Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin Is Not Running For President And Fox News Is Lying About It

Posted by on August 4, 2011 at 10:56 am. 3 Comments :

Sarah PalinThe GOP field of candidates seeking the 2012 presidential nomination is pretty settled. The only significant holdouts are the Texas evangelical, secessionist governor Rick Perry, and former half-term Alaska governor, and Fox News bobble-head, Sarah Palin.

The thing is, Palin is not running. She has no campaign staff; no organization in early primary states; no press office. Polls place her near the bottom of the pack and losing to President Obama by 20 points. She is not engaging in public appearances. In fact, her much ballyhooed national bus tour was aborted after just six days without ever making it off the east coast.

Too bad. I wish she were running. It would add another element of comic relief to supplement Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann. With Donald Trump out of the game the comedy factor took a serious hit.

The problem is that Fox News is still pretending that she’s a candidate and, by doing so, they are deliberately lying (so what else is new). Several months ago there were four Fox employees who were also speculative candidates for the Republican nomination: Palin, Gingrich, Santorum, and Huckabee. All four were in precisely the same position with regard to the race. They were all openly exploring campaigns and discussing it in public. At that time Fox gave two of them, Gingrich and Santorum, ultimatums insisting that they declare their intentions or be terminated. There was no apparent reason for excluding Palin and Huckabee from that edict.

Since then Gingrich and Santorum officially declared and Huckabee bowed out. This leaves Palin as the only prominent Fox employee still dangling. But with no visible manifestation of a candidacy, can she be taken seriously? The fact of the matter is that if Palin was a candidate in earnest, Fox could not keep her on the payroll. At this late date they would have to insist that she either fish or cut bait, just as they did with Gingrich and Santorum. She could not be both undecided and a Fox News contributor.

Evidence of the Palin predicament occurred yesterday as two Fox News analysts admitted on the air that they temper their criticism of Palin because she is their colleague:

Greg Gutfeld: The only problem with talking about Sarah Palin is that she works here, and it’s like a coworker. And if I say something bad and I see her in the hallway I feel really awkward and wrong.

Bob Beckel: It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with your paycheck. That’s why you feel awkward about it. I know exactly what you mean. I’ll be honest, I’ve pulled my punches.

These admissions are not surprising and are not limited to Gutfeld and Beckel. It is the law at Fox News as it was laid down by the boss:

Roger Ailes: For the first time in our 14 years we’ve had people apparently shooting in the tent, from within the tent…We prefer people in the tent not dumping on other people in the tent.

So how does a Fox News reporter cover Palin when he has been warned by his boss not to criticize fellow tent-dwellers? That’s the problem, and that’s why Sarah Palin is not a candidate for president. Fox knows that they can’t cover even a potential candidate who receives a Fox paycheck this late in the game. If Palin has not informed the network that she isn’t running, they would have to sideline her. Since that has not happened, it’s a safe bet that she has already told them that she’s out of the race.

If that’s the case, then Fox News knows that a prospective candidate has opted out, but they are keeping it secret. That is not acceptable behavior from a legitimate news enterprise, which of course, Fox is not. They are withholding a significant news item that journalistic ethics would require they disclose. Particularly because the only reason for them to withhold it is for their own financial benefit, and for that of Palin.

What’s worse is that they are brazenly manipulating the course of the election in a manner that has implications for the other candidates and, of course, the voters. It is long past time for Fox to come clean and reveal what they know about Palin’s alleged candidacy. And in the unlikely event that she really is undecided, then Fox should suspend her just as they did Gingrich and Santorum.

Fox Nation vs. Reality: On Palin Bus Tour

Posted by on August 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm. 10 Comments :

This is a prime example of why political parody has become so difficult. The subjects of satire are too good at making themselves look stupid without any help. What does that leave for those of us who satirize them? Check out Fox Nation’s article on a planned mid-August bus tour by President Obama:

Obama Bus Tour

Really? Please note the “Obama 08” poster on Fox Nation’s photo proving that Obama obviously used buses before Sarah Palin did. Seriously, it’s their own photo. Yet Fox implies that Palin invented the political bus tour? Are they daft? (Don’t answer that). Palin didn’t even come up with an original name for her road trip. She copied the name, “One Nation,” from the progressive and union movement that held a rally in Washington, D.C., last October.

