The more things change…..<\/p>\n
In an increasingly complex world, many people find it difficult to cope with the stresses of day to day life. The strain of caring for a family, paying the mortgage, job insecurity, and terrorists lurking at the Dairy Queen, can result in crushing anxiety and fear. But now, from the makers of The War in Iraq™ and Katrina Neglect™ comes a breakthrough in the treatment of depression caused by incompetent and dishonest national leadership. Now there is an alternative to the endless years of suffering brought on by deficient representation.<\/p>\n
![\"Democracyn\"](\"\/Pix\/Campaign08\/republichol.jpg\")
After extensive research and focus grouping, the Republican National Committee is proud to introduce Republichol™ for the treatment of Latent Impotent Electoral Syndrome (LIES). Republichol™ is specially formulated to deceive the patient into believing that the utterly discredited Republican Party is actually pursuing an agenda of change. American voters can now enjoy the relief and satisfaction that comes from masking reality with comforting platitudes.<\/p>\n
If there is a defining theme for 21st century politics, it is “Change.”<\/em> Every actor on the political stage has extolled its virtues. Barack Obama promises “Change you can believe in.”<\/em> Hillary Clinton touts her record of “35 years of change.”<\/em> Even George Bush stakes out this territory<\/a>:<\/p>\n “In 2000, I said, ‘Vote for me, I’m an agent of change.’<\/em> In 2004, I said, ‘I’m not interested in change. I want to continue as President.’<\/em> Every candidate has got to say ‘change.’ That’s what the American people expect.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n In his own, nearly incomprehensible way, Bush admits that he wasn’t interested in change even as he asserts that every candidate has to embrace it. His lack of comprehension is a hallmark of the party he leads. This is why House minority leader, John Boehner, personally developed the Republichol™ campaign<\/a> and it’s slogan “The Change You Deserve.”<\/em> The slogan was carefully composed to avoid the promise of change that you need, or change that will actually be beneficial. By focusing on change that you deserve, Republichol’s™ patented time-release formula distributes any change on the basis of personalized determinations of merit. For instance:<\/p>\n And…..<\/p>\n The Republican model has conveniently defined the deserving as those who have already acquired wealth and power (thank you Ayn Rand). This is enormously helpful in the development of guidelines for dispensing benefits under the new Republican program for change.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, the new slogan was not composed carefully enough to avoid infringing on another product<\/a> that already claimed “The Change You Deserve”<\/em> as its marketing mantra. Wyeth Laboratories trademarked the phrase for its Effexor XR anti-depressant medication. While this sort of conflict might ordinarily result in costly litigation, the Republican Party and the multi-national drug maker are notoriously friendly and a mutually acceptable accommodation is expected. In fact, this partnership may even expand marketing opportunities for both, as the implementation of Republican policy is likely to produce greater demand for anti-depressants like Effexor.<\/p>\n The pharmaceutical cocktail of Democracyn™ and Republichol™ provide a potent antidote to the travails of modern sociological distress. Taken together within a regimen that includes counseling, re-education, and aggressive doses of media punditry, a wall of delusion can be constructed that serves as a defense from the troubling realities of civic life. And as the people become less agitated by affairs of state, those who serve as our representatives benefit as well. Remember, a medicated electorate is a compliant electorate. What began 200 years ago as an experiment in Democracy has evolved into a Pharmocracy™ – an institution defined by two dominant characterizations:<\/p>\n The media itself plays a major role in the advancement of Pharmacratic principles. No institution in American society is as effective at mood manipulation as the media. As metaphorical opiates go, television has replaced religion in the veins of the masses. Consequently, all sides are rushing to revitalize their brand. The problem for Republicans, however, is that their brand has been severely damaged by the present administration. Even Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA), the former chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee confessed that<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n
\n
![\"Democracyn\"](\"\/Pix\/Campaign08\/democracyn.jpg\")
Not to be outdone, the Democratic Party has developed a product of its own to address mood disorders related to Weak\/Unstable Shrinking Spine (WUSS). Democracyn™ works on brain functions to relax the patient’s outrage mechanism triggered by Congressional activity based on fear or self-interest. It can also be prescribed after legislative actions taken on behalf of corporations rather than constituents.<\/p>\n\n