HUH? Fox News Reports that the Eclipse is a Clandestine Plot to Sneak Migrants Into America

The “news” editors at Fox News must have been working all night to come up with an angle on the eclipse that would titillate their MAGA cult viewers. There is no way that they would be satisfied wasting untold hours reporting on a rare celestial event without some sort of propaganda to boost Donald Trump and his agenda of hate and lies.

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Fox News, Fake News

Well, all of that hard work paid off as Fox News aired a segment about the eclipse on Monday morning’s episode of “America’s Newsroom.” Rather than fiddle with irrelevancies like facts on astronomical events and history, or interviews of scientists, Fox News bravely forged an uncommon path to reveal something that the rest of the media had missed or was deliberately suppressing…

Host Dana Perino: “A rare celestial event collides with a policy failure on the ground. The southern border will be directly in the path of totality today when the moon covers the sun for nearly four minutes.”
Host Bill Hemmer: We are told that officials are bracing for higher traffic than usual. And that means a real opportunity for smugglers and cartels and migrants to come right in.”
Correspondent Bill Melugin: While everybody is gonna be looking up, if you’re looking down here at the border, here is what you’ll see. Take a look at the video from nearby New Mexico, which is seeing a surge of illegal alien evaders […] You’ll see illegal immigrants dressed in dark clothing, sometimes camouflage, trying to sneak into the United States.

That’s right! The eclipse is really a clandestine operation by liberals – probably run by the evil mastermind, President Biden, and financed by George Soros – aimed at smuggling terrorist migrants into America to vote for Biden and other Democrats. Who knew? And who but Fox News would expose this nefarious plot?

The America-haters responsible for devising this plan to create a deluge of foreign “invaders” – in a four minute cloak of darkness – have thought of everything. Including dark and camouflage clothing to keep them from being spotted in the unprecedented absence of daylight. Naturally, Fox News ignores that there are about twelve hours of darkness every day when the earth itself blots out the sun. Is Biden responsible for that too?

This kind of reporting is somehow accepted by the MAGA cult that watches Fox News. They are the same people who are asserting that the eclipse is a warning from god to repent. Which raises some interesting questions. For instance, if it is a warning from god, then why is it being thrust upon the people of Texas and other Southern states first? Wouldn’t that imply that they are the sinners?

What’s more, if the eclipse is creating an opportunity for migrants to enter the U.S., then wouldn’t it be more logical to assume that god is trying to help the migrants flee violence, poverty, and oppression, and find freedom and safety in America? That, at least, would be consistent with the bible’s advocacy of welcoming and caring for refugees.

This is where it is important to stress that searching for logic in the ravings of Fox News reporters and Republicans is likely to cause a traumatic brain injury. So remember on this day not to stare into the sun or try to decipher the irrational ravings of MAGA cult conspiracy theorists. This has been a public service announcement.


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3 thoughts on “HUH? Fox News Reports that the Eclipse is a Clandestine Plot to Sneak Migrants Into America

  1. The only good Fox News is one that what’s left it can be found in a land fill after at last receiving exactly what it deserved.

  2. Someone pointed out that you can use your eclipse viewing glasses to watch Fox.

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