The “Damn, These People Are Stupid” Awards For 2014

In a year that was filled to the brim with monumental idiocies, the competition for King of the Dumfux is stiffer than usual. Narrowing down the list of those deserving of special recognition was particularly difficult, but the collection below is a pretty good indication that DEVO was right and that civilization is taking huge leaps backwards. So fasten your neck bolts and let your eyes glaze over as we journey back through a year of hilarious (and frightening) intellectual vacancy.

2014 Stupid People Awards

The “Is Our Children Learning” Award

Leading off the ceremony is a Hall of Famer dolt, Fox News’s Tucker Carlson, who laments that “the problem with American schools is just that kids are…learning too much.” That’s the sort of thinking that makes every other item on this list possible. It is also a recipe for growing new Fox News viewers who appreciate the stupidity of people like Carlson.

An let’s also give Carlson an honorary mention for his screed on “The Wussification Of Popeye.”


The “Speak For Yourself, Douchebag” Award

Former CIA “intelligence” officer, Michael Scheuer, is a regular guest on Fox News. He is famous for telling Glenn Beck that “the only chance we have as a country right now is for Osama bin Laden to deploy and detonate a major weapon in the United States.” But earlier this year in an interview with Neil Cavuto, Scheuer made a surprising distinction between America and the terrorist ISIS operation saying that the Islamists “are not dumb people. They may be brutal, but they are not dumb. We’re the dumb ones.”

Well then, that settles it. The problem we’ve been having all along is that we’re just not as smart as our adversaries. And Cavuto, notably, did not challenge that assessment. After all, how can a bunch of hillbillies who are hypnotized by reality television, designer jeans, and flame-broiled Whoppers supposed to be able to compete intellectually with such sophisticated and sociologically advanced opponents? Why did we not see this deficiency before Scheuer brought it to our attention? Oh yeah, because we’re stupid.


The “Pimp My Ride: Welfare Edition” Award

The lazy-brained right-wing media pounced on a scandalous story about President Obama’s bill to give welfare recipients free cars. And except for the fact that the story was the product of a satirical website, it would have been a great scoop. What makes it worse is that they did same thing the year before and were mercilessly shamed for their idiocy, but that didn’t prevent them from doing it again this year.


The “E Pluribus Ooh Numb” Award

After complaining about a Coca Cola ad that celebrated the diversity of the nation by singing the anthem “America the Beautiful” in several languages, the wingnuts at Breitbart News declared victory when Coke modified the ad by placing the motto “E Pluribus Unum” at the beginning. So let’s get this straight. Coke, they said, “bowed to conservative critics” who insist on English-only by inserting a short phrase in — Latin. Uhhh, OK.


The “Your Wife Is A Fat Fatty” Award

No list of stupidity would be complete without the ravings of Fox’s “psycho” analyst Keith Ablow. There are numerous entries under his name for recognition, but we’ll just settle on one that is both dumb and insulting. While visiting with the women of Fox’s Outnumbered, Ablow dispensed his routine Obama-hating rhetoric, but then added a bit of spice just for this program. As a slap at First Lady Michele Obama, who has been a devoted advocate of healthy diets, Ablow questioned her sincerity by smugly barking “How well can she be eating. She needs to drop a few.” This bit of misogyny even elicited gasps from the conservative ladies of Fox.


The “Republicans Are People Too” Award

In 2014 the Republican Party took on a public relations task that dwarfs all other efforts at opinion-making. They boldly aimed to convince the American people that Republicans are people too. And the method used to achieve this goal was to produce a video that consisted of a montage of stock photos labeled as “average” American Republicans. So the video produced in order to convince everyone that Republicans are real people is populated by fakes. Brilliant.


The “Blind Leading the Old and Stale” Award

Once known as “Bush’s Brain,” Karl Rove has deteriorated into a mentally deficient spewer of rancid rightist partisanship. In an attempt to bash Hillary Clinton, Rove’s wild pitch beaned every senior citizen in the country when he said that “In American politics, there’s a sense you want to be new, you don’t want to be too familiar, you want to be something fresh, you don’t want to be something old and stale.” Never mind that almost every Republican Rove backed for the past thirty years was older or staler than Clinton. The real numbskullery of Rove is that he is insulting the nation’s most reliable voting bloc by implying that they are not fit for public service.


The “Hate Of The Union Address” Award

There is boomlet of commentary on the right that thinks it would be a good idea to prohibit President Obama from delivering the annual State of the Union address to members of Congress. This is a proposal that reeks of personal animosity and is wholly inconsistent with the mission of Congress. What’s more, it certainly doesn’t advance the spirit of cooperation that the GOP pretended to embrace following the midterm election. Speaker Boehner has already nixed this notion, but merely considering it hangs an “i’m a stupid baby” sign around the necks of these cretins.


The “Boobs On The Air” Award

Following reports of a female fighter pilot from the United Arab Emirates who led the UAE’s forces in attacks on ISIL, Fox News host Eric Bolling made what he must have thought was a hilarious joke by referring to her as “Boobs on the ground.” Bolling not only insulted the courageous pilot, but his associates at Fox News as well. He later apologized to his wife and Fox viewers, but egregiously left out the pilot and all other women in the armed services.


The “Flakes On A Plane” Award

Allen West, a disgraced veteran and one-term Tea Party congressman, supplied Fox News with an “exclusive” report about what really happened on the ground in Benghazi. West’s source for his exclusive was an anonymous stranger that happened to be sitting next to him on a plane who said that he knew some other anonymous dude who had the real skinny on the scandal. This is what passes for an “exclusive” news report on Fox News? A third-hand tale of conspiracy theories and previously debunked allegations?


