On NBC’s My Name Is Earl, the title character is presently serving a jail sentence for a crime that his ex-wife Joy committed. In last night’s season opener he revealed that his prison ID number is 28301-016. “So what?” you might ask. Well, I think it may not be a coincidence that another famous inmate has the very same number:
Very funny, guys. (h/t to Yazoo Street Scandal)
Ordinarily I wouldn’t bother with O.J. Simpson except to point out how the press becomes obsessed with these brainless celebrity sideshows to the exclusion of real news. But I couldn’t resist this moment captured from MSNBC, identifying Simpson’s legal team. I’m sure the dentally-challenged lawyer with the “I (heart) Famous People” cap is a superb litigator.
President Bush made a surprise visit to America Monday, shortly before a White House deadline to report to Congress on the U.S. troop increase Iraq. Air Force One touched down under a blazing sun in Manhattan Beach, CA, for a six-hour presidential visit to tout a “remarkable turnaround” in the mostly Yuppi province west of Compton.
Now THAT would be a newsworthy headline. Instead we have CNN reporting Bush’s “surprise” trip to a remote air base in the Anbar province. They fail to mention that he has to avoid the more dangerous capital city of Baghdad as he flies into his photo-op under the cover of darkness.
Bush spoke optimistically before a captive audience of Marines saying that fewer U.S. forces may soon be able to maintain security at its current level. If maintaining security at its current level is the extent of his goals, the Iraqi people have very little to look forward to.
You have to wonder what the purpose of this multi-million dollar detour really is. The President is said to be meeting with the U.S. ambassador and Iraqi prime minister, Maliki, so they are being forced to take a perilous journey across the country to meet with Bush at his hideaway. Is there something besides public relations that justifies the risk and the cost of this event? Couldn’t they have arranged a conference call? And what do they expect to accomplish in six hours that makes this trip worthwhile?
If their intent is to engender a sense of credibility, they probably blew that effort by running this charade as reported by CNN:
White House press secretary Tony Snow said a false schedule released for the news media on Monday was part of the security plan for the trip.
That was the closing paragraph of CNN’s report, which is right where it belongs. There is very little news value to the revelation that Tony Snow lies to the media. We already knew that.
Sean Hannity conducted an interview with a Christian televangelist named Bill Keller. Keller has a reputation for engaging in hate speech against Muslims.
Unfortunately, the picture over Hannity’s shoulder is that of Bill Keller, executive editor of the New York Times, whom I’m sure Hannity thinks is a purveyor of hate speech as well. But really…
For immediate Release:
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Fox News, the most powerful name in lies, is preparing it’s most exciting roster of new programming ever. And kicking off the new season will be the premier of Alberto Gonzales’ unforgettable nightly expose into … um … wait, don’t tell me … it’s on the tip of my tongue …
Oh, never mind. It was probably privileged anyway.
Just be sure not to miss it. Seriously. Anyone who misses it will be placed on the no-fly list, their phone will be tapped, and they may be subject to water boarding at Gitmo.
Last March, the forgettable Alberto Gonzales told reporters that…
“I’m not going to resign – I’m going to stay focused on protecting our kids.”
Apparently, the kids have slipped his memory. But I remember that this embarrassment to justice had no problem recalling some unnamed statutes that would allow him to prosecute journalists for doing their jobs:
“There are some statutes on the book which, if you read the language carefully, would seem to indicate that that [prosecution] is a possibility.”
Goodbye, and good riddance.
 Almost like the real thing. |
We live in a substitute society. Our consumer culture has produced numerous products that are only meant to emulate other products that, for one reason or another, we seek to avoid. There is mock meat and faux fur and sodas sweetened sans sugar. Now, courtesy of BushCo, we have fake free speech.
In response to litigation, the White House was forced to reveal the existence of a secret manual used to manage the public events of the President. Many of the tactics outlined in the Presidential Advance Manual are well known to activists, but now, for the first time, we can see the actual policy from the Oval Office handlers.
The Washington Post reports that:
“A White House manual that came to light recently gives presidential advance staffers extensive instructions in the art of “deterring potential protestors” from President Bush’s public appearances around the country.”
“Among other things, any event must be open only to those with tickets tightly controlled by organizers. Those entering must be screened in case they are hiding secret signs. Any anti-Bush demonstrators who manage to get in anyway should be shouted down by “rally squads” stationed in strategic locations. And if that does not work, they should be thrown out.”
The White House doesn’t view these measures as suppression of lawful dissent. They believe that they are in compliance with the spirit of free speech if they…
“designate a protest area where demonstrators can be placed, preferably not in the view of the event site or motorcade route.”
The primary goals of the directives in the manual are not to protect the President or to maintain civil order, but to shield the President from the unpleasant reality that he is universally despised, and to prevent the media from witnessing, and potentially reporting, any outbreak of democratic redress of grievances. It goes so far as to say that if demonstrators are unlikely to be noticed by the press, they should be ignored. That instruction makes perfect sense for the administration because, if protesters are not observed by the media, they will be ignored by the nation.
Despite our cultural acceptance of fakes and knockoffs, there really is no substitute for free speech and other Constitutional liberties. And while a designated free speech zone may have the appearance and texture real freedom, the aroma has the stench of a cowardly administration that is afraid of its own constituents. In other words, it still tastes like chicken.
