The Eight Most Irritating Conservative Celebrities

Art InsurgencyOrdinarily I wouldn’t go out of my way to chastise celebrities for articulating an opinion. In fact, I believe that artists were meant to express themselves and that they are capable of shaping insights in ways that enable people to relate. Contrary to the censorious right-wingers who reduce artists to court jesters whose only value is to amuse, I support the rights and obligations of all people to exercise their freedom of speech – even artists who are often the best at doing so.

However, the uber-conservative magazine Human Events posted another typical rightist paean to the “shut up and sing” nonsense practiced by society’s self-appointed defenders of virtue and approved thought. Their slate of “The Eight Most Irritating Liberal Celebrities” contains some of the brightest and most charitable people in the entertainment business, including in descending order:

  • Robert Redford
  • Matt Damon
  • Al Gore
  • Janeane Garofalo
  • Joy Behar
  • Michael Moore
  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • Roger Ebert

Suffice it to say that Human Events took liberties with the facts. They disparaged these fine, talented people with innuendo and misrepresented their positions and thoughts. They resorted to juvenile insults akin to calling people dumb or fat. They even mocked Ebert’s recent bout with cancer.

Since these are some of the most popular public figures of the day, America doesn’t seem to agree with the folks at Human Events. The irony of that is made clearer when you compare them their counterparts on the right. And therefore, I give you my list of…

The Eight Most Irritating Conservative Celebrities:

Ben Stein
This hybrid actor/pundit’s career was literally built on his being irritating (Bueller?). In the years following that electrifying debut, Stein escalated the breadth of his annoying personality to embrace a free market fantasy that revealed the shallowness of his reputed expertise in economics. Throw in a heap of sexism and a willingness to whore himself out as a spokesperson for disreputable credit schemes and you have a recipe for chronic distemper.

Mel Gibson
Gibson demonstrated his theatrical gifts early in his career. His roles in “The Year of Living Dangerously” and “Mad Max” proved he could tackle depth, action, and humor. Unfortunately, his filmography after that became an almost non-stop succession of vengeance, violence, and scenery chomping as a stand-in for emoting. But what’s worse was his submersion into cultist Christianity and anti-Antisemitism. Nothing is quite as irritating as overt hate-speech.

Chuck Norris
Having to watch this no-talent hack embarrass himself through his atrocious movies is bad enough. But having to endure him on the campaign trail is just cruel. His lame attempts to portray Mike Huckabee as a superhero fell as flat as the notion of himself still claiming that mantle despite his advanced age and decrepitude.

Stephen Baldwin
What can I say? Baldwin was never not irritating. He built on that reputation by starring in unreality shows and begging for donations to “restore” himself from bankruptcy. Clearly Stephen’s brothers hogged all the talent in the family and selfishly left him a miserable loser and a wretched failure. Come to think of it, he may be more pathetic than irritating.

Jon Voight
This one-hit wonder has managed to keep his name in the papers by having a very public feud with his more famous (and more talented) daughter, Angelina Jolie, and by drinking the Glenn Beck Kool-Aid by the gallon. With a prominent ignorance of history and government, Voight still mouths off about socialist conspiracies and Constitutional abuses that exist only his Beck-infected brain.

Dennis Miller
One of the saddest stories in the entertainment world is the tale of the once promising newcomer who winds up a pathetic has-been and resorts to desperately grasping for attention by any means he can muster. Even if it means becoming a toady for the likes of Bill O’Reilly and dressing up as a born again neo-con. Miller’s new persona is devoutly conservative, but he retains his penchant for indecipherably obscure references. Listening to him is like sitting through a Xenophanic allocution on Byzantine incandescence.

Ted Nugent
Approaching the nadir of irritatability is the Motor City Jackass himself. Nugent has become a cartoonish proponent of guns and animal massacre. His rants against government spending and social welfare are high decibel testimonials to selfishness and coldhearted disinterest in anyone less fortunate than he is. During the 2008 campaign Nugent brandished machine guns on stage and made obscene threats directed at Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and other Democrats. His behavior crossed the line from irritating to abusive, hostile, and unconscionably grotesque.

Victoria Jackson
To wit…..

Nuff said.

If the editors at Human Events want to get into this battle they first need to explain how they can criticize the left for embracing their Hollywood allies, while simultaneously latching on to their own decidedly less talented batch of elitists. They ought to think twice before provoking a “Battle of the Irritating Stars.” when they have a far more annoying roster of vexatious celebrities. And it is notable that most of their idols are rejects who have no current career opportunities save for appearances on Fox News and at Tea Parties.

[Update] Tim Graham, the Director of Media Analysis at the Media Research Center, has posted a response to this article at NewsBusters. He took a shot at me, referring to News Corpse as a “vicious media-criticism website.” I regard this as a compliment considering the source. NewsBusters is the model for vicious media-criticism websites.


18 thoughts on “The Eight Most Irritating Conservative Celebrities

  1. Ben Stein actually started his career as a speech writer for Nixon, but debuted his monotone, one thought persona in “Bueller” as you say. What you fail to mention is his participation in the execrable “Expelled” anti-Darwin, anti-science movie and subsequent defense of same on conservative shows like “Glen Beck” back when Beck was semi-normal on CNN.

