This past Saturday Glenn Beck held the first of his American Revival Traveling Salvation Shows in Florida. Will Bunch of the Philadelphia Daily News was there and reported that it was pretty much the evangelical, Apocalyptic fright fest one might have imagined from Beck. Along with his customary factless exhortations on the imminent demise of the nation, Beck beseeched his congregation to “Get God on your side.” But he was especially pessimistic on Saturday:
“If we don’t face the truth right now, we’ll be dead in five years; this country can’t survive.”
Five years? That’s barely enough time to schedule an appointment with the ObamaCare Death Panel. Beck’s audience heartily embraces his pessimism. Eighty percent said so in a survey conducted by texting in the auditorium. Who knew there were so many Americans who believe this nation is such a fragile thing that its prognosis for survival is hopelessly bleak? Nevertheless, the Beck pods were so moved that they expressed their enthusiasm for his vision as something of a spiritual awakening. Here are some retweets posted on Beck’s Twitter stream:
“the American Revival today was absolutely one of the best experiences of my life.”
“Thank you for one of the most amazing experiences in my life!!” “I was blind but now I see!!.”
“Today’s American Revival inspired me more than any other day in my life so far….THANK YOU!”
“Thank you @glennbeck for an incredibly memorible day! Today I have heard the call in more ways than one!”
“I cry as I write: my life is forever change. TY”
These revival meetings are building up to an event in Washington, DC, that Beck calls Restoring Honor. Apparently Beck’s method of doing that is to hold a rally to launch his next book, “The Plan” – a 100 year strategy for … I don’t know … manifesting the dementia that infects his brain. This book launch masquerading as political event (and dishonestly exploiting a veterans charity) is being held on the anniversary of Martin Luther’s King’s “I Have A Dream” speech, and at the same location. That is a stinging insult to man that Beck doesn’t think deserves a holiday honoring him.
Beck has another book coming out in June. That one is reportedly a work of fiction, although that doesn’t really distinguish from everything else he does. It is called “The Overton Window” and incorporates much of the Apocalyptic fantasies that Beck dispenses on his radio and TV shows. The plot chronicles a nation in “a civil war, and life is upside-down planetwide.” And there is a group of heroes Beck calls the “Founders Keepers,” which I’m sure is how he sees himself, with all his talk of Re-Founding America and his beatification of Sam Adams, George Washington, et al.
But I think there is a more appropriate name for the group to which Beck belongs than Founders Keepers. I would call them the “Losers Weepers.” What else would call a bunch of ignorant hypocrites who can’t stop sobbing over imaginary villains lurking in every shadow? These are people who rail against big government when they go to pick up their unemployment checks. They are the ones who shout “Keep government’s hands off of my Social Security.” They profess to support the troops, unless those troops come back from the battlefield scarred and in need of physical and emotional rehabilitation. And these are the people who believe Beck’s lies and horror stories and would follow Beck anywhere. Perhaps even to Becktown where they could enjoy complimentary Kool-Aid.
This just in: Some of Beck’s fans left his revival to discover that their cars had been towed away. Actually 53 of them. It appears that they were misled by signs directing them to a parking lot for the Kappa Sigma fraternity. This may have been a mistake or a prank, no one seems to know for sure. But I have uncovered some evidence that it might be a plot devised by Barack Obama himself.
Please note this symbol for Kappa Sigma. It’s a crescent and star, which is also a symbol of ….. the Muslim faith. And since Obama is a secret Muslim. the connection is pretty obvious. The president planned this whole thing to attack Glenn Beck and his disciples. The Kappa Sigma are working clandestinely on behalf of the White House. After a enough of these operations, none of Beck’s viewers will have any transportation at all. They’ll be stuck at home and will miss all of the Tea Parties. It’s downright insidious.