Humor

Glenn Beck Begs To Be Martyred (And It’s All On Video)

Posted by on May 15, 2014 at 4:17 pm. 10 Comments :

On today’s episode of “Who The F**k Cares What Glenn Beck Thinks,” we find our anti-hero testifying about his recent holy encounter that resulted in a bona fide miracle. Unfortunately, Beck will not reveal the nature of his divine experience, saying only that…

“Someday I’ll tell you about it – about a full-fledged miracle that happened – that I can tell you that God exists. […] Is there any other explanation other than God?”

Glen Beck Finger of God

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Apparently Beck expects us to accept that there is no explanation other than God without knowing what the hell he’s talking about. But if it’s anything like the miracle he claimed at his revival meeting in Washington, D.C. a few years ago, there might be another explanation. At that sacred gathering of the faithful a flock of geese flew overhead. That’s right! Just flying right there in the air. Which I suppose could be considered a miracle if you thought geese were pigs and flying was only possible for angels with harps.

Setting aside the mystery miracle, Glenn went on to explain why he believes that he is not the target of constant vitriol from the Obama administration. He actually seemed to be bitterly disappointed that the minions of evil in the White House were neglecting to harass him. But he was not short of an explanation for it:

“I really think one reason why the Obama administration has generally left us alone since we left Fox – now maybe it’s because we are irrelevant.”

That would be my first guess, but it’s just a launching pad for Beck’s hysteria:

“I have another opinion. These people know who Martin Luther King is. They know who Dietrich Bonhoeffer is. And they know you screw with somebody who is willing to die for what they believe in – is not gonna shut up – go ahead. You know who Nelson Madela is. Imprison me. Go ahead, imprison me. I will not sit down. I will not shut up. I won’t. I will not conform. I will not comply. Period.”

Now as close as I can figure, Beck believes that Obama is ignoring him because Beck is so much like Dr. King and/or Nelson Mandela. The similarities are obvious if you take enough psychoactive drugs. And Beck’s furious taunting that he be imprisoned because of his unwillingness to shut up begs the question, “Who asked you to shut up?” Beck is deliriously adamant that he will never sit down or shut up no matter how much no one is asking him to. It’s kind of like promising the Moon that you’ll stop shooting arrows at it. The Moon doesn’t know you’re doing it and wouldn’t care if it did. Likewise, no one has threatened to imprison Beck. As much as he seems to require incarceration in a locked rubber room, that is not something that anyone is pursuing. It is, however, characteristic of an acute paranoid persecution complex.

Glenn Beck

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Nevertheless, Beck has figured out that these are the reasons that Obama is leaving him alone. And it’s a good thing, too. Because if the White House were foolish enough to go after Beck, there would be a torrent of retribution raining down on the Kenyan demon. As Beck describes it…

“If I may quote Obi Wan, ‘Strike me down. Strike me down. I will become far more powerful than you can imagine.'”

Well, that oughta scare off the Empire’s Storm Troopers in Washington. The thought of Beck transforming into an omnipotent Jedi Master so that he can vanquish his political enemies will keep the Dark Side in check. But it’s a little confusing at this point because Beck has so far proclaimed that he is the living incarnation of Dr. King, Nelson Mandela, and Obi Wan Kenobi, fighting a battle that only exists in his rapidly decomposing brain.

For your entertainment pleasure…

Stephen Colbert Nails Fox Nation’s Resident Imbecile Jesse Watters (Video)

Posted by on May 2, 2014 at 12:04 pm. 4 Comments :

Finally. Media analysts and satirists have chronicled the brazenly partisan and shamelessly deceitful pseudo-news enterprise, known erroneously as Fox “News,” for several years. The disinformation and deliberate lies propagated by disreputable characters like Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Steve Doocy, Megyn Kelly, etc., has all been subjected to appropriate scrutiny and ridicule. But one of Fox’s most embarrassing figures has managed to escape the criticism he so richly deserves.

