It must be terribly difficult to recruit qualified people to compose the malarkey that gushes out of Fox and Friends every morning. The “Curvy Couch” potatoes cannot be expected to come up with all of that ludicrous bullcrap on their own. It takes a team of dedicated liars and seasoned propagandists to create the abundance of seemingly effortless ignorance that is the hallmark of Fox News.
Consequently, the current opening on their staff was advertised on the Indeed job recruiting website. The posting described the requirements for employment at “the # 1 National Cable Morning Show.” Notice that they don’t say “Cable Morning “News” Show.” And for all of you aspiring Fox newsers, here is some of what you’ll need to know to be considered.
First of all, the ad says that “You are a storyteller.” Because telling stories – not reporting facts – is the paramount mission of Fox News. You must also “know the difference between an attention-grabbing headline and burying the lead.” But apparently you don’t need to know the correct spelling of “lede,” when referring to the most important part of an article.
The job requires that you work the “graveyard” shift, between midnight and 9:00am. But don’t get sleepy because you’ll be expected to “Research and craft stories in a way that resonates with our viewers.” That’s an undisguised admission that catering to the preconceptions of the wingnut cultists who are glued to Fox News is more important than accuracy or truth. Nevertheless, the ad also lists as a requirement an “understanding of fair and balanced journalism.” Presumably that’s so that the applicant can differentiate between fairness and balance (a slogan that Fox has stopped using) and what Fox News does. Which makes the the quality of “Thinking outside the box to tell a story” more understandable, so long as “the box” is where they hide the actual facts.
Finally, the ad contains the typical boilerplate language assuring that Fox News is “an equal opportunity employer.” That means no discrimination based on “race, color, religion, sex, national origin, gender identity, disability, protected veteran status, or any other characteristic protected by law.” Discriminating against any of those groups, however, is still permissable in their reporting. The disclaimer also includes this protection: “We will consider for employment qualified applicants with criminal histories consistent with applicable law.” That’s convenient for Fox News who already regularly features people with criminal pasts including Mark Fuhrman, Joe Arpaio, Oliver North, Bernard Kerik, Dinesh D’Souza, Gregg Jarrett, and surely some more I’ve forgotten.
How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.
So get out those resumes. If you have a commitment to lying on behalf of a corrupt administration; if you are devoted to exalting Donald Trump no matter how repulsive or dishonest he is; if you’re comfortable with throwing away your reputation and prospects for future employment anywhere other than Fox or Breitbart News, then this is the job for you. And if you’re really lucky you might even get a shout-out from the President or a job at the White House.