Humor

Jon Stewart’s Snarky Swipe at Nutty Notion that a Trump Indictment Would Make Him a Martyr

Posted by on March 27, 2023 at 1:55 pm. 3 Comments :

As the walls close in on Donald Trump, he is descending ever further into an abyss of self-pity, victimhood, and malicious lies and insults aimed at the prosecutors who seek to hold him accountable for his multitude of crimes. His posts on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, are drenched with the fear and desperation of a cornered rat.

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Jon Stewart, Donald Trump

Trump’s attacks on law enforcement range from outrageously false to blisteringly vicious as he attempts to convince his glassy-eyed cult followers that he is being persecuted by a cabal of satanic, George Soros-sponsored communists determined to drag him into the pits of hell – a destination he has been setting for himself for decades. And it’s clear that Trump’s anxieties are weighing on him as he converts his fear into threats.

RELATED: Trump Warns of ‘Death and Destruction’ if He is Indicted for Crimes that He Actually Committed

The prospect of Trump being indicted has driven debate among the pundit and political class, with his most devoted defenders latching unto the preposterous notion that if charges were brought against him it would boost his popularity and secure his electoral victory in 2024.

They might be right if they are only considering Trump’s position among his staunchly loyal disciples. They have already proven that nothing he does (assaulting women, stealing classified documents, consorting with Russians, dining with Nazis, inciting insurrections, etc.) could shake their blind adoration of him. However, the broader American public is already tired of, and disgusted by, his antics.

The idiotic idea that an indictment would bolster Trump was addressed in an interview of Jon Stewart by CNN’s Fareed Zakaria. And Stewart was on top of his game when he laid into those who embrace the “Trump as martyr” narrative…

Zakaria: There are people who say “Yes, yes. Indict him because he has, in fact, broken the laws.” And there are other people who say “This is gonna turn him into a martyr. This is his path to redemption.”
Stewart (sarcastically): I think the law should always take into account someone’s popularity. I mean, what’s happened to our country? It’s as though you can’t even commit financial fraud anymore. You can’t inflate the value of your property when you need a loan, and then deflate it with taxes. The next thing you know they’re going to send YOU to jail instead of your lawyer, and your accountant, and your campaign manager, and everyone else around you. The idea that someone may face accountability, who’s that rich and powerful, is outrageous, and this country shouldn’t stand for it.
Zakaria: But what if it turns out to be his “get out of jail free” pass? People see him as a martyr?
Stewart: We either have the rule of law, or we have no rule of law. The rule of law does not take into account if that might make you a martyr to somebody.

Indeed! The law should never consider whether a particular defendant is popular, or how his prosecution might be seen as a matter of public opinion, and especially not politically.

That said, if Trump flunkies really want to impose a standard wherein public opinion of a defendant determines whether or not to pursue prosecution, they might regret getting what they wish for. A recent poll shows that 56% of Americans say that investigations into Trump are fair, while only 41% say they are “witch hunts.” Other polls have long shown that a majority of Americans believe that Trump is responsible for the violence that occurred on January 6th.

SEE THIS: WTF? Trump Brags that 67% of Americans Say He’s Responsible for the Violent January 6th Insurrection

In the meantime, Trump’s lackeys on Capitol Hill are smoothing the way for him to commit even more crimes with absolute impunity. The GOP chairs of the House Judiciary, Oversight, and Administration committees are presently crafting legislation that would “strip state and local prosecutors of the authority to prosecute former presidents.” Never mind that it’s a blatantly unconstitutional imposition on state’s rights, something conservatives pretend to support. Or that is intended solely to shield Trump from prosecution for his innumerable crimes. It is also a futile gesture since it would never pass in the Senate or get President Biden’s signature.

This is the “thinking” of the Republican Party that is so infected with Trumpism that they would actually consider a law that would permit Trump to break any law that he wants. Which, from their warped perspective, makes sense because they believe that his lawlessness would make him even more popular among his Klan. And this is a party that thinks it has a future in American democracy?