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As special salute at the conclusion of a year of monumentally asinine behavior, News Corpse is presenting its first “Dumfux Award for Achievements in Stupidy.” Candidates for this honor were many and included Ben Carson, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Rush Limbaugh, and Keith Ablow. Sarah Palin was eliminated from the competition because her inclusion would have swamped the field. But emerging from the pack was a wholly deserving moron who proved himself through a year of failure and foolishness. So without further ado, here is the 2014 Dumfux Award for Achievements in Stupidity winner:

Darrell Issa

Congressman Darrell Issa of California

Rep. Issa chaired the House Oversight Committee through a maze of fake scandals, including Benghazi, the IRS/Tea Party affair, and ObamaCare. And in none of his persecutions did he manage to prove any of his preconceived allegations. But he sealed his victory for this award on the last day of the last hearing that he will attend as chairman. Having subpoenaed Jonathan Gruber, the economic advisor who inartfully described the American People as stupid, Issa must have believed that he was in a position to embarrass Gruber and, by association, all Democrats and supporters of ObamaCare. But Issa led off his inquisition with this idiotic question:

“Mr. Gruber, I’ve been accused that I’m going to berate you or something and I hope that you won’t feel that way when I get done. But the night before last I was at the Kennedy Center Honors where they honored Tom Hanks, famously ‘Forrest Gump,’ the ultimate in successful stupid man. Are you stupid?”

Gee…I wonder where Issa might have gotten the impression that people thought he would berate Gruber? This may be the single stupidest question Issa has ever asked anyone. What did he expect Gruber to say? And how did he think this line of questioning would benefit whatever investigation he was pretending to conduct? As usual, Issa’s motives were purely hostile and aimed at creating political theater. But by the end he once again demonstrated his impotence as even conservative colleagues and pundits criticized him for scheduling the pointless hearing in the first place. So congratulations Mr. Issa, and best wishes for a new year as a flunky who no one respects.

2014: An Epic Year For Conservative Crackpot Conspiracy Theories

Recalling the bygone year, there were enough examples of political foolishness, public embarrassment, and unabashed propaganda, to fill a trainload of FEMA caskets. But nothing comes close to boggling the mind like conspiracy theories rooted in nothing but psychotic paranoia and partisan dementia.

News Corpse has covered much of what the right-wing media has attempted to pass off as legitimate news, but was actually evidence of severe cognitive failure. So, as a reminder of 2014’s most ludicrous departures from reality, here is a compilation of some of the best (worst?) excretions from the imagination of the conservative hive mind.


CONSPIRACY: President Obama Is Trying To Impeach Himself

The evil genius in the White House orchestrated the whole Obama-hate campaign from its earliest days in 2008 just so that he would be able to use impeachment, which is every president’s dream, as an election strategy six years into his presidency. He had the foresight to anticipate that his anti-America agenda, developed in concert with the Muslims and Marxists in his inner circle, would make the 2014 midterms so difficult that he would need something positive, like having himself prosecuted before Congress for high crimes and misdemeanors, in order to stem the tide of opposition that would rise up.

Impeach Obama


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Ben Carson Fears That Obama Will Declare Himself President for Life.

The United States and its democratic system has endured for over 200 years, through economic catastrophes, civil and world wars, Nixonian corruption, and assassinations. Yet Carson thinks that it may all soon be over because of our present economy (with it’s soaring stock market, record profits, and low unemployment), and a band of desert rats 8,000 miles away?

Ben Carson


Glenn Beck Asserts That Obama Purposely Planted Ebola In Dallas

Obviously President Obama’s agenda centers around the fact that he hates Dallas so much that he arranged to have an Ebola-infected Liberian fly there and die. […] First and foremost, it is not true that Dallas “doesn’t particularly care for the President.” In 2012 Obama was reelected with 57% of the vote from Dallas County. That’s a larger margin than he won nationally. Obama also beat McCain in Dallas by the same amount in 2008.

Glenn Beck Ebolamania


Steve Doocy Discovers A Mysterious Photo Of Two Men With One Pair Of Legs.

Doocy: Fox News Alert: New questions about those two Iranian men who boarded flight 370 with stolen passports. Did somebody Photoshop this picture of them, because they both appear to have the same legs. That’s leading many to believe there is a cover-up happening. […] The Malaysians are saying ‘No, we didn’t Photoshop or anything like that. They had a Xerox copy and part of the guy on the left was put on top of the duplicate of the guy on the right. Do you buy that?

Fox News Cover Up Passengers


According To “Doctor” Keith Ablow, Obama Orchestrated The World Cup To Distract From [???]

Somehow Obama orchestrated FIFA’s scheduling of the quadrennial games to coincide with whatever scandal is presently infecting Ablow’s brain so that the American people, who usually ignore soccer, won’t notice that FEMA has already begun incarcerating Tea Party leaders and the EPA is deploying new Pentagon technology to increase global temperatures. What a devious plot our Kenyan in the White House has devised.

Keith Ablow


Conservative Media Freak Out Over Obama’s Plan To Grant Amnesty To 34 Million Illegal Aliens

The usual conservative media mouthpieces are reporting that there is a plot afoot by the Obama administration to grant amnesty to some 34 million “illegal” aliens soon after the midterm election. To put that number into perspective, that’s more than three times as many undocumented immigrants as are currently estimated to be in the United States. It’s a third of the entire population of Mexico. If they all occupied a new state it would be the second most populous state in the country after California with 38 million.

