Glenn Beck’s Appendix Makes A Break For It

This morning, during his radio show, Glenn Beck suffered a mutiny staged by the only internal organ he has that exhibits any signs of intelligence. Beck’s appendix took the opportunity to escape while his brain was preoccupied with manufacturing excuses for why his candidate for Congress in New York’s 23rd District, Doug Hoffman, failed to stop Bill Owens from becoming the first Democrat to win the district in over 100 years. The best efforts of Beck, Sean Hannity, and Sarah Palin, fell short of persuading voters that an inexperienced, ill-informed, tea bagger, who didn’t even live in the district, ought to be their representative in Washington.

The strain of having to face his impotence was the perfect opening for his appendix to skip town. Beck was consoled by the fact that his wealth provides him with the best health care that money can buy, a benefit that he is fiercely opposed to for his fellow Americans. In a statement released late today, Beck accused his appendix of being a Mao-loving communist.

In other news, Thomas Frank writes in the Wall Street Journal that the red phone Beck keeps on his desk to receive calls from the White House is just another meaningless prop. The people to whom Beck said he had sent the number told Frank that they were never contacted by Beck and do not know the number. Yet on a daily basis Beck repeatedly holds up the phone and wonders aloud why those he has slandered as commies haven’t called him. Of course there was never any expectation that anyone from the White House would patronize Beck’s dementia by calling, but now we know that it was all a charade and (surprise) a lie. For the record, Beck has still not called me to deny that he idolizes Adolf Hitler as he says in this linked video.

Finally, as if further evidence were required, Beck has once again revealed his overt racism in a comment on yesterday’s program. He was teasing a segment scheduled for Friday’s show (which he will not be hosting now because he will still be recovering from surgery), when he visits Harlem with a Fox News pal.

“If you’re Glenn Beck and you’re in Harlem and somebody taps you on the shoulder and says, ‘Mr. Beck, excuse me.’ You tend to maybe think, ‘Uh oh, I might be in trouble here.’

So Glenn Beck goes to Harlem and someone taps him on the shoulder – not grabs his arm or shoves him against the wall – but merely taps him on the shoulder. Then the stranger respectfully addresses him as “Mr.” and uses his surname – not “hey you” or “yo asshole.” Finally he courteously requests that he be excused for interjecting himself. And after all of that, Beck considers himself to be in danger, solely because he’s north of 110th Street in Manhattan. What sort of person would arrive at that conclusion? A racist, maybe?

No wonder his appendix would risk it all, even being discarded as bio-waste, just to get away from Beck.


20 thoughts on “Glenn Beck’s Appendix Makes A Break For It

  1. huh. Until now I had assumed the NY wingnut loss and Beck’s appendix’s defection from his body were but a coincidence of timing. You have convinced me otherwise.

  2. wow. what a waste of space. get a real job. i’m not sure if you simply didn’t research any of this junk, or if you are deliberately ignoring the situation for the purpose of taking things out of context. before glenn got tapped on the shoulder by the black guy, there were people around loudly bitching about him being in “our neighborhood.” on top of that, 97% of black people voted for Obama, especially here IN LIBERAL NEW YORK CITY, YOU IDIOT! he wasn’t fearing DANGER, Glenn is notoriously against Obama’s agenda, and is fond of exposing his administration to be a bunch of left-wing kooks. surely he is not a racist for simply adding facts and drawing a conclusion of conflict. as for the hitler comment, WOW. it’s cute how you COMPLETELY took it out of context,so as not to hear the sarcasm in his words. he was comparing loving Hitler’s philosophy to being a fan of MAO, as multiple people he has been exposing feel. as for the phone, the article you got that from is an opinion piece that was badly researched. many incorrect facts, much like this piece right here.

    • Your use of and simultaneous lack of capitalization is amusing.

      • and thats just the sadest thing ive ever seen! bringing up lack of capitalization!

        • That’s OK, I find that both of you lack of proper grammar to be sad.

    • God bless you! I now know theres at least one other logical person out there! (besides me, every host at Fox News, and anyone who attended a tea party)

    • Woo hoo! I got linked from David Horowitz – uber-rightist extraordinaire. I left him the following comment:

      “This morning, during his radio show, Glenn Beck suffered a mutiny staged by the only internal organ he has that exhibits any signs of intelligence…”

      What’s not true about that? Clearly Beck’s appendix is more intelligent than his brain. And it’s physically closer to his real source of intelligence, on which has also had surgery for hemorrhoids.

    • So you don’t want change when the country is going through the worst financial crisis in a hundred years? You think that’s just hunky dory?

      By the way, I have no problem with nine year olds commenting here, but can you at least try to act like an adult?

      • have you noticed how in america its the people’s law? well i like it that way! obama better step aside and let america choose! (not the minority but the majority!)

        • America DID chose. It was called the Election 2008. We won – BIG time.

        • Apparently you only believe in the people’s law, or letting America choose, if they choose who you want.

          The majority of the people still approve of Obama, while Repubs are are floundering at around 19%. Majorities want health care with a public option.

          You lost. Get used to it.

      • please define “change”
        btw…wise lessons come from the mouths of children

  3. I’ve never see so much slant and lying just to try to disprove a guy on TV. Wow. You’re working 24/7 to try and disprove a guy who you think is stupid. That’s funny.

  4. You must be doing something right, Mark. All the nutcases are coming out the woodwork. They can’t handle the truth!

    • just like you liberals cant handle what we point out? even when what we say is true and you cant prove otherwise you will still deny it

      • What did you point out, that Obama is a radical lefty? Lol his presidential style has been rather moderate to date.

        The radical left see him as Bush lite.

        I cant understand how you think all the BS rehtoric that comes with the likes of Beck doesnt tarnish his message?

        There are plenty of legit conservative thinkers/writers out there that don’t end up on delusional messanic rants like beck does..

        grow up children, stop being egged on by a doofus who plugs into your fear/anger just to get ratings…

        oh and if you wanna study becks history you will see how his message has changed and now falls more inline with corperate newscorp thinking….the only legit point he has ever had is about national debt, but dont forget not to long ago(when he was on CNN) he agreed with the stimulus spending and even said it may not be enough….yep theres a stable analytical thinker you can pin your hopes to…

  5. Fight….Fight…..Fight….Fight!!!!!

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