{"id":979,"date":"2008-07-17T23:34:04","date_gmt":"2008-07-18T06:34:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=979"},"modified":"2008-07-23T00:27:45","modified_gmt":"2008-07-23T07:27:45","slug":"the-john-mccain-joke-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=979","title":{"rendered":"The John McCain Joke Book"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We are learning much about Sen. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.crasscommerce.com\/product_info.php?products_id=390\" target=\"_blank\">John McCain<\/a> as he continues to reveal more of his <em>&#8220;straight-talking&#8221;<\/em> personality in the course of his presidential campaign. For instance, how many of us knew what a transcendent[al] wit he possessed? The following is just a brief selection of his classics:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father was Janet Reno!<\/li>\n<li>Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran (sung to the tune of the Beach Boys&#8217; Barbara Ann).<\/li>\n<li>How about those exports of cigarettes to Iran? Maybe that&#8217;s a way of killing them.<\/li>\n<li>A woman is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die. When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, <em>&#8220;Where is that marvelous ape?&#8221;<\/em><\/li>\n<li>The French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn&#8217;t have the face for it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That&#8217;s right. McCain, who describes himself as being older than dirt with more scars than Frankenstein, has not even shied away from jokes about age, for which he now condemns others.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The Leisure World community should be renamed <em>&#8220;Seizure World.&#8221;<\/em> It&#8217;s a place where 97 percent of the people vote and the other 3 percent are in intensive care.<\/li>\n<li>The nice thing about Alzheimer&#8217;s is you get to hide your own Easter eggs.<\/li>\n<li>By 2008, I think I might be ready to go down to the old soldiers home.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That last one was directed at his own presidential aspirations way back in 2000. So he is not only humorous, but prescient. With talent like this it is surprising that he is wasting his time in politics. He could be a contestant on The Last Comic Wheezing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We are learning much about Sen. John McCain as he continues to reveal more of his &#8220;straight-talking&#8221; personality in the course of his presidential campaign. For instance, how many of us knew what a transcendent[al] wit he possessed? The following is just a brief selection of his classics: Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,15],"tags":[103],"class_list":["post-979","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","category-humor","tag-john-mccain"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Ijg-fN","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":412,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=412","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":0},"title":"Bomb Bomb Iran","author":"Mark NC","date":"4\/19\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Once again, the Conventional Media takes its cue from the New Media. This embarrassing bit of warmongering karoake from John McCain was ignored until it showed up on YouTube.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":942,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=942","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":1},"title":"John McCain: The Opacity Of NOPE!","author":"Mark NC","date":"6\/9\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"In this historic election year, the people have a choice of unprecedented clarity. The presidential candidates for 2008 offer a uniquely stark contrast of policy and vision. One has embraced a theme of hope that is inspiring millions and setting a new course for national renewal and unity. He has\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Election&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Election","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=152"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1116,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1116","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":2},"title":"John McCain Pulls A Double, Reverse Maverick","author":"Mark NC","date":"11\/2\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Last night John McCain appeared on Saturday Night Live. He follows his running mate's inexplicably lame guest shot on the program two weeks ago. The best that can be said is that he didn't bomb as thoroughly as Sarah Palin. At least he participated in the sketches and had a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Election&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Election","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=152"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1548,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=1548","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":3},"title":"The NeoCon Plan To Save Obama&#8217;s Presidency: Bomb Iran","author":"Mark NC","date":"2\/3\/2010","format":false,"excerpt":"If you weren't already repulsed by the rampant cynicism and callousness of the uber-right in America, then an article just published in the National Review should do the trick. Notorious NeoCon, Daniel Pipes, penned a column that purports to be offering President Obama advice on how to improve his favorability\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31340,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=31340","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":4},"title":"The Fox News Audience Wants To Bomb An American City Because &#8211; MUSLIMS!","author":"Mark NC","date":"4\/6\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"As the Republican primary campaign continues its march to their summer revival meeting (aka convention), the rising temperature of hostility threatens to leave the party in ashes. We have already seen Donald Trump warn that if he is denied the nomination that he considers his birthright there will be riots.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Election&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Election","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=152"},"img":{"alt_text":"Fox News","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/foxnews-hamtramck-muslims.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/foxnews-hamtramck-muslims.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/..\/Pix\/Trump\/foxnews-hamtramck-muslims.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":617,"url":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?p=617","url_meta":{"origin":979,"position":5},"title":"Boston&#8217;s Fake Bomb Hysteria","author":"Mark NC","date":"9\/21\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Once again Boston has shown itself to be a little too tightly wound. What is it that makes these people quiver at the sight of toys and pranks? The latest episode of skittishness is the arrest of an MIT student who is accused of wearing a \"fake bomb\" at Logan\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Art\/Culture&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Art\/Culture","link":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/979","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=979"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/979\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=979"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=979"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newscorpse.com\/ncWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=979"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}