I think that the Fox Nationalists are actually pretty close to the truth this time. They just left out a small detail. Palin didn’t invent the political bus tour, she invented the “aborted” political bus tour. As we know, the cross-country trip that Palin planned (and is still promoting on her SarahPac web site) lasted all of six days and never made it past New Hampshire. Then she blatantly lied when asked about why the tour came to a screeching halt:

Palin: “Imagine our surprise when reading media reports today that the ‘One Nation Tour’ has been cancelled…The coming weeks are tight because civic duty calls (like most everyone else, even former governors get called up for jury duty) and I look forward to doing my part just like every other Alaskan.”

The only problem is that, unlike every other Alaskan, she never showed up for jury duty. In fact, she wasn’t even in Alaska. A few days after making her jury excuse for quitting the bus tour, she turned up at the debut of her crockumentary, “The Undefeated,” in Pella, Iowa. Incidentally, the film was a rip-roaring failure at the boxoffice and is already heading to video and the discount bins at WalMart.

Sarah Palin is a pitiful joke. The only thing she’s running for is the bank to deposit the cash she cons out of glassy-eyed fans who somehow find something coherent in her word jumbles. And the only way Obama could be charged with copying Palin on this is if he rolls into a handful of towns and then jets back to Camp David for some R&R.

Sarah Palin Utterly And Pitifully DEFEATED!

Posted by on July 31, 2011 at 3:53 pm. 2 Comments :

Sarah Palin - UndefeatedThe third week of release for Sarah Palin’s crockumentary, “The Undefeated,” saw its worst boxoffice performance yet. Dropping from 14 theaters last week to four this week, the film took in only $5,200 this weekend – a decline of 79%. Since its release, the million dollar production has earned a paltry $112,000 total.

Forget the press release extolling the success that sent the film to video after only two weeks in release. Never mind the ecstatic bragging by producers that the film was enjoying “overwhelming demand.” The UnDefeated flopped in a formidable fashion, despite the massive free publicity that Fox News gave the movie prior to, and during, its theatrical run. Here is a selection of the headlines from Fox that now seem pathetically quaint:

  • Hannity Exclusive: Sneak Peek of New Palin Documentary ‘The Undefeated’ (5/26/11)
  • Interview: Steve Bannon, the Man Who Brought Sarah Palin’s Story to the Screen (5/28/11)
  • A Sneak Peek of the New Palin Documentary (6/6/11)
  • New Palin Film, ‘The Undefeated,’ Getting Rave Reviews (6/6/11)
  • Preview of New Documentary on Sarah Palin: ‘The Undefeated’ (6/11/11)
  • RightOnline See Overwhelming Demand From Grassroots for Sneak Peek of Sarah Palin Movie Undefeated (6/15/11)
  • Palin Film Debuting in Iowa Next Week (6/24/11)
  • Palin Going to Iowa for “Undefeated” Premier (6/25/11)
  • Palin Film Selling Out in Theaters (7/15/11)
  • Palin Film Opens Strong, Theaters Packed (7/17/11)
  • Palin Film to Get Wider Release (7/19/11)
  • Click Here: Theaters Playing Palin’s ‘Undefeated’ (7/22/11)
  • Palin’s ‘Undefeated’ Scores Success in Liberal Chicago (7/26/11)

So the losing 2008 GOP vice-presidential candidate, who quit halfway through her single term as governor, and is currently garnering single digits near the bottom of most polls for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, has now officially been defeated at the boxoffice. Apparently her loyal fans cannot be bothered to do more than reTweet her lame musings and skim through her incoherent Facebook posts. All the more reason I really hope for this:

Palin/Cain

Fox Nation vs. Reality: On Labor Day

Posted by on July 28, 2011 at 12:54 pm. 1 Comments :

The fact checkers at Fox Nation are a notoriously incompetent crew. Today they are featuring an item that references an article at RealClearPolitics about Sarah Palin scheduling an appearance in Iowa on Labor Day. However, the Fox Nationalists don’t seem to know what holiday is celebrated on September 5:

Sarah Palin

This error is particularly conspicuous given that there was nothing in the RealClearPolitics article about Memorial Day. In fact, they cited Labor Day very near the top of the column. There could not have been any mix-up as a result of a transposition. Fox Nation’s editors are wholly responsible for a mistake born of ignorance.

