The “Damn, These People Are Stupid” Awards For 2014

In a year that was filled to the brim with monumental idiocies, the competition for King of the Dumfux is stiffer than usual. Narrowing down the list of those deserving of special recognition was particularly difficult, but the collection below is a pretty good indication that DEVO was right and that civilization is taking huge leaps backwards. So fasten your neck bolts and let your eyes glaze over as we journey back through a year of hilarious (and frightening) intellectual vacancy.

2014 Stupid People Awards

The “Is Our Children Learning” Award

Leading off the ceremony is a Hall of Famer dolt, Fox News’s Tucker Carlson, who laments that “the problem with American schools is just that kids are…learning too much.” That’s the sort of thinking that makes every other item on this list possible. It is also a recipe for growing new Fox News viewers who appreciate the stupidity of people like Carlson.

An let’s also give Carlson an honorary mention for his screed on “The Wussification Of Popeye.”


The “Speak For Yourself, Douchebag” Award

Former CIA “intelligence” officer, Michael Scheuer, is a regular guest on Fox News. He is famous for telling Glenn Beck that “the only chance we have as a country right now is for Osama bin Laden to deploy and detonate a major weapon in the United States.” But earlier this year in an interview with Neil Cavuto, Scheuer made a surprising distinction between America and the terrorist ISIS operation saying that the Islamists “are not dumb people. They may be brutal, but they are not dumb. We’re the dumb ones.”

Well then, that settles it. The problem we’ve been having all along is that we’re just not as smart as our adversaries. And Cavuto, notably, did not challenge that assessment. After all, how can a bunch of hillbillies who are hypnotized by reality television, designer jeans, and flame-broiled Whoppers supposed to be able to compete intellectually with such sophisticated and sociologically advanced opponents? Why did we not see this deficiency before Scheuer brought it to our attention? Oh yeah, because we’re stupid.


The “Pimp My Ride: Welfare Edition” Award

The lazy-brained right-wing media pounced on a scandalous story about President Obama’s bill to give welfare recipients free cars. And except for the fact that the story was the product of a satirical website, it would have been a great scoop. What makes it worse is that they did same thing the year before and were mercilessly shamed for their idiocy, but that didn’t prevent them from doing it again this year.


The “E Pluribus Ooh Numb” Award

After complaining about a Coca Cola ad that celebrated the diversity of the nation by singing the anthem “America the Beautiful” in several languages, the wingnuts at Breitbart News declared victory when Coke modified the ad by placing the motto “E Pluribus Unum” at the beginning. So let’s get this straight. Coke, they said, “bowed to conservative critics” who insist on English-only by inserting a short phrase in — Latin. Uhhh, OK.


The “Your Wife Is A Fat Fatty” Award

No list of stupidity would be complete without the ravings of Fox’s “psycho” analyst Keith Ablow. There are numerous entries under his name for recognition, but we’ll just settle on one that is both dumb and insulting. While visiting with the women of Fox’s Outnumbered, Ablow dispensed his routine Obama-hating rhetoric, but then added a bit of spice just for this program. As a slap at First Lady Michele Obama, who has been a devoted advocate of healthy diets, Ablow questioned her sincerity by smugly barking “How well can she be eating. She needs to drop a few.” This bit of misogyny even elicited gasps from the conservative ladies of Fox.


The “Republicans Are People Too” Award

In 2014 the Republican Party took on a public relations task that dwarfs all other efforts at opinion-making. They boldly aimed to convince the American people that Republicans are people too. And the method used to achieve this goal was to produce a video that consisted of a montage of stock photos labeled as “average” American Republicans. So the video produced in order to convince everyone that Republicans are real people is populated by fakes. Brilliant.


The “Blind Leading the Old and Stale” Award

Once known as “Bush’s Brain,” Karl Rove has deteriorated into a mentally deficient spewer of rancid rightist partisanship. In an attempt to bash Hillary Clinton, Rove’s wild pitch beaned every senior citizen in the country when he said that “In American politics, there’s a sense you want to be new, you don’t want to be too familiar, you want to be something fresh, you don’t want to be something old and stale.” Never mind that almost every Republican Rove backed for the past thirty years was older or staler than Clinton. The real numbskullery of Rove is that he is insulting the nation’s most reliable voting bloc by implying that they are not fit for public service.


The “Hate Of The Union Address” Award

There is boomlet of commentary on the right that thinks it would be a good idea to prohibit President Obama from delivering the annual State of the Union address to members of Congress. This is a proposal that reeks of personal animosity and is wholly inconsistent with the mission of Congress. What’s more, it certainly doesn’t advance the spirit of cooperation that the GOP pretended to embrace following the midterm election. Speaker Boehner has already nixed this notion, but merely considering it hangs an “i’m a stupid baby” sign around the necks of these cretins.


