For anyone who was worried, the legacy of Alaska’s first failed VP candidate and half-term governor, Sarah Palin, will continue with her daughter, reality TV darling, Bristol. Next week her long-unawaited autobiography, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far,” will hit bookstores promising to reveal all of the unsolved mysteries that have befuddled Palintoligists for … well, not for all that long, actually. Mysteries like: Just how drunk was Bristol when “the gnat named Levi Johnston” stole her virtue?

Historians must be frantic with anticipation over this upcoming book. Bristol’s “journey so far” is jam-packed with milestone events that define the American Dream. Events like having defeated David Hasselhoff in a dance contest (an accomplish greater than any her famous Mama Grizzly ever achieved). And then there was … um … OK, that’s about it. The real achievement is on the part of her co-author, Nancy French, who managed to stretch Bristol’s thin life story to 272 pages. There’s a lot of room there for scornful retaliations against ex-boyfriends and recollections of campaign trail shopping sprees.

However, Bristol may not want to get over-confident about her status of cultural superiority. Levi Johnston has his own book coming out in September titled, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs.” Obviously, this is going to be a summer of literary enrichment. The two books occupy opposite poles of the political sideshow spectrum, at least so far as the titles are concerned. Bristol’s book extols her lack of fear, while Levi’s is analogically frozen in it.

If I thought that these defective progeny were representative of America’s youth I would be stockpiling Prozac. Gratefully, that is not the case. The only thing we have to worry about from the Palin dynasty is an endless stream of reality shows. Look for the Palin’s to appear soon on Extreme Makeover, Celebrity Apprentice, or most likely of all, The Biggest Loser.