With the selection of Cardinal Ratzinger as the new Pope, The Vatican is announcing the launch of PopeTV. This new media venture will exploit the assets of existing television news networks by piggy-backing on their programming. They have already demonstrated the effectiveness of this business model with their application of the ubiquitous VaticanCam.

Fox, CNN, and MSNBC, featuring the VaticanCam inset smokestacks.

The Republican Party pioneered this strategy by attaching itself to the Fox News network. They have been expanding their reach in the last few years to other networks, but now will find themselves competing directly with the Vatican for screen space.

Amongst the recent milestones for PopeTV, is that coverage of the election of the new pope logged more on-air time than did coverage of the election of the new US President.

The confidence exhibited by the Vatican in launching this enterprise at this time illustrates their faith in their ability to compete against other media heavyweights. The aforementioned Republicans, Michael Jackson, the war in Iraq, and minor players like Tom DeLay and genocide in Darfur, are all vying for attention in this sparsely populated media wasteland marketplace.

It remains to be seen who will prevail, but insiders warn against underestimating the Vatican. The corporations that dominate and control the media are motivated largely by cash. The Vatican, of course, has plenty of that.

With the passage by Congress of the Terri Schiavo law, we have successfully completed our transformation from a nation of free citizens to a collection of Politi-borgs whose most personal and private affairs will now be dictated by government institutions.

The feeding tube is securely fastened and the capital drips are gushing. The media environment is plugged in and transmitting soothing platitudes by day and fear-inducing threat-level warnings by night. We can now all rest easier while we tremble in our paranoid stupor.

God Bless Amerika

In the wake of the 2004 election, there has arisen a desperate caterwaulling of Democrats and progressives hoping to exorcise themselves of the demons that must have possessed them, else how could they have believed that victory was possible. This primal scream of hope takes many forms: defiant disbelief; enduring will; critical self-examination; poetic rage; and philosophical visions of Valhalla to come. But as we race through the stages of emotional response to the passing of our hopes, we must take our place at acceptance, and acceptance means that…

Nothing Matters

All of the speculation as to how we might assuage our grief amounts to nothing more than a prescription of the latest Placebo© brand cognitive mollifier. The regrets, the accusations, the mea culpas, the calls of the resolutionaries to move on, speak only to symptoms. The disease lingers, it lounges, it enjoys the peace of mind that comes from knowing that the boss is on vacation. No one is looking over its shoulder and it can get away with murder. The barn door is open and there’s nothing in the barn. And, as we’ve already established…

Nothing Matters

Nothing but perceptions. Perceptions are the new reality and the architects of perception are its masters. We are a maleable population, easily manipulated by those who guide the most fundamental decisions of our lives: the soap we use; the movies we watch; the breakfast cereal that starts our day. Its the marketing kingpins that shape our world. Not just in terms of what we consume, but also how we vote. The suggestability we exhibit defines us not so much as citizens, but as consumers. Consumizens? And for those who wonder what to do about the proclivity we have for coming up short, the answer is clear. We have have to sell better. We have to convince people that our product tastes better, lasts longer, makes you sexier, and comes with a free prize in every box. The box itself has great significance, particularly if it has the facade of a lovable cartoon charactor. It doesn’t matter what’s in the box because, other than the effectiveness of the marketing campaign…

Nothing Matters

Vice-President Dick Cheney, complaining that the liberal media is once again reporting distortions about him, explains that he never told Senator Leahy to go fuck himself. He actually was suggesting that the Senator might enjoying viewing programs on the Fox cable network.