Fox News has announced the signing of former Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson to an exclusive contract to host a new program on the cable news network.

In the wake of the controversy over anti-gay remarks made by Robertson, The A&E Network put the Duck Dynasty star on an indefinite suspension. Shortly thereafter, conservative activists and homophobes rushed to the defense of the unreality character with accusations of liberal media bias and censorship.

Not surprisingly, Fox News personalities were among the first, and most vocal, defenders of Robertson with Sean Hannity saying that Robertson’s comments were “old fashioned traditional Christian sentiment and values.” Fox’s Todd Starnes dismissed the comments as merely reflecting “the teachings of the Bible.” Sarah Palin warned that “Free speech is an endangered species.” Erick Erickson said that “Robertson said precisely what true Christians believe.”

These reactions illustrate the strategy behind Fox’s signing of Robertson. He is a Christian extremist who preaches that gays are bound for Hell. He is racist who believes that blacks were happily singing in the cotton fields during the Jim Crow era. He displays a level of ