NRA-Theism: Glenn Beck’s Jesus Was A Pistol-Packin’ Messiah

The keynote speaker for this year’s NRA convention in Houston was a real crowd pleaser with experience riling up weak-minded right-wing sheeple. Glenn Beck’s sermon was delivered with his usual flair for phony emotion and theatrics. Here is the video if you have the stomach for it.

Glenn Beck

Beck set up his speech by fluffing the audience with praise for what awesome, charitable, courageous, sexy, patriots they all were. Of course, they lapped up this drooling approbation like thirsty puppies and rewarded Beck’s pandering with masturbatory applause. Beck gave the people exactly what they wanted and even titillated them with a teasing hint of a new project he would be announcing “in the coming days” with “major partners.”

The primary message of Beck’s program, however, was a more overarching appeal to the grand province of the Lord, with whom Beck frequently reminds folks that he is in close communication. Never mind that Beck’s interpretation of the divine is in stark contrast to that of most theologians. Take, for instance, how he inexplicably juxtaposes the mission of the NRA with that of the Prince of Peace by saying “Our right to keep and bear arms will not be infringed. We will follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ.” And while Beck never reveals where in scripture he learned that Jesus’ footsteps were fortified with firearms, he returned to the theme several times with pronouncements like this:

“Jesus was a man of God. He was a man of peace. He was a man of forgiveness. But make no mistake, Jesus Christ was also immoveable. The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. And we will win by strapping on the full armor of God.”

Perhaps someone should remind Beck that Jesus ordered his apostles to lay down their weapons when confronted with Roman soldiers who came to arrest him in the Garden of Gethsemane. Or maybe they just dismiss it as that old “live by the sword, die by the sword” nonsense that their savior mumbled while under duress. Or, much like the 2nd Amendment, they just heed the half of the text that appeals to them and throw out irrelevancies like “die by the sword” and “well regulated militia.” And where he gets this business about the “armor of God” that he’s so anxious to strap on (an unfortunate phrasing), is anybody’s guess. The closest similar rhetoric would come from the Crusades. In the end, it belittles any notion of a divine power that certainly doesn’t need to rely on the defensive accoutrements of mortals.

Beck railed on interminably, punctuating his evangelical bluster with warnings of end-times alarmism. He insisted that we are in a “precarious situation” and that “the hour grows late.” He feverishly hammered into the heads of his assembled masses the apocalyptic angst that is the hallmark of his nightmarish doctrine.

“Our freedom is under attack. Our liberty, our way of life is being legislated out of existence. Our rights are being diminished by a ruling class of power of elites. They’re growing out of control. We have a government of radical revolutionaries actively working against the Constitution and the American people.”

And after that upchucking of fear and darkness, Beck was steadfast in his determination to fight the left’s tactics of fear and darkness – with love. Because, as we all know, love is best expressed behind the muzzle of an assault weapon that was acquired without any background check. Just ask the children of Sandy Hook, the students of Virginia Tech, the movie fans of Aurora, or even the church-goers of Oak Creek, Wisconsin.

Conspiracy Fabulist Glenn Beck On Houston, Nazi’s, And God’s Wrath

Last week Tea-vangelist Glenn Beck spewed some delusional ravings about a Saudi man Beck believed was the mastermind of the Boston marathon bombing. That alarmist and unsupported nonsense fell flat with no one but the most deranged of the right-wing blogosphere paying any attention.

Consequently, Beck has had to come up with more idiotic imaginings from his clearly diseased brain. His newest paranoid hypothesis is that the man who showed up yesterday at the Houston airport firing an AR-15, and later committing suicide, was some sort of setup directed at the NRA’s convention being held in Houston.

Beck explained to his adoring audience that the connections are inescapable and he explicitly stated that any other possibility “is too much to believe.” His evidence for this certainty was apparently still stuck up his ass because he never brought it out for examination. Instead, he made an absurd accusation that some mysterious, unnamed plotters from the “uber-left” were behind the whole affair. And while you are looking for those imaginary connections, also keep in mind that the model for this false flag operation is the Nazi burning of the Reichstag.

Glenn Beck

There seems to be no bottom for Beck’s dementia. His sermonizing on the depths of the human condition, particularly in America, is driving him to conclude that we are an evil, godless nation (video below) that God is now compelled to destroy. No, seriously…

Beck: He has got to destroy us because we are becoming an affront to him, in every step of the way. We are denying his existence. We are denying his power. We are slapping him in the face. […] Boy I don’t think he can trust us at all. Please Lord, remember the faces of those, please, that are trying to do the right thing. Please dear God, please dear Lord forgive us, please forgive us, please, please forgive us. See the faces of the people that are good, because there are millions of them. Give us strength to accept the things that must come.

This is not the first time that Beck has opined on the impending divine obliteration of America. The day before the election last November, Beck announced God’s mandate for destruction due to voters choosing to reelect President Obama:

Beck: If they’re so dead inside that they can no longer see the difference between good and evil, we have to be destroyed because we will be a remarkable evil on this planet.”

Beck is pretty well convinced of America’s demonic nature and God’s duty to eradicate it. It’s surprising, therefore, that he still resides here and even wants to build a mecca to his paranoia where blissful patriopaths can frolic in a world devoid of free-thinking lefties. But if the United States is bound for hell, there is still some land available in Guyana that Beck might look into.