Fox News


Louie Gohmert Accuses Comcast Of Attempting To Silence Glenn Beck

Gohmert found an angle to question the [Comcast/Time Warner] merger that only he could have dreamed up. He believes that Comcast is engaged in a conspiracy to silence Glenn Beck. And Al Gore is in on it along with Al Jazeera who “wanted to get their Sharia law push into the United States.”

Glenn Beck


Pat Caddell Says That It Is Republicans That Want The IRS To Go After The Tea Party

Did the Republicans infiltrate the IRS and orchestrate a strategy to deny Tea Partiers tax-exempt status? Did they conduct sham hearings in the House, led by the crusading committee chair (and recidivist criminal) Darrel Issa, all the while maneuvering secretly to oppress Tea Party organizations and cast the blame on Democrats?

False Flag


GOP Rep Tells Fox News That Obama Plans To Flood U.S. With Foreign Ebola Patients

The plot was discovered by the Republican chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Bob Goodlatte, who claims to have confidential information that came to him via an “inside source” within the administration. Naturally he takes this skimpy, unverifiable gossip to Megyn Kelly of Fox News. The alarmist anxiety of Rep. Goodlatte is typical of the fear mongering that Republican politicians and pundits engage in so frequently.

Fox News Ebola to America


Fox News Imagines Another Covert Plot Against Rick Perry (And America) By George Soros

Brent Bozell’s op-ed for Fox News is titled “Mainstream media censors Soros’ connection to Rick Perry indictment.” He begins his bill of peculiars by alleging that the media has suppressed the truth about Texans for Public Justice (TPJ), the group that originally filed the complaint against Perry. Bozell claims that “the group responsible for that indictment had received a half million dollars” from Soros. However, there is a very good reason that the press failed to disclose this information: It isn’t true.

Fox News Rick Perry


Fright-Wing News: Fox News Reports, As Fact, The Missing Libyan Planes Hoax

Fox News anchor Jon Scott introduced a segment saying “A potentially terrifying scenario is playing out as we approach September 11. Nearly a dozen airplanes are missing – flat out missing – from an airport in Tripoli, raising new fears of the possibility of another terror attack from the air.”

OMG! That is truly terrifying. I can almost hear the roar of a dozen jet engines filling the sky with thunderous evil as they aim for defenseless skyscrapers packed with unsuspecting victims. Why doesn’t Obama raise the threat level to “Unrestrained Panic” and evacuate America’s cities? Perhaps because the story is not true.

Fox News Missing Planes

Fun With Rush: Limbaugh Explains How The Dreaded Polar Vortex Was Created By Liberals

El Rushbo has dusted off his fake degree in meteorology to explain to his dittohead audience how something that has been studied for decades was just invented by some Democrats this week.

Limbaugh: So, ladies and gentlemen, we are having a record-breaking cold snap in many parts of the country. And right on schedule the media have to come up with a way to make it sound like it’s completely unprecedented. Because they’ve got to find a way to attach this to the global warming agenda, and they have. It’s called the ‘polar vortex.’ The dreaded polar vortex. […] Do you know what the polar vortex is? Have you ever heard of it? Well, they just created it for this week.

Rush Limbaugh


And there you have it. Just a taste of the insanity that has infected one of America’s two major political parties. And all of it occurring in just one hilarity-packed year. The only thing that makes these frighteningly absurd episodes of psychosis even more disturbing, is that in 2015 these are the folks who will be in charge of both the United States House of Representatives and Senate. So happy new Year America, and good luck. You’re gonna need it.

IRONY ALERT: Fox News “Psycho” Analyst Calls Obama’s Police Plan “Toxic Propaganda”

Following the tragedies in Ferguson, Missouri and Staten Island, New York, where unarmed black men were killed by overzealous police officers, the nation was thrown into a debate that ought to have occurred long ago. Any objective observer would have to agree that there is a serious problem in a society where one particular group of citizens suffers so disproportionately at the hands of law enforcement.

That explains why Fox News, not known for their objectivity, has so fiercely defended the police officers and departments that are engaging in unnecessary brutality in the name of public safety. But it does not explain why Fox’s “psycho” analyst, Keith Ablow, gets so lost in a deranged argument that blames President Obama for “motivat[ing] our citizens to question the decency of elements of American life.”

Keith Ablow

Ablow’s op-ed for Fox purports to be a criticism of a batch of proposals by Obama in response to recent episodes of police brutality. The proposals are widely viewed as a common sense beginning of a process that will require more time and contemplation to resolve. They include…

  • 50,000 Police Body Cameras
  • Task Force on Police Practices
  • White House Report on Police “Militarization”
  • Executive Order on Military-Style Equipment Acquisition

However, “doctor” Ablow finds these measures to be destructive and harmful to “the confidence of Americans in yet another aspect of our culture.” He employs his divine powers of mind reading to expose a fifth proposal that Obama is secretly pursuing. He says that…

Ablow: The core of the president’s policing program is an unspoken, psychologically powerful (and profoundly toxic) fifth point: To encourage distrust of local and state police by American citizens.

The fact that Ablow regards Obama’s response to the national uproar over the deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner to be an encouragement of police distrust indicates that he may be suffering from acute denial. With thousands of people flooding the streets to protest across the country it is fairly safe to conclude that there is already significant distrust, disappointment, and fear among our citizenry. It would be derelict for the President to do nothing under the circumstances.

What Ablow suggests, however, is even worse than nothing. He begins by objecting to the body cams, which many departments support as a means to both deterring police misconduct and exonerating officers from false complaints. Then he goes off the rails entirely with his support for the militarization of local police departments. He bemoans the proposal to study the increase of militarized cops as an effort to “take powerful arms away from them.”