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Trump is Silent About the Insurrection in Brazil, But is Very Upset About Late Night Comedy TV

Posted by on January 9, 2023 at 11:39 am. 10 Comments :

Two years after the violent and deadly January 6th insurrection in Washington, D.C., that was incited by Donald Trump, supporters of his compadre in Brazil, ousted president Jair Bolsonaro, launched an eerily similar assault against their own government. Ironically, Bolsonaro was in Florida at the time.

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The parallels are too alike to ignore. The anti-democratic Bolsonaro seditionists were protesting what they believe to be a stolen election, despite having zero evidence of any irregularities. Even some of the key players are the same. Trump and two of his advisors, Steve Bannon and Jason Miller, met last month with Bolsonaro’s son at Trump’s resort/home, Mar-a-Lago. Bannon is currently appealing his felony conviction for contempt of Congress.

RELATED: Fox News on Steve Bannon Sentence: It’s Tyranny and Total BS – And We Need to Do It

In the 24 hours since the attempted coup in Brazil, Trump has been uncharacteristically silent. Perhaps his advisors managed to persuade him that speaking out in support of Bolsonaro would only remind everyone of his own traitorous behavior. The only time that Trump was so reticent to rant was during the January 6th insurrection when he didn’t say a word for nearly three hours as his StormTrumpers were besieging the Capitol.

Meanwhile, Trump had no problem spouting off about other matters that were bouncing around in his perpetually embittered brain. For instance, he rattled off a long series of exaltations of himself as the mastermind of Kevin McCarthy’s selection as Speaker of the House. And he took another swipe at Senate Republican leader “Mitch McConnell and his China flagrant boss, Coco Chow,” a racist reference to McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao. Then Trump broadened his attack to include any senator that voted with McConnell, saying “PRIMARY THEM ALL!!!”

However, Trump truly demonstrated his comprehension (or lack thereof) of the political zeitgeist that most stirs the souls of the American people in a comment concerning a subject that he ought to more about – television. As someone who starred as a reality TV game show host for 14 years, Trump is embarrassingly ignorant of the medium. He posted on his floundering Twitter ripoff, Truth Social, the following foolishness…

“Wow, those TRUMP Hating Late Night Network ‘Shows’ are doing really badly…The worst ratings that those time slots have had (in Television History!). Why are the untalented fools who ‘host’ paid so much? Does the DNC make a $contribution as a wing of the Democrat Party? They are all a total joke – Not Talent, No Laughs!”

There’s a remarkable quantity of wrongness in that brief paragraph. Beginning with the fact that just about every TV program has suffered in the ratings due increased competition from streaming and the reemergence of movie theaters and other out-of-home entertainment after two years COVID.

It goes without saying that Trump’s opinion of the late night hosts as “untalented fools” is driven by his massive, yet fragile, ego that is incapable of tolerating jokes at his own expense. And of course he is jealous of their high salaries that are justified by the revenue they generate from advertising. Not to mention his envy that they are TV five nights a week, but he can’t get reporters to show up for his infrequent press conferences.

RELATED: LOL: Trump Starts 2023 with a New Year’s Eve Press Conference at Mar-a-Lago but Nobody Came

Trump’s crack about the DNC contributing to the pay for these hosts is a rather lame attempt to malign them politically. He seems oblivious to the fact that, if these late night comedy programs can be accused of being financial donors to Democrats, then what does that make Fox News, where the entire network is the Ministry of Propaganda for Trump and the GOP?

Trump and other right-wingnuts like to compare the ratings of the network late night shows to Greg Gutfeld on Fox News. However, that’s a blatantly dishonest comparison. The network shows air at 11:30pm local time (tape delayed) across the country. Gutfeld airs at 11:00pm Eastern time nationwide. That means that Gutfeld is on at 8:00pm in Pacific time, 9:00pm Central, etc. Therefore, most of the nation sees Gutfeld in primetime when there are more people watching television. Plus, Fox has their built-in cult audience that never changes channels.

