Humor

AMPTP Gets Punked

Posted by on December 11, 2007 at 8:36 pm. NO Comments :

A website satirizing the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers has been launched – no doubt by some enterprising and idle writers. They commandeered the domain AMPTP.com and produced a near copy of the producers site. It is absolutely hilarious. Some excerpts:

“While we’re not going to point fingers or assign blame, we do feel justified in saying that they [the writers] are entirely at fault.”

“It is now absolutely clear that the WGA’s organazis are determined to advance their own personal ideologies, political agendas, sexual preferences, barbaric tribal customs, canine wardrobe choices, religious beliefs and blood rituals upon working writers…”

“…we’ve got enough reality shows to choke a horse. Literally – one of the shows is “Can You Choke This Horse?” And for the fall, we’re already working on “Can You Choke This Horse With the Stars?”

I hope I never have to fight these guys. They are brutal.

1-888-995-HOPELESS

Posted by on December 6, 2007 at 3:59 pm. NO Comments :

This morning George Bush announced his new program to help homeowners get out from under the burden of adjustable mortgages that have spurred an unprecedented wave of bankruptcies and foreclosures. Unfortunately, he gave millions of Americans the wrong phone number, once again proving that he is adept only at misleading.

The number he announced in his news conference was 1-800-995-HOPE. The actual number is 1-888-995-HOPE.

Anyone who managed to get through to the wrong number would have found themselves at the Freedom Christian Academy. From their website:

Freedom Christian Academy provides top notch Homeschool Curriculum and support for Home Schooling parents and students.
[…]
Bible believing Christians today must recognize that God has commanded parents to take responsibility for teaching their own children.

I’m not sure why Bush decided to use the HOPE name for his phone number when HOME might have been more intuitive. But the number he chose also spells GORE, if anyone is looking for some extra irony.

Bill O’Pedia: Journalistic Standards

Posted by on December 4, 2007 at 3:31 pm. 6 Comments :

Bill O’Reilly describes his ethical deficiencies, in his own words, far better than I ever could. From yesterday’s Factor:


“There are few journalistic standards left these days as we’ve proven on this broadcast again and again.”

You certainly have proven that. I can’t think of another program that proves it more conclusively, day after day. The complete absence of journalistic standards that you exhibit is truly a valuable lesson by example of what not to do in journalism. And it shows real courage to point out this lack of standards when the company you work for is one of the biggest media enterprises in the world and one of the worst offenders.

Thanks Bill.

CBS News Seeks Blathering Idiot

Posted by on November 30, 2007 at 9:43 pm. NO Comments :

Check out this want ad from CBS (screen cap):

Company: CBS News
Position: Seeking Vibrant Reporter/Host for Eco Beat
[…] Description:
CBS is expanding its coverage of the environment. We seek a talented reporter/host for Internet video broadcast. We are looking for smart, creative, hard working up and comers, who can bring great energy, creativity and a dash of humor to our coverage. A deep interest in the environment and sustainability issues will serve you well.

You are wicked smart, funny, irreverent and hip, oozing enthusiasm and creative energy. This position requires strong people, reporting, story telling and writing skills. Managing tight deadlines should be second nature. Knowledge of the enviro beat is a big plus, but not a requirement.

Responsibilities include reporting and hosting two to three news packages per week plus daily writing for our blog. You should be comfortable using a video camera and the Internet. Be prepared to see America. Heavy domestic travel.

Send resumes, cover letters and links to katzn@cbsnews.com.

Dust off those resumes. Seriously, let’s send Mr. Katz a flurry of resumes from all of us wicked smart hipsters who don’t know crap about the environment. While we’re at it, let’s send CBS applications for political, financial, criminal, and health beats, even if we don’t know anything about that either. Apparently they don’t care. I’ve always wanted to be a war correspondent.

Rudy Call

Posted by on November 30, 2007 at 12:18 pm. NO Comments :

Mr. 9/11 is burnishing his credentials with an accounting scandal to go along with his sex scandal and his terrorist association scandal and his corrupt police commissioner scandal and…

From Politico:
“As New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani billed obscure city agencies for tens of thousands of dollars in security expenses amassed during the time when he was beginning an extramarital relationship with future wife Judith Nathan in the Hamptons, according to previously undisclosed government records.”