What makes this a case study in deranged irony is that Ablow asserts that Obama is pursuing an environment where “nothing other than an all-powerful central authority can safeguard them.” But how can he make that argument at the same time as he advocates for weapons, tanks, and other military-style tools to occupy American neighborhoods? It is Ablow who favors an all-powerful central authority as embodied by police outfitted as if they were an invading army.

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In his final paragraph, Ablow asserts that the President’s plan is “designed to harness underlying doubt and paranoia in people and direct it in a way that shakes the confidence of Americans in yet another aspect of our culture.” Once again, the irony is flowing like lava down an erupting volcano. The doubt and paranoia were present long before Obama’s actions. Furthermore, Ablow has spent his career firmly devoted to shaking the confidence of Americans in their institutions, especially the presidency (at least while it was occupied by a gay communist Muslim from Kenya).

Ablow is a key figure in the media’s most brazen propaganda machine. For him to assail anyone else for alleged propaganda while collecting a salary from Fox News is laughable. His colleagues in the medical profession have described him as unethical and embarrassing. For a brief sampling of Ablow’s dementia, see the following:

The Ablow Record: He proposed what he called an “American Jihad,” wherein he advocated for a military campaign to force other countries to adopt the American political system. He charged that President Obama was waging psychological warfare on the American people. He praised Newt Gingrich for being unfaithful to multiple wives. He welcomed the pain of Americans suffering through the recession. He offered his recipe for building a terrorist that read more like building a Tea Party. He repeatedly diagnosed President Obama and others without ever having examined, or even met them. And my personal favorite, he actually had praise for the Unabomber’s sociological philosophy.

Remember Ebola? Apparently The Election And Fox News Cured It

Remember way back a week ago when Ebola was the most fearsome threat America faced since The War Of The Worlds? Fox News and other media portrayed the virus as the harbinger of the Apocalypse. We were all just an errant sneeze away from contracting a deadly disease that was certain to sweep through the nation unabated.

Well, last Tuesday there was an election that seems to have put an end to the panic that had previously consumed the press. And just in time since Fox is now focused on helping Republicans to scuttle health care which is no longer needed by anyone. So, no longer are there hourly updates on the raging pandemic. No longer are politicians and pundits jumping in front of every camera to proclaim that the End of Days are upon us. No longer do psycho Chicken Littles rant about how President Obama is personally responsible for the uncontrollable outbreak.

Fox News Defeats Ebola

But it was just a week ago that Ebola was the calamity of choice for Fox News fear mongers. And since that is so far back in the distance past, News Corpse is providing a public service to remind everyone of the horrendous doom we narrowly escaped. For instance…

Remember when…

…a travel ban on anyone from West Africa was the Republicans’ most important immigration issue in the nation?

GOP Tents America

Remember when…

Bill O’Reilly insisted that the administration was lying to us and demanded that the CDC chief resign if he wouldn’t appear on his show?

Fox News Bill O'Reilly

Remember when…

…Fox’s “psycho” analyst Keith Ablow accused President Obama of wanting Ebola to spread in America because he “sees Americans as having infected others with our deadly economic policies?”

Keith Ablow

Remember when…

…Fox News was consumed by the threat of terrorists streaming across the southern border dripping with Ebola?

Fox News Ebola

Remember when…

…the transmission of Ebola to a second American nurse constituted an “OUTBREAK?”

Fox Nation Ebola Outbreak

Remember when…

…Bill O’Reilly brought in Glenn Beck to accuse Obama of facilitating the spread of Ebola in Dallas because Dallas hates him (even though Dallas voted for Obama in larger majorities than he won nationally)?

Glenn Beck Ebolamania

Remember when…

…A Republican congressmen rushed to Fox News to feverishly accuse Obama of plotting to flood the U.S. with foreign Ebola patients?

Fox News Ebola to America

Who knew that an election would be such an effective cure for Ebola? In the end the virus infected only two people in the United States, and only one foreign national died. When you think about the hysteria that surrounded the contrived crisis, it is curious that there isn’t a similar outcry over the guns that kill over 30,000 Americans every year. There is a good case to make that the NRA is more dangerous to Americans than Ebola ever was. So is tobacco, influenza, pollution, and lightening. In fact, you are even more likely to die by your own hand (39,000 annual suicides) than to be killed by Ebola. So whatever you do, don’t get on any plane that you are on.

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Unethical And Embarrassing: Fox News “Psycho” Analyst Blasted By Medical Pros

The Associated Press has published a scathing profile of Fox News Medical A-Team member, and disgraced psychiatric fraud, Keith Ablow. The article by the AP’s media analyst David Bauder solicited opinions from distinguished psychiatric professionals and academics and found Ablow’s quackery to be outside the bounds of acceptable conduct, saying that…

“…the Fox News Channel analyst freely mixes psychiatric assessments with political criticism, a unique twist in the realm of cable news commentary that some medical colleagues find unethical.”

Keith Ablow

For more hysterical examples from the Fox Fib Factory…
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Indeed, Ablow has demonstrated himself to be a committed purveyor of vitriol aimed at President Obama and other mostly liberal targets. His most recent screed for Fox made an absurd and dangerous argument for an “American Jihad,” wherein he advocated for a military campaign to force other countries to adopt the American political system.

For more on Ablow’s unique brand of assholiness, see these selected choices from the recent past: He charged that President Obama was waging psychological warfare on the American people. He praised Newt Gingrich for being unfaithful to multiple wives. He welcomed the pain of Americans suffering through the recession. He offered his recipe for building a terrorist that read more like building a Tea Party. He repeatedly diagnosed President Obama and others without ever having examined, or even met them. And my personal favorite, he actually had praise for the Unabomber’s sociological philosophy.