Or was it a mistake? Fox has been castigating America’s workers for years. They characterize them as thugs, leeches, and loafers looking for handouts. Is it really so surprising that Fox would seek to suppress recognition for a holiday that celebrates working people?

Furthermore, Fox may not want to have associated their star political analyst with a day honoring Labor. Palin will be keynoting a Tea Party affair in Iowa and Fox surely wouldn’t want to confuse readers by insinuating that the event had anything to do with those socialists who work for a living. Palin’s reputation is damaged enough as it is by having been the subject of one of the biggest film flops this year.

Try as they might, Fox News cannot do away with Labor Day. They can only insult workers by pretending that it doesn’t exist.

Sarah Palin’s Undefeated Headed For TV Already

Posted by on July 25, 2011 at 3:53 am. 5 Comments :

Stephen Bannon, the writer/director of Sarah Palin’s The Undefeated, has announced his next documentary project: Custer’s Victory – The inspirational saga of a brave general whose tiny band of soldiers tossed King Tut’s tea into San Francisco Bay. But seriously…..

OverratedThe Undefeated is having as difficult a time living up to its name as its subject does. After pretending the opening was a massive success, the film’s defenders tried to make excuses for its obvious failure by whining about how little promotion it had. To the contrary, it was promoted heavily to its target audience. It had a screening at the RightOnline Conference hosted by Andrew Breitbart. It’s official premiere was in Iowa with Sarah Palin in attendance. The Fox News television and Internet PR machine was hyping it non-stop.

Now, after its second weekend in theaters, the film has sunk to even more embarrassing lows. Despite promises that it would roll out nationally, it added only four new theaters. The total boxoffice for the weekend was just $24,000, a 63% decline from last weekend. And perhaps most emblematic of a cinematic fiasco, the producers just announced that the movie is going straight to video – after less than two weeks in theatrical release. The press release from the distributor is a hilarious feast of hallucinatory grandeur. It reads like an announcement of triumph:

“Victory Film Group and ARC Entertainment, the distributor of ‘The Undefeated,’ the film about Gov. Sarah Palin’s rise from obscurity to national prominence, jointly announced today that beginning on September 1st the film will be available to 75 million homes via Video on Demand and Pay-Per-View access through national and regional cable and satellite operators.”

Translation: Our movie sucked so bad in theaters that we’re desperately trying to salvage our investment and reputation by jumping immediately to television in the hopes that we can con some addled-brained Tea Baggers out of a few more bucks.

The press release went to say that “a ‘Special Edition’ DVD will contain additional new content and will only be sold in Walmart stores.” Now that’s an affirmation of achievement if there ever was one. The CEO of ARC Entertainment remarked that the company has been “inundated with requests from people wanting the film to be made available in their market.” Just not in their theaters. He continued by expressing how excited he is “about having this film made available to the entire country earlier than expected.” The producers of Harry Potter must be mortified that their movie will be stuck in cinemas for another six months and won’t be “available to the entire country” for a year or more.

These entertainment geniuses are attempting to argue that the empty theaters are a sign of “overwhelming demand” from the public who are just so darned anxious to see the picture in their own homes. Despite this hankering for the film, the producers assert that they will still have to embark on a multimillion dollar campaign to promote the TV offering. It’s a good thing that that’s a load of BS, because otherwise they would be losing even more money on this turkey.

This pathetic display of disinterest in the Palin crockumentary that was heralded as the true story of the half-term governor, and that would polish her image and reveal her greatness, cannot portend well for her presidential ambitions, if she really has any. If the people who would be her most ardent supporters won’t go to see her vanity bio-pic, then we shouldn’t expect voters to go out of their way either. America views Palin as a quitter, a loser, and a washed up reality star. At this point Khloe Kardashian would probably out-poll Palin.