Finally, Trump’s description of these shows as having “no laughs” raises the question: How does he know? Does he watch them? And if so, would he know a funny joke if he heard one? After all, has anyone ever actually seen him laugh? His face appears to be stuck in a permanent scowl. So he’s not exactly the best person to be criticizing comedy.

SEE ALSO: Crybaby Trump Bares His Ultra-Thin Skin in Tantrum Against Late Night Comedy Shows

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Lauren Boebert Tells Newsmax that They Eat Dogs In Venezuela Because They Don’t Have Guns

Posted by on August 1, 2022 at 12:14 pm. 2 Comments :

At what point do we throw up our hands in the air and concede that Republicans are are just a perverse comedy troupe trying to punk America? Because that appears to be only way to make any rational sense of some (most) of the blitheringly idiotic things they do and say.

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Lauren Boebert

It would explain so much. It would explain how every Republican can get away with voting against the gouging of gas prices. It would explain how the GOP can vote against healthcare for veterans poisoned in the line line duty. It might even explain how a former reality TV game show host, who believes that windmills cause cancer and bleach injections cure COVID, came to occupy the White House, and still has supporters after being impeached twice and trying to overthrow the government.

RELATED: Trump Projects His Own Dementia on Biden in a Nauseating Mash Up of COVID and Election Fraud

The Republican Party is really giving Saturday Night Live some serious competition. And there could be no better example of that then what Rep. Lauren Boebert (CO-QAnon) said during an interview with former Trump flunky Sebastian Gorka on Newsmax Sunday night:

“If the citizenry of America is disarmed, then we are no longer citizens. We are subjects. You know, here in America we have gourmet treats for puppies. We have these amazing groomers for dogs. Well in Venezuela they eat the dogs. And it started because they don’t have firearms. They do not have a way to protect themselves, to defend themselves against a tyrannical government.

Indeed. American citizenry is defined by each individual’s personal arsenal. And American democracy is admired around the world because it provides “gourmet treats for puppies,” just like it says in the Constitution. Never mind that Boebert is imagining a scenario wherein all Americans are disarmed., something no Democrat has ever suggested. Although, perhaps we shouldn’t dwell on Boebert’s affinity for “amazing groomers.”

The key point that this GOP member of Congress was intent on making was that America’s lax gun policies have kept the nation from consuming it’s canine friends. Having the freedom to own all manner of weaponry, even military assault rifles, is what separates us from the heathens in Venezuela.

Boebert doesn’t mince her words. She flatly states that the reason Venezuelans eat dogs is because “they don’t have firearms.” That’s true. After all, if the dogs had firearms they would mow us down in the street if we tried to approach them with steak knives and BBQ sauce.

It’s difficult to grasp how Boebert got from gun regulation to doggie dinners. But that’s because we don’t have the kind of twisted sense of humor that she does. It’s because we don’t ignore facts, such as that much of the Venezuelan population is so poor that often dogs are the only source of food available.

Boebert’s stab at comedy comes at time when actual comedians are taking more serious positions on matter of critical importance to the nation. Jon Stewart has been lobbying Congress to pass the veteran’s healthcare legislation that the Republicans have been voting against. And Stephan Colbert sent Triumph, the insult comic dog, a rubber puppet, to Capitol Hill to confront members about the January 6th insurrection that was incited by Donald Trump.

RELATED: Stephen Colbert Hysterically Mocks Tucker Carlson’s ‘Comedy’ on the Arrest of His Staff in D.C.

Triumph is lucky that the hungry Democrats in the House of Representatives didn’t tie him to a spit with an apple in his mouth. Although, it is important to note that Triumph managed to escape with his life even though he and his human handlers were all unarmed. And with no help from Boebert, either.

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Rudy Giuliani is OUTRAGED that Fox News Isn’t Hyping the ‘Vicious’ (Gentle Pat) He Suffered

Posted by on June 27, 2022 at 11:25 am. 8 Comments :

This is terrible news for The Onion and other producers of political satire. It has been long coming that the alternative “reality” of right-wing politicians and pundits would supersede the work of comedians. Donald Trump has led the MAGA (Make America Gag Again) movement with his increasingly preposterous outbursts that would make a street-corner schizoid cringe.

