WANTED: Fox News Posts Unintentionally Hilarious Ad Seeking ‘Storyteller’ for Fox and Friends

It must be terribly difficult to recruit qualified people to compose the malarkey that gushes out of Fox and Friends every morning. The “Curvy Couch” potatoes cannot be expected to come up with all of that ludicrous bullcrap on their own. It takes a team of dedicated liars and seasoned propagandists to create the abundance of seemingly effortless ignorance that is the hallmark of Fox News.

Fox News Lies

Consequently, the current opening on their staff was advertised on the Indeed job recruiting website. The posting described the requirements for employment at “the # 1 National Cable Morning Show.” Notice that they don’t say “Cable Morning “News” Show.” And for all of you aspiring Fox newsers, here is some of what you’ll need to know to be considered.

First of all, the ad says that “You are a storyteller.” Because telling stories – not reporting facts – is the paramount mission of Fox News. You must also “know the difference between an attention-grabbing headline and burying the lead.” But apparently you don’t need to know the correct spelling of “lede,” when referring to the most important part of an article.

The job requires that you work the “graveyard” shift, between midnight and 9:00am. But don’t get sleepy because you’ll be expected to “Research and craft stories in a way that resonates with our viewers.” That’s an undisguised admission that catering to the preconceptions of the wingnut cultists who are glued to Fox News is more important than accuracy or truth. Nevertheless, the ad also lists as a requirement an “understanding of fair and balanced journalism.” Presumably that’s so that the applicant can differentiate between fairness and balance (a slogan that Fox has stopped using) and what Fox News does. Which makes the the quality of “Thinking outside the box to tell a story” more understandable, so long as “the box” is where they hide the actual facts.

Finally, the ad contains the typical boilerplate language assuring that Fox News is “an equal opportunity employer.” That means no discrimination based on “race, color, religion, sex, national origin, gender identity, disability, protected veteran status, or any other characteristic protected by law.” Discriminating against any of those groups, however, is still permissable in their reporting. The disclaimer also includes this protection: “We will consider for employment qualified applicants with criminal histories consistent with applicable law.” That’s convenient for Fox News who already regularly features people with criminal pasts including Mark Fuhrman, Joe Arpaio, Oliver North, Bernard Kerik, Dinesh D’Souza, Gregg Jarrett, and surely some more I’ve forgotten.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

So get out those resumes. If you have a commitment to lying on behalf of a corrupt administration; if you are devoted to exalting Donald Trump no matter how repulsive or dishonest he is; if you’re comfortable with throwing away your reputation and prospects for future employment anywhere other than Fox or Breitbart News, then this is the job for you. And if you’re really lucky you might even get a shout-out from the President or a job at the White House.

Grumpy Old Trump Yells Impotently at Congress to ‘Get Those Immigrants Off of My Lawn’

On the day following America’s birthday, Donald Trump resumes his hostile stance toward immigrants. There is a sad irony to Trump using Independence Day for his relentless attacks on the category of people most responsible for this country’s progress and prosperity. But it’s also as predictable as the sunrise.

Donald Trump, Immigrant, Child

On Thursday morning Trump was doing the critical work of the presidency, as he normally does. Just kidding. He was tweeting, of course. And in this spray of ignorant and agitated nonsense, Trump displayed one of the cliche characteristics of grumpy old men who fear every shadow that approaches. He lashed out frightened and vulnerable people who are seeking the goodness of America’s compassion toward refugees and asylum seekers, and told them to “get off of my lawn.”

Like a broken record, Trump bleats out his typically ill-informed complaints about immigration laws that he says are “insane.” Never mind that he has been the sole obstacle of bipartisan efforts to reform them. He carelessly writes that when people “enter our Country, they must be told to leave.” Notice that he didn’t even say anything about them entering illegally. He’s saying all people. Of course, that was a just mistake of omission on his part. He meant to say all non-white people.

However, the key phrase in Trump’s Twitter tirade came as he sought trivialize the complex issue of immigration. Saying that “they must leave, just as they would if they were standing on your front lawn,” is glaringly stupid. It’s a lame attempt to conflate personal property with the much broader matter of federal immigration laws. Unless he’s suggesting that people from other countries could legally apply with the government for residency on “your front lawn” and eventually become citizens of your house.

Trump went on to whine about the burden of “hiring thousands of ‘judges'” to decide the fate of the families seeking asylum. He made that up. There is no plan – or need – to increase the judiciary for that purpose. Most of these cases have historically been resolved through civil adjudication. It would probably be necessary to provide some more resources to make that process more efficient, but it wouldn’t be by hiring judges or anywhere near thousands of the appropriate arbitrators.

Trump closed his morning catharsis with an all caps demand to Congress that they “FIX OUR INSANE IMMIGRATION LAWS NOW!” Does he think that by yelling on Twitter the representatives are going to snap to attention and obey his commands? Well, probably yes, he does think that. But it isn’t true. The problem will be solved when Congress gets the courage to negotiate a fair and bipartisan bill that addresses the issues at hand, and compels the President to sign it under the threat of a veto override.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

In the meantime, DACA applicants are still living in fear of being deported from the only home they have ever known. And children are still terrified from having been ripped out of their parents arms and sent to virtual prisons, a human rights abuse that they can’t possibly understand. That’s the most pressing “INSANE” policy that needs to be resolved “NOW.” And if necessary, every American should yell at Congress to do it.