The “Boobs On The Air” Award

Following reports of a female fighter pilot from the United Arab Emirates who led the UAE’s forces in attacks on ISIL, Fox News host Eric Bolling made what he must have thought was a hilarious joke by referring to her as “Boobs on the ground.” Bolling not only insulted the courageous pilot, but his associates at Fox News as well. He later apologized to his wife and Fox viewers, but egregiously left out the pilot and all other women in the armed services.


The “Flakes On A Plane” Award

Allen West, a disgraced veteran and one-term Tea Party congressman, supplied Fox News with an “exclusive” report about what really happened on the ground in Benghazi. West’s source for his exclusive was an anonymous stranger that happened to be sitting next to him on a plane who said that he knew some other anonymous dude who had the real skinny on the scandal. This is what passes for an “exclusive” news report on Fox News? A third-hand tale of conspiracy theories and previously debunked allegations?


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As special salute at the conclusion of a year of monumentally asinine behavior, News Corpse is presenting its first “Dumfux Award for Achievements in Stupidy.” Candidates for this honor were many and included Ben Carson, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Rush Limbaugh, and Keith Ablow. Sarah Palin was eliminated from the competition because her inclusion would have swamped the field. But emerging from the pack was a wholly deserving moron who proved himself through a year of failure and foolishness. So without further ado, here is the 2014 Dumfux Award for Achievements in Stupidity winner:

Darrell Issa

Congressman Darrell Issa of California

Rep. Issa chaired the House Oversight Committee through a maze of fake scandals, including Benghazi, the IRS/Tea Party affair, and ObamaCare. And in none of his persecutions did he manage to prove any of his preconceived allegations. But he sealed his victory for this award on the last day of the last hearing that he will attend as chairman. Having subpoenaed Jonathan Gruber, the economic advisor who inartfully described the American People as stupid, Issa must have believed that he was in a position to embarrass Gruber and, by association, all Democrats and supporters of ObamaCare. But Issa led off his inquisition with this idiotic question:

“Mr. Gruber, I’ve been accused that I’m going to berate you or something and I hope that you won’t feel that way when I get done. But the night before last I was at the Kennedy Center Honors where they honored Tom Hanks, famously ‘Forrest Gump,’ the ultimate in successful stupid man. Are you stupid?”

Gee…I wonder where Issa might have gotten the impression that people thought he would berate Gruber? This may be the single stupidest question Issa has ever asked anyone. What did he expect Gruber to say? And how did he think this line of questioning would benefit whatever investigation he was pretending to conduct? As usual, Issa’s motives were purely hostile and aimed at creating political theater. But by the end he once again demonstrated his impotence as even conservative colleagues and pundits criticized him for scheduling the pointless hearing in the first place. So congratulations Mr. Issa, and best wishes for a new year as a flunky who no one respects.

The GOP’s White Supremacist Whip Isn’t Newsworthy To Fox News

Yesterday it was revealed that Louisiana representative Steve Scalise, recently elevated to the Whip post in the Republican leadership of the House of Representatives, had spoken at a conference for the white supremacist organization run by former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke. The revelation has stirred the political pot with politicians and pundits from across the ideological spectrum denouncing the speech and calling for various levels of punishment for Scalise. The controversy has even led to Sean Hannity calling for GOP Speaker John Boehner to resign.

Fox News Great Point

Resisting the pressure, Boehner is defending Scalise as having made an “error in judgment” and vowing to stand by his lieutenant. It’s a measure of loyalty that is suspicious considering the threat by David Duke to begin naming names of other politicos with whom he has a relationship “if Republicans want to throw Steve Scalise to the woods.”

As this scandal unfolds it is notable that Fox News viewers likely have no knowledge of it. That’s because Fox has devoted only one 20 second segment to the story since it broke. It is a virtual blackout of bad news for the GOP’s new leadership even as they are still reeling from the news that Staten Island Republican Michael Grimm was persuaded to resign following his guilty plea for felony tax evasion.

Fox’s aversion to reporting the Scalise story was not particularly significant to the right-wing media bashers at NewsBusters. They stealthily dodged the fact that Fox had suppressed the story, instead choosing to draw a comparison with other media declining to report about Terry Bean, an Obama donor who allegedly engaged in sexual relations with a minor. Bean has denied the charges and claims to be a victim of extortion.

The NewsBusters claim is absurd on its face. Bean is an obscure campaign contributor who holds no office of public trust. Scalise is a sitting congressman and the third most powerful Republican in the House. Bean has not been found guilty of any crime and maintains his innocence. Scalise has admitted his involvement with the openly racist Duke organization, although he claims it was inadvertent. The unconfirmed Bean allegations may be of some interest to a few political junkies, but the discovery of a Republican Party leader cavorting with white supremacists is a matter of importance to both his constituents and the nation.

