Fox Nation Admonishes Their Faithful: Don’t Believe The Polls

As Mitt Romney sinks further into an abyss of electoral sludge, his Pharisees at Fox News dispense divine guidance to their disciples. The word from on high at Fox Nation is: “Don’t Believe the Polls.”

Fox Nation Don't Believe Polls

It is true that most of the recent polls show President Obama widening his lead over Romney. Even the polls from Fox News report Obama ahead by significant margins. That news is triggering a severe case of paranoia resulting in a defensive overreaction on the part of Romney’s PR team (aka Fox News).

So Fox found an article on The Hill and linked to it with a headline of their own making. The actual source was nothing more than a report on the comments by Romney’s pollster Neil Newhouse, who just happened to disagree with all the polls showing Romney behind. But Fox, in their headline, failed to attribute that opinion to a Romney operative. Newhouse, it should be noted, is the adviser who declared that “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.” To his credit, the campaign has kept that promise.

This admonition to cast out the demon polls is typical of the behavior of a cult where the first sacred lesson is to accept that anything told you by anyone outside the order is a lie. Therefore, all the pollsters are agents of the unholy and must be shunned. Never mind that all of these same pollsters were once embraced by the Foxists as prophets:

Fox Nation Polls

  • Rasmussen Poll: Romney 50%, Obama 42%
  • Poll: Romney Beating Obama Among Women Voters
  • Poll: Romney Up Double Digits With Swing State Independents
  • NBC-WSJ poll: On economy, Romney Opens Up Lead Over Obama
  • Rasmussen Poll: Romney 48%, Obama 44%
  • Fox News Poll: Romney Edges Obama as Approval of President Drops
  • Two National Polls Show Favor For Romney

You have to wonder what calamity befell these pollsters since their prior celebration by those at Fox. It must be that the mortal sin of reporting the results of surveys that show the Kenyan, socialist, anti-Christ defeating the Magic Underwear, White Horse Savior, is sacrilege to the Fox Nationalists and must not be tolerated at the risk of sacrificing your soul. So put the evil polls aside, children, and glory in the Truthiness of Fox.


3 thoughts on “Fox Nation Admonishes Their Faithful: Don’t Believe The Polls

  1. Hmm, all these polls say Obama is ahead. Well, there’s only one explanation for that: The darned thing doesn’t work!

  2. This is a well-written comedic article. Kudos. I particularly laughed at the description of this race as between Anti-Christ and Magic Underwear.

    • Thanks. I wish it were more comedy and less real.

Comments are closed.