A couple of the assessments of “doctor” Ablow’s misconduct by his the real psychiatric pros he would like to imagine are his peers include…

Dr. Jeffrey Lieberman, chairman of psychiatry at Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons: It is shameful and unfortunate that he is given a platform by Fox News or any other media organization. Basically he is a narcissistic self-promoter of limited and dubious expertise.

Dr. Ford Vox, Shepherd Brain Injury Rehabilitation Center : [R]eally just irresponsible and it’s embarrassing for physicians in general.

But perhaps the most stinging criticism came from the spokesman for the primary target of Ablow’s virulent wrath. Apparently Ablow’s attacks had little to no impact on his intended victims. Jay Carney, who recently left the post of White House Press Secretary wasn’t even sure who Ablow was, saying…

“I’m confident that no one in the White House spends any time thinking about him. Fox is Fox. It doesn’t really matter who the salesman is. The product is always the same.”

That just about sums it up. Ablow is an ineffectual scoundrel whose lunatic ravings are generally ignored. Yet he is emblematic of the hateful bias that permeates the alleged “news” network. In fact, the description of Ablow as “a narcissistic self-promoter of limited and dubious expertise,” could actually apply to almost anyone at Fox News: Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Megyn Kelly, Neil Cavuto, Steve Doocy, etc.

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Media Matters has compiled a revealing video collage of Ablow’s dementia.

[Update] Ablow has characteristically responded with a stream of venomous drivel, saying that “As a medical professional it is readily apparent that [Obama] is a President who has issues with the nation of which he is President.” He regards Bauder’s article as “an unfair attempt to impair my credibility.” But that would require that he had any credibility in the first place.

Fox News “Psycho” Analyst Gives Terrorists Justification To Attack Americans

The fanatical warhawks that routinely appear on Fox News have distinguished themselves by always managing to find new reasons to deploy military forces against perceived threats like ISIL, Iran, North Korea, Russia, immigrants, married gays, minority voters, or MSNBC. But now, for the first time, a Fox regular has advocated declaring war on any nation that isn’t sufficiently aligned with the American model of democracy.

Keith Ablow Jihad

The Fox News “psycho” analyst, “doctor” Keith Ablow has issued a call to arms that is international in scale and universally insane. His op-ed is titled “It’s time for an ‘American jihad'” and represents the worst of nationalistic supremacy and aspirations of world domination. He followed up the editorial with an appearance on Fox & Friends where his mania was eagerly lapped up.

By invoking the term “jihad’ Ablow is deliberately plugging into the controversial mission of many of the radical Islamic forces responsible for world terrorism. He openly admits that his definition of the term includes a “war or struggle against unbelievers” and “a crusade for a principle or belief.” So he regards it as proper for the United States to take action against other sovereign nations based solely on their having different beliefs than we do. And by calling it a “crusade” he seems to be utterly insensitive to the genocidal history associated with that word.

But Ablow’s rant has an even more dangerous impact on international terrorism. He is actually validating the reasons that terrorists have for declaring their jihad against the West. They have long argued that Western democracies are the aggressors and have ambitions to overrun their countries and suppress their people. Now Ablow is telling them that they’ve been right all along. Here is how he begins his tirade:

“An American jihad would reawaken in American citizens the certain knowledge that our Constitution is a sacred document that better defines and preserves the liberty and autonomy of human beings than the charter of any other nation on earth.”

How different is that expression of superiority than the wild declarations of fundamentalist Muslims who insist that they have the spiritual authority from God to impose their theocracy on others. By referring to our Constitution as sacred, Ablow is flipping the debate from a political context to a holy war. He goes on to say that America has a “manifest destiny” to “spread around the world” our brand of government and to “insist on its reflection in every government.” In other words, global tyranny.

Ablow says that the world would be a better place if every country in it would only adopt the American way, and that his jihad would be aimed at working toward that end. His methods of achieving his goals include some profoundly disturbing notions.

First of all, he would have American children be indoctrinated with “feelings of pride in our democracy as superior to all other forms of government.” That, of course, would be contrary to the principles of free expression and critical thinking that requires good ideas to rise based on their merits.

Secondly, he would require that American aid be tied “slowly but inexorably, toward reflecting our Constitution.” That would exclude a large number of nations who are presently our allies, but worse, it would remove us from nations that we would hope to foster closer ties to. It would also transform our objectives for providing aid from humanitarian to purely political. That would only serve to drive potentially friendly countries farther away while discrediting our motives.

Thirdly, Ablow suggests using American funds to bankroll “an international mercenary force,” which is against international law. In addition to that he also proposes that our military take a role because we would have to “accept the fact that an American jihad could mean boots on the ground in many places in the world.” His justification for such missions is that “we have a God-given right to intervene.” Didn’t Osama Bin Laden say that?

Perhaps the looniest proposition offered in this supremely loony sermon is Ablow’s suggestion regarding what amounts to infiltration of foreign governments. He says that…

“We would urge our leaders, after their service in the U.S. Senate and Congress, to seek dual citizenship in other nations, like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany, and work to influence those nations to adopt laws very much like our own. We might even fund our leaders’ campaigns for office in these other nations.”

I wonder how Ablow would feel about other countries adopting that proposal toward the U.S. I wonder if he knows that it would violate our laws if another nation were to fund campaigns for American offices. So Ablow wants to force other countries to follow our laws while advocating that we violate them. I guess it’s OK for us because we’re ordained by God.

Finally, Ablow has to take a shot at President Obama because if he doesn’t he goes into severe withdrawal. He drools that…

“An American jihad would turn back and topple the terrible self-loathing in our citizens set in motion by President Obama.”