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Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump

With cartoonish figures like Marjorie Taylor Greene and MyPillow’s Mike Lindell challenging the professional humorists, it was bound to happen that the balance of parody power would shift to the Trumpian GOP crackpots who present their gags as truth.

RELATED: Trump Does a Great Job of Proving How Pitifully Stupid He and His Cult Followers Are

On Sunday Trump’s disgraced lawyer, Rudy Giuliani (whose license has been suspended), suffered a “horrific” assault in a Staten Island grocery store. He claimed that the attack resulted in severe injuries and, but for his astonishing good health, would have killed him. See the frightful thwacking here for yourself…

“All of a sudden I feel a shot on my back, like somebody shot me. I went forward, but luckily I didn’t fall down. Luckily I’m a 78 year old in pretty good shape, cause if I wasn’t I would have hit the ground and probably cracked my skull.”

The following day, and after the video had been widely distributed, Giuliani continued to portray the incident as a heinous act of domestic terrorism…

“I got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me. It knocked me forward a step or two. It didn’t knock me down, but it hurt tremendously.”

However, the grisly violence was only the beginning of what infuriated Giuliani. The media response was like a the knife twisting in his near fatal wound…

“One of the only two living ex-mayors of New York – and probably, I’d say modestly, the most famous – was assaulted, was not even on Fox. Even if Putin got assaulted, it would be on Fox.”

First of all, you have to wonder which of the three living ex-mayors (Giuliani, Bill de Blasio and Michael Bloomberg) Giuliani thinks is dead. Perhaps he thinks he actually did succumb to the grocery store stunt. Secondly, if Vladimir Putin received a little love tap like the one Giuliani got it would only have made Fox News if it came from that RINO, Melania.

It isn’t surprising that Giuliani is upset with Fox News. He has already been banned from the network because he wouldn’t stop lying about election fraud on behalf of Trump. Fox is apparently sensitive about that sort of deceit since they are being sued for billions of dollars by two voting systems companies that they defamed – Dominion and Smartmatic.

Giuliani is named as a defendant in both lawsuits. And it can’t be helpful to his defense that he is making up stories about being attacked. Not that his credibility wasn’t already shot long ago. Now he is whining that a harmless, albeit non-consensual, touching is akin to an actual shooting. This is what it’s come to. And satire is the real victim here.

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Stephen Colbert Hysterically Mocks Tucker Carlson’s ‘Comedy’ on the Arrest of His Staff in D.C.

Posted by on June 21, 2022 at 9:59 am. 3 Comments :

Last week Senior Fox News Blow Hard, Tucker Carlson, went completely off the rails with a ludicrous segment accusing Stephen Colbert of having “committed insurrection” at the Capitol when members of his staff were detained during production of comedy routine featuring Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. Carlson bizarrely asserted that it was “exactly like what happened on January 6th.”

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Fox News. Tucker Carlson

Sure. It was “exactly” like the deadly insurrection by hundreds of hostile thugs incited by Donald Trump to break through barricades, injure more than 140 police officers, five of whom died, shatter windows and bust through locked doors, threaten to kill or hang government officials, and cause $30 million dollars in damages.

RELATED: Trump is Covertly Recruiting More Violent Insurrectionists With Promises of Future Pardons

On Monday night Colbert responded to the preposterous ravings of Carlson with both humor and insight. In his opening monologue, Colbert was noticeably shocked by the pure idiocy of Carlson’s take on the incident. He allusively referred to Carlson’s latest harangue saying that…

“… a couple of the TV people claimed that my puppet squad had “committed insurrection” at the U.S. Capitol building. First of all…What? Second of all…Huh? Third of all, they weren’t in the Capitol building. fourth of all – and I am shocked that I have to explain the difference – Insurrection involves the lawful actions of Congress and howling for the blood of elected leaders all to prevent the peaceful transfer of power. This was first degree puppetry. This was hijinks with intent to goof.” […]

“Drawing any equivalence between rioters storming the Capitol to prevent the counting of electoral ballots, and a cigar-chomping toy dog is shameful and a grotesque insult to the memory of everyone who died. And it obscenely trivializes the service and courage of the Capitol Police showed on that terrible day. But who knows. Maybe there was a vast conspiracy to overthrow the United States with a rubber Rottweiler.”