It is difficult to believe that Scalise, a long time Louisiana pol, was unaware of Duke’s activities in the state. What’s more, Scalise actually told reporters in 1999, that “he embraces many of the same ‘conservative’ views as Duke.” So not only was he well acquainted with Duke, he is a political ally.

The fact that Fox News has refused to give this story the coverage that it deserves is evidence that they are purposefully manipulating the news for the benefit of their GOP friends. And it is further validation of the criticism of Fox as being the PR division of the Republican Party.

Glenn Beck’s 2014: The Year Beck Admitted That He’s Crazy

Anyone who has spent any time observing Glenn Beck already knew that his mind was severely diseased. He has exhibited classic symptoms of paranoia, hallucinatory visions of doom, and delusions of Messianic grandeur. But it took until 2014 for Beck to realize it himself and confess it publicly.

Glenn Beck Messiah

What follows is a collection of some of the acute brain malfunctions that Beck presented to his disciples as commentary. If nothing else, it proves that insanity has the potential to be highly rewarding financially. Or maybe not.


Glenn Beck Confirms That He Really Was Crazy When He Said All Those Crazy Things

“About five years ago, right around the time we met in Washington, D.C. for 8/28, I had begun to have a string of health issues that, quite honestly, made me look crazy. And, quite honestly, I felt crazy because of them.”

The problem as this relates to Beck is that he has a history of being a pathological liar. It is, therefore, difficult to believe that this confirmed huckster isn’t just engaging in another scam. […] It would certainly explain Beck’s bizarre ravings about a global Islamic Caliphate. Or his hallucinatory visions of socialist art planted throughout Manhattan by Nelson Rockefeller. Or his numerous declarations of imminent doom, none of which ever came to pass.


Glenn Beck Wants Americans To Pay More For Gas To Help Russia And Saudi Arabia

Two years ago, when gas prices were soaring, Beck engaged in conspiracy theorizing that blamed President Obama for deliberately causing the spike as some sort of plot to advance social justice or environmentalism. Beck asserted that the high cost of fuel would lead to war with the Middle East as a collapsing America became desperate for cheap energy.

Guess what happened in the past two years? Gas prices have plummeted and Beck now regards that as a portent of doom. He says that it is “not good for America,” and will lead to war with the Middle East and Russia.


Glenn Beck’s Lunatic Ebola Conspiracy Theory: Obama Hates Dallas

Obviously President Obama’s agenda centers around the fact that he hates Dallas so much that he arranged to have an Ebola-infected Liberian fly there and die. […] Unfortunately for Beck, his theory falls apart when facts are brought into the conversation. First and foremost, it is not true that Dallas “doesn’t particularly care for the President.” In 2012 Obama was reelected with 57% of the vote from Dallas County. That’s a larger margin than he won nationally. Obama also beat McCain in Dallas by the same amount in 2008.


Glenn Beck Feels Oppressed Because He Can’t Say ‘Fag’ And ‘Nigger’

In the ever paranoid and dystopian world of Glenn Beck, the burdens of tyranny are a constant aggravation for him. Being a persecuted white Christian male in a nation that abhors such creatures must cause him terrible distress. And what is it that he yearns for to bring him some small measure of relief? Nothing more than to be able to utter the words “fag” and “nigger” with the carefree abandon that he believes is his birthright.


Poor Glenn Beck Gets Burned Defending Criminal Tea Party Creeps

Let this be a lesson for you, Glenn Beck. The next time you go out on limb to defend the Tea Party from having any complicity with wrongdoing, remember who you are defending. After all, the Tea Party is a phony “grassroots” creation of the Koch brothers that is populated by bigots and birthers and an array of far-right fringe conspiracy wackoids.


Glenn Beck Begs To Be Martyred (And It’s All On Video)

Beck explained why he believes that he is not the target of constant vitriol from the Obama administration. He actually seemed to be bitterly disappointed that the minions of evil in the White House were neglecting to harass him. But he was not short of an explanation for it:

“These people know who Martin Luther King is. They know who Dietrich Bonhoeffer is. And they know you screw with somebody who is willing to die for what they believe in – is not gonna shut up – go ahead. You know who Nelson Madela is. Imprison me. Go ahead, imprison me. I will not sit down. I will not shut up. I won’t. I will not conform. I will not comply. Period.”

Beck’s furious taunting that he be imprisoned because of his unwillingness to shut up begs the question, “Who asked you to shut up?” Beck is deliriously adamant that he will never sit down or shut up no matter how much no one is asking him to. It’s kind of like promising the Moon that you’ll stop shooting arrows at it. The Moon doesn’t know you’re doing it and wouldn’t care if it did.


