A Sign From God? Glenn Beck’s Cursed Ratings

Listen up brothers and sisters, for the Word of God is nigh and sinners must repent with all haste. The End Times prophesied in the Good Book are upon us and there is no time to delay if you desire salvation.

Take for instance the wayward soul we know as Glenn Beck. With three months of the year expired and thrice a ratings calamity. The latest quarterly book of numbers reveal that, compared to just one year ago, Beck has lost 37% of his most valuable audience, those between the advertiser-blessed ages of 25-54. And the loss amongst the whole of the viewership is 30%. He was even defeated by the dreaded Maddow twelve days past.

The signs are clear and cannot be ignored. God is pissed! He has said so unambiguously. Deuteronomy 28:27-29, describes the punishment from the Lord if you should fail to follow his laws:

27: The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
28: The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart.
29: And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.

We hardly need to speak of Egypt and how badly Beck botched that. The emerods (or hemorrhoids) he has already had, and it nearly killed him. The potential blindness he announced tearfully last year. The madness is self evident.

And now the third curse attacking his prosperity is upon him. And this only days after whispers that his program might be cast into the television ether by the Pharisees of Fox. His audience is fleeing, as are his sponsors. And five radio stations denied him just since the new year.

Let us all pray that Beck has his affairs in order – and I don’t mean the ones with interns and altar boys. These are surely the End of Days and for Beck the seasons are coming to a close. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but we knew that when S/He created Beck in the first place.


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