Liberty University Taps Glenn Beck For Commencment Speech

Glenn Beck GraduateThose lucky kids at Liberty University are in for a treat on graduation day this year. The conservative Christian institution has announced that Glenn Beck will be their commencement speaker. That should excite the student body.

What an inspiration it will be to have an alcoholic, drug-abusing, rodeo clown, college dropout up on stage advising these students on how to succeed in life by making goofy faces on TV while lying about your political adversaries. They will surely benefit from his lectures mangling history and accusing liberals of being fascists and the President of being a racist. Not to mention that Beck has just announced that God has spoken to him and revealed His plan for America. How many commencement speakers have a direct line to Heaven?

Beck’s message of unrelenting doom and destruction is a perfect fit for a school that includes Armageddon in its curriculum. Beck has prophesied that, unless we all accept his version of the truth, we’ll all be dead in five years. So why worry about not being able to find a job if the Rapture is right around the corner?

Beck will be able to relate his experiences as a suicidal failure who found redemption as a morning zoo radio shock jock. What better example could Liberty provide to these young folks as they prepare to go out into a foreboding world? Perhaps Beck will bring along his blackboard and diagram the connections between the school’s founder, Jerry Falwell, and the feminists and gays that Falwell blamed for 9/11. And he could talk about Falwell’s famous defense of segregation as “the Lord’s will.”

This will certainly be a day to remember for Liberty’s graduates. They should be grateful for their good fortune. Had they graduated in any of the previous four years they would have been stuck with adulterers like John McCain and Newt Gingrich, or Hollywood scoundrels like Chuck Norris, and Ben Stein. At least Beck will get them some media attention as the speech will likely be broadcast live as breaking news on the Fox News Channel.


7 thoughts on “Liberty University Taps Glenn Beck For Commencment Speech

  1. Who would Jesus accuse of having a deep-seated hatred of white people?

  2. Particularly amusing given that the sort of people who run/attend Liberty University would not regard Beck (a Mormon convert) as a Christian!

    • I think Liberty U thinks that so long as Beck is bashing Obama, Democrats and progressives, he is doing the Lord’s work.

  3. Great article, sounds like a Jon Stewert segment!
    By the way, Beck is mentioned in the Holy Bible. He would be what’s called a “false prophet!”

    “Follow Me America! -Glenn Beck
    “No Thanks A#*hole! -Sandman

    • I think that in psalm 59 when it was said that God “shalt laugh the Heathen to scorn,” he was referring to Beck.

  4. Let’s hope he warms up the crowd with the amusing true story of how his morman girlfriend wouldn’t give him any nookie until he converted.

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