Stephen Colbert Watters World

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Jesse Watters is a producer on the O’Reilly Factor. He is regularly featured in segments that are intended to be humorous, but rarely achieve that goal for anyone whose sense of humor has evolved beyond kindergarten (in other words, Fox News viewers will love it). The “Watters’ World” bits generally show Watters interviewing “average” people – you know, the “folks” that Bill O’Reilly always claims to be watching out for. Except for when he dispatches his goons to produce heavily edited segments that only show responses from people that fail to give correct answers. That’s because the purpose of the interviews is to make them look like idiots.

It is also worth noting that Watters is the editor of the Fox News community website, Fox Nation. That fact is rarely disclosed publicly and is not credited anywhere on the website. But given the juvenile tone it sets, the horrifyingly violent and racist comments it draws, and the repeatedly false stories it promotes, Watters may have good reason to want to hide his involvement. [For a collection of more than 50 documented examples of blatant lies published by Fox Nation, get the ebook “Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.” Available at Amazon]

Now Stephen Colbert has turned his biting incite toward Watters in a hilarious segment that demonstrates the dishonesty inherent to what Watters does. Colbert rehabilitates the people that Watters attempts to demean, exposes the cheap tactics that Watters exploits, and does it all with comedic brilliance. Here is the episode for your viewing pleasure:

Jon Stewart Nails Cliven Bundy: A Welfare Rancher Trying To Pull Off The World’s Largest Cattle Dine-And-Dash

Posted by on April 22, 2014 at 10:09 am. 1 Comments :

The Daily Show returned from a week-long hiatus Monday to deliver an epic smackdown on the deadbeat cattleman in Nevada. Cliven Bundy has been widely rebuked for failing to pay customary grazing fees and declaring that he doesn’t “recognize the United States government as even existing.” The roots of his extremism was exposed here on News Corpse Sunday. The only people who support Bundy’s greedy, self-serving, churlishness are fellow terrorist militiamen and Fox News hosts. But Jon Stewart, as usual, provides one of the best perspectives on the situation that captures the absurdity of the affair in an honest and hilarious manner (video below). He sums it all up by observing that…

“The law isn’t on Bundy’s side. The court isn’t on Bundy’s side. Even the Nevada state constitution, which Bundy claims to abide, isn’t on Bundy’s side. Who the hell is on this guy’s side? […Cue Sean Hannity video montage…] How out there is Hannity on this issue? Sean Hannity has now made Glenn Beck the voice of reason.”

Apocalypse Cow

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Stewart’s take thoroughly demolishes any defense of Bundy that could be mustered within the bounds or reason. And his graphic depiction of “Apocalypse Cow” perfectly conveys the radical theo-con leanings of Bundy & Company. However, in searching for the Daily Show video there were some unexpected discoveries that Stewart may not have been aware of:

  • Apocalypse Cow: The Simpsons: Season 19, Episode 17
    Bart tries to save the cow he raised for his 4-H club from the slaughterhouse, and in the process winds up getting accidentally engaged to one of Cletus’s daughters.
  • Apocalypse Cow by Michael Logan
    If you think you’ve seen it all — WORLD WAR Z, THE WALKING DEAD– you haven’t seen anything like this. From the twisted brain of Michael Logan comes Apocalypse Cow, a story about three unlikely heroes who must save Britain . . . from a rampaging horde of ZOMBIE COWS!
  • Apocalypse Cow – Three Floyds Brewing Co. & Brewpub
    This complex, double India Pale Ale has an intense citrus and floral hop aroma balanced by a velvety malt body which has been augmented with lactose milk sugar. With this different take on an IPA we have brewed an ale that is both pleasing to drink and, once again, “not normal.” Cheers!

Cletus, zombies and beer. How appropriate. And who knew this was such a popular theme? Anyway, here is Stewart’s version for your viewing pleasure.

And in honor of the Heifer joke above, please give to Heifer International: Together we have the power over hunger and poverty.