Hoplophobia: Pro-Gun ‘Doctors’ Invent Psychological Disorder To Discredit Victim Activists

This may one of the most repulsive moves yet by gun worshiping extremists bent on preserving the legitimate rights of the 2nd Amendment for murderers and madmen.

The Daily Caller, a web site run by Fox News host Tucker Carlson, posted an article that posits a theory about people who have survived gun violence or the families of deceased victims. The authors propose that such people are mentally unfit to express their opinions about the tragedies that they and their loved ones endured. These committed reformers, the authors allege, are suffering from “hoplophobia,” a fake condition that is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association or any other mental health authority.

Hoplophobia

The term was coined by the late Jeff Cooper, a former board member of the National Rifle Association (NRA), and is defined by him as “a morbid fear of guns.” TheDC argues that people who have had traumatic experiences involving gun violence cannot construct rational opinions about public firearms policy because they have been damaged psychologically. The article falsely asserts that hoplophobia is “a real, extremely dangerous, widespread, and clinically recognizable complex specific phobia.” No, actually, it is none of those things. It is the creation of a politically motivated lobbyist for weapons manufacturers. Which makes this statement from the article all the more absurd:

“Many doctors are guilty of ‘boundary violations’ when they, with some frequency, inject anti-gun political opinions or content into their clinical work as health-care providers. It is our assertion that this constitutes several serious ethical violations including at least: mixing politics and health care.”

As a representative of the NRA, and not a medical professional, it is undeniable that Cooper’s conflation of politics and medicine is an outright ethical violation that the article itself later condemns as “practicing outside one’s recognized fields of expertise.” As the article progresses interminably through its jargon-laden mush of pseudo-science, it never makes a coherent argument to support its premise that victims are not credible witnesses or activists. Yet it does glorify its own intellectual silliness with the hyperbolic claim that “Hoplophobia is far and away the most dangerous of all phobias.”

It is easy to assert that a phobia you make up yourself is the worst one ever, but it is much harder to support such a claim. In fact, hoplophobia is a cognitive disaster area that makes little sense. One of the obvious flaws of this crackpot theory is the assertion that gun violence victims have a generalized fear of guns. To the contrary, many are themselves gun owners and continue to endorse the right to keep and bear arms even after their traumatic episodes. There is nothing inconsistent (or insane) in advocating reasonable regulations for obtaining dangerous weapons and supporting legislation to keep such items out of the hands of those who will misuse them.

Which brings us to another glaring flaw. The authors attribute opposition to unfettered access to any type of weapon as evidence of hoplophobia. Were that the case it would mean that in excess of 80% of the American people are sufferers, because that’s how many support the expanded regulations currently being debated in congress. Obviously, 80% of the country has not been victimized by gun violence, so TheDC will have to come up with another theory to explain this discrepancy. And luckily, they have one handy:

“The large-scale support such a program sometimes finds, including within the media, implies a mass-hysteria or mass-hypnosis effect.”

See? We’re all hypnotized and/or hysterical. Never mind the fact that many of us own guns and happily concede that right to others in an environment that is responsible and filters out felons and other unstable individuals. And set aside the reasonable perspective that a certain measure of managed fear is appropriate when dealing with instruments that are so potentially injurious. Far too many devastating accidents have occurred when people failed to respect the inherent destructive force that guns possess.

In the end, it seems that the inventors of the phony phobia are themselves the ones who suffer from irrational fears. They consider any approach to public safety that addresses guns is a covert attempt to disarm them, enslave them, and confiscate their guns and other private property. They explicitly state in this article that hoplophobia “can compromise the U.S. Constitution and human freedom itself.” If that isn’t an expression of a hyper-phobic personality, then what is?

Run Sarah, Run: Tea Party Trying To Draft Sarah Palin For Alaska Senate

This is the best news I’ve heard all year: Tea Party group hopes to draft Sarah Palin for Senate run in Alaska.

Sarah Palin

Where do I donate? Bringing back Palin to the campaign trail would be more fun than a barrel of Teabaggers. Her barely comprehensible English, her moronic mistakes, her persistent ignorance, her feverish hate-speech – all of these elements of her political style would combine to turn the election into comedy gold.

Never mind the fact that Palin doesn’t live in Alaska (her current residence is in Arizona). And set aside the polls that show her losing to the Democratic incumbent Mark Begich 54-38. Palin’s Tea Party appeal would thrust her into the loser’s circle with a boatload of mocking media.

Even if some unforeseen catastrophe occurred (i.e. Begich suffers a nervous breakdown and grows a Hitler mustache a week before the election) and Palin prevails, her presence on the senate floor would provide more laughs than America’s Funniest Home Videos. And we wouldn’t have to worry about her burdening the nation with idiotic legislation because she would likely resign after a couple of months when she finds out that she is required to do some work and the salary is under seven figures.

So here’s hoping that the Tea Party dimwits promoting her candidacy can lure her into the race. And let’s hope that the GOP throws buckets of cash into her campaign. As happy as I am that fringe characters like Allen West and Jim DeMint have been cast out of politics, it leaves a comedy void that is hard to fill. That’s why I’m counting on Palin to come to the rescue of political humorists everywhere and throw her asshat into the ring.