has a deep understanding of American politics,” Pollak’s own ideological blinders have prevented him from recalling that John Oliver, another overseas alien invader, adroitly filled-in for Stewart for three months in 2013, and went on to achieve his own success at HBO.
You do not need to be born in America to understand American politics and media. Pollak, of all people, should know this as someone who was born in South Africa. Now he runs an American political media website and has the nerve to presume that another South African is unable to grasp the same subjects.
If Noah brings half the wit and charm that Oliver did, the next generation Daily Show has a good chance of matching and surpassing the program’s historic appeal. And as the video below shows, Noah has a pretty good handle on the wit and charm stuff.
The least humble network in cable news is whining (again) about not getting credit for something that they think they got right. It’s a rather embarrassing display of pretentious Narcissism that plays perfectly into the hands of the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart.
Sparking the smackdown was Fox’s Megyn Kelly, who insisted that she, Sean Hannity, and others at Fox had correctly refused to accept the rallying cry of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri, “Hands up. Don’t Shoot.” Her immodest appeal for applause came after a Department of Justice report finding that there was not sufficient evidence to charge Officer Darren Wilson with violating the civil rights of Michael Brown, the unarmed teenager Wilson fatally shot.
This set Stewart off on a hilarious rant (video below) about how Fox is constantly exalting themselves. He conceded Kelly’s argument that she was unjustly denied the acclaim she deserves for the three times in ten years that she was allegedly right. He further points out that, like a solar eclipse, “You can’t look directly at Fox. It will indelibly burn your soul.”
However, most of Stewart’s wit was aimed at how taken Fox News is with itself. There is an hysterical montage of Foxies congratulating themselves and even thanking God that they exist. Stewart observes that this magnitude of self love is aptly analogous to Fox’s relative immaturity.
“I get it now. You’re network launched in 1996. You’re 18 years old. And just like every other 18 year old, you have a massive ego and spend 24 hours a day jerking yourself off.”
While Stewart was typically brilliant comedically, he was overly generous in acquiescing to Kelly’s demand to be praised for the accuracy of her journalism. In fact, the DOJ report also found that the Ferguson police department had engaged in a “pattern and practice” of racism for many years. It was that conduct that produced the sort of suffering and grievances that the citizens of Ferguson were protesting. It went far beyond the sloganeering that Fox was so anxious to focus on. And Fox virtually ignored the part of the DOJ report that exposed the systemic racism in Ferguson.
So Kelly was not right and deserved no recognition for anything but her repeated misrepresentations. Nevertheless, Stewart once again created an entertaining and enlightening segment that sadly reminds us that he will not be doing it for much longer. So enjoy it now, while you can.
Two years ago News Corpse published a satirical article announcing that Fox News had signed teen murderer George Zimmerman to host a new program called “Stand Your Ground.” The article purported to have sources inside Fox who confirmed the news and noted that…
“The controversial signing is consistent with Fox’s programming philosophy of exploiting the transient publicity of media spectacles by drafting the beneficiaries of inordinate press attention, despite a lack of experience or qualifications – e.g. Sarah Palin.
“The preliminary format for the Zimmerman program is said to consist of segments analyzing breaking crime dramas such as murderous spouses, kidnapped sorority girls, celebrity arrests, high-speed police chases, and any stray rumors involving presidential sex scandals. Fox News contributor, and noted racist ex-cop, Mark Fuhrman, will have a regular spot on the panel segment to offer his expertise in undermining criminal prosecutions with racial epithets. In that respect Fuhrman, who famously extolled the virtues of the “N” word, shares common ground with Zimmerman who regards innocent black teenagers walking through his neighborhood as “fucking punks.”
Well, it turns out that that may not have been far-fetched enough. Zimmerman has now released a video (below) he made with his divorce lawyer that positions him for a starring role in the Republican presidential primary. Sensing the Tea Party’s affection for strident anti-Obama ranting, Zimmerman is now joining the Obama Derangement Society in blaming the President for anything and everything they can think of. If Obama can be blamed for ISIS, cop shootings in Ferguson, and even Hurricane Katrina, then why not make him responsible for Zimmerman’s prosecution for murdering an unarmed kid. On that matter Zimmerman said that the President was…
“…pitting Americans against each other totally based on race […] for him to make incendiary comments as he did, and to direct the Department of Justice to pursue a baseless prosecution he, by far, overstretched, overreached, even broke the law in certain aspects.”
Adopting the rhetoric that Obama is “lawless” puts Zimmerman in the company of folks like Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and Ben Carson, all regarded by the GOP as viable candidates while spewing baseless and irrational charges. For the wingnut constituency, that’s all it takes to be considered presidential timber. After all, Carson has no more experience than Zimmerman to be the leader of the free world, and he is taken seriously by the Teabaggers. So why not Zimmerman? It’s just a matter of time, unless Fox scoops him up first.