FEAR UPDATE: Fox News Fans Fear Of Taliban Telephones

It must be difficult for Fox News in these first few weeks of a new year that has produced little material for their fear mongering. Just a couple of months ago, prior to the November election, Fox was awash in frightening tales of terrorists, communists, and immigrants with Ebola, all threatening to wipe out the greatest, strongest, bestest nation in the history of the world.

It’s been relatively quiet on the Fox front as they scamper to manufacture some new horror story with which to drench their trembling audience in a sweaty panic. But fear not (or rather, fear). They seem to think they may have found the elusive trigger point with a report out of Qatar regarding some former Gitmo detainees.

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Fox News is feverishly reporting that one of the Taliban 5 (whose singing is a little pitchy and can’t dance at all) was caught trying to communicate with other Taliban operatives with a telephone. In the world of Fox News that represents an existential threat to the national security of the United States. It is never precisely explained why that would be true, but that isn’t important. The only thing that matters to Fox is that it can be quickly spun into a cursed conspiracy of doom.

The narrative from the Foxoids is that there is some sort of heinous plot that is hatching that can only be perpetrated by this newly released Gitmo guy. Never mind that the Taliban, which is estimated to have about 35,000 fighters, would not likely be strengthened much by becoming 35,000 and one. Especially since the new guy has been incarcerated for a decade and doesn’t know any of the current players and is not a part of the leadership that has risen while he was languishing in the Caribbean.

What’s more, the fact that these telephone communications were monitored and revealed publicly is evidence that the former Gitmoans are being surveilled closely and are not likely to be able to engage in any nefarious activities. A Pentagon spokesman made the same points in a statement saying that…

“We have a good security partnership with the government of Qatar. They have provided assurances and I can tell you, we are comfortable at the defense department that we can mitigate any threat that could be posed by any one of the individuals in terms of terrorist activity.”

Nevertheless, Fox News has nothing else readily available, so they are settling for this and struggling to turn it into the sort of fear bait that stimulates their hysteria prone viewers. Sadly, it will probably work.

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6 thoughts on “FEAR UPDATE: Fox News Fans Fear Of Taliban Telephones

  1. Gee, that’d make them “Taliphones,” wouldn’t it?

    • And you know who else uses phones? Obama!!!1!

      • I think we all know what this means!!!

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