James O’Keefe, the ersatz “pimp” famous for pestering ACORN, has published an amusing defense of his most recent criminal adventure. The statement was fittingly posted on Andrew Breitbart’s BigGovernment web site, as Breitbart is O’Keefe’s mentor and protector, despite having disavowed himself of any connection to little Jimmy’s felonious conduct.

O’Keefe begins his defense by stating that…

“The government has now confirmed what has always been clear: No one tried to wiretap or bug Senator Landrieu’s office. Nor did we try to cut or shut down her phone lines. Reports to this effect over the past 48 hours are inaccurate and false.”

However, nowhere is there any statement from the government that says any such thing. In fact, the only government statement is the release from the FBI that says O’Keefe and company…

“…were charged in a criminal complaint with entering federal property under false pretenses for the purpose of committing a felony.”

O’Keefe’s goes on to make an assertion that is patently false.

“As an investigative journalist, my goal is to expose corruption and lack of concern for citizens by government and other institutions, as I did last year when our investigations revealed the massive corruption and fraud perpetrated by ACORN.”

First of all, O’Keefe’s characterization of himself as a journalist is an insult to journalists. He brazenly violates the code of ethics as enumerated by the Society of Professional Journalists. Secondly, his goal has never been to expose corruption, but to harass liberals, as he freely admits:

“If you use their rules against them, you can really just tease them and mock them and really destroy them.”

And finally, he revealed no corruption or fraud, massive or otherwise, on the part of ACORN. Subsequent to the release of his videos there have been two independent investigations that concluded that there was no unlawful activity on the part ACORN and there have never been any findings of guilt or even charges brought. Well, except for the charges brought against O’Keefe for unlawful videotaping.

Then we come to O’Keefe’s ludicrous and illogical self-defense.

“In investigating this matter, we decided to visit Senator Landrieu’s district office – the people’s office – to ask the staff if their phones were working.”

That assertion is false on its face. By his own admission to the FBI, he and his associates did much more than ask if the phones were working. They “manipulated the telephone system” in the Senator’s office. They sought access to the main wiring facility at another location and went to that location where they tried unsuccessfully to get in. O’Keefe’s attempt to diminish this by portraying it as an innocent effort to question the Senator’s staff is just plain dishonest. If, as he says, his “sole intent” was to ascertain whether the Senator “was purposely trying to avoid constituents,” then why did he need to go off-site to the wiring facility?

My favorite part of this whitewash was O’Keefe’s reconsideration of this idiotic escapade.

“On reflection, I could have used a different approach to this investigation, particularly given the sensitivities that people understandably have about security in a federal building.”

“On reflection?” I suppose a night in the slammer presents an ideal opportunity to reflect on one’s imbecility. And the prospect of ten years in prison and a quarter million dollar fine might inspire some serious self-appraisal as well. But I suspect that most of his time in lockup O’Keefe spent concocting these lame excuses. Apparently he needed more time behind bars to come up with something that didn’t blow copious chunks, because the single night was obviously not long enough.

The rest of O’Keefe’s anti-apologia was an extended whine about how the mainstream media is so mean to him. On that note – Be sure to catch James O’Keefe Monday on “Hannity” – Only on Fox News.. That’s right, The nation’s #1 cable news network (is that mainstream enough for you?), Fox News and Sean Hannity somehow scored this exclusive interview. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. Much like the fact that Fox Nation officially exonerated O’Keefe. It was just a “stunt” according to the Fox Nationalists. Nevertheless, it is still a felony. Good luck with that stunt defense, Jim.