Welcome To The New Fox News Ministries With Brit Hume

Pray for Fox NewsBrothers and sisters, on this, the first Sunday of a new year, a new decade in the sight of our Lord, it is a blessing that we may now profit from the teachings of a new holy messenger of the Word of God. Salvation can now be achieved directly from the Most High – Definition, that is. Our Cable path to redemption is clear and the signals are strong. For we now are relieved of the weekly burden of attending a cold, dank church with uncomfortable pews. Now we can get salvation from the convenience of our sofas. We can worship at the alter of Television and absorb the Good News in the comfort of our homes thanks to the advent of the New Fox News Ministries.

Today’s sermon is one that effects every believer and non-believer alike. It concerns the fate of all who have sinned and, of course, that means everyone. Except for those sinners who have already placed their faith in the Savior and have repented and been saved. They can do whatever the Hell they please. But not so fallen stars like Tiger Woods, whose moral indiscretions require urgent redress. And thank the good Lord that we have the Reverend Brit Hume of the Fox News Ministries to counsel unto the golfer lost in the woods.

Rev. Brit Hume: The Tiger Woods that emerges, once the news value dies out of this scandal, the extent to which he can recover, it seems to me, rests on his faith. He’s said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So my message to Tiger would be, “Tiger, turn your faith, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

Hallelujah and amen! Repent Brother Woods. It is obvious that those heathen Buddhists have nothing whatsoever to offer a poor sinner. They cannot redeem your cursed soul with the blood of a 2,000 year old martyr, can they? They rely merely on ancient wisdom that holds people accountable for their actions, not by judgment, but by the observance of respect for all creation. They reject the sort of forgiveness and redemption that absolves one of guilt or the suffering of consequences for their behavior. Well, unless you regard karma as a model for a virtuous life and a guide for honorable conduct.

Brother Woods, you must ask yourself if you want to embark on a challenging journey of self-examination and knowledge, or if you wouldn’t rather join the likes of Mark Sanford, David Vitter, John Ensign, Larry Craig, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, etc., as adulterous sinners who have been pardoned by the grace of a merciful God. You too can be a great example to the world, just as these bags of scum who have preceded you.

Heed the words of the Rev. Hume, all ye sinners. And follow these teachings as ye have those of Rev. Huckabee and Rev. Beck (see The Gospel according to Beck). Get down on your knees and beseech the Lord Fox for forgiveness. Kneel in the sacred blue glow of the Fox light and submit yourself to its flickering divinity. Because by worshiping at the alter of Fox all sins are forgiven. You are free to start wars; to kill innocents; to torture; to befoul the Earth; to pass judgment on others; to revel in wealth and greed; to deny the less fortunate access to food, housing, or health care; to lie, cheat, steal, and even to live as an infidel with impunity.

Sounds like Heaven, doesn’t it? And what does Buddhism have to offer but a life of peace, awareness, enlightenment, and harmony with all the world? Sounds like Hell, huh? As the Prophet Murdoch said:

“Let there be lie: and there was lie. And Murdoch saw the lie, that it was profitable: and Murdoch divided the lie from the psychotic. And Murdoch called the lie Day, and the psychotic he called Primetime.”

Bless you Brother Brit. And may the Fox be with you.


12 thoughts on “Welcome To The New Fox News Ministries With Brit Hume

  1. And Brit would know more than most about the need for forgiveness of sin.
    If unproven (but unrefuted) rumors are correct, the 1998 suicide of Brit’s son Sandy was largely due to the revelation (as part of his defense against the Publican revolt that would soon lead to his downfall) by Newt Gingrich and his allies of Sandy’s romantic (or at least sexual) involvement with then-Rep Bill Paxon (R, Closet), a leader of the revolt.
    I have no children, so can’t speak from experience, but my understanding is that losing one’s child is about the worst experience imaginable. But losing that child because leaders of your own political party / movement found it politically expedient to ruin their career and life? That’s beyond imaginable.
    The psyche and soul of Brit Hume are not places I’d want to visit.
    Not that any of this — or anything at all — could justify or validate anything Hume and his cronies have been doing with the media megaphone, of which this latest travesty is only one minor instance…
    Fox them all. Every Foxing one of them.