I’m Going To Disneyland

Posted by on November 15, 2007 at 10:04 am. NO Comments :

I thought I was being funny when I made this:



But, as usual, reality trumps comedy: From ashes to ashes, at Disneyland

On Friday, workers at the Anaheim theme park spotted a guest on the ride sprinkling an unidentified substance into the water, prompting them to close the attraction and alert police […] the episode was a case of the surreptitious scattering of human ashes.

The Stephen Colbert Campaign Catches Fire

Posted by on October 23, 2007 at 12:23 pm. NO Comments :

Since announcing his intention to seek the nomination of both parties for President of the United States, Stephen Colbert has demonstrated a deft media strategy (appearing on Meet the Press, Larry King, etc) and popular appeal. In the first poll to be released since his announcement he shows both strength and promise. Here are the results:

Candidate: Percent:
Clinton 40
Obama 19
Edwards 12
Biden 2.7
Colbert 2.3
Richardson 2.1
Kucinich 2.1
Gravel <1.0
Colbert has surged ahead of New Mexico governor Bill Richardson and is threatening Sen. Joe Biden in the Democratic primary. On the Republican side he is lagging in Tancredo territory.

What this suggests is that Colbert may be the conservative candidate best able to make inroads into Democratic and Independent ranks. These early poll results should tell the rest of the field that voters are anxious for new ideas and are looking for candidates who espouse Truthiness as opposed to the same old so-called “facts” that are scattered by pundits and spinners.

Congratulations Stephen, and good luck.


Trouble In Paradise – The Malkin/Rivera Affair

Posted by on October 15, 2007 at 8:22 pm. NO Comments :

Get out your handkerchiefs. Michelle Malkin and Bill O’Reilly are officially separated. Malkin has notified the Fester that she will no longer appear on his program because she believes that her honor was besmirched by Geraldo Rivera. Then, when Rivera starred in an obviously staged apologia on Bill-O’s program, Malkin declared that it wasn’t sufficiently sincere and busted out this email:

“I made the decision to quit appearing on the O’Reilly show in response to the poor handling of the Geraldo Rivera matter (the staged “apology” on The Factor was a complete farce). I won’t go into details, but please know that your support means a lot to me. You can catch me on other Fox News shows and read my daily blog posts and weekly columns at MichelleMalkin.com.”

Malkin’s position on immigration reads like the KKK’s position on integration, and she is also the author of a book that defends the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. So Rivera is justifiably upset by her overtly racist rantings. But Malkin has a point as well. Here’s what Rivera said about her to the Boston Globe:

“Michelle Malkin is the most vile, hateful commentator I’ve ever met in my life,” he says. “She actually believes that neighbors should start snitching out neighbors, and we should be deporting people.

“It’s good she’s in D.C. and I’m in New York,” Rivera sneers. “I’d spit on her if I saw her.”

In the televised apology, all Rivera apologized for was the threat to spit on her. He said nothing retracting the “most vile, hateful commentator” sweet talk. Still, it’s funny that Malkin finds this affront so intolerable that she would quit the show. There must be ten thousand good reasons to avoid O’Reilly’s Circus of Stupidity. But it took being insulted by Geraldo to push her over the edge. How sad.

Fox Business: The Business Friendly Business Network

Posted by on October 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm. NO Comments :

Robert Greenwald and Brave New Films has a new video announcing the launch of the Fox Business Network (FBN):

Remember, we’re talking about the network whose chairman promised to make it a more “business friendly” business network. Its managing editor, Neil Cavuto, has already compiled an impressive collection of rosy-hued Foxaganda.

Fox Attacks is soliciting headlines from the public that reflect Fox’s unique slant on the news. Here are some of my predictions for the sort of stories we are likely to see on FBN:

  • Relentless Bombings In Iraq: An Opportunity For Kuwaiti Building Contractors?
  • Bush Vetoes SCHIP Bill: A Boost For Insurance Companies’ Profits?
  • Commerce Secretary: Dem Flag Lapel Pin Boycott Hurts Trade With Chinese Pin Manufacturers.
  • Health Care Crisis: Time To Buy Stock In Forest Lawn?
  • Democrat Bill Restricts Lobbyists: Former Congressmen Headed For Welfare?
  • Global Warming: Do Environmentalists Aid Terrorists By Keeping Climate Comfortable In Desert Hideouts?

Go to Fox Attacks and contribute your own headlines.