Iraq: Exploding With Freedom

White house spokesman, Gordon Johndroe, has stumbled upon the same tranquil Baghdad that charmed John McCain. When asked his reaction to Muqtada al Sadr’s urging his followers to rise up against the U.S. forces in Iraq, he said this:

“Iraq, four years on, is now a place where people can freely gather and express their opinions.”

“And that was something they could not do under Saddam. And while we have much more progress ahead of us…this is a country that has come a long way from the tyranny of Saddam Hussein.”

You’ve come along way, Baghdad! And looking back on four years of progress, we feel nothing but excitement knowing that there is “much more progress ahead.”

We congratulate you on your newfound freedom to advocate the killing of American soldiers. How exhilarating it must be for you to experience this gift of democracy that was denied to you by the dictator Saddam. We are so proud, as Americans, to know the part we have played in your liberation to snipe at us from behind bombed out storefronts, or plant IEDs under our unarmored Humvees.

But remember, that along with democracy comes responsibility. Just because you are now able to hold massive rallies calling for the ouster of foreign occupiers, that doesn’t mean that the occupiers, or even your own government, has to listen to you. As you learn about democracy, you will notice that, even in America, leaders are not bound to pay the slightest bit of attention to the majority of our citizens who want their soldiers to return home from Iraq. This may seem confusing to you, but when you’ve had as much experience with the democratic process as we have, it will all become clear. You will eventually have your own experts, like Karl Rove, to explain it all to you.

In the meantime, enjoy your great good fortune at having partners like the United States to introduce you to a world of liberty. And rejoice in knowing that, although the past four years seem to have been roiled in mass murder and destruction, it was actually progress, and there is much more of that on the way. In fact, we expect that, by this time next year, there will have been so much progress that Iraq will be as peaceful as a deserted island whose tranquility is ne’er disturbed by living souls – and for the same reason.


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