On Saturday the White House Correspondents’ Association is holding their annual gala dinner. However, there are some notable differences with this year’s event from those held previously. For one thing, this will be the first time that Donald Trump will attend as president. Which many people regard as an incentive to skip the whole thing.

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Another difference is that this year’s entertainment will be provided by a magician/hypnotist, rather than a comedian. Is that because Trump’s ego is too delicate to tolerate any humor at his expense, or is it some sort of attempt to plant post-hypnotic MAGA suggestions into the audience? In any case, it is being reported that Trump will not stick around after he delivers his remarks, that are expected to be a “revenge” rant aimed at the media that he despises. So he will miss the hypnotist, as well as the awards that are being given to journalists, many of which are for articles revealing his innumerable failures.

SEE THIS: The White House Correspondents Association Awards Are Gonna Really Piss Trump Off

Consequently, on Thursday night Jimmy Kimmel sought to remedy that absence of a comedian at the dinner by putting together his own version of the speech that he would give if he were the guest speaker (video below). He called it “The Alternative White House Correspondents’ Dinner,” and introduced it saying that…

“Typically somebody funny shows up and roasts the luminaries, the president, and everyone. But our president is a delicate snowflake, with the the thinnest fat skin ever. And that means there’s gonna be no comedian this year. So I thought why not take a page from the ‘Kid Rock Alternative Halftime Show.”“

Whereupon Kimmel presented a hilarious address that mocked Trump, Melania, JD Vance, Pete Hegseth, Kash Patel, Robert Kennedy Jr. Stephen Miller, and FCC chairman Brendan Carr. Some of whom will be at the real dinner because CBS, in a show of pathetic capitulation, has invited Hegseth and Miller as their guests. Here a few examples from Kimmel’s speech that would definitely upset our Fragile-Flower-in-Chief…

“We’ll get you all dressed up in formal wear, dresses, tuxedos. I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump Epstein files.”

“We’re gonna have fun tonight, and I’m happy you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry if we bruise your ego, it’ll only make your hands look less disgusting.”

“The president didn’t want me to tell any jokes about him tonight, but he also didn’t want to pay me $130,000 to shut up. Sorry Mushroom Dick.”

“I get why you think you’re Jesus. This guy, every time he walks into a room, people say, Christ, he’s back.”

“You’re looking good, Mr. President. Who did your makeup? Kraft Singles?

“President Trump has accomplished so much during his second term. He passed new incentives for oil and gas. He put the brakes on solar and wind. That will be your legacy, sir, breaking wind and passing gas.”

Can you imagine Trump finding any of that funny? Kimmel also paid tribute to Trump by presenting him with another of the fake participation trophies that he loves so much. This one is the much coveted “Burger King of Comedy Gold Award.”

It will be interesting to see just how badly Trump foams at the mouth while spewing hate during his remarks. And the quick cuts to his angry reactions to other speakers will also provide some entertainment. And much of that will likely be unintentionally hilarious. But for actual comedy value, we will have to be satisfied with Kimmel’s fake speech. So for your entertainment pleasure…

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