    While I dismiss Jackson and Baldwin as being gnats, Voight is something of a disaster. Reading his “Open Letter” series to Obama is like reading a particularly politicized bathroom wall. Nothing rises above sophomoric and you just want to get away and wash up. In reading the H.E. article you are never confronted with substantive complaints about the relative knowledge of the transgressors, because generally, the one or two ideas they present as grievous are presented within a context of reason and knowledge. Voight simply has no idea what he’s talking about.

    I might also add that just about any of the FOX talk show hosts could be counted as “celebrities”. They have no other credit other than that they are famous for being on T.V. with an opinion.

    • you make a great point. To wit: Gore and Moore on their list, whose claim to fame did not entail the entertainment route. It also speaks to the enormous crossover between politics and performance art.

  2. Wow, that is an irritating list! Poor Dennis has been going senile for quite a while. Notice that the Nuge has digressed to the point that everything revolves around his enemies sucking off his many machine guns. Quite pathetic. Most of the rest, no talent, little time left in the mortal realm. There is one bright spot in that HE list. Mikey already knows he’s irritating but must feel greatly honored to be called a celebrity!

  3. “…these fine, talented people…”

    Janeane Garofalo not only slanders patriotic Tea Party protestors, but she slanders anybody who dares to disagree with her. Ditto with Rosie O’Donnell; her idea of debating disagree voices on her blog is with comments like “you suck”, “eat snot”, and “sit on a light bulb, asswipe”. Roger Ebert doesn’t even allow comments on his website anymore. And Joy Behar didn’t bother to challenge Gore Vidal when he openly fantasized about murdering President Bush on her show.

    The list from Human Events is a must-read.

    • Of course Roger Ebert allows comments! What else are you lying about?

      • Scott’s definition of slander: Tell the truth about conservatives.

    • The list from Human Events is just as empty and meaningless as the people wo write and read it, like you.

  4. Mark, while I agree with your list, I do wish celebrities, regardless of their political leanings, would just STFU and sing or act or whatever. Yes maybe they were meant to express themselves, but I just don’t see how learning to memorize lines and deliver them convincingly lays any credibility to that person’s political positions.

    The exception to that would be comedians, who often weave politics into their material.

    And while I find your list of conservatives far more irritating than the list of liberals over all, I find Garafalo to be incessantly irritating because she could find racism in white rice and I dislike Michael Moore because he appears to lead off his documentaries with his mind made up about the subject, then carefully crafts them to make sure he proves his point (even those I agree with).

    • I wouldn’t reduce artists to mere readers of lines. Setting aside the hacks with no talent, real artists explore intellect and emotion to produce work that connects with people. It is a process that reveals insights on the human condition. That ability can also enable them to view social issues and events in ways that promote understanding. All the political anti-war speeches ever given could not be as affecting as the movie Apocalypse Now, or Picasso’s Guernica.

      And as a matter of taste, I love Janeane Garafalo and Michael Moore. Garafalo is great comic and a sensitive and caring woman who cannot abide racism. I agree with her. And Moore’s films are not meant to be objective. If you judge them on that basis you’re missing the point.

      Check out my essay on The Art Insurgency.

      • Mark, I agree with your statement regarding films like Apocalypse Now, but again, after the film is over I really don’t give a rip about the actor’s opinion.

        And you’re right about Moore’s movies. I don’t judge them on their objectivity; I just find he at times doesn’t even attempt to give a fair voice to the opposition, which makes him a lot like Hannity. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed a couple of his documentaries, and I usually agree with 75% of his sentiment. But I have to add that when he attempted to “interview” an Alzheimer-addled Charlton Heston, I found it a bit off-putting, if not outright offensive.

  5. re: Dennis Miller and this nugget: “Listening to him like sitting through a Xenophanic allocution on Byzantine incandescence”..

    I get jokes. 😉

  6. I know he isn’t a celebrity but the little D bag who hosted the Ed Show yesterday is extremely irritating!

  7. “…definition of slander: Tell the truth about conservatives…”

    The people on that list don’t tell the truth. They lie. Garofalo did it worse than anybody on that list, particularly during her disgraceful chat with Keith “Go f*** your mother” Olbermann.

    Not only do they lie, but many of them can’t debate (ex: Rosie O’Donnell) and they won’t condemn kill-Bush comments (ex: Joy Behar).

  8. THIS is the post that gets all the comments? Who gives a fuck? They’re all celebrities. Every single person on both lists makes more money in a week than the average worker is likely to see in their lifetime. Know which celebrities I find irritating? All of them. Well, to be fair, it isn’t the celebrities themselves who annoy me, it’s the creepy, avid attention they receive. Are liberals and conservatives so at sword points that we’ve degenerated into arguments like this one? My Big Brother can kick your Big Brother’s ass! Wake up. Hollywood isn’t the whole world…it’s just all you’re looking at.

    • Oh. Right…
      How many miles to Babylon?
      Threescore miles and ten.
      Can I get there by candlelight?
      Yes, and back again.

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