Sarah Palin’s The Undefeated Is Defeated At The Box Office

Posted by on July 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm. 5 Comments :

This weekend moviegoers flocked to see the final episode of the Harry Potter series. However, observers from Fox News must have thought the throngs of film buffs were all there to see Sarah Palin’s “The Undefeated.” The Fox Nation reports that the movie opened strong and that the theaters were packed. That contrasts sharply with independent reports of empty theaters and weak box office.

Sarah Palin Undefeated

By any measure the movie was a bomb. It pulled in about $65,000 from the 10 theaters where it played. Let’s compare that to some other documentaries with limited screen openings:

  • Sarah Palin Undefeated: 10 screens / $6,500 each.
  • An Inconvenient Truth: 4 screens / $70,000 each.
  • Capitalism: A Love Story: 4 screens / $58,000 each.
  • Bowling for Columbine: 8 screens / $26,000 each.
  • Exit Through The Gift Shop: 8 screens / $21,000 each.
  • The U.S. Vs. John Lennon: 6 screens / $11,000 each.
  • Outfoxed: 5 Screens / $15,000 each.
  • Why We Fight: 6 Screens / $9,000 each.

The numbers for Undefeated need to be tempered by the fact that at least one screening was bought out in its entirety by the local Republican Party in a Dallas suburb. It is unknown at this time how often that occurred in other markets.

The logic that concludes that this film is successful is the same sort of logic that caused the filmmakers to name a movie about Sarah Palin “The Undefeated.” It’s delusional logic at best considering that Palin’s most recent campaign resulted in an embarrassing defeat, her cable reality show saw lower ratings each successive week, and her books sell fewer copies with each publication.

If this is the best the movie can do on its opening weekend, when most films do their best business, then they might as well roll up the red carpet and go home. It’s all down hill from here. But don’t be surprised if mesmerized Palin fans insist that, once again, she is undefeated.

Fox Nation vs. Reality: On Sarah Palin Undefeated

Posted by on July 15, 2011 at 11:33 am. 48 Comments :

Fox NationThe reality challenged Fox Nationalists have done it again. In a story about the absurdly named crockumentary, Sarah Palin: Undefeated, Fox Nation posted an item with the headline…

“Palin Film Selling Out in Theaters.”

The item is linked to a story by Reuters that actually reported that the “Sarah Palin documentary sells out Grapevine, Texas.” As Reuters notes “Grapevine isn’t exactly a teeming metropolis,” and the film thus far has only 10 theaters scheduled to run it nationwide.

So rather than selling out theaters (plural), it was a single theater in one town in Texas. The desperation of Fox Nation to hype this turkey is palpable. They don’t want a repeat of the embarrassing failure of the Ayn Rand pic, Atlas Shrugged. But this is so pathetic it’s laughable.

[Update] I just called the AMC Grapevine Mills theater to ascertain ticket availability. I was told that there are tickets for all screenings except for 7:00pm Friday. That screening was bought out by the local Republican Party. Every other screening has tickets available and the film is only scheduled to run for a week or two, depending on audience response. So even Reuters was incorrect. There is nothing remotely close to a sell out for this film, even in Texas which should be its best market.

Sarah Palin Quits Bus Tour (?) And Slams Fox News

Posted by on June 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm. 2 Comments :

Who was it who said that Sarah Palin is an idiot? Oh yeah, everybody! Including her boss Roger Ailes, the CEO of Fox News. And I don’t think that Palin’s latest tweet is going to change Ailes’ mind. Responding to media reports that she had bailed out of her bus tour early, Palin tweeted:


The never-ceasing-to-amaze media to which she is referring is her own employer, Fox News. She even links to the story as reported on the Fox News web site under the headline: “Report: Palin Ends ‘One Nation’ Bus Tour of America.”

“As Republicans breathlessly await a decision by Sarah Palin on whether she will throw her hat into the 2012 presidential race, the former Alaska governor appears to be taking some downtime.”

Since she works for Fox you would think that they could just call her and ask if the bus trip is still in progress or if, like her governorship, she quit this halfway through as well. It is easy to assume that Palin has abandoned the adventure since her SarahPAC website, where she had been chronicling the trip, hasn’t had an update for two weeks and she hightailed it back to Alaska.

