{"id":394,"date":"2007-04-01T03:34:52","date_gmt":"2007-04-01T10:34:52","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=394"},"modified":"2008-01-24T17:09:06","modified_gmt":"2008-01-25T01:09:06","slug":"bush-names-bill-oreilly-to-fill-in-for-tony-snow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=394","title":{"rendered":"Bush Names Bill O’Reilly To Fill In For Tony Snow"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tony Snow’s recently diagnosed recurrence of cancer could not have come at a worse time for the Bush White House. Any president always has a need for a spokesperson that can present his vision and keep a disorderly flock of reporters in line. But current events are weighing on this administration with domestic scandals at the Department of Justice, a new and hostile Congress, foreign affairs heating up over Iran’s arrest of British soldiers, and, of course, the long-running and unpopular war in Iraq.<\/p>\n

If there were ever a time that a president depended on an agile and articulate spokesman, it is now. And that is why the White House, looking to the bench that produced its previous stars, introduced the press gathered in the briefing room today to his new press secretary, Bill O’Reilly.<\/p>\n


\n

\n“Bill will be a valuable addition to our team,”<\/span> said Bush. “He’s going to help us to prevaricate our agenda to the American people.”<\/span><\/p>\n

O’Reilly didn’t waste any time taking the reins of his new post. With a gentle elbow jab, O’Reilly subtly nudged the President from the podium. Facing a curious and expectant press corps for the first time, he confidently assured them the President would be alright just as soon as he caught his breath. When David Gregory of NBC asked if the President could use a little help getting back to his feet, O’Reilly defiantly objected to Gregory’s negativity.<\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “The President is in great shape and doesn’t need liberal media kooks like you implying that his administration is falling down on the job.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Gregory:<\/strong> “I just thought he might…”<\/span><\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “Oh, don’t give me that crap.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Gregory:<\/strong> “…need a hand.”<\/span><\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “Cut his mic. Somebody cut his mic right now. Lester, do you have a question?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Les Kinsolving of WorldNetDaily:<\/strong> “Thanks Bill. Yesterday Matt Drudge reported that a homeless veteran accused someone that he thought looked like Nancy Pelosi of running off with his Persian cat. Is the President planning to have Speaker Pelosi arrested and is he at all concerned about the presence of Persian felines, that may in fact be Iranian, prowling the back alleys of America?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Before O’Reilly could respond, Helen Thomas rose to leave the room, presumably to answer her ringing cell phone.<\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “And just where do you think you’re going?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Thomas:<\/strong> “I have to take this call.”<\/span><\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “Sure you do. It’s typical of all you secular-progressives that can’t take the heat. They’re afraid to come on ‘The Fact…’ um, to come to the press briefing because they’re afraid to confront me. Go ahead, take your call you little baby. Any other questions?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Gregory:<\/strong> “Is the President breathing? Don’t you think he should see a doctor or…”<\/span><\/p>\n

O’Reilly:<\/strong> “I thought I told you to shut up. If that’s your microphone he’s using, Norah, you’re in big trouble. You know what? This press conference is over.”<\/span><\/p>\n

With that, O’Reilly left the room. Gregory and Fox News correspondent, Carl Cameron, helped Bush up and leaned him against the podium.<\/p>\n

Bush:<\/strong> “There see,”<\/span> wheezed the President. “A valuable addition to our team. You didn’t get any more out of him than you did any of our other press secretaries, did you?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Get well soon, Tony.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tony Snow’s recently diagnosed recurrence of cancer could not have come at a worse time for the Bush White House. Any president always has a need for a spokesperson that can present his vision and keep a disorderly flock of reporters in line. But current events are weighing on this administration with domestic scandals at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,3,15],"tags":[26],"class_list":["post-394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","category-graphix","category-humor","tag-bill-oreilly"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Ijg-6m","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3838,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=3838","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":0},"title":"It’s A Good Thing Bill O’Reilly’s Viewers Are Idiots","author":"Mark NC","date":"2\/8\/2011","format":false,"excerpt":"If there is one thing that Bill O'Reilly (and the rest of the Fox News gang) has going for him, it's that he doesn't have to try very hard to slip bullshit past his viewers. They are unlikely to catch even the most obvious examples unless he deliberately points it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":678,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=678","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":1},"title":"Bill O’Reilly: Censorship, Lies And Plunging Popularity","author":"Mark NC","date":"11\/28\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"A couple of days ago Bill O'Reilly again demonstrated his aversion to free expression as well as his penchant for dishonesty. An op-ed that appeared in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (a paper that O'Reilly regularly castigates as \"far-left loons\") laid out a case for Impeachment: If not now, when? The column\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Censorship"","block_context":{"text":"Censorship","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=56"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":873,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=873","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":2},"title":"Tony Snow Goes Over To The Dark Side – CNN","author":"Mark NC","date":"4\/21\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"The \"liberal\" media is at it again. CNN has just announced that it has hired former Bush press secretary, and Fox News anchor, Tony Snow, to be a conservative commentator. Snow: \"I'm delighted to be able to join CNN during the most exciting and unpredictable political year in memory. The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":707,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=707","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":3},"title":"Somebody Alert Bill O’Reilly And Fox Security","author":"Mark NC","date":"12\/13\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"From The White House: MRS. BUSH: Barney and Beazley, I'm so proud that you all wanted to become National Park Junior Rangers. Our national parks are so important. And in fact, the lawn where you play is part of our national parks. President Bush and I wish everyone a very\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10458,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=10458","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":4},"title":"Bill O’Reilly, Wrong Again: On Conservative Invitations To The MLK Event","author":"Mark NC","date":"8\/28\/2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Modern conservatives are obsessed with demonstrating their admiration for Martin Luther, Jr. now that he has been dead for 45 years and is universally regarded as a civil rights icon. While he was alive they despised him as a rabble-rousing commie and opposed his efforts to integrate schools, workplaces, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1087,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1087","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":5},"title":"Bill O’Reilly’s God Gets Clobbered At The Box Office","author":"Mark NC","date":"10\/11\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Last week Bill O'Reilly observed that two ideologically contrasting movies were about to be released. One was the liberal bashing \"An American Carol\" in which O'Reilly has a small part ( Note to BO: There are no small parts, only small actors minds). The other was Bill Maher's docu-comedy \"Religulous.\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Art\/Culture"","block_context":{"text":"Art\/Culture","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=394"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}