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Yes, it’s been a banner year for Mr. Beck. And these episodes are merely the tip of the iceberg. Right Wing Watch has many more examples of Beck’s “cavalcade of bold proclamations, failed predictions, bizarre conspiracy theories, and all-around craziness.” But at least 2014 ends on a promising note that Beck is finally aware that he is suffering from a cognitive dissociation from reality. Of course, it hasn’t altered his abnormal behavior, so the effect of that revelation may be as illusory as the basis for his wild imaginings.

On the plus side, that means that the prayers of America’s comedians have been answered and that more comically bizarre ravings will be forthcoming in the new year. Good times ahead, people.

2014: An Epic Year For Conservative Crackpot Conspiracy Theories

Recalling the bygone year, there were enough examples of political foolishness, public embarrassment, and unabashed propaganda, to fill a trainload of FEMA caskets. But nothing comes close to boggling the mind like conspiracy theories rooted in nothing but psychotic paranoia and partisan dementia.

News Corpse has covered much of what the right-wing media has attempted to pass off as legitimate news, but was actually evidence of severe cognitive failure. So, as a reminder of 2014’s most ludicrous departures from reality, here is a compilation of some of the best (worst?) excretions from the imagination of the conservative hive mind.


CONSPIRACY: President Obama Is Trying To Impeach Himself

The evil genius in the White House orchestrated the whole Obama-hate campaign from its earliest days in 2008 just so that he would be able to use impeachment, which is every president’s dream, as an election strategy six years into his presidency. He had the foresight to anticipate that his anti-America agenda, developed in concert with the Muslims and Marxists in his inner circle, would make the 2014 midterms so difficult that he would need something positive, like having himself prosecuted before Congress for high crimes and misdemeanors, in order to stem the tide of opposition that would rise up.

Impeach Obama


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Ben Carson Fears That Obama Will Declare Himself President for Life.

The United States and its democratic system has endured for over 200 years, through economic catastrophes, civil and world wars, Nixonian corruption, and assassinations. Yet Carson thinks that it may all soon be over because of our present economy (with it’s soaring stock market, record profits, and low unemployment), and a band of desert rats 8,000 miles away?

Ben Carson


Glenn Beck Asserts That Obama Purposely Planted Ebola In Dallas

Obviously President Obama’s agenda centers around the fact that he hates Dallas so much that he arranged to have an Ebola-infected Liberian fly there and die. […] First and foremost, it is not true that Dallas “doesn’t particularly care for the President.” In 2012 Obama was reelected with 57% of the vote from Dallas County. That’s a larger margin than he won nationally. Obama also beat McCain in Dallas by the same amount in 2008.

Glenn Beck Ebolamania


Steve Doocy Discovers A Mysterious Photo Of Two Men With One Pair Of Legs.

Doocy: Fox News Alert: New questions about those two Iranian men who boarded flight 370 with stolen passports. Did somebody Photoshop this picture of them, because they both appear to have the same legs. That’s leading many to believe there is a cover-up happening. […] The Malaysians are saying ‘No, we didn’t Photoshop or anything like that. They had a Xerox copy and part of the guy on the left was put on top of the duplicate of the guy on the right. Do you buy that?

Fox News Cover Up Passengers


According To “Doctor” Keith Ablow, Obama Orchestrated The World Cup To Distract From [???]

Somehow Obama orchestrated FIFA’s scheduling of the quadrennial games to coincide with whatever scandal is presently infecting Ablow’s brain so that the American people, who usually ignore soccer, won’t notice that FEMA has already begun incarcerating Tea Party leaders and the EPA is deploying new Pentagon technology to increase global temperatures. What a devious plot our Kenyan in the White House has devised.

Keith Ablow


Conservative Media Freak Out Over Obama’s Plan To Grant Amnesty To 34 Million Illegal Aliens

The usual conservative media mouthpieces are reporting that there is a plot afoot by the Obama administration to grant amnesty to some 34 million “illegal” aliens soon after the midterm election. To put that number into perspective, that’s more than three times as many undocumented immigrants as are currently estimated to be in the United States. It’s a third of the entire population of Mexico. If they all occupied a new state it would be the second most populous state in the country after California with 38 million.

Fox News


Louie Gohmert Accuses Comcast Of Attempting To Silence Glenn Beck

Gohmert found an angle to question the [Comcast/Time Warner] merger that only he could have dreamed up. He believes that Comcast is engaged in a conspiracy to silence Glenn Beck. And Al Gore is in on it along with Al Jazeera who “wanted to get their Sharia law push into the United States.”

Glenn Beck


Pat Caddell Says That It Is Republicans That Want The IRS To Go After The Tea Party

Did the Republicans infiltrate the IRS and orchestrate a strategy to deny Tea Partiers tax-exempt status? Did they conduct sham hearings in the House, led by the crusading committee chair (and recidivist criminal) Darrel Issa, all the while maneuvering secretly to oppress Tea Party organizations and cast the blame on Democrats?