This is a regular theme in Ablow’s psychosis. He believes that Obama “has it in for America.” He is convinced that the President has an affinity for our enemies and hates his own country because his parents abandoned him, or were communists, or were victims of colonialism, or launched him into space from the dying planet Krypton. What’s more, Ablow believes that the American people are so gullible that they have succumbed to Obama’s hypnotic demands to hate themselves. Why else, other than self-loathing, would they have elected him to the highest office in the land twice?

Perhaps Ablow could be persuaded to leave the country for some derelict nation that hasn’t confessed its worship of America where he could run for office. I’m pretty sure he could get a significant amount of donations to advance his campaign if it meant he would not be spewing any more of these deranged theories and further polluting the public discourse here in the U.S.

Ebolophobia: Fox News “Psycho” Analyst Infects America With Irrational Fear

Be afraid America. President Obama’s “reticence to put America first” is making it impossible to contain the “psychological virus” of fear that is spreading across the nation due to an outbreak of the Ebola virus that has already claimed as many as one life within our borders. That’s the warning issued by Fox News “psycho” analyst Keith Ablow, who is calling the epidemic of fear “Ebolophobia.”

Keith Ablow

Ablow is best known for his astute diagnoses of prior public health threats like the Obama Virus, which Ablow alleged would result in America’s children succumbing to “the subtle, chronic, steady erosion of their belief in themselves.” He prescribed the following preventative measure:

“So it is time to immunize our sons and daughters against the president’s psychologically toxic rhetoric, which has the capacity to destroy the self-esteem of a generation of young people.”

In response to the potential of unnecessary Ebola-related anxiety, Ablow suggests taking steps that only appear to be absurdly paranoid to those who aren’t gifted with his unique strain of dementia. He notes that “fears of a deadly epidemic in the United States are bound to accelerate,” even as he warns about “worries that dogs and other animals could transmit Ebola.” Now that may seem like a peculiar way of mitigating unwarranted fear, but then you would have to be a pseudo-professional like Ablow to understand its efficacy.

Ablow’s first proposal for treating Ebolophobia is to implement a travel ban on countries that currently have a problem with the virus. Never mind that public health experts agree that this would be counterproductive and could even exacerbate the problem by prohibiting the flow of medical personnel and materials to areas that need it most. And it would be unlikely to prevent infected persons from entering the country because anyone originating travel from, say Liberia, could easily fly to Rome and continue on to the U.S. from there. What’s more, the U.S. is now an Ebola-infected country. Does that mean that Ablow would advocate an international ban on travel by Americans?

As an indication of just how serious the threat of Ebola paired with the Obama Virus is, Ablow offers his diagnosis of the President’s mental state, which Ablow surmised via the classic “Puhlit Outta Myass” protocols that enable alleged doctors to arrive at conclusions about a subject despite never having examined, or even met them. Ablow says that…

“I think [Obama] sees himself as a citizen of the world and sees Americans as having infected others with our deadly economic policies for a long time, thereby inflicting untold suffering on developing nations. To now lead the way to America insulating itself from a scourge sweeping the very countries he seems to think we have preyed upon could, of course, strike him (if only unconsciously) as profoundly unfair.

I believe the president may literally believe we should suffer along with less fortunate nations.”

In other words, Ablow thinks that the uncaring socialist Obama is willing to infect every American with a deadly disease because of his hatred for the virus of Capitalism. Ablow literally believes that the President’s anti-Americanism is leading him to deliberately launch a pandemic. Furthermore, Ablow advises that the correct response should be “a medical-military one that replicates fighting a war.” Because who isn’t for more wars? Here is the rest of his prescription:

  • “The borders should be sealed to travelers who have visited nations affected by Ebola in the last 30 days.”
    Of course, that would include travelers who have visited the United States.
  • “The surgeon general and a special assistant surgeon general for Ebola defense should be dispensing daily information about public health initiatives and medical research initiatives being undertaken to contain and combat the illness.”
    He may want to talk to the Republicans who have blocked the appointment of Obama’s Surgeon General nominee for eleven months due to their fear of the NRA.
  • “A special national fundraising drive should be launched to pour money into virology labs to jumpstart research into an Ebola cure and a vaccine.”
    Because it certainly isn’t the government’s job to protect the welfare of the nation. That would just be more socialism. So let’s make financially strapped citizens fork over more cash or die.

Ablow closes by conflating the Ebola issue with the fight against terrorism in the Middle East. He blasts Obama as “a president who seems to see America as having no particular manifest destiny” which Ablow says “may be seen in the spread of ISIS abroad.” See? They’re exactly the same thing. Maybe Ablow would support a special national fundraising drive to eradicate ISIS. After that we could implement a travel ban on anyone who has been exposed to ObamaCare. And why not direct our public health institutions to develop a cure for Benghazi?

Ablow is right about one thing. There is an epidemic of irrational fear. And its source is the miscreants and misinformers that populate the Fox News Channel. They spend the bulk of their days deliberately frightening their dimwitted viewers with fabricated nonsense and unfiltered hostility toward fellow Americans who happen to have different opinions. Ablow is just another cog in the Fear Factory of Fox News, whose transparent intention is to spread distrust and division. Fortunately, there is a way to prevent infection by this virus of hate and ignorance. Turn off Fox News. Now, if only we could quarantine those already infected.

A SHOCKING Prediction For Obama’s Speech on ISIL Tonight

[Note: The post-speech results of this prediction were posted the evening of 9/10/2014]

It is long past time for wavering and skimming along the edges of political opinion. The seriousness of threats facing our nation and world require forthright language and action. Therefore, News Corpse is prepared to make a bold prediction about the aftermath of the highly anticipated speech by President Obama this evening. Are you ready?

