Cities To Avoid Like The Plague: Glenn Beck’s Guide To Godless America

If you’re looking for someplace new to live, or to pack up the kids for a family vacation, you won’t find a better list of potential destinations than the one that Glenn Beck is promoting. On his radio program this morning (video below) he ranked what he called “cities to avoid like the plague,” saying that “These are the cities that you do not want to live anywhere around as things get worse and worse.”

Glenn Beck Messiah

It is a perpetual oddity that people who profess to be patriots with a worshipful regard for America’s exceptionalism (aka American Supremacy) are so ready to condemn large swaths of the nation they pretend to love. The lucky locales that made this list are…

  1. St. Louis
  2. Washington, DC
  3. Minneapolis-St. Paul
  4. Las Vegas
  5. Milwaukee
  6. Los Angeles
  7. Boston
  8. Detroit
  9. Columbus, Ohio
  10. St. Petersburg, Florida
  11. Phoenix
  12. Denver
  13. Seattle
  14. San Francisco
  15. Portland, Oregon

The criteria Beck used came from a study by the Public Religion Research Institute that ranked the top three “religious traditions” (which includes religiously unaffiliated) in major metropolitan areas. Naturally, Beck’s ranking consists of the cities with the highest percentage of unaffiliated residents. It is Beck’s opinion that these dens of iniquity will suffer disproportionately when God unleashes his wrath upon the sinners of the world, which is due any day now.

The lunacy of this outburst (setting aside the imminent terrorism of an angry God) is that many of those same cities are also bastions of devout religiosity. In most of them the believers far outnumber the alleged heathens. And Beck doesn’t take into account that the unaffiliated group is not comprised exclusively of atheists. It also includes believers who simply do not associate themselves with a particular flavor of faith.

What’s more, Beck limited his list to fifteen cities, ending with St. Louis whose percentage of unaffiliated is twenty-two. That also happens to be the percentage for the nation as a whole. So if St. Louis is doomed, so are the rest of us. And Beck conveniently left out that his own home in Dallas is 18% unaffiliated, only a few points lower than St. Louis. In fact, if Beck had not arbitrarily stopped with fifteen cities, Dallas would have shown up at #24, easily within the range of doom.

Also not on the list is the imaginary holy city Beck proposed to build, Independence, USA. From his description it sounds more like Jonestown than Valhalla. Nevertheless, he promised it would be a haven for the righteous devotees of God. Well, that is, his version of God. And we know that, in addition to warning people off of certain sinful cities, he has also warned people to steer clear of churches that don’t meet his standards of divinity. Specifically he told his listeners to run as fast as you can from any church that uses the words “social or economic justice.”

The good news is that if Beck’s deranged travel guide serves any purpose it is that the cities in it will be blessedly free of apocalyptic evangelists frightening away visitors and residents. The fewer followers of Glenn Beck that are in any city, the better off that city will be. So hopefully his disciples will take heed of his warning and stay from the listed cities. And that will certainly be cause for those cities to celebrate. Here’s hoping your city is on the list.

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40 thoughts on “Cities To Avoid Like The Plague: Glenn Beck’s Guide To Godless America

  1. I would have been disappointed if LA didn’t make the list. SF was a given — Sodom and Gomorrah and all that. LA and SF are supposed to break off into the ocean. To finally be un-tethered to the nutters on the mainland — Oh, happy day!

    • Please go read the FULL Sodom and Gomorrah passages. The ones prior to the destruction passages tells the real reasons, and it’s not what you have been told.

      • I’m fairly certain CS was being sarcastic.

      • exactly correct. there was a war of some kings against S&G. the people of S&G were taken prisoner. Abraham and his herdsmen fought them, and rescued the people. thing was they
        became reactionaries against all strangers who went to S&G, and very cruel and sadistic
        towards them………not to much different from how Americans reacted against Muslim Americans
        after 9/11.

      • It’s amazing the lengths some people will go to and the mental energy and time they’ll invest, to defend age old myths and bullshit, all the while doing their best to sound rational and reasonable!

  2. I went to glenn beck .com to get a better understanding of his reasoning – and it stated clearly that these are the least religious cities – like being religious will make you a better person. Laugh, laugh, laugh. I really wish the religious nuts would find somewhere else to live. If they just left us nonreligious alone – things would be much nicer.

  3. THANK YOU, Glenn Beck! We Portlandians don’t want your wingnut followers here either. Nor Seattleites, if I may be so bold as to speak for them (having lived there for many years).