False Flag


GOP Rep Tells Fox News That Obama Plans To Flood U.S. With Foreign Ebola Patients

The plot was discovered by the Republican chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Bob Goodlatte, who claims to have confidential information that came to him via an “inside source” within the administration. Naturally he takes this skimpy, unverifiable gossip to Megyn Kelly of Fox News. The alarmist anxiety of Rep. Goodlatte is typical of the fear mongering that Republican politicians and pundits engage in so frequently.

Fox News Ebola to America


Fox News Imagines Another Covert Plot Against Rick Perry (And America) By George Soros

Brent Bozell’s op-ed for Fox News is titled “Mainstream media censors Soros’ connection to Rick Perry indictment.” He begins his bill of peculiars by alleging that the media has suppressed the truth about Texans for Public Justice (TPJ), the group that originally filed the complaint against Perry. Bozell claims that “the group responsible for that indictment had received a half million dollars” from Soros. However, there is a very good reason that the press failed to disclose this information: It isn’t true.

Fox News Rick Perry


Fright-Wing News: Fox News Reports, As Fact, The Missing Libyan Planes Hoax

Fox News anchor Jon Scott introduced a segment saying “A potentially terrifying scenario is playing out as we approach September 11. Nearly a dozen airplanes are missing – flat out missing – from an airport in Tripoli, raising new fears of the possibility of another terror attack from the air.”

OMG! That is truly terrifying. I can almost hear the roar of a dozen jet engines filling the sky with thunderous evil as they aim for defenseless skyscrapers packed with unsuspecting victims. Why doesn’t Obama raise the threat level to “Unrestrained Panic” and evacuate America’s cities? Perhaps because the story is not true.

Fox News Missing Planes

Fun With Rush: Limbaugh Explains How The Dreaded Polar Vortex Was Created By Liberals

El Rushbo has dusted off his fake degree in meteorology to explain to his dittohead audience how something that has been studied for decades was just invented by some Democrats this week.

Limbaugh: So, ladies and gentlemen, we are having a record-breaking cold snap in many parts of the country. And right on schedule the media have to come up with a way to make it sound like it’s completely unprecedented. Because they’ve got to find a way to attach this to the global warming agenda, and they have. It’s called the ‘polar vortex.’ The dreaded polar vortex. […] Do you know what the polar vortex is? Have you ever heard of it? Well, they just created it for this week.

Rush Limbaugh


And there you have it. Just a taste of the insanity that has infected one of America’s two major political parties. And all of it occurring in just one hilarity-packed year. The only thing that makes these frighteningly absurd episodes of psychosis even more disturbing, is that in 2015 these are the folks who will be in charge of both the United States House of Representatives and Senate. So happy new Year America, and good luck. You’re gonna need it.

What Does North Korea, Fox News, And The Tea Party Have In Common?

The still unfolding saga of the hacking into Sony’s network has produced a war of words between American intelligence agencies that accuse North Korea of the intrusion, and the North Koreans who applaud the act but insist they had nothing to do with it. After declining to release the film “The Interview” that was ostensibly what incited the hacking, Sony reversed themselves and put the movie out in theaters and online. This further inflamed North Korea who lashed out with an openly racist attack on President Obama saying…

“Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest.”

Comparing the first African-American president of the United States to a monkey was surely not an accidental slip of the tongue. It was a deliberate, if juvenile, attempt to demean and ridicule Obama. However, the repugnant and racist monkey reference is nothing new to Obama haters in America. The juvenile Tea Party has been rife with offensive images and signs at their rallies that made the very same association.

Tea Party Korea Monkey

As if to emphasize the contemptuous disdain for Obama, the folks at Fox News posted an item on their community website, Fox Nation, about North Korea’s slur. This set off a sadly predictable flurry of hate speech by their readers that brings into focus the ideological camaraderie between America’s enemies and its own extremist right-wingers.

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Fox Nation Comments

When Vladimir Putin was criticizing Obama over the Ukraine situation, many Fox News pundits and contributors (including Sarah Palin, Tucker Carlson and Ben Carson) responding by virtually nominating him as the Republican presidential candidate. All it takes to win the hearts and minds of Teabaggers is to insult America’s president. So I guess it won’t be long now until they add Kim Jong-Un to the ticket.

WTF? Sarah Palin Named American Achiever of 2014 By Deranged Wingnut Website

You gotta love it when conservatives make such fools of themselves that it’s impossible to tell the difference between satire and reality. An epic and hilarious example of this is the article published by the ultra right-wing blog American Thinker (a name that must have been chosen for its irony).

