CPAC: The Conservative Political Action Conference Sets Its Sights On The Future?

This year’s Conservative Political Action Conference begins Thursday and promises to be a treasure trove of comedy material that will give a big boost to Democrats and progressives.

CPAC 2013

Having learned nothing whatsoever from the 2012 election, CPAC has dubbed this year’s event “America’s Future: The Next Generation of Conservatives.” Then they loaded up the schedule with fresh-faced Tea-publicans like Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Mitch McConnell, Newt Gingrich, Allen West, Rick Santorum, and Donald Trump. Even Dick Morris is making an appearance. It’s a blast forward in time all the way to 2008 which, for the GOP, actually seems like the future since they are still acting as if it’s 1808.

If the allocation of speaking time for CPAC’s illustrious guests is any indication, they are firmly endorsing the backwards views of the conservative movement’s most moth-eaten mouthpieces. Palin and Trump, for instance, have been allocated 16 minutes and 14 minutes respectively. However, rising starlet Marco Rubio is getting only 11 minutes. That’s still better than Chris Christie who has been allotted zero minutes since he wasn’t even invited to attend. Not to worry though, there will be plenty to keep attendees occupied, including tributes to Andrew Breitbart and Ronald Reagan, and highly anticipated sessions with the NRA and the Tea Party.

What’s more, the tenor of the event is holding fast to the antiquated notions of Armageddon that were such a prominent part of the past four years of fear mongering. The conference is jam-packed with thrilling and frightful seminars like “Should We Shoot All the Consultants Now?,” “Are We Back on the Road to Serfdom?,” “Stop THIS: Threats, Harrassment, Intimidation, Slander, and Bullying from the Obama Administration,” “The United Nations vs. the United States: the End Run Around the American Way of Life,” and “Is America Coming Apart?.” I can’t wait to hear the answers to those questions.

Adding to the gaiety (bad choice of words?) of this ultra-modern affair is the dress code distributed by a media strategist in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Fashion, being one of the things for which right-wingers are best known, is not neglected this year. That’s why they are nixing T-shirts, jeans, sneakers, miniskirts, strapless necklines, halter tops, Uggs, Tom’s Shoes, leggings, and fancy shorts. See the colorful Infographic.

This is shaping up to be the most exciting CPAC yet. So stay tuned for updates from the speeches and panels that are surely going to advance the cause of conservatism into the nineteenth century.


This entry was posted in General and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Short URL:

3 thoughts on “CPAC: The Conservative Political Action Conference Sets Its Sights On The Future?

  1. CPAC: Where we celebrate our moral superiority over the illegal immigrant pretending to be president — Let’s party like it’s 1859!!

    (what are all these women doing here?)

  2. It goes with the pattern of negative achievement, impractical ideas, and embracing those that would destroy their party’s chances. Sit behind a podium of no importance and talk about beliefs and theories not based in science, about cornerstone legislation that won’t ever go anywhere in any circumstance, and manipulate with fear by preying on the sure-fire ignorance of the conspiracy theory nutjob base that would prefer to stay stupid. That’s what the tea baggers have done for them: Birthers, conspiracy crazy wingnuts, and know nothings like Palin. It’s almost like they don’t even give a shit about where they’ve allowed their party to be dragged to. Which by the way, is toward a fissure in the party. Brought on by thinking that exploiting a new party purity movement and championing extremism would win them ONE midterm. If it’s one thing they did right last election, it’s that Romney wasn’t a dumbass, just a moderate that got swallowed up in victory-proof neo conservatism. Soul searching my ass, they need to split up already, sooner rather than later or they’ll be fucked for the majority of this half of the century.

    • Honestly, the republican party isn’t even conservative anymore – regardless of what you may think. CPAC – in years past – embraced Ron Paul and his message of liberty, but the party establishment wanted nothing to do with it. College age voters are actually drawn to the liberty movement – at least the freedom aspects of it, but do you think the party establishment would even try to get on board – no way. The republican party is a train wreck, but not because of the tea party. The tea party movement was a response to the disastrous mess left by G.W. Bush and the election of Barak Obama, due so much on the pathetically poor choice of candidate in John McCain – which was repeated in 2012 with Mitt Romney. If the republican party had stayed true to its roots, there would be no tea party, Libertarian/Anarchist movement growth which is drawing conservatives away from supporting their crappy establishment supporting candidates.

Comments are closed.