Just when you think you’ve heard everything…when you think that the rightist blowhards couldn’t possibly make bigger fools of themselves…from out of nowhere someone steps forward to accept the challenge. Today that someone was Rush Limbaugh.

On his radio show today, Limbaugh engaged in his routine whining and ranting until he was inspired to address the pathetic affairs of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. Then Limbaugh embarks on a fantastical journey that imagines Sanford a victim who was merely trying to escape the Hell that Obama has made of America:

First: “[Sanford] knows that somebody knows what’s going on. He knows his wife knows. So he ups and leaves for five days. He doesn’t leave anybody in charge of the state in case there’s an emergency. This is almost like: ‘I don’t give a damn. The country is going to hell in a handbasket and I just want out of here.’ He had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn’t want any part of it. He lost the battle.”

Later: “My first thought was he said: ‘To hell with this. The Democrats are destroying the country. We can’t do anything to stop it. I gave everything I had to stop it here in South Carolina. My wife’s left me, the hell with it. I’m going to enjoy life what little time I’ve got left.’ Folks, there are a lot of people that are looking at life, they’re saying screw it.”

Limbaugh’s “theory” is that Sanford just couldn’t take it anymore. He cracked. The pressure of having the federal government give his state and his constituents billions of dollars for jobs and economic renewal was too much for him handle.

So what did he do? He went back in time a whole year and commenced an adulterous affair with a woman in Argentina. Limbaugh seems to think the affair began a few days ago when Sanford went missing. He also thinks that Sanford’s wife just found out and left him. The truth is, she has known for five months, and I’m not sure it is accurate to assert that she left him. After all, he was the one that cheated on her and ran for the border.

Nevertheless, Limbaugh believes that Sanford was so overwhelmed by Obama’s governance that he would abandon his family and his responsibilities as governor. For he no longer gave a damn about anything but his own sexual gratification. What’s more, Limbaugh is actually sympathetic to that irresponsible behavior. He even thinks that many more Americans are on the verge of doing the same thing. They are just a bailout away from saying “screw it” and running off to find love in an exotic tropical hideaway.

And it’s all because the Democrats are destroying the country. Limbaugh, the symbol of the conservative movement, defends Sanford for quitting and hightailing it to Buenos Aires. Limbaugh, the thrice-divorced voice of family values, justifies infidelity and fornication. Limbaugh, the icon of Republican faith in personal responsibility lays the blame for Sanford’s indiscretions on political policies in Washington, D.C.

It’s nice to know that there are still some consistent arbiters of morality self-righteously imposing their warped and hypocritical convictions on the rest of us.