Just when you thought Glenn Beck had gurgled his most surreal delusional nightmare, he amazes everyone by surpassing a measure of insanity that was previously thought to be impossible. He’s just that good.

In response to the news that George Soros (whom Beck mocks as “Spooky Dude” in an embarrassing but typical display of childishness) donated a million dollars to Media Matters, Beck embarked on a journey stretching the boundaries of sanity, even for him. He begins by explaining to his flock that the donation is all about him. He actually thinks that Soros watched his show yesterday and was so rattled that he woke up and wrote a million dollar check this morning.

On Yesterday’s show Beck sketched out another of his blackboard jumbles that tied numerous unrelated people and organizations together with each other, with socialists, with Kevin Bacon, with alien Shapeshifters, and … oh, you lose track after a while. Then he challenged Soros to come on his show and debate him for an hour (see Top 10 Reasons George Soros Should Refuse To Debate Glenn Beck). Don’t hold your breath, Glenn. There isn’t much more chance of that happening then of your prop phone to the White House suddenly ringing.

Beck’s Soros hysteria has led him to find meaning in the press release announcing the Media Matters donation that no sane person could muster on a dare. He views it as a mortal threat aimed at him personally.

Beck: You know what’s weird? This press release is almost like a “Wanted: Dead or Alive” poster, isn’t it? Gee Mr. Soros. You’re not inciting violence over there towards me? You’re not making me public enemy #1 are ya? I hope not, Mr. Soros. But I’ll make sure to track down all of that violence. I’m worried. Somebody says something like this and some nutjob could go violent and just … Am I safe in here? (deep sigh). […] He’s putting up a million dollar bounty on my head.

I wonder where in the press release Beck is reading this. It must be carefully hidden between the lines, written in invisible ink, and in an alien language that only Beck can decipher. There is much that is hard to fathom in his Soros rant. For example, He makes an ambiguous allegation that “Their system is built on lies. If it were not, Soros would not be out in the open.” That is patently nuts. Why does Beck think that Soros being “out in the open” is evidence of a system of lies? Wouldn’t a system of liars avoid being in the open?

Beck continues up the crazy tree by making the claim that Soros is “The most powerful man in the world.” For the record, Soros is only 35th on the Forbes list of billionaires, and above him are Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud (a major shareholder of News Corp at #19) and the Koch brothers (conservative activists and Tea Party financiers at #24). But he’s still not done. In response to an effort aimed at Fox News advertisers, Beck warned his adversaries that he is omnipotent and not to be fooled with:

Beck: You don’t get it. You were in Stars Wars, you should watch. Remember when they did whooosh to Obi-Wan? Strike me down, you will only make me more powerful.

That ought to set the Soros progressives to trembling. Who knew that Beck has actual Messianic powers? And it’s a good thing too, because of the way he is being attacked by imaginary enemies too numerous and powerful to list. This is reminiscent of a previous claim by Beck that he can rise like Jesus from the dead:

“They can take my job and they can take my wealth but that’s okay…even if the powers to be, right now, succeed in making me poor, drum me out, and I’m just a worthless loser… which I’m just about that much above that now… I will only be stronger for it. I will use American ingenuity and my ingenuity to pull myself up, and I will find another way to get my message out on a platform that will be a thousand times more powerful!”

This begs the question, if he has a platform that is a thousand times more powerful, why isn’t he using it now? Perhaps because it’s just another hallucination over which he has no control. Like the many visions he has of enemies out to destroy him. For instance…

“If I show up, you know, in Thailand, dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation, don’t believe it.”

[…and…]

“If I’m ever in a weird car accident, or I commit suicide or something, after the media stops celebrating my death, could they check into it? Because I’m not suicidal. And I’m a pretty good driver.”

Beck even asserted that the Mighty Soros had it in for him in the past. On another show where he was merrily bashing Soros, Beck paused to alert him that he has a bullet proof car. And let’s not forget the time Beck accused President Obama of murderous intent, telling him that he had already broken three commandments and warning him not to go for a fourth: Thou shalt not kill.

Beck spent the majority of his program today spewing paranoid fantasies about threats on his life and his supernatural ability to overcome them and emerge stronger. It would have been even more compelling if any of the threats had any basis in reality. So I’ll leave you with this final quote that demonstrates his confidence in his holiness and immortality:

“Things are changing and there is no bad news here. Because what I am feeling in myself, and what is happening to my physical body, to some extent, and what is happening to me mentally, is not a depression, is not a death. It is a transformation. It is a transcendence.”

And with that he ascended into Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Lord. Or at least that’s what he thought. He must not have noticed that his “lord” had horns and a long, pointy tail.