{"id":1354,"date":"2009-08-06T22:08:44","date_gmt":"2009-08-07T05:08:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1354"},"modified":"2009-09-23T10:05:59","modified_gmt":"2009-09-23T17:05:59","slug":"more-glenn-beck-messianic-delusions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1354","title":{"rendered":"More Glenn Beck Messianic Delusions"},"content":{"rendered":"

It is beginning to look like I may have to start a new blog just to document Glenn Beck’s growing collection of messianic tribulations. If ever a man was obsessed with his own vision of a doomed world that only he can rescue, it’s little Glenny B.<\/p>\n

On today’s program he broadcast another plea to his disciples to be wary of any tales of his demise:<\/p>\n

“You ever see those movies where they say, ‘I gave a note to my attorney, and if I’m found dead, open the note.’<\/em> I kind of feel like you’re my attorney. If I show up, you know, in Thailand, dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation, don’t believe it.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This comes just weeks after he warned<\/a>…<\/p>\n

“If I’m ever in a weird car accident, or I commit suicide or something, after the media stops celebrating my death, could they check into it? Because I’m not suicidal. And I’m a pretty good driver.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And it was just last week that he blew his secret dog whistle<\/a>:<\/p>\n

“I fear that there will come a time when I cannot say things that I am currently saying. I fear that it will come to television and to radio, and I will stop saying these things. Understand me clearly. Hear me now. If I ever stop saying these things, you will know why. Because I will have made a choice that I can only say certain things, and I haven’t lost all of the rights. But know that these things are true. And if you hear me stop saying these things, it’s because I can no longer say them to you. But hear them between the sentences. Hear them, please. I will be screaming them to you.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So in the event that Beck is assassinated by zombie agents from the Gamma Quadrant, we are now all baptized as translators of the scripture that he has been screaming at us. It is an awesome responsibility, but one we undertake for the welfare of mankind.<\/p>\n

Klaatu barada nikto!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is beginning to look like I may have to start a new blog just to document Glenn Beck’s growing collection of messianic tribulations. If ever a man was obsessed with his own vision of a doomed world that only he can rescue, it’s little Glenny B. On today’s program he broadcast another plea to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,15,16],"tags":[44],"class_list":["post-1354","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","category-humor","category-wankery","tag-glenn-beck"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Ijg-lQ","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1386,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1386","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":0},"title":"Even More Glenn Beck Messianic Delusions","author":"Mark NC","date":"9\/2\/2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The rate at which the wheels are coming off of Glenn Beck's crazy train is dizzying. He must surely be disturbed by the success of the campaign that has resulted in forty-six advertisers (so far) ditching his program. It shows in his obsession over Van Jones, whom Beck still neglects\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6928,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=6928","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":1},"title":"Glenn Beck Off The Air In Los Angeles And Dallas","author":"Mark NC","date":"4\/23\/2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Glenn Beck's radio presence continues to shrink. As of today he is off the air in Los Angeles, the second biggest market in the country. KRLA 870AM bounced the schlock-jock in favor of Heidi Harris as they transition the channel to their new \"The Answer\" format. Since they didn't provide\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8544,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=8544","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":2},"title":"Glenn Beck Dunks American Flag (And Obama) In “Urine”","author":"Mark NC","date":"11\/28\/2012","format":false,"excerpt":"This may be one of the most asinine stunts Glenn Beck has ever engaged in. Apparently he was mocking an art exhibit that featured a painting of President Obama with his arms outstretched and a wearing a crown of thorns. That's not a particularly original concept as I did a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5051,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=5051","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":3},"title":"Glenn Beck: The Most Frustrated Man On The Planet","author":"Mark NC","date":"7\/29\/2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Poor Glenn Beck. He simply can't avoid being victimized by all the forces of evil that surround him. What a burden it must be for him to bear. After all, all he did was liken a few dozen teenagers, who were murdered by an extremist Christian bigot, to the Hitler\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24212,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=24212","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":4},"title":"Glenn Beck’s 2014: The Year Beck Admitted That He’s Crazy","author":"Mark NC","date":"12\/30\/2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Anyone who has spent any time observing Glenn Beck already knew that his mind was severely diseased. He has exhibited classic symptoms of paranoia, hallucinatory visions of doom, and delusions of Messianic grandeur. But it took until 2014 for Beck to realize it himself and confess it publicly. What follows\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"Glenn Beck Messiah","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/jesus-beck-11.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/jesus-beck-11.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/jesus-beck-11.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2203,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=2203","url_meta":{"origin":1354,"position":5},"title":"The Lord Smites Glenn Beck With Blindness","author":"Mark NC","date":"7\/19\/2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Glenn Beck broke down again this weekend as he revealed to his congregation of American Revivalists that he may, or may not, go blind in the next year. It was a stirring moment wherein he sobbed as he confessed that, were he to lose his sight, he would miss reading\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1354","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1354"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1354\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1354"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1354"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}