Sarah Palin

The alleged “Thinkers” have chosen Sarah Palin as their recipient of the 2014 American Achiever honors. Now, you may be wondering what in hell Palin achieved to deserve that recognition. She hasn’t done a single thing since resigning after half a term as governor of Alaska other than her laughable reality programs and some embarrassing segments on Fox News. Well, the Thinkers spell out specifically what she managed to achieve:

“It would be the height of churlishness for even the most inveterate leftist to deny the import of someone who made Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People” list, and then the Smithsonian Institution’s “100 Most Significant Americans Of All Time” list. Both affirmations were earned by former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin.”

Forgive my churlishness, but this inveterate leftist has no problem denying Palin’s import. Particularly when the examples of her achievements in 2014 include making a Time magazine list that was published four years ago in 2010. Yep, that’s the listing to which the Thinkers linked. And the tribute in Time was written by that bastion of modern political relevance, Ted Nugent.

They were a bit more on target chronologically with the Smithsonian list that was at least published this year. However, the list was more a fanciful exercise in algorithmic celebrity than actual historical significance. The listees were selected by a process of calculating references, links, and page views in Wikipedia. The authors even noted that their list “has less to do with achievement than with an individual’s strength as an Internet meme.” And the Thinkers cited this as evidence of achievement. What were they thinking? Also making the list were Charles Manson, L. Ron Hubbard, And Secretariat.

The only other notable achievement cited by the Thinkers concerned Vladimir Putin’s support for Ukrainian rebels. But what they regarded as an achievement was a speech Palin made in 2008 that they say predicted Putin’s actions. First of all, Palin’s six year old speech, that was surely written by John McCain staffers, is hardly eligible to be considered an achievement in 2014. And secondly, it didn’t predict anything of the sort that she and the Thinkers have been boasting about.

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It takes a special kind of stupid to turn the above irrelevancies into an honorarium. But with so few actual examples of conservative achievements, it isn’t surprising that they need to make things up in order to have something to talk about. It’s not like they can brag about Jeb Bush or Ted Cruz or Michele Bachmann or Rand Paul or Rick Perry. Their desperation is on display, so they swept up some dust balls to elevate their fading Tea Party princess and submitted that as a model of achievement. To which all this churlish leftist can say is “Thanks for the laugh.”

Mark Levin Goes Off (His Meds) To Promote A Racist Police State

Trying to listen to radio screecher Mark Levin is a worse form of torture than anything Dick Cheney has yet devised. If you can manage to tolerate his soprano yowling, you will be nauseated by his hate-filled rhetoric. And his latest adventure in public embarrassment lives down to his reputation.

Fox Nation

The radio broadcast that was featured on the Fox News community website, Fox Nation, set out to prove that Obama, and his legion of dark-skinned anti-Americans, were engaged in a full scale “War on Cops” as a response to the tragic and needless deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner.

Levin ignored entirely the suffering families of the citizens who died at the hands of over-zealous officers, while he advanced his mission to justify any and all brutality by the police. At the same time he rudely insulted those who fight for reforms that can improve community relations with law enforcement. His acid-tongue was dripping with animosity as he blasted his targets, who all just happen to be black. Here is just a taste of the tirade:

“My blood has been boiling, I’ve been grinding my teeth, listening to all this. […] the president of the United States and the attorney general of the United States, that piece of crap Sharpton […] Obama and Holder and their surrogates were throwing fuel on the fire. […] It’s a war on the cops. They want to nationalize local police departments. Nationalize them to ruin them! […] All of a sudden, all the police departments who are overly militarized, why? Has somebody been shot with a tank?

Levin is clearly in need of in-patient anger management counseling and an immediate infusion of intravenous Xanax. President Obama has been profoundly vocal in his support for the majority of decent police officers, and in his grief over the recent murders in New York. The same is true of Eric Holder and Al Sharpton. They have all called for peaceful demonstrations and expressed their sympathy for those whose lives were lost.

However, the worst part of Levin’s raving is not his dishonest assertions regarding a war on cops or his unfounded allegations of a nationalized police force. The most revolting things he said revealed his longing for an unrestricted police state where officers patrol neighborhoods in tanks and riot gear. He actually defends the notion of militarized policing. So in his haste to condemn an imaginary war on cops, he confesses that he is cool with a war on private citizens.

This advocacy of turning the nation’s populace into a contingent of enemy combatants is not only a vulgar denunciation of our constitutional democracy, it is brazenly hypocritical. Not so long ago Levin was extolling the virtues of battling officers of the law when they tried to bring Tea Party tax cheat Cliven Bundy to justice. Levin was supportive of their armed resistance which eventually led to the murder of two police officers in Las Vegas by Bundy associates. Where was Levin’s outrage and empathy for those officers?

Apparently, for Mark Levin and Fox News, killing cops is no longer considered a travesty if the killers are a white couple from the Indiana chapter of the Tea Party.