For his part, Carlson spent the entire A-block of his show blasting Colbert and his “seven saboteurs” who Carlson said had “breach[ed] the Capitol grounds” on “a hunt for sitting members of Congress.” And if you think he was kidding – because Carlson’s delivery always seems too asinine to take seriously – he followed up those allegations by affirming that “That happened, ladies and gentlemen!” That, in fact, did not happen .

Carlson went on to call the Colbert comedy routine “a meticulously planned coup … under the direct control of an extremist called Stephen Colbert.” He claimed that Colbert’s team “trashed the place, committing violence against our democracy.” Which is an absurd distortion of reality. Then he mocked the trauma experienced by journalists and members of Congress who were terrorized by the hundreds of StormTrumpers who were marauding through the Capitol calling for their deaths.

Was Carlson joking? It hardly matters. So much of what he said was uttered with a straight face and followed by a statement of affirmation. If it was satire it was executed so badly that its alleged humor was totally lost. And if it were his perverse attempt at comedy, it was a nauseatingly callous display that belittled the serious physical and emotional injuries suffered by the victims of Trump’s seditionists on January 6th.

But then, does anyone expect anything from Carlson other than malicious dishonesty and crackpot conspiracy theories? His whole raison d’etre is to spread ultra-rightist propaganda and divide the American people with flagrant lies. Pretty much exactly what his Dear Leader Trump is best known for. After all, he was actually defended in a defamation lawsuit by Fox News lawyers who told the court that “no reasonable person” would believe anything he said.

RELATED: Fox News Court Ruling: No ‘Reasonable Viewer’ Takes Tucker Carlson Seriously

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LOL: Donald Trump Jr is Peddling Mail-Order Meat in a Pathetic Reprise of Trump Steaks Debacle

Posted by on June 11, 2022 at 6:00 pm. 1 Comments :

Fifteen years ago Donald Trump suffered another in his seemingly endless stream of humiliating bankruptcies. His “tRump Steaks” went belly up when they couldn’t move them at either Sharper Image or QVC. Trump’s notorious record for catastrophic business failures encompasses such infamous fiascos as casinos (four of them), airlines, games, vodka, universities, and even fraudulent charities.

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Donald Trump Jr

Undaunted, Trump spawn Donnie Jr has embarked on another swing at beating his meat in public. If there’s one thing you can say for the Trump family, it’s that they are persistently free range grifters. It isn’t enough that Trump is pushing his failing social media scam on his dimwitted followers. Now, in honor of Father’s Day, Junior is reaching out to get his own daddy’s attention by beefing up his business flank:

RELATED: Elon Musk’s Bid for Twitter is in Big Trouble, and So is Trump’s TRUTH Social

Two things are notable right off the bat. First of all, the alleged meat is never seen in this commercial. You just have to take Donnie’s word for it that it’s not from an actual bat. Secondly, his use of the phrase “MAGAKING” to trigger the free grift is a reminder of Daddy Trump’s tyrannical and cult like aspirations. Fortunately for the Trump clan, their glassy-eyed disciples will follow the herd and consume whatever a Trump is selling. Including the cow pie deserts that come with the daily special. And for good measure, the company Donnie is fronting for has had its accreditation from the Better Business Bureau revoked.

So get yer doggies rollin’ folks. This is the only mail-in offer that Trump supports, and it won’t last long. Especially since these thawing steaks have already been in cold storage since the 2007 downfall of the original Trump Bar-B-QAnon. And don’t forget… They have the Bill Barr seal of approval…

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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Fox Nation vs. Reality:
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