“Republicans and Fox News are going to HATE Obama’s speech and viciously attack it and him.”

Republicans

Forgive my bluntness, but there is no time to waste on shallow courtesies. I know some of you may be stunned by this breathtaking prophecy, but its necessity precluded any other action.

As evidence of the accuracy of my forecast, I would point you to an op-ed on Fox News by “Psycho” analyst Keith Ablow, a member of Fox’s Medical “A” Team. Ablow previews his vision for Obama’s speech and offers advice that he admits at the outset wasn’t invited (for good reason). Ablow begins by telling the President that…

“You must not let your own psychology interfere with the message you send to our mortal enemies.”

This, of course, is because, in Ablow’s view, Obama’s psychology is deeply twisted and fraught with the anti-American biases that he has harbored his whole life. That is why he struggled to overcome a difficult childhood from a biracial family, with a single mother, to rise to the highest political office in the land. Only someone who truly despises the country could muster the devotion and commitment necessary for such a lofty goal.

Ablow goes on to declare that Obama “feel[s] ambivalent about the decency of America,” and that a majority of Americans shared his belief that we deserved to be attacked on 9/11. What Americans Ablow has interviewed to arrive at this theory is a mystery. Nevertheless, he contends that Obama’s misgivings are evident in his “apology tour” of Europe (which never happened) and his campaign rhetoric about whether successful business people owed some debt to a society that contributed to their success via enhancements in transportation infrastructure, tax incentives, and economic aid to the consumer class (which did indeed help businesses to succeed).

According to Ablow, Obama had the intention of “fanning the flames of hatred toward the United States.” And what’s more, he deliberately let Americans die in Benghazi, golfed while American heads were being cut off, and vacationed while terrorists took over the rest of the planet. Never mind that none of that represents a coherent view of reality, Ablow’s dementia is firmly rooted in a nightmare world where villains rule and monsters lurk in every shadow. If Ablow were to surface from his delusions long enough to realize that every president has presided over atrocities (i.e. Reagan saw more than 200 Marines murdered in Lebanon; thirteen embassies were attacked under Bush, with some 60 fatalities), he might have an irreversible mental breakdown. I mean, another one.

Finally, Ablow dispenses with all remnants of sanity as he alleges that Obama shares common ground with terrorist extremists. But not only that. Ablow also indicts the American people as being aligned with ISIL. Ablow says…

“Please know that as Americans and people all over the world listen to your speech about ISIS, they will be listening—both consciously and at a deeply unconscious level—for further clues that you, like they, think that the United States deserves an ISIS terror attack.”

So the American people will be listening to see if Obama thinks that the U.S. deserves an attack by ISIS, just like they do? As noted above, Ablow must be conferring with a very different segment of the American population to come up with this rancid bullcrap. Either that or he is simply inventing it in his acutely damaged brain.

Still, he represents a significant portion of the Fox News/GOP/Tea Party demographic of doom. And his pre-speech raving is as good an indicator of how these miscreants will respond after the actual speech is delivered, regardless of the content. Despite the presumption of right-wingers that Obama is advancing the cause of the terrorists, it is the wingnuts who are emboldening the enemy by denigrating the President as weak and incompetent. That is not exactly the best method of confronting a brutal opponent.

If Obama says anything other than that he has just personally killed Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi with his bare hands and that he was also resigning and appointing a right-wing hero (i.e. Ted Cruz, Vladimir Putin) to succeed him, the Fox News contingent will savagely pummel him with a single-minded devotion to their knee-jerk, tunnel-blind, ignorant, hysteria. That’s my prediction anyway.

The Vampire Doctor: Fox News “Psycho” Analyst Goes Inside The Mind Of ISIS

When an alleged doctor has already established a reputation as a world class crackpot by, among other things, expressing his admiration for the Unabomber, it may seem that there is no further he could fall into the abyss of madness. But leave it to “psycho” analyst Keith Ablow, a member of the Fox News A Team, to exceed all expectations of depravity.

In a new Fox News editorial, Ablow purports to go “Inside the mind of James Foley’s ISIS executioner.” Ablow has previously gone inside the minds of at least thirty-five other individuals, including President Obama. His prodigious ability to channel the psyche of people whom has never examined, or even met, is itself a symptom of psychosis. But his analysis of an unknown terrorist’s brutality sets new standards for quackery as he associates the behavior with that of a vampire slayer. Call it the Buffy Syndrome.

Keith Ablow

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Ablow begins his analysis of the ISIS executioner with a cringe-worthy attempt to humanize him. Ablow admonishes those who would vilify the man who decapitated Foley with his bare hands as “an unthinking monster,” and reminds his readers that he likely has family and friends, has laughed and wept, and may have read and written poetry. What a guy. This sort of perverse empathy is something that Ablow does not afford to President Obama, who he has pointedly dehumanized saying that…

“…he doesn’t hate us. He simply isn’t there to hate or love. Because, guess what? Long ago he severed himself from all core emotions.”

It says a lot about Ablow’s emotional pathology that he finds consonance with the ISIS butcher, but not with Obama or the millions of Americans who elected him twice. Ablow explains the innermost motivations of the executioner with a peculiar pop culture reference:

“His line in the sand separates worthy human beings from those lost, evil souls whose failure to accept the Prophet Muhammad and live according to a particular interpretation of fundamentalist Islamic law makes them no different from vampires who can infect the rest of the human race with venom and claim them for the plague. […] the ISIS executioner was in the grip of a psychotic delusion. He wasn’t killing a real person; he was killing a monster”

What a barrel of pseudo-psychological hogwash. How does this fraud get away with calling himself a doctor? The man who murdered Foley couldn’t care less about his politics or his faith. This was nothing more than a depraved PR stunt devised solely for its shock value. They were attempting to coerce the United States into halting its airstrikes targeting ISIS. It was a strategy for which there could be no result other than failure, as evidenced by the airstrikes that immediately followed the execution. And it’s interesting that Ablow’s vampire theory includes rhetoric about infection and venom, because he has used that before with regard to Obama when he proposed the need “to immunize our sons and daughters against the president’s psychologically toxic rhetoric.”

