Day: 5/15/2010

Glenn Beck To Liberty University Grads: Shoot To Kill

Posted by on May 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm. 11 Comments :

Glenn Beck CommencementA week ago President Barack Obama gave the commencement speech at Hampton College in Virginia, and unleashed a torrent of criticism from the rightist punditry. Most of it centered around his warning that students not let themselves be overcome by the information overload of the Internet Age. But most of the speech, that was ignored by these critics, was uplifting, as was his conclusion:

“A dream of brighter days ahead, a faith in things not seen, a belief that here, in this country, we are the authors of our own destiny. That is what Hampton is all about. And it now falls to you, the Class of 2010, to write the next great chapter in America’s story; to meet the tests of your own time; to take up the ongoing work of fulfilling our founding promise. I’m looking forward to watching.”

I wonder what the reaction will be to Glenn Beck’s commencement speech at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University. When Beck’s engagement was announced I noted the good fortune of LU’s student body for having secured an alcoholic, drug-abusing, rodeo clown, college dropout to inspire the graduates by advising them on how to succeed in life by making goofy faces on TV while lying about your political adversaries.

Beck did not disappoint. His speech was a litany of cliched platitudes (Turn the other cheek) mixed with attempts at humor (Taxicabs smell worse in the summer). And for someone whose grasp on reality is tenuous, he may have been engaging in a little projection at times (Your job is to remember who you are). But here are a few notable excerpts, presented as advice that he intended to give to his daughter as she entered college (but never did), that are surely going to inspire these young folks for years to come:

Life is hard. And then it gets harder. And then you die.

There are no coincidences in life. Look for them.

Sleep hard, but sleep less.

Only date those who love you as much as I do.

[Weeping] Only date those who will treat you as I have tried.

Anyone who wants to take your choice away is evil.

Shoot to kill.

I’m not quite sure how you go about looking for coincidences that don’t exist. And I’m pretty sure his admonition about those taking away your choice doesn’t apply to his daughter or any other woman. And tonight I will likely stay awake wondering how to sleep harder. But I don’t envy the LU grads who will have to bear with the memory of this spectacular loser sobbing through his embarrassingly bad remarks.

How will these young people evaluate their prospective dates based on the criteria supplied by Beck? This could have been dismissed as a joke except that it brought him to tears as he said it. And of what use is it to a graduating class, who are looking forward to a boundless future, to draw their attention to shooting and killing? This is the same Glenn Beck who bristles whenever he is accused of inciting violence.

A commencement speech is supposed to be the highpoint of one’s academic experience and something that will last as a cherished memory. But this will have the lasting power of a chunk of Limburger that managed to roll unnoticed under the sofa to ferment for a few weeks. I think I would rather ride in a taxicab in the middle of summer than have to sit through Beck’s speech again.

Glenn Beck Fears The Rise Of Obama Cannibalism Or Something

Posted by on May 15, 2010 at 12:01 pm. 8 Comments :

In an attempt to deprive Jon Stewart the opportunity to mock Glenn Beck’s paranoidal delusions, and to prevent Stephen Colbert from further exploiting Bill O’Reilly’s egotistical sanctimony, Beck and O’Reilly came together to deliver their own satirical presentation of each others psychoses. And it’s comedy gold.

While discussing Miranda and terror policy, Beck veers off into his familiar frenzied hysterics over the Obama administration and Cass Sunstein – whom he has called the most dangerous man in America – but O’Reilly doesn’t care.

Glenn Beck: You should care.
Bill O’Reilly: Tell me the reason.
GB: Because they are setting up the American people.
BO: Setting us up for what?
GB: What do you think?
BO: I have no idea. What’s the conspiracy of the day?
GB: There is no conspiracy.
BO: What is he setting us up for?
GB: There is not a conspiracy here. They are already talking about silencing free speech.
BO: Silencing free speech?
GB: They are already doing it. They already are. Did you see the President’s speech on Saturday?
BO: I’m not buying it.
GB: Bill, you didn’t buy a year ago that the guy was a Marxist.
BO: And I’m still yapping, and so are you.

When O’Reilly asked Beck what we are being set up for and Beck answered with a suggestive “What do you think?” there was a knowing tone to his voice that invoked images of the Twilight Zone’s “To Serve Man.” It’s a cookbook! Beck never actually answered O’Reilly’s question, but he did assert that Obama has already begun unraveling freedom of speech. As evidence, Beck pointed to a commencement speech that Obama gave last weekend in which he warned students about being overcome by the information glut. Beck took this to mean that Obama wanted to suppress information, an interpretation that could only make sense to Beck and his devotees. And as a measure of how removed from reality Beck is, even O’Reilly didn’t think it made sense.

Equally funny was Beck’s response to O’Reilly not buying into his dementia. As proof of his predictive accuracy, Beck threw back in O’Reilly’s face the fact that O’Reilly never bought Beck’s accusations that Obama is a Marxist. The implication being that Obama’s Marxism has since been definitively confirmed. Once again, the confirmation for that exists only in Beck’s diseased head. However, O’Reilly didn’t bother to disassociate himself with that bit of nonsense.

O’Reilly hit the nail squarely on the diseased head by making the simple declaration that both he and Beck are “still yapping.” Yapping is a pretty good description of what they do and there has been no effort whatsoever to restrict them from continuing to do so. In the end, all this segment was was an extended infomercial for their Bold/Fresh tour that is currently in progress. Both O’Reilly and Beck stand to gain by hyping the melodrama in order to boost ticket sales. And they have ample airtime with which to promote their wingnut road trip. But the unintentional comedy they provide may be the best entertainment of all, despite how frustrating it must be to the folks at Comedy Central.