Bill O’Reilly Explains The Horrors Of Being Rich (w/Video)

Over the years, Fox News blowhard Bill O’Reilly has said some painfully stupid things. He has claimed that Christianity is not a religion. He promised to admit on his show that he is an idiot if the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of ObamaCare (which he never admitted). He actually boasted that he has more power than anyone except the President. And now he has taken up the case for America’s beleaguered millionaires.

On his program Wednesday (video below), O’Reilly began his hokey Talking Points segment by asking “Do you want to be rich?” He then set about to answer the question with a litany of reasons why any sane person would flee in fear of such a curse. The burden of great wealth is far too cumbersome to be endured and those of us not suffering from it should pity the rich and their miserable existence.

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“Here’s what happens when a person is wealthy,” O’Reilly said, as he commenced his tale of woe. His first complaint was that if you become rich you will simultaneously become a target of people who will want your money and will lie and cheat to get it. Therefore, you will have to hire lawyers to shield yourself from the envious rabble who will be barking at the gates of your mansion. Well then, it’s certainly better to be poor than to have to fraternize with lawyers in order to sustain your life of luxury. Then O’Reilly gravely warned that “Every affluent person in America is in danger. Every one.” As an example he cited the two winners of the Mega Millions lottery, about whom he said…

“The two folks who won the big money this week will see their lives instantly change. And perhaps for the worse.”

Perhaps? It is almost a certainty that the lives of those sad former peasants will spiral downward into a hellhole of having everything they have ever dreamed of for themselves and their families. If they are smart they will dispose of that dirty money as quickly as possible. As a service to these wretches, and at great personal risk to myself, I would agree to take it off their hands so they can continue to have decent lives. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

O’Reilly also stated that the new millionaires would suffer because “Their freedom will be severely curtailed.” Obviously, everyone knows that having untold riches shackles the victim in a pit oppression. Freedom is only really enjoyed when you have no money weighing you down on your estates and your yachts and your villas in international resorts. As O’Reilly notes, “Only one percent of the population is truly financially independent.” That’s why America is a free country. Only one percent has their freedom curtailed by wealth. And if it is up to O’Reilly, that figure will remain at one percent so that more people are not similarly tormented.

Unsaid in this screed is that when O’Reilly is talking about the downtrodden millionaires, he knows whereof he speaks. He is, in fact, talking about himself. So he should be well aware of the damage that wealth does to the hapless souls who suffer from it. He is selflessly enduring a life of subjugation and oppression in order to prevent such tribulations from being forced onto others. And his compassion is evident in his closing remarks where he made a point of raising this injustice to the heavenly doorstep of God:

“So congratulations to the Mega winners. And the best thing that we can do for them is say a prayer.”

Indeed. Let’s all say a prayer for the millionaires and billionaires in our society who are too often forgotten victims of a dastardly fate. And while we’re at it, let’s say a prayer for Bill O’Reilly who is always looking out for the folks, even if he won’t associate with them.

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4 thoughts on “Bill O’Reilly Explains The Horrors Of Being Rich (w/Video)

  1. What a courageous friend of the poor Bill is! I’m sure they would be much worse off if he weren’t standing up for them. And don’t forget all the mean people who want to take Christmas away from everyone. With out Bill there wouldn’t even be a Christmas! Be sure to thank Bill and send him an email to let him know how wonderful and great he is. And if you don’t agree that he is great and wonderful, don’t take my word for it, just ask Bill, he’ll tell ya!

  2. From Stan Freberg’s Green Christmas:

    Scrooge: Christmas has two S’s in it and they’re both dollar signs!
    Cratchit: Yeah, but they weren’t there to begin with…

    Bill-O’s principle in the “War on Christmas.”

  3. What bill ever says, every night, always, ever: Life is unfair, make sure it’s unfair in your favor.

  4. Does Billdo even realize what he’s saying?
    He constantly complains about “redistribution of wealth,” but then complains about what a horrible burden it is?
    I want to help you with your problem Bill. Perhaps raising your taxes a miniscule 3-4% would help to relieve your anxiety over your burdensome wealth!
    “Every affluent person in America is in danger. Every one.”
    If that’s true like you say, I and other Progressives are just trying to make you feel safer!
    Bills funny when he inadvertently makes our case for us!

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