It isn’t the butcher of ISIS who views people as vampires and infectious threats. It’s Ablow. He then goes on to contradict his previous inanities that humanized the enemy by saying that…

“You can’t reason or negotiate from a distance with a person in the grip of a psychotic delusion that defines others as the evil vectors of a horrifying plague. The delusion owns that person’s mind. […] The only way to stop the ISIS executioner and those in the grip of the same psychotic delusion is to kill the ones who cannot be captured, wherever they can be found, in whatever numbers possible.”

Let’s just set aside the fact that it is Ablow whose delusions own his mind and who has defined Obama as the evil vector of a horrifying plague. He has also abandoned his theory that the terrorists are misguided souls with family and friends who must not be dismissed as unthinking monsters. Now they are delusional psychotics who must be exterminated. And with that, Ablow has adopted the mindset that he previously attributed to the terrorists. And it’s a mindset that he believes is on the ascent when he says that…

“…we cannot believe for one moment that the psychosis will not spread and threaten us all with delusional assassins who are reading poetry and looking at the stars and hugging their kids and dreaming of slicing our throats and those of our children from ear to ear, in order to save the world.”

The message in this that we must all be fearful of the poetry reading undead who are amassing to feast on our blood. It is the Twilight Saga Gone Wild. From Ablow’s perspective it is impossible not to imagine that, if the ISIS executioner were to remove his hood, we would find a dreamy Calvin Klein model whose plaintive expression evoked a tortured and complex soul who only wants to be loved. [Cue eerie music and montage of sighing teenage girls]

Fox News “Psycho” Analyst: Obama Hates America And His Wife Is Fat

He’s at it again. “Doctor” Keith Ablow, a member of the Fox News Medical A[ss] Team, was the male guest on the panel show of Fox fems, Outnumbered. In the course of the hour the examples of his boorish political asininity and misogyny far “outnumbered” any commentary that approached common sense or civility.

Keith Ablow

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In the opening segment, the topic was President Obama’s foreign policy and the crises in the Middle East. Ablow’s knee-jerk hostility to even hearing Obama’s name incited a brief tirade that questioned the President’s patriotism and connection to the country that elected him twice to the highest office in the land.

“I think he has an endgame. I think he is extremely strategic. He wants to minimize the influence of America around the globe. He’s doing a masterful job. That is his primary, and seemingly sole, objective. Everyday this guy occupies the White House is a bizarre event in my experience. I can’t believe that people were so thrown by 9/11 as to elect this person who does not hold our values as his own. And we thought by propping him up we wouldn’t be attacked anymore.”

There is just too much stupid in that rant to address in full. Let’s just note that after 9/11, if the country was “thrown,” they were thrown to reelect George W. Bush, because Obama’s election didn’t come until seven years later. And Ablow unveils his prejudices by characterizing Obama’s term in office as an “occupation” by someone who doesn’t hold “our” values. That is coded birther rhetoric. Then he joins the likes of John McCain and Lindsey Graham in advocating war, but in a particularly repulsive manner.

“Of course there should be boots on the ground. Of course there should be. Because we are the chosen nation. […] We’ll be fighting this for a long, long time. It will cost us a tremendous amount. Young people will die. It’s horrific, but these people will stop at nothing.”

What a patriot. He’s so willing to volunteer other people’s sons and daughters to die in a war thousands of miles from home. Because, after all, we are “the chosen nation,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. Apparently God wants America’s kids to be slaughtered in distant deserts. But Ablow is just getting started.

Right-wingers are fond of inventing controversies wherein they allege government intrusion into the private lives of citizens. They hate being told what to do by the feds, even if it is merely a regulation to mandate airplane safety or to keep poisons out of the water supply. Any and all regulation is, to them, a manifestation of tyranny. So in a discussion about healthy food standards in public schools, the Outnumbered panel was unanimous in support of the abdication of parental authority. They said that if their kids didn’t want to eat the healthy meals provided by a school lunch program, they shouldn’t have to. In effect they are saying that their kids should dictate what they will, and will not, eat. Adults pursuing the best interests of students should have no decision in the matter. So if your kids want to eat only candy, then parents should let schools serve that to their kids for lunch.

As ludicrous as that sounds, the conversation became even more absurd and insulting with regard to First Lady Michele Obama, who has been a devoted advocate of healthy diets, especially for children who have been exceeding historical levels of obesity. The problem has alarmed military leaders who launched a campaign in support of Obama’s initiative because the state of America’s youth is making it difficult to find physically qualified recruits. On this subject Ablow interjected to question Obama’s commitment saying…

“How well can she be eating. She needs to drop a few.”

That ignorant and irrelevant observation drew a chorus of gasps from the four women on the panel. Co-host Harris Faulkner exclaimed “You did not just say that!” They were plainly disgusted by Ablow’s misogynistic remark, but they ultimately decided to let it pass without further comment.

How this cretin got a medical license is one of the great mysteries of modern times. He is a transparently racist, hateful, narrow-minded, buffoon. And anyone who seeks his services is putting their health, physical and emotional, at risk.