Devastating Loss: Victoria Jackson Falls Short In Bid For Commission Seat

It’s all over for these dis-United States. Democracy has been foiled in Tennessee as former Saturday Night Live bimbo and current ditzy ukulele strummer, Victoria Jackson, was defeated in her attempt to save America from communism and … let’s say demonically possessed Keebler elves.

Victoria Jackson

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Jackson’s campaign was likely sabotaged by President Obama who feared her truth-warbling and headstanding patriotism. Sources report seeing Attorney General Eric Holder, domestic terrorist Bill Ayres, and Viet Cong publicist Jane Fonda in the Williamson County area carrying off bags of ballots in biodegradable trash bags. Even more troubling, there were half a dozen black people seen exiting the polling place.

Jackson posted her concession speech on her website where she revealed her disappointment at having failed to win election to the county post she wanted so dearly. She wrote…

“My first reaction? Hmmm. Well, I don’t really like numbers, and Commissioners mostly talk about numbers, the budget.”

Phew. That was close. Had she won she might have had to actually do the job that she was campaigning for. Although that would have put her squarely in line with the rest of the Republican Tea Party politicians who insist that they hate government while begging people to vote for them. It’s the core principle of the right to say that government doesn’t work, and then spend their entire careers trying to prove it by screwing everything up. And speaking of “core,” Jackson couldn’t let this momentous occasion go by without mentioning her favorite conspiracy theories. In comments directed at her opponents she said that…

“…they are not informed about Agenda 21 and Common Core […] and are not aware that the Obama Administration and the fast-moving lunge toward socialism in our country has begun to erase our freedoms.”

That is further evidence of why this loss is so devastating. How can America survive without the wisdom, talent, tenacity, and inspiration of this national treasure? The country is now in full retreat as the forces of evil have prevailed in Tennessee. Here is just taste of what the nation will be deprived of:

Typically, this sad news was buried at the bottom of the lamestream media’s USA Today report announcing the equally distressing news that Tea Party candidate, and Sarah Palin favorite, Joe Carr lost to establishment Republican traitor Lamar Alexander. It’s what they call in the journalism biz, burying the lede.

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3 thoughts on “Devastating Loss: Victoria Jackson Falls Short In Bid For Commission Seat

  1. What Ms. Moron doesn’t understand, is her kind doesn’t care much for Hollywood/New York types. Good luck finding a job now.

  2. I’m sorry. How precisely is it possible that there is someone out there less intelligent than Sarah Palin? I think that’s kind of impossible by the laws of physics. I mean, surely it’s rather difficult to have less than one functioning brain cell, isn’t it? Even Mr. Obama’s predecessor had at least three (okay, maybe six) functioning brain cells.

    Actually, that’s not nice. The man did know enough to claim credit for things he didn’t do, hire someone to take his tests at whatever college Poppy’s money and family name got him admitted to, and, perhaps most importantly, win friends and influence people with little effort.

    What’s a former comedian, now laughingstock, got to go with?

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