Donald Trump Can Save The World From ISIS, But Won’t Unless We Let Him Be President

In case you haven’t heard, there is a bloodthirsty terrorist militia marauding through Iraq and Syria, killing innocent, mostly Muslim civilians and making hundreds of thousands refugees as they flee the crusading army. These same murderous fanatics are threatening to turn the streets of America red with blood. They are being fought by Iraqi and Syrian soldiers, rebel groups who oppose Bashar al-Assad, Shiite militias backed by Iran, Jordanian fighters, and American bombers and drones. Yet they manage to endure and even achieve some measure of victory.

The problem that ISIS presents to the world is clearly one that defies easy solutions. However, that doesn’t stop self-serving demagogues from pretending they have one. So what can realistically be done to put an end to the slaughter? Who will step forward to save us? It can only be the Ego of the East, Donald Trump, who recently unveiled his 2016 campaign slogan:

Donald Trump Hell Hole

It is times like these that we must be grateful to have heroes like Trump walking among us. The ferret-topped reality TV host, and alleged business genius (alleged by him), has come forward to reveal that he knows precisely how to squash the terrorist hoards once and for all. This what he told Greta Van Sustern today on Fox News (video below):

Trump: I do know what to do and I would know how to bring ISIS to the table or, beyond that, defeat ISIS very quickly. And I’m not gonna tell you what it is.

Setting aside the lunatic notion that Trump would ever sit across a table from ISIS negotiating an armistice, his childish refusal to share his military brilliance could be seen by some as rather unpatriotic. After all, people are dying right now and ominous threats of escalation are being thrown around that include domestic attacks.

Now, anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex knows that Trump is not going to run for president. He’s pulled this scam before, and there is no way that he would engage in an activity that would require him to disclose his shady finances. But if we indulge that fantasy for a moment, we would also have to be dumb enough to pretend that he would have a shot at winning the nomination and beating Hillary Clinton. So it would not be until January of 2017 at the earliest that Trump would be able to launch his ISIS-crushing plan. Could Trump be held responsible if another 9/11-like attack occurred in the next year and a half because he withheld his magic formula for victory?

Of course we should believe Trump because he has been so credible on all of the other proclamations he has made in the past. Like the time he said that the private investigators he sent to Hawaii to finally discover where Barack Obama was really born were telling him that “they cannot believe what they’re finding.” Trump never revealed those findings to us, they were that unbelievable.

Then there was the time that Trump told the Kurvy Kouch Potatoes of Fox & Friends that he had “very big news … concerning the president of the United States” that would significantly alter the race between Obama and Mitt Romney. The payoff came several days later he released a cheesy video wherein he made Obama an offer that he could not refuse. Of course, the offer to tempt Obama with a five million dollar bribe to hand over to Trump his college transcripts and passports was not only refused, it was completely ignored.

So now Trump says that he will decide in June whether or not he will run for president (he won’t) and that his decision will surprise everyone. Frankly, I’m surprised he can complete a sentence without drooling.

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15 thoughts on “Donald Trump Can Save The World From ISIS, But Won’t Unless We Let Him Be President

  1. Who cares what Trump found. What about the bogus PDF on the whitehouse.gov web site? I’m a digital image guy and have been for 30 years. I know how scanners work and I know how PDF and Illustrator files are put together. Now I cede that I don’t know that Obama *wasn’t* born in Hawaii just like he said. But if that is true, why put up a bogus document? Why not just post the real document?

    Nobody seems to be talking about that.

    • There have been accounts on this before, and also the debunking of such accounts.

      MANY times over.

      Can your findings and experience supercede all of these? Or will you resort to Trump’s atrategy of “all talk and no show”?

      You’ve done the talk part, but not the show part.

    • Obviously YOU care what Trump found because you’re making the same idiotic claim that he is. And if your alleged 30 of digital experience tells you that Obama’s birth certificate is bogus you haven’t learned anything in those 30 years. You’re just demonstrating your stupidity.

      EVERY online document is scanned and has the same graphic signatures indicating it. The only document that doesn’t have it is the original, which is in the archives of the state of Hawaii, which the state has affirmed.

    • WebGuy, no one’s talking about it because others are clowns like you are. Get a grip, idiot.

  2. My guess is that he just wants the controversy to continue. I think he gets off on it. I think the real reason we won’t see the ‘real’ birth certificate has nothing to do with where he was born, but who his real father is.

    • You haven’t shown how his Bc is fake, you’ve simply claimed it.

      If it were that easy I could be living in luxury right now by claiming that I am Grand Emperor of the World.

    • So webguy, some anonymous hack (you) has the ability that the FBI and other people don’t have? Since they have to do background checks, obviously they are nothing but a bunch of amateurs compared to you. Perhaps you should stun the world with your great expertise? Or stop pretending you know diddling about it at all.

    • His real father? LOL.

      Keep piling on the stupid and you’ll eventually reach Trump levels. Trump not only doesn’t believe the birth certificate is real, he also doubts his father, his religion, his authorship of his books, and his academics.

      So keep trying WebGuy. I’m sure you can make it to bottom.

      • Donald Trump is the ultimate grifter. He has to de-legitimize Obama in order to exalt his own miserable, failed existence. Also, he thinks people are stupid. He attended this year’s WH Correspondents Dinner and was shown whooping it up at Obama’s jokes. I wonder if that little nugget was mentioned on his Fox News interview? Probably not, since Fox is the Pravda of conservative media.

        • Well, he would be right to think people are stupid – people actually think the choice for president matters. If you haven’t figured that out after 8 years of Mr. hope and change, there is no hope.

          • Steve, that was probably one of your more incoherent replies on this board. Remember to follow your doctor’s orders!

    • WebGuy – I’m as much a BHO basher as anyone, but this issue really should be dropped. It serves no real purpose – he is president and there is nothing much to do about it. Our presidents are chosen for us now and we are just expected to put up with them – people like Mark will defend them (as long as they are a democrat) no matter what. He has been and continues to be is a shitty president no matter what birth certificate exists – this issue is kept going to stir up and maintain the hatred for this guy. It’s a distraction like so many other things are – I suggest you focus on the fact that the country has been hijacked and people like him are what we are given as a choice in elections – the hijackers are the ones that should get your attention, not the shiny object they dangle in front of you while your pockets are emptied and your freedom is taken away.

      • You’re talking about the GOP, ? Pandering to the wealthy corporations who are really the ones running the show? What is WRONG with you people?? You refuse to acknowledge reality!!

  3. Donald Trump is a giant boob and we don’t need a 3rd boob in a row as president. It sounds more like he’s pitching a TV show than running for president.

  4. He could threaten to move there. And we could all chip in and buy him a one way ticket.

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