    • insightful info, smart. Which leads to an interesting dichotomy: while some, after an unspeakable tragedy, would denounce a higher being, Hume apparently took the “God works in mysterious ways” stuff in the other direction, somehow using the hardship to validate his religion, to reinforce his beliefs, to cling to them even more. Yet understanding his remarks in the context of the absolutely inappropriate forum (to the extent that he would claim FOX is a legitimate operation) is no excuse for them.

      I remember when Olbermann (who had a field day with this) noted John Gibson cutesily suggesting white Christians produce more babies to increase their numbers. Whatever event or pattern in his life culminated in such a statement is also irrelevant: for while we may surmise what preceded his unprofessional comments, he had no business making them. Except, of course, to be on FOX is to be accountable only to Murdoch’s tacit approval.

  2. Great sermon, linked to here, in “Religious Preachers and Converters, a Fox and Tiger Story”.

    Pretty out of control to use his network to preach religion and conversion to Tiger, let alone argue how by converting to a particular faith he would be a <“great” example if he did so.

    I think this really needs to be a media story, to other media sources, because I think this crosses a line. Media Matters doesn’t seem to think in terms of framing things like this too much (but I could be wrong), but have you thought of at least trying, with a very objective, fact based, non partisan and non critical sounding press release, on this fundamental issue of a prominent “new” channel wholeheartedly preaching the gospel of religion and essentially impugning another religion directly?

    Or contact media matters on them re the idea? They would have the resources, but if they sound contemptuous or presumptuous on it they will have little chance. Just raise the story, for it is certainly a legitimate one.

  3. Did you happen to catch this story on Fox — the ACORN scandal Was huge to them all fall, then when they were essentially exonerated by a Congressional Research Service Study, which was big news given that this scandal had been covered news wise incessantly, instead of this being covered, it suddenly fell almost completely off the radar.

  4. Brit Hume hit it right on the head.All people everywhere need to turn to Jesus Christ for salvation. Jesus went to the cross to pay our sin penalty so that we could be forgiven. Because we still have a sin nature we will still sin, however it should not be intentionally. You can criticize christians but in the end everyone will stand before a rightous GOD and every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that JESUS CHRIST is LORD. I think Brit did a great thing by sharing the truth with others. Just because you reject GOD only shows how much you are in need of salvation.Put your trust in Jesus Christ as savior for the forgiveness of youir sins.You will spend eternity somewhere the chice is yours and yours alone.

    • Thanks for your concern for my soul, but what makes you think I have rejected God? You are exhibiting the same prideful intolerance that Hume did. That’s not very Christian.

      I have no problem with Hume’s faith. My problem is when he judges (disparges) the faith of others. That is not his role.

      “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

  5. He is not judging he’s just sharing the truth of false religions that give a false hope when someone trusts in works instead of a trust worthy hope in the savior. I’m not judging you either but by your comments you sound like someone ridiculing others who share the truth which you don’t agree with. If you’ve never trusted Jesus Christ as your savior you are in need of salvation!

    • What blindness. You are judging in the very same sentence that you say you aren’t judging. That’s the problem with so many so-called Christians. They don’t even know how to refrain from being judgmental. Try just worrying about your own salvation.

  6. I think it rather odd how, if someone speaks the truth, they are “fear mongering” or being “judgemental.” Have we really become so shallow and thin skinned that we can’t handle someone else’s views, even if we don’t agree with them? (Dear Brett, I very much agree with you). Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. If you don’t like that, take it up with God the Father. (notice I didn’t say that some religion is the only way?)
    God bless Brett.

    • It is not thin-skinned to respond if someone else’s views insult you. And it is judgmental to say that only your way is the way to heaven.

      Follow your own advice and let each person take it up with God.

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