Palin could have directed her ire at RealClearPolitics, who appear to be the first to report on the trip’s stalling. And while Fox cited itself in their byline, they did reference reporting from RCP. But Palin hauled off on Fox News itself for some reason. Is it because they have had a falling out? Is it because she is fair and balanced? Or is it because she is an idiot? We report, you decide.

How To Be A Media Magnet: Cutting Through The Clutter

Posted by on June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am. 4 Comments :

The state of contemporary journalism is widely regarded as defective by consumers and critics representing a broad diversity of opinion. It seems that the media has no constituency defending its professional lethargy and its reliance on sensationalism and melodrama.

The past few weeks have provided comprehensive instructions on how to be an utterly frivolous and ineffective news industry. When Americans are desperate for information about pressing issues concerning jobs, the economy, health and Medicare, and national security, they are left wanting as the major news enterprises dump loads of salacious gossip, celebrity gaffes, and lurid tales of criminal miscreants. Just trying to be heard over the caterwaul of crapola that passes for news is an Olympian feat. If it isn’t a lewd lawmaker (Anthony Weiner) flooding the airwaves, it’s a murderous mom (Casey Anthony), one of thousands of murderers, but the only one that seems to garner any attention.

Recent surveys have shown that the media is not covering the issues that the people are most interested in. The audience has made its preference clear: they want substance, not sleaze. But the media tone-deafness was demonstrated exquisitely when all three cable news networks cut away from Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic Leader of the House of Representatives, after she informed them that she would only be addressing questions regarding jobs and the economy, and not Rep. Weiner. As is becoming routine, a non-news personality summed it up best by playing a video clip of CNN’s Wolf Blitzer expressing his reluctance to cover the titillating trivialities of the day:

Wolf Blitzer: We’ve covered these kinds of stories, It’s not a pleasure for us. It’s not something we look forward to. I’d much rather be discussing economic issues, jobs, the future of Medicare, national security issues, than talking about this.

Jon Stewart: [Incredulously] What’s stopping you?!

In an effort to enhance the public’s access to the stories that actually impact their lives, I am offering this tutorial on how to get appropriate coverage of the critical matters that face our nation. It is not enough to be brilliantly articulate about a position or to make a coherent case for a policy. You must grab the attention away from the media whores and their enablers in the press corps. Here is how to do just that in a handy shareable infographic guide:


Now get out there and make some news.

Palin: The Next Generation

Posted by on June 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm. 1 Comments :

For anyone who was worried, the legacy of Alaska’s first failed VP candidate and half-term governor, Sarah Palin, will continue with her daughter, reality TV darling, Bristol. Next week her long-unawaited autobiography, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far,” will hit bookstores promising to reveal all of the unsolved mysteries that have befuddled Palintoligists for … well, not for all that long, actually. Mysteries like: Just how drunk was Bristol when “the gnat named Levi Johnston” stole her virtue?

Historians must be frantic with anticipation over this upcoming book. Bristol’s “journey so far” is jam-packed with milestone events that define the American Dream. Events like having defeated David Hasselhoff in a dance contest (an accomplish greater than any her famous Mama Grizzly ever achieved). And then there was … um … OK, that’s about it. The real achievement is on the part of her co-author, Nancy French, who managed to stretch Bristol’s thin life story to 272 pages. There’s a lot of room there for scornful retaliations against ex-boyfriends and recollections of campaign trail shopping sprees.

Bristol Palin Levi JohnstonHowever, Bristol may not want to get over-confident about her status of cultural superiority. Levi Johnston has his own book coming out in September titled, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs.” Obviously, this is going to be a summer of literary enrichment. The two books occupy opposite poles of the political sideshow spectrum, at least so far as the titles are concerned. Bristol’s book extols her lack of fear, while Levi’s is analogically frozen in it.

If I thought that these defective progeny were representative of America’s youth I would be stockpiling Prozac. Gratefully, that is not the case. The only thing we have to worry about from the Palin dynasty is an endless stream of reality shows. Look for the Palin’s to appear soon on Extreme Makeover, Celebrity Apprentice, or most likely of all, The Biggest Loser.