The intrepid Fox News investigative team is well known for relentlessly pursuing stories that are vital to the welfare of the American people. Some recent examples include the new “girly” caps for the U.S. Marines, Fox’s “Psycho” analyst’s diagnosis of Obama’s “victim” mentality, government-supplied, free “Obama Cars,” and of course, endless misrepresentations of the Affordable Care Act (aka ObamaCare) as costly and unworkable.
Now the crack journalists at Fox are going beyond their standard Kenyan Marxist Muslim beat to expose a government secret on which rests the fate of every American. The top headline story of Fox’s website reveals their probe into the tightly guarded identity of “Adriana,” the ObamaCare Website Girl.
Be Sure To “LIKE” News Corpse On Facebook
Who is That Girl, indeed. It is about time that the administration cease its stonewalling and practice the transparency for which they boast. The nation’s security depends on an open government that tells the truth about critical matters that affect the lives and safety of its citizens. Without such candor we cannot know whether this anonymous woman is an innocent fashion model or the evil seductress of an Al Qaeda sleeper cell.
Fox has assigned Jana Winter, the reporter who is still in legal hot water for violating a judge’s court order in the case of the Aurora movie theater massacre. She is now reporting that Fox News is devoting substantial resources to this controversy. According to Winter, finding the mysterious Adriana is a top priority for Fox who “have combed the contact sheets of stock photo agencies, scoured social media and squinted at group shots of Democratic operatives, all to no avail.”
Winter’s efforts thus far have unearthed important observations such as an obviously expert analysis, by somebody on Twitter, that this may be the “worst modeling gig ever.” She also noted the explosion of public concern as evidenced by the emergence of an ObamacareGirl Twitter account that has already amassed thirty-three followers. Despite these hot scoops, Winter is still stumped as to the crux of the confounding riddles in this governmental enigma. She is pleading with readers for any information that could lead to the true identity of Adriana and asking them to send tips to the news manager at Fox News. Feel free to help out by sending your own leads to that email address. For instance, if you think you saw her at a Starbucks in Oshkosh, or if she resembles your niece who takes tickets at the local Bijou Theater, be sure to notify Fox News immediately.
The only official comment Winter was able to wrest from the administration was a typically evasive statement from Richard Olague, a spokesman for the Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services, who said that…
“The woman featured on the website signed a release for us to use the photo, but to protect her privacy, we will not share her personal or contact info with anyone.”
Unconfirmed reports are circulating around the Capitol that Darrell Issa, the chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, is clearing his calendar to make room for hearings and will issue subpenas for testimony and documents if the administration is not forthcoming. His current schedule of scandal inquisitions involving Benghazi, the IRS, the NSA, Benghazi, the shutdown’s closure of national parks, Fast & Furious, Solyndra, the Associated Press, Benghazi, and most recently, the ObamaCare website glitches, will be temporarily set aside so that he can concentrate on getting to the bottom of the Adriana affair.
Recognizing the importance of this investigation, Fox News has also escalated it to top tier status by making it the featured headline on their web home page. With all of the issues facing the country – the economy, unemployment, immigration, national security, etc. – it is encouraging that at least one segment of the mainstream media has its priorities in order.
[Update: 1028/2013] After this shocking expose, the ObamaCare Girl has now gone missing. Her likeness has been removed from the Healthcare.gov website and her whereabouts are unknown. If you see her, please contact Fox News immediately.