Electile Dysfunction? John Boehner’s Tea Party Primary Challenger Goes There

Posted by on April 14, 2014 at 4:10 am. 3 Comments :

An Ohio Tea Party candidate seeking to oust Republican House Speaker John Boehner has released a Viagra-themed campaign ad (video below) that is actually pretty funny. J.D. Winteregg’s ad hits all the top Tea Party talking points. He’s anti-immigration, pro-gun and promises to defund ObamaCare and Planned Parenthood. And for some reason he also felt it necessary to declare his opposition golf.

John Boehner Electile Dysfunction

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Winteregg is just one of many Republican fringe candidates taking on establishment GOP figures like Boehner. He doesn’t have much chance of winning, but he can certainly be a major annoyance and, by reminding conservatives of all the things they hate about Boehner, he can contribute to Republican voters sitting out the election in November.

The ad slams Boehner as having “Electile Dysfunction” as a result of being in Washington, D.C. too long. It shows Boehner in videos being chummy with President Obama, a fatal flaw to the close-minded, Tea Party bigots who consider such fraternization to be akin to treason. And it charges Boehner with being spineless for having given in to liberals. Apparently shutting down the government for three weeks, supporting Darrell Issa’s McCarthyite inquisitions, and holding 50+ votes to cripple the Affordable Care Act is an expression of weakness in the eyes of Tea Party extremists.

Perhaps the the best moment in the ad is when the announcer gets to the disclaimer and warns that…

“If you have a Boehner lasting longer than 23 years, seek immediate medical attention.”

With that Winteregg has distinguished himself as the only candidate with the guts to make a dick joke in his official campaign video. And while it may not help him to win the primary, it’s a pretty good bet that he’ll get an invitation to appear on Bill Maher’s show after he loses. It will also get him some attention from the press, which is surely the whole point of the ad. The problem being that it will likely get more play on MSNBC than on Fox News.

And therein lies the flaw in Winteregg’s media strategy. It is not likely to appeal to the conservative media that he needs to rally voters. Consequently, the people most likely to vote for him may never see the ad. Democrats, on the other hand, will love the ad but will never vote for a far-right Tea Partier whose platform consists of nothing but negative attacks on Democratic policies and politicians.

So with this ad Winteregg has demonstrated that he (or more likely his media advisers) has a sense of humor, but he has also revealed that he has no idea how to manage a successful campaign. Which, of course, is also good for Democrats as well as Speaker Boner…er…Boehner.

Stephen Colbert To Replace David Letterman: Stay Tuned For Right-Wing Freakout

Posted by on April 10, 2014 at 12:50 pm. 4 Comments :

CBS announced this morning that Stephen Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, will succeed David Letterman as the host of The Late Show.

Fox Nation vs. Reality - Colbert

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Although Letterman only announced his pending retirement a few days ago, Colbert was almost instantly regarded as a top contender to fill the vacancy. His unique brand of characterture and satire has won him numerous Emmys and even a couple of Peabody Awards. When he assumes the position at the Late Show desk he will immediately challenge his peers to up their game in both raw comedy and creativity. It is fair to expect Colbert to reshape the concept of late-night television.

For extra added entertainment pleasure, watch the conservative martinets of Puritan culture grasp their throats and gasp for air as their lungs veritably burst with outrage. Colbert, and his Comedy Central mentor Jon Stewart, have long been targets of right-wing animosity. To the extent that they manage to get the jokes, they despise them and whine about more liberal domination of the news (as if Stewart and Colbert were actually journalists). They tried in vain to mimic the Daily Show and to launch (or relaunch) careers for conservative comics like Dennis Miller, Steven Crowder, and Victoria Jackson.

Just yesterday, Bill O’Reilly devoted his nightly Talking Points Memo segment to Colbert, whom he called “a deceiver” for mocking O’Reilly’s ludicrous defense of income inequality. O’Reilly went on to say that…

“Colbert can be dismissed as clueless, but the guy does do damage because he gives cover to the powerful people who are selling Americans a big lie, that this country is bad, that it intentionally oppresses many of its own citizens. That is a lie. That point of view is shameful.”