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Who Is The 2014 Dick of the Year? You Get One Guess

It is with profound relief that we bid farewell to 2014, a year that was consumed by Ebola panic, the rise of ISIL, and the midterm political wrangling with all of the animosities and hyperbole that go along with it. And so to send this year into the anus of history, we pay tribute to the one person who most obnoxiously exudes the foul stench of loutish, self-aggrandizing repugnancy, in the service of lies, discord, and worldwide misery. News Corpse presents…

The 2014 Dick of the Year

Considering all of the worthy candidates, and there were many, there is only one who rises to the level of boorishness required to walk away with the prize. And, conveniently, he was anointed at birth with the name for which the prize is known. He is our very own Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney. Here are a few of the memorable episodes in the Cheney melodrama that secured his victory in the competition for this award.


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The Senate Intelligence Committee published its executive summary of their findings after an exhaustive investigation into the use of torture by the CIA and other national security agencies during the Bush administration. The report detailed the horrific tactics employed that were a clear violation of both domestic and international law. The New York Times saw the report as justification for bringing the culpable parties to trial for their crimes and specifically singled out Cheney. Cheney’s response?

“The report’s full of crap.”

This coming from the man who said that it was “pretty well confirmed” that the 9/11 terrorists were working with Saddam Hussein; that Iraq had sought uranium from Niger; that aluminum tubes could only be used for nuclear centrifuges; that we would “be greeted as liberators” upon invading Iraq; and who still believes that Hussein was hoarding weapons of mass destruction. Cheney’s defense of his misconduct was a thinly veiled play for pseudo-patriotism wherein he asserted that publishing the facts about these atrocities was more damaging than committing them.

Dick Cheney CIA Torture


Always one to encourage fear and foreboding, the Dark Prince of Halliburton made certain that his pessimism was broadcast to the masses who could then be as frightened of the future as he is. So in his media tour to announce the launch of his very own SuperPAC, Cheney once again predicted a flaming demolition of untold thousands of Americans.

“I think there will be another attack. And the next time, it’s likely to be far deadlier than the last one.”

Uh oh. How many thousands of victims does Cheney foresee in his apocalyptic prophecy? How many towering infernos will crumble to the ground? And how imminent is this catastrophe? Well, if the past is any indicator of the future, America can breathe a sigh of relief, because Cheney has been predicting doom for many years with a profound measure of inaccuracy. And his latest prognostication that Al Qaeda has acquired havoc-wreaking Gizmos that they plan to detonate in front of the Fox News building is just as likely to fail.

Fox News - Dick Cheney


Following a speech by President Obama at West Point, Cheney hobbled over to Fox News to tell Sean Hannity that Obama is “a very, very weak president. Maybe the weakest, certainly in my lifetime.” It was discussion that could have been viewed as an invitation to terrorists to launch an attack as soon as possible. But in addition to the near treasonous rhetoric, Cheney re-wrote history to his liking, while mangling it beyond recognition.

“Remember there was a time back in the eighties when the United States was supporting the Afghan Mujaheddin against the Soviets. We had help from others doing that. We ultimately succeeded and then everybody turned around and walked away from Afghanistan. And, of course, then they had a civil war, the Taliban came to power. Ultimately Osama Bin Laden found safe haven there.”

Is it possible that Dick Cheney is so irredeemably delusional that he’s forgotten that Osama Bin Laden was the Mujaheddin leader that the U.S. was supporting in the fight against the Soviets? Bin Laden didn’t just find safe haven in Afghanistan, as if he stumbled over it. He was instrumental in toppling the previous government and installing a friendly new regime (the Taliban), with aid from the Reagan administration. But perhaps the most stupifyingly brain-dead remark in the whole bitch session with Hannity, was Cheney’s assessment of Obama’s grasp of history:

“It’s as though he wasn’t even around when 9/11 happened.”

Seriously? This is coming from the de facto head of an administration that, both literally and figuratively, was not around when 9/11 happened. They ignored an intelligence report with the actual headline “Bin Laden Determined to Strike In U.S.” This arrived a month before 9/11, while President Bush was on a month-long vacation at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. Then, while allowing Bin Laden and other Taliban leaders to escape, they started another war in Iraq that had nothing to do with 9/11.

Dick Cheney


When Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel announced a sensible cut to the Pentagon’s budget as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq were winding down, Cheney called his pal Sean Hannity to feverishly sound the alarm that Obama was plotting to make America militarily impotent. It was a charge that he couldn’t supoort with substance, so he resorted to his impending doom routine that he has perfected over the past several decades. And in this instance he even managed to throw hungry Americans overboard.

“[Obama] would rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military.”

Of course, that also happens to be the position of most of the American people. Currently approaching $700 billion dollars, the U.S. defense budget is greater than the combined military budgets of the next ten largest spenders. And even after making the proposed cuts, we will still be allocating more money to defense than China, Russia, the UK, Japan, France, and Saudi Arabia combined.