The Daily Show is going to war. The show whose star, Jon Stewart, condescendingly refers to it as “fake news” is sending their very own correspondent on assignment to Iraq next week. Rob Riggle will anchor Operation Silent Thunder from, as the press release puts it, “actual Iraq, not greenscreen Iraq.”
Two years I ago, I wrote that The Daily Show does a better job of representing honest journalism than many of the organizations that they mock (see The Real Fake News). It was not an attempt to be cute or dismissive. There is evidence to support the argument:
The show has won five Emmys. It won a Peabody award for election coverage. The Columbia Journalism Review included Stewart on its list of the nation’s 10 most influential political reporters. Newsday placed Stewart on their list of the 20 media players who will most influence the 2004 campaign.
Most of those awards were not bestowed for entertainment, they were honoring the program for its news content. That said, it is still still a comedy program, not a news program. But it also performs the function of a media watchdog, alerting us to the hypocrisy, collaboration, and contrivance of the corporate-dominated media.
Now with Riggle joining his colleagues in the war zone, the lines between reality and satire (satirealityâ„¢) are becoming ever more blurred. It is important to note that Riggle is not just a comedian doing shtick on a new stage. He is a decorated veteran whose service as a U.S. Marine can inform his “reporting” in unique and invaluable ways. He is a comedian with “more than 19 medals and ribbons, including the Combat Action Ribbon,” for service in Liberia, Kosovo and Afghanistan.
A correspondent who has had tours of duty in both Operation Enduring Freedom and the Rubber Chicken Circuit, is a rare asset for any media outfit. I predict that, once again, the fake news will trump the real news on substance. And at the same time they will entertain our weary troops (something the real news can never claim to do) as this trip is being undertaken in conjunction with a USO tour that will also include comedians Horatio Sanz, Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer.
Good luck Major Riggle. Not that you need it. We all know that a Rubber Chicken can beat a Chicken Hawk any day of the week.
Last week, Bill O’Reilly, Fox’s Father Coughlin, ranted riotously about the “vile hate site”, DailyKos, because of what he deemed an offensive picture that he found there.
I wonder if he’s going to spend this week lambasting Glenn Beck for this obscene swipe at Helen Thomas.
Keep in mind that no one affiliated with DailyKos posted the image that angered O’Reilly so much. It was posted by one user in a comment thread that never appeared on the site’s front page. The image here was featured as the “Picture of the Day“ on Beck’s home page.
O’Reilly wouldn’t turn out to be a hypocrite, would he?
Email Glenn Beck at his web site.
Email Glenn Beck at CNN.
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After having endured years of the comedy stylings of a bumbling War President who variously describes himself the Decider Guy or the Commander Guy, the circle has finally closed around an alter ego that is a far more believable persona for our little chameleon.
Aboard Air Force One, the President’s press secretary, Tony Snow, presided over what he called a “speed gaggle.” Near the end, a reporter managed to squeeze out a probing question:
Question: “Tony, if the President can order the U.S. attorney in the District of Columbia not to pursue criminal contempt charges, doesn’t that sort of put him in the position of being able to determine unilaterally what executive privilege is?”
That seems like a nicely pointed question that reasonably seeks an explanation for an apparent overreaching on the part of the White House. Let’s see how Tony handles it.
Mr. Snow: “Well, the President can assert executive privilege, but you’ve misstated the way this works. In fact, the Department of Justice has the responsibility — the Department of Justice has already published an opinion; furthermore, there is a longstanding series of opinions out of the Department of Justice from Democratic and Republican administrations that talk about the inapplicability of criminal contempt of Congress citations when it comes to people asserting executive privilege.
So, number one, the President is not issuing orders; this is something that falls under the purview of the Department of Justice. And number two, legal precedent all points in one way and it would not be the way contemplated by the House Judiciary Committee.”
Holy Transformer, Batman! The Deciding Commander Guy has turned into the Not Issuing Orders Guy. What makes this even more fantabulous is that it is wholly untrue that the Department of Justice has responsibility for asserting executive privilege. That is an authority reserved for the President. But even if the DoJ did have jurisdiction, it would be just a tiny bit unseemly for them to exercise it when the subject of the investigation is the Attorney General himself.
However, things may not be quite as bad as they appear when you consider that this Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales, is uniquely qualified to assert a privilege he doesn’t have and then conveniently forget that he had done so.
Early Tuesday morning, the Los Angeles Sheriff released Paris Hilton into the wilds of La La Land. She smiled as she strutted from the jail to her limo. It was like a magical stroll down the red carpet to the premiere of her freedom.
The only network with sustained coverage of the event was – you guessed it – Fox News. They dutifully documented the momentous trip from the Big House to her big house. They reported feverishly of her yearning for Taco Bell and gourmet cupcakes. They followed as her coach drove through the grounds of the Beverly Hilton (a masterpiece of product placement). And they hovered as paparazzi snapped photos and blocked traffic.
We can only hope that our own freedom is approaching; the freedom from ditsy heiresses that believe they are entitled to constant fawning; the freedom from a press corps that thinks this nonsense is news. We may still have a few days of Paris regaling us with the travails of her hard-scrabble life before we are at peace. Then we can settle back down to the comfortable familiarity of her nip slips and reality TV inanities.