Well, O’Reilly is the authority when it comes to doing damage by giving cover to powerful people selling lies. But even as Fox News blasts Colbert and Stewart as hopelessly biased, they have recognized the falsehood in that characterization. News Corpse documented 29 occasions where the Fox Nation website praised Stewart for taking the conservative side on his program. That, however, has never stopped them from asserting that Stewart is a socialist who only satirizes conservatives.

In response to the Colbert promotion, Breitbart News editor, John Nolte tweeted “Low-Rated Hyper-Partisan Lefty to Replace David Letterman.” He previously critiqued Colbert saying that…

“There’s a HUGE left-wing agenda behind what Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert is doing, and it’s a serious agenda that has nothing to do with satire.”

That’s typical of the viewpoint that Nolte has held for years. In a series of ignorant columns attacking Colbert, Nolte pointed out what he considered to be the poor ratings performance of The Colbert Report. But due to his embarrassing ignorance of the television business, Nolte failed to realize that Colbert’s ratings were better than those of Fox News. What’s more, no knowledgeable person would compare the ratings of a niche cable channel with those of a broadcast TV network. When Colbert moves up to CBS he will inherit the audience that goes along with it.

Rush Limbaugh weighed in saying that…

“CBS has just declared war on the heartland of America. No longer is comedy going to be a covert assault on traditional American, conservative values. Now it’s just right out in the open.”

NewsBusters’ Dan Gainor tweeted…

“Colbert: From liberal asshat pretending to be conservative to liberal asshat who gets to be honest about his asshattery.”

Karl Rove was personally offended by Colbert’s “Ham Rove” bit, which he took as a threat of violence:

“One liberal replacing another one. Only this one apparently knows how to wield a knife.”

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post published a screed titled “Picking Colbert to replace Letterman? CBS really screwed up,” in which author Kyle Smith (who?) says that Colbert is…

“…only funny if you accept the premise (conservatives are morons) while you snort Mountain Dew out your nose.”

There will surely be more to come from these media geniuses who live in fear of Colbert’s brand of truthiness. If they were smart they would withhold their juvenile insults and accept the fact that CBS made a decision that is in the best interests of their bottom line. They could simply declare that their silly #CancelColbert boycott campaign was a huge success and return to something they have a much longer history of – insulting women and minorities.

The prospect for Colbert’s future as a late-night host are promising. He has an appealing personality and an engaging rapport with the guests he interviews. He is likely to have less political content on CBS, where their Standards and Practices department will keep a tighter rein on him. That will be a loss for those of us who cherish his outlook on society and culture, but you can’t blame him for aspiring to advance his career. And while he may tone it down, he likely will not abandon it altogether.

What many of the people commenting on this news are neglecting to mention is that there will now be a vacancy at Comedy Central. Here’s hoping that Jon Stewart, whose production company put Colbert on as his lead-out, will have some say in the matter of what follows him next. Due to his irreplaceable persona, it will not be possible to slip someone else into the same format. But another snarky news send-up is still the obvious choice to fill out the late-night hour. Perhaps Comedy Central could parody Fox News’ The Five, with a panel show featuring Daily Show regulars like Lewis Black, John Hodgeman, Kristen Schaal, Al Madrigal, Jessica Williams, Wyatt Cynac, etc.

They have no shortage of talent available. And, thanks to Fox News and the rest of the right-wing media circus, they have no shortage of material either.

[Update] On his show last night, Bill O’Reilly ignored the news about Colbert’s new job, but Time Magazine caught up with him and elicited this response: “I hope Colbert will consider me for the Ed McMahon spot.” Proving once again that O’Reilly is hopelessly stuck in the past, his attempt at humor reached back to reference a decades old sidekick, rather than a more relevant choice like Paul Shaffer or Alan Coulter. But O’Reilly would be a good choice for an Ed McMahon role, whose comedic persona was that of an old Irish loudmouth and a notorious drunk.