In addition to the obvious logic of cutting spending when we have the opportunity, it is a policy that is favored by most Americans. This is particularly apparent when compared to the public’s support for programs that benefit the needy. A majority of Americans (59%) favor maintaining spending on programs for the poor over deficit reduction. But when asked about maintaining defense spending, a majority (51%) would rather cut the deficit.

Fox News


There are certainly more examples of Cheney’s dickish and deserving accomplishments this year. But these are more than enough to establish his righteous place in the Dick Hall of Fame. As we begin a new year, Cheney will be the one to beat for the many contenders who enviously eye his throne. But look for Jeb Bush, Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz, and Sarah Palin, to make strong moves for their own slice of immortality.

The Bestest, Most Honest Christmas Carol Ever

For all of those who are not huddled around a dead tree this evening or digging through piles of colorfully wrapped packages looking for the ones addressed to you; for the cynics who won’t accept the notion that the birth of an alleged savior is an excuse to exchange material goods or fruitcakes that nobody likes; for outcasts and rebels and nonbelievers who are puzzled by the greed and commercialism of a season that is sold as one of peace and goodwill…Here is snippet from the classic Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens:

Christmas Carol

And here is Miles Davis and Bob Dorough performing the heartwarming traditional Christmas ballad Blue Xmas:

* * * H A P P Y * H O L I D A Y S * * *

Bill O’Reilly Thinks America Has Millions Of Cop Killers Running Around

The sad story of two New York police offices ambushed by a nut case as they sat in their patrol car has had the effect of driving many self-serving politicians and pundits nuts as well. The incidents of these brazenly exploitative hacks dishonoring the fallen officers is astonishing, even in these highly partisan times. It is unconscionable that so many insensitive and biased people effectively pardon the murderer by shifting the blame to everyone from President Obama to Al Sharpton to Eric Holder to Bill De Blasio to every well-intentioned protester who mourns for the lives of victims of police brutality.

For the benefit of those deliberately incendiary cretins, it is possible for people of good will to support the work of the majority of good police officers while at the same time criticizing the failings of the bad apples. In fact, it is the duty of citizens and officials to make that distinction and not cover up the misconduct of the few.

Weighing in on the side of the mental cases who can’t delineate between good and evil is Bill O’Reilly of Fox News. In an utterly unhinged rant that he delivered by phoning in to his own TV program while on vacation, O’Reilly went on at length about the responsibility of New York City Mayor De Blasio, who he accused of being incompetent and impotently demanded that “this is an individual who should resign today.” Then immediately after conceding that nobody but Ismaaiyl Brinsley was responsible for the murders, he contradicts himself again and charges the protesters with aiding and abetting him.

“Now Brinsley is the only one responsible for the deaths of the two police officers. No one else has blood on their hands. I want everybody to be clear about that. Aiding and abetting Brinsley and other maniacs – those protesters who yelled we want dead cops.”

So no one else has blood on their hands – except that a few blockheads out of some 25,000 marchers, who were elevated by O’Reilly to a status far beyond their actual impact, were de facto accomplices. Never mind that Brinsley probably never even knew they existed because he likely was not a Fox News viewer. From there O’Reilly fingers what he calls the “true villain in the case,” and according to him it isn’t Brinsley.

“Bill De Blasio, as I said, is incompetent. He was elected in an election in which few people voted. He is a machine politician. And he is an anti-police individual. […] This is an individual who should resign today – TODAY!

O’Reilly must get awfully tired of being ignored. Obviously De Blasio is not going to resign, nor should he. And while O’Reilly was right about the low voter turnout (something that is sadly too common in this country as evidenced by the midterm election last month), De Blasio received a whopping 73% of those who voted. But O’Reilly is only an advocate of democracy when his side prevails. It is typical of the deranged extremism for which he is so well known. And his brand of rancid hyperbole was in full effect last night when he painted a dystopic picture of America as a buzzing hive of cop killers.

“And there are millions of Brinsleys running around. Millions. Because our society in America does not hold them accountable.”

Bill O'Reilly

For the record, there were 27 police officers killed in the line of duty last year (of which only five were killed by ambush, Brinsley-style) according to FBI statistics. That is a tragedy for each and every one of those officers and their families, but it does not support the lunatic assertion that “millions of Brinsleys” are running around. And where O’Reilly gets the notion that cop killers are not held accountable is a complete mystery. They are among those who receive the harshest punishment of any criminal act. That is, if they even survive to stand trial.

Once again O’Reilly has managed to distort reality in a way that inflames his dimwitted audience and exacerbates division and unrest. He is incapable of grasping the intricacies of the social relationships between citizens and law enforcement. He only sees things through the prism of his elitist, wealthy, white privilege, which he insists does not exist. And, as usual, his contributions are hallmarked by ignorance and hatred and are counterproductive, if not overtly destructive.

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