For two days now, Glenn Beck has aimed his goofball dementia at what he hopes will be his next Van Jones. Beck is employing all of the same smear tactics that prodded a weak White House into jettisoning Jones even though the circumstances are not remotely similar.

Chief amongst these tactics is calling your target a convicted felon over and over again as if your audience were mentally incapable of grasping a thought without repeated hammering. Well, Beck obviously knows his audience. However, Jones was never a convicted felon (which Beck recently acknowledged after months of lying), and Robert Creamer, Beck’s latest target, can’t be fired because he doesn’t work for the administration.

Robert Creamer is longtime activist and the author “Stand Up Straight: How Progressives Can Win.” He is also married to Democratic representative Jan Schakowsky (whose name Beck thought it would be funny to mock). The double infraction of being a progressive and related to a Democrat was all that was needed for Beck to go bonkers.

On a tip from his pet propagandist, Andrew Breitbart, Beck laid into Creamer for having been convicted of financial charges in connection with a non-profit organization that Creamer ran. As per Beck’s modus operandi, he related a thoroughly dishonest version of Creamer’s past, accusing him of stealing from the group he was heading. In fact, Creamer pleaded guilty to check kiting in an attempt to help his struggling organization to continue providing services. The judge even cited the fact that none of Creamer’s unlawful activities benefited him personally as justification for a lenient sentence. But far be it from Beck to let facts get in the way of a good smear campaign.

Now, this being Glenn Beck, it certainly is not enough to slander and lie about an obscure activist and author. To really make it worthwhile it has to be tied to a global, socialist conspiracy, preferably involving the President. This is where Breitbart comes in with his tip that Creamer had attended an event at the White House. That was all that was necessary for Beck to connect the dots and conclude that Barack Obama is fraternizing with convicted felons (in addition to the radical communists and the terrorists he has been known to pal around with).

Glenn Beck, of course, is pure as the driven snow in this regard. He would never associate with convicted felons. Never mind that he himself is an unconvicted felon, as he has admitted to using copious amounts of drugs. He never got caught, and therein must lie the difference. And he had this to say on the subject of felonious literature:

“Obama – He must read a lot of books, cause I read a lot of books and I don’t usually get to the ones that were written by…uh…felons, that were written in prison.”

That’s too bad, because Beck must therefore not have gotten to books written by Martin Luther King, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Alexandr Solzhenitsyn, Malcolm X, or Nelson Mandela. He must also have missed the literary musings of people like St. Paul, Mahatma Gandhi, and Jesus Christ, all of whom have suffered incarceration and have either written, or been written about, extensively. These are the sort of people that I’m sure Beck would object to being on a White House guest list.

Here are a few more books Beck must not get around to: Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau, Letters and Papers from Prison by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Le Morte d’Arthur, by Sir Thomas Malory, Don Quixote, by Miguel de Cervantes, Pilgrim’s Progress, by John Bunyan, A Hymn to the Pillory, by Daniel Defoe. It’s safe to assume that Beck is not particularly literate.

So that brings us to the caliber of people for whom Beck does have high regard. People like convicted felon, Oliver North; convicted felon, G. Gordon Liddy, and convicted felon, Mark Fuhrman. All of these folks not only have criminal records but they are also Beck’s colleagues at Fox News. Liddy is the spokesperson for one of Beck’s most frequent advertisers (a gold scam). Other Fox personnel who have had brushes with the law include Judith Miller and Shepard Smith. And I wouldn’t want to leave out prostitute toe-sucking pundit Dick Morris. These are all people with whom Beck has ongoing relationships, not casual encounters at a party. I wonder when he will do a couple of days of programs about any of them.

Beck appears to be obsessed with the prison aspect of this story. Aside from repeating it incessantly for his addle-brained viewers, he now calls the health insurance reform bill being debated in Congress the “Prison Bill,” because it has something to do with the book Creamer wrote, which was allegedly written in prison, and is somehow the basis for the bill, except that that’s not actually true, and…oh…I don’t really have any idea why he calls it that. I’d need more background in clinical psychology to be able to figure out Beck’s labyrinthine thought processes. He probably just liked the sound of it, and thought it would make a good cudgel with which to bash the President. Any deeper analysis of Beck’s psychosis will have to come from a professional. I sure hope he finds one.