On a day when there was no shortage of newsworthy subjects to focus on – Liz Cheney’s ouster from her House Republican leadership post, conflict in the Middle East, congressional hearings on the Capitol insurrection – Colorado’s own QAnon congresswoman, Lauren Boebert, managed to detour into a deep ravine of ridiculousness – an area with which she is intimately familiar.
The Hill published a story Wednesday morning with breaking news coverage of a critical matter facing the American people…
“‘Due to industry-wide supply chain disruptions, some Chick-fil-A restaurants are experiencing a shortage of select items, like sauces. We are actively working to make adjustments to solve this issue quickly and apologize to our Guests for any inconvenience,’ a Chick-fil-A spokesperson said.”
Holy Shitake Mushrooms! First a deadly pandemic, and now this? Haven’t we suffered enough? Well, according to QAnon Rep. Lauren Boebert our tribulations have been thrust upon us by the singular cause of every problem known to mankind for the past four months: President Joe Biden. Or so says Boebert…
Is there no limit to how awful Biden’s America can get? https://t.co/fm9eGHhkel
— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) May 12, 2021
That’s right! Somehow Biden is responsible for the Chick-fil-A sauce shortage that is devastating the nation. Boebert doesn’t say exactly how Biden screwed this up, but she’s certain that he’s the one who did it. Just as certain as she is that Biden’s climate plan includes cutting 90% of red meat from our diets. It’s a coordinated plot to hit the beef industry first, and then – BAM – go after poultry when people try to adjust. It’s downright diabolical.
Some folks are saying that Boebert herself is a double agent, carrying out her own role in this dastardly scheme. Last year it was reported that “her pork sliders allegedly poisoned dozens of people at a local rodeo, making them nauseous and sending some home with bloody diarrhea.” So there goes pork products.
Before long the Democrats (or is it socialists?) will force us all to become – GASP – vegetarians. Or worse, we will all simply be starved to make the planet more hospitable to the non-human species from whom it was stolen. Boebert’s comrade, Tomi Lahren, may have already caught on to that conspiracy:
Gas shortages now. Food shortages tomorrow? Wow…starting to feel like socialism is on the way….
— Tomi Lahren (@TomiLahren) May 13, 2021
Never mind that the sauce shortages were caused by interruptions in distribution due to gas shortages caused by the Russian-affiliated cyber-ransom attack on Colonial Pipeline. See how the dots are connecting? Then Fox News played its part by frightening their viewers into believing that the supply of gas would soon dwindle, so they had better stock up.
In the meantime, you may want to to start hoarding condiments from your favorite fast food restaurants before they have all disappeared. There may not be much time left. And if we aren’t careful, the only source of nutrition left will be from Del Taco. And if you don’t know what that means, ask Tucker Carlson who has uncovered the “white replacement theory,” a plot by Democrats to flood the electorate with non-white voters. There are dark days ahead folks.
UPDATE: Naturally, Fox News was all over this frightful story, shouting that “Chick-fil-A sauce shortage blamed on ‘Joe Biden’s America'” And they featured tweets by numerous worried and sauce-less patriots such as Josh Mandel, Clay Travis, and Ted Cruz:
Joe Biden is destroying America. https://t.co/0G1zpgS2ax
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 12, 2021
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How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
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