The Perfect Storm: A Glenn Beck Delusion

If the above picture frightens you…good! We are at a crucial time in not only our nation’s history, but also in the history of the entire Western world. There are powerful forces at work that, when looked at individually, are still quite serious but each seems somewhat manageable. However, when we examine these events and the possibility that they could happen collectively, well–then my friend, we’re facing something I like to call The Perfect Storm

[Note: I removed the link to Beck’s “Perfect Storm” site because it was generating a security warning. Visit at your own risk:]

That is Glenn Beck’s introduction to the web site dedicated to his Apocalyptic prophesy of the End of Days for America and beyond. The page is a collection of unrelated links to news stories of crisis points in the world that add up to some imaginary and coordinated global catastrophe. Are you scared yet? Even though a couple of weeks ago Beck said that “I don’t ever want to frighten you,” he must not have meant it because that’s almost all he ever does. And, as he states above, he thinks it’s a good thing. So don’t get too comfortable when he attempts to pacify your fears, because the worst is still to come.

In recent weeks Beck has proffered his vision of an impending doom. It is, says he, being triggered by a series of foreboding occurrences that he describes alternately as an “Archduke Ferdinand moment” or “The Coming Insurrection” or, of course, The Perfect Storm (…orm…orm…orm…ormmm).

This terrifying event, in its most recent manifestation, consists of a wave of international unrest from Cairo, Egypt to Madison, WI. In Beck’s spaghetti-tangle of a brain, all of these uprisings are a part of the same global conspiracy to impose a worldwide Caliphate ruled by Sharia law under the tyrannical direction of the Puppet Master, George Soros. And if there is one thing of which Beck is certain it’s that The Perfect Storm that he has been warning about is upon us. He made that specific declaration this week:

“It’s called The Perfect Storm. And I can’t honestly believe that we’re finally here.”

Perhaps the reason that Beck is wallowing in some measure of disbelief is that he was equally certain that The Perfect Storm had arrived on a few prior occasions (h/t MMFA):

01/31/11: I’ve been talking about The Perfect Storm [and] an Archduke Ferdinand moment […] I believe that Tunisia or Egypt may be that moment.

11/30/10: The time that I told you would come of The Perfect Storm is here.

11/15/10: This is The Perfect Storm I told you about five years ago.

08/12/10: I told you five years ago, Perfect Storm. It’s here.

05/03/10: It is The Perfect Storm theory that I told you five years ago. I told you a year ago it is coming on shore. Here it is, gang.

03/25/10: I’ve talked about almost — gosh, probably eight years now. A Perfect Storm would come. It’s here.

04/28/09: [T]there is a Perfect Storm that has come onshore. I’ve been talking about it for years, and it just came onshore.

11/24/08: I’ve been talking about The Perfect Storm for five years. It has come to shore and everyone has said to me, “You’re right, it is crazy.”

11/21/08: We are headed for dangerous times and this is The Perfect Storm that I have been warning about.

07/15/08: We’re in The Perfect Storm that I’ve been warning coming, we’re in The Perfect Storm.

06/30/08: I’ve been predicting The Perfect Storm for months. But now with oil prices soaring and stocks plummeting, the storm is finally coming ashore.

So that’s a dozen declarations in two and half years of the advent of the Judgment Day that Beck has been prophesying for five years, or eight years, or a few months, depending on which declaration you choose to believe. It appears that his storm falls somewhere short of perfect. Beck is like the street preacher with the sign insisting that “The end is near,” who has been parading up and down 6th Avenue for thirty years. He’s like the evangelist who says that Jesus will return on Friday, and then spends Saturday scrambling to come up with a new date.

In February of 2009, Beck addressed his fixation in a letter to his congregation:

“The ‘Perfect Storm’ message has been tough for me to bring to you. It takes a toll on me and I know it takes a toll on you. Several of my closest friends and colleagues told me that if I didn’t shut-up with all the ‘gloom and doom’ talk my ratings and advertising would suffer—they were right—but I owed it to you to keep bringing you the message, and I did.”

Indeed, Beck did keep bringing the message…and bringing it, again and again. And his ratings and advertising did suffer. He’s lost about half his audience on Fox News and more than 300 advertisers have refused to permit their ads on his show. But did that stop him? Of course not. He is divinely inspired. He is also supported and protected by Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch who have made him the face of their so-called “news” network. On his Perfect Storm web site Beck promised that he would…

“…do my part by keeping this page updated and making sure you have access to the most current information.”

The page was last updated in May of 2008. I guess managing the fate of mankind has interfered with his promise to do his part.

Pope Glenn BeckYet his disciples continue to have faith in his vacant pronouncements. They follow blindly, convinced of his infallibility. How many times does he have to get it wrong before people will throw up their hands and stumble off to find another Snake Oil peddler? Is their faith in St. Beck so powerful that he could tell them that Obama is the Anti-Christ and they would buy it? To be fair, Beck hasn’t made that allegation yet. He merely hosted the author of “What Obama and the Antichrist have in common” on his program to explain the connection between Egypt and Wisconsin.

As Beck continues to sermonize on the evils of democratic uprisings in the Middle East, and the danger of the Madison Brotherhood and teachers’ unions in Wisconsin, remember that he is only seeking to protect the world from what he says is the single, unified goal of all the enemies of mankind: KAOS! (Where is Maxwell Smart when you need him?)

So beware, America, and stock up on water, guns and gold. Nail shut your bunkers and get down on your knees and repent harder than you’ve ever repented before. Because The Perfect Storm is here and it will wash away all the sinners and non-believers. And then it will brew a lovely pot of tea.


7 thoughts on “The Perfect Storm: A Glenn Beck Delusion

  1. I can say if this idiot keeps yelling and screaming he will explode. On the other hand keep it up crazy clown (that is his word for himself)

  2. I only hope this man self-destructs soon, and his syndicated show cancelled.

    His intellectual vomit has been spewing out of my mother-in-law’s mouth for years, and it is driving me crazy!

  3. Interesting. I don’t have access to teevee so I didn’t realize Glenn Beck is a doomer. He’s right, of course, but for the wrong reasons, which may explain his appeal.

    There is a powerful underlying sense of unease, that things are not quite right. Rather than ascribe it accurately to the true causes – peak resources including oil; the financial crisis especially crushing inescapable debt; and destructive pollution (what I call the trifucta) – conservatives would rather blame it on just about anything other than human depletion of resources and over-consumption, over-population, etc. It is the tragedy of the commons.

    more here:

  4. actually, beck is right we *are* facing a perfect storm….

    but it’s that of the disciples of corpratocracy and theocracy getting into power the world over and running into the limits of a finite world…..

    These disciples being exactly the kind of people Beck panders TO, the ones who are creating the crisis they are now so terrified of.

    Perhaps it is guilt that keeps them glued to the screen?

  5. Great article…very well written and funny! Love the “spaghetti-tangle of a brain”…

Comments are closed.