    • I live 20 miles east of Portland. The city is overrun with drugged-out street bums and heroin addicts. It has the largest per capita concentration of nude bars anywhere in the USA. Portland boasts of being bike-friendly but ignores two facts: 1) Many of the cyclists blow through stop signs and flip you off if you honk your horn at them. 2) Bike theft is a huge problem. The I-5 corridor is a very active pipeline for sex trafficking. And since Oregon voters inexplicably legalized wacky weed, pot shops are sprouting up everywhere.
      Portland was once a beautiful city. Now it is piled deep in litter and human feces, courtesy of the drugged-out homeless people.

  4. Why, thank you, Mr. Beck. I don’t want any of your followers in Los Angeles either. Still, number 10? You insult us, Mr. Beck…

    Though, with all of Beckie’s attacks, I’m a little surprised that San Francisco isn’t number 1. Oh yeah, it was Bill-O who gave permission for terrorists to attack San Francisco, not Beck. I’m so sorry…

    So, what’s Beckie’s obsession with Portland? Oh, well, they don’t want us Californians in there either. 🙂

    • To be clear, Beck took this list from the study referenced above. So it isn’t his obsession. However, it is his stupidity having failed to understand it. The part of the study he is talking about is ranking “unaffiliated” residents. But that isn’t the same as non-religious. They may be religious, just not belong to an established denomination. From that Beck built his panicky apocalyptic response.

      • Typical. I just figured that this was only the latest attack on Oregon by Beck, and he just found a new reason to justify it. He might have pushed an argument that they’re all lefty strongholds or some other reason that only Sarah Palin would understand. Also attendees of Beckie’s Kollege, Whatsamatta U.

  5. I live in the Washington, DC, area. I’d like to thank Beck for listed it second so that he and his crazies will probably stay away from this area.

  6. I am thoroughly offended that Los Angeles is listed at #10 on this list. I figured we would have been in the top 5. What do we need to do, as a city, to improve our rankings?

    • Really. I was hoping that Chicago, the city I live in, would have made the list. After all, it’s the city that The Kenyan Muslim Dictatorâ„¢ built the foundation for his political career. Better luck being evil, Chicago!

  7. Pass a city ordinance that everyone must use the term “Happy Holidays.”

  8. He only read 14 cities. How did Minneapolis get on the list in the article?

    • You’re correct. Minneapolis is on Beck’s list at his website, as well as on the chart from the PRRI (linked above) who did the study. Are you surprised that Beck can’t count?

  9. Well, damn. Houston didn’t make the list. Guess that sucks for us.

  10. Well, Las Vegas is a hive of villainy and scum. Or was that Mos Eisley?

  11. Cool – thanks for the list of cities to pick from when we move this religious hell hole in Tennessee. Schools are falling apart, but at least the churches here are doing well.

  12. What?? Austin didn’t make the list? I’m offended! Oh well. Guess that’s what the deep-red suburbs are for…to keep us off that list.

  13. How the hell does an idiot like Glen Beck become famous?! On second thought, famous might be a bit of an overstatement. This is just his pathetic attempt to grab a headline or two. I expect to read and hear more ridiculous rants from him as he continues to fade into obscurity.

    • That’s what we said about Sarah Palin — and she absolutely refuses to “fade into obscurity.” Which means that Andy Warhol was wrong: it’s been far longer than 15 minutes for both of them and it was all they deserved…

      • Palin was propped up by Fox News. When she was off the air for six months last year her visibility (and her SuperPAC) ground to a halt. Then she rebounded when Fox re-signed her. Now that she’s been fired again she is fading rapidly.

  14. From godless St. Louis, I would offer a prayer: Dear lord, save us from your followers.

  15. If Glen Beck actually followed the actions of the Jesus he talks repeatedly about he would go to each of these cities, and find anyone who was marginalized and homeless or downtrodden by life. He would then wash their feet, nurse their wounds, and comfort them. But I don’t see him doing any of that rather he is a hypocrite. Let him have his new city, USA (whatever it is called) because when he dies, as Merton says, “all that will die with him” and there will be nothing left.

  16. Beck doesn’t live in Dallas, he lives in Trophy Club thank god!

  17. Thanks for the list, now I will know which cities to put on my travel list.

  18. This list saddens me. Not for what is on it, but for what is not. My home town of NYC is not this list. I wish it were.

  19. Suppose my hometown of Louisville, KY is not listed since Southern Baptist Seminary is located here. I kinda wish it was represented.

  20. We in the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles (you know, the ones who believe in those perversions — social and economic justice) are delighted to know Mr Beck and his followers will leave us off their tour.

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