Bill O'Reilly/Stephen Colbert

Republican Party Officially Re-Christened Tea Party: Sarah Palin Named Chair

Posted by on April 1, 2014 at 1:04 pm. 5 Comments :

In the past five years since Rick Santelli, a correspondent for CNBC, led a bevy of options traders on an anti-government rant, the Tea Party has gained enormous influence over conservative politics and particularly the Republican Party. Despite their small numbers, Tea Party Republicans have dominated the GOP in Congress and beyond. They threaten establishment Republicans with primary challenges and negative media campaigns. And all of this has occurred while appealing to less than a third of the American people and registering their lowest favorability ever.

The GOP today is no more popular than the sagging Tea Party. Following their crushing losses in 2012, the RNC produced a study that they themselves referred to as an autopsy that contained a laundry list of suggestions for reviving their future prospects. High on the list was expanding their outreach to African-Americans, Latinos, women, and young voters. However, in practice they have only further alienated all of those critical groups since the report was issued.

Recognizing the emerging trends, the Republican National Committee has conceded that they are no longer an effective organizational unit. Consequently, insiders are reporting that the party will soon announce a major reorganization, the principle feature of which will be a re-branding of the party of Lincoln with an even older historic reference: The Tea Party.

Republican Tea Party

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This turn of events may come as a surprise to many rank-and-file Republicans, but hints of this fundamental transformation were visible to those paying close attention. Michael Steele, the former chairman of the RNC, addressed this a couple of years ago saying that…

“It’s important for our party to appreciate and understand [the Tea Party] so we can move toward it, and embrace it.”

The current RNC chair, Reince Priebus (whose name without the vowels is RNC PR BS), has also attempted to erase the line delineating the Tea Party from the GOP saying that…

“It’s not Tea Party tactics. This is what the American people want.”

Of course, every poll shows that that statement is not true. Nevertheless, Republicans continue to wrap themselves in Tea Party linens. House Speaker John Boehner joined the choir saying that…

“There really is no difference between what Republicans believe in and what the Tea Party activists believe in.”

The ribbon round the package has to be Sarah Palin’s admonition in a speech she gave to the National Tea Party Convention:

“The Republican Party would be really smart to start trying to absorb as much of the Tea Party movement as possible because this is the future of our country. The Tea Party movement is the future of politics.”

It may be the sentiment in that speech that resulted in Palin being tapped to become the chair of the newly reconstituted GOP. Sources say that she was chosen by acclamation among an elite group of Republican Party leaders during a closely guarded conclave last week at the Florida residence of David Koch, one of the infamous Koch brothers who are responsible for bankrolling the Tea Party since its inception. Others in attendance were said to include Texas senator Ted Cruz, radio politi-vangelist Glenn Beck, outgoing House Tea Party caucus chair Michele Bachmann, and Fox News CEO Roger Ailes (who was sporting a “Draft Putin 2016” button on his lapel).

The process of converting from Republicans to Tea Partiers will not begin in earnest until after the mid-term elections in November. After that there will be a flurry of activity from construction and furnishing to letterhead and logos. And by 2016 what was once referred to as the “Grand Old Party” (and more recently as the “Greedy One Percent”) will be a footnote in American history.

But don’t expect these changes to be anything more than cosmetic. The all new Tea Party will still be an intolerant, compassionless, science-denying, theocratic, advocate for corporations and the rich. Whether they are called Republicans or Tea Partiers, they are still committed to wealthy interests and opposed to ordinary working Americans. Some things never change.

[Update 4/2/2014] April Fools! But for the record, the first two paragraphs and all the quotes are true. So the re-branding has already occurred in principle.

Between Bill O’Reilly And Two Ferns: Video Proof That Plants Are Smarter Than Fox News Hosts

Posted by on March 19, 2014 at 1:36 pm. 6 Comments :

After Bill O’Reilly did his Superbowl interview with President Obama, O’Reilly predicted that “the interview that I did is going to go down in journalistic history.” So far, the only historical notice taken of the affair is O’Reilly’s boorishness and Narcissism.

