You really have to wonder who the enemy is in the War On Terror™ when the battle is waged against innocent Americans whose only offense is a desire to publicize their cartoon show.

The terrorist’s arsenal.

The city of Boston screeched to a halt Wednesday because somebody felt threatened by a child’s toy that was altered to advertise the new season of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. These “improvised promotion devices” (IPDs) were scattered around the city where they surreptitiously stalked unsuspecting consumers.

The alert law enforcement authorities of Boston leapt into action to protect the citizenry. In a matter of hours they had identified 10 of the IPDs that were deployed up to two weeks earlier. They quickly moved to shut down traffic, bridges and even evacuated a hospital. Despite the fact that the guerrilla PR campaign had invaded 10 American cities, Boston was the only one to mobilize its Homeland Security forces in response to the threat.

The media played a critical role in performing its public safety duties by rushing incomplete and uninformed reports on to the air. The rapid succession of substanceless Breaking News updates may have saved countless lives by creating just the right environment for needless panic.

Once again we are reminded of the ever-present danger posed to society by artists. The free exercise of creative expression continues to be amongst the more serious threats to an ordered and manageable population. No wonder responsible governments spend so much of their time and resources suppressing such subversions. Without such efforts we would be forever vulnerable to the horrors of independent thought and action.

It’s gratifying to know that the terrorists have not won. We are still a proud and free people. Our enemies will not see us cower. Sure, they’ve seen the passage of the Patriot Act that limits long-held freedoms. They’ve seen our government listening in on our phone calls and monitoring our financial transactions. They see us lining up at airport terminals shoeless and forced to surrender our shampoo and Evian water. They see us resort to preemptive war and torture and submission to imperial, undemocratic leaders. And now they see us fearful and frantic in the presence of toys. But they will never have the satisfaction of seeing us recoil from militarism or the comforting imposition of martial law.