Bill O'Reilly

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A much more likely candidate for the history books is the interview conducted by Zach Galifianakis on “Between Two Ferns.” It showcased the comedy stylings of the President while demonstrating his keen awareness of modern media and the impact of the Internet as a communications platform. Following his Ferns outing, which has racked up nearly three million views to date, traffic to Healthcare.gov spiked by 40%.

Bill O’Reilly’s famously sensitive ego must have been severely injured by the popularity of the Ferns bit, because he devoted one of his “Talking Points” segments to criticizing it as “problematic” and “desperate.” In fact, whenever O’Reilly is confronted with challenges to his omnipotence, he responds with venom and vacuous attacks. Another recent example of this is his criticism of CNN’s coverage of the Malaysian airliner. O’Reilly complained on his program that CNN was overdoing it, but the real source of his complaint is more likely the fact that CNN has been crushing him in the ratings ever since the jet went missing. Apparently cable news viewers are satisfied with CNN’s reporting, despite O’Reilly’s whining.

Well, now we have a fresh take on the O’Reilly/Galifianakis battle of the interviews courtesy of HuffPost Comedy. And, if anything, it shows that a fern would be a more than acceptable replacement for O’Reilly.

Coming Soon To Fox News: Dick Dynasty With ‘Hateful Phil’ Robertson

Posted by on December 21, 2013 at 2:14 pm. 31 Comments :

Fox News has announced the signing of former Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson to an exclusive contract to host a new program on the cable news network.

Fox News - Dick Dynasty

In the wake of the controversy over anti-gay remarks made by Robertson, The A&E Network put the Duck Dynasty star on an indefinite suspension. Shortly thereafter, conservative activists and homophobes rushed to the defense of the unreality character with accusations of liberal media bias and censorship.

Not surprisingly, Fox News personalities were among the first, and most vocal, defenders of Robertson with Sean Hannity saying that Robertson’s comments were “old fashioned traditional Christian sentiment and values.” Fox’s Todd Starnes dismissed the comments as merely reflecting “the teachings of the Bible.” Sarah Palin warned that “Free speech is an endangered species.” Erick Erickson said that “Robertson said precisely what true Christians believe.”

These reactions illustrate the strategy behind Fox’s signing of Robertson. He is a Christian extremist who preaches that gays are bound for Hell. He is racist who believes that blacks were happily singing in the cotton fields during the Jim Crow era. He displays a level of ignorance on most subjects that is pitiful. And he has become wealthy by deceiving people into thinking that he is a redneck hillbilly. In short, he shares all of the same rightist positions and personality traits of the rest of the Fox News roster and will fit in nicely at their holiday parties.

Critics, however, object to the characterization of racism and homophobia as traditional Christian values and they reject Fox’s effort to claim to be the authority on such matters. Open-minded Christians put their faith in the actual teachings of Christ (who admonished his followers to refrain from judging others) and not in the sanctimonious bellowing of cable TV pundits. They also recognize that free speech is available to everyone, not just bigots who want to be able to spew their hatred without consequence.

Fox News CEO Roger Ailes is said to have personally directed the Robertson signing. It is consistent with his philosophy of demonizing the gay community that he lived in fear of, and built a bomb-proof office to protect himself from. Likewise, his security measures shielded him from dark-skinned and Muslim people of whom he was also afraid.

With Robertson’s addition to the Fox family, Ailes will have another ideological ally to advance his Tea Party agenda. Plus, there will be an experienced marksman in the building in the event of an attempt on on his life or an outbreak of civil unrest. Insiders are speculating that the new program will have spring premiere so as not to interfere with duck season.

Due To Drug Shortage, Texas To Start Outsourcing Executions To Somalia

Posted by on August 2, 2013 at 4:00 pm. 10 Comments :

The Associated Press is reporting today that a shortfall in the availability of the sedative pentobarbital will put a crimp in the calendar of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice and it’s scheduling of executions.

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice said Thursday that its remaining supply of pentobarbital expires in September and that no alternatives have been found. “We will be unable to use our current supply of pentobarbital after it expires,” agency spokesman Jason Clark said. “We are exploring all options at this time.”

Rick Perry
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The state of Texas has led the nation in executions by a wide margin since the Supreme Court allowed executions to resume in 1976. Since then Texas has executed 503 inmates. The next highest number was in Virginia with a mere 110.

The availability of the pentobarbital is rapidly depleting due to the death cult fetishism of the Texan government that makes it hard for supply to keep up with demand. The problem is exacerbated by the reluctance of pharmaceutical manufacturers to provide their products for use in ceremonial rituals of cold-blooded murder. And since Texas no longer has an electric chair or a gas chamber, their alternatives are sharply narrowed.

Consequently, Texas governor Rick Perry is in talks with a number of prominent Somali war lords who have the resources to fulfill the state’s ever growing need to produce fresh corpses. The negotiations involve setting up procedures to transport inmates to the African nation where the authorities will disburse them to various factions of the Taliban or Al Qaeda for termination. In exchange, the Somalis get critical practice assassinating Americans, which they can put to use in future terrorist campaigns. It’s a win-win scenario for two parties who have the same objectives: killing large numbers of American citizens.

Other alternatives under consideration include stoning inmates in the prison yard; forcing them to consume large amounts pork rinds and bacon-cheeseburgers; fitting them with Obama masks and releasing them outside of Waco; inviting them to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney; and for black inmates, good old-fashioned lynchings (they’ll never have to worry about running out of rope).

Whatever course of action they settle on, you can rest assured that Texas will not allow their leadership in this field of endeavor to lapse. Texas is bound and determined to remain the execution champs for years to come. Even if it means resorting to overdoses of Viagra, which the menfolk of Texas still have in abundant quantities.

Fast Food Fight: The Daily Show’s John Oliver Deep Fries Fox News

Posted by on August 2, 2013 at 10:25 am. 2 Comments :

Fox News / McDonalds

“They sell you something that looks appetizing, but leaves you feeling nauseous for hours afterwards.” ~John Oliver on Fox News

That’s how John Oliver described the similarities between Fox News and the fast food industry. In an epic take-down of Fox (video below), Oliver brilliantly exposed the selfishness, hypocrisy, and stupidity, of the network’s upper-crusty pundits’ callous attitude toward working people who have the gall to rally for a living wage.

The segment features multiple Fox scrooges insisting that workers should be grateful to have any job and stop whining about how toiling full-time in harsh conditions doesn’t provide sufficient compensation to feed and house their families. Oliver notes the risks associated with a multi-billion dollar international conglomerate fairly compensating their employees:

“If you raise the minimum wage. people will never stop working in the fast food industry. They’ll get so comfortable in the hot kitchens, in their acrylic uniforms, relaxing in that grease fog, smelling like processed meat no matter how many showers they take.”

But the real victim of Oliver’s harangue was Fox’s VP of financial news, Neil Cavuto, who bragged about his own youthful experience as a fast food employee. Cavuto touted the opportunities for advancement and months of success he enjoyed slinging fish and chips. Unfortunately, he also demonstrated how ill-equipped he is to be commenting on financial matters. In his fanciful flashback he noted that “it all started at two bucks an hour.” But as Mother Jones reported…

“[T]he math makes the opposite point Cavuto intended — adjusted for inflation, he made a lot more money as a teenager than the fast food employees who walked off their jobs in seven US cities this week. […] $2.22 per hour more than the current federal minimum wage.”

So, there goes Cavuto’s argument against raising the minimum wage. And he set himself up for Oliver to make the astute observation that, “Working at Arthur Treacher’s was the last job Neil Cavuto was qualified for.” Of course, Cavuto is the Glenn Beck of business news. He engages in non-stop, brazenly partisan, propagandizing on behalf of the conservative agenda of his network bosses, Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch. Cavuto is a Tea Party boosting, climate science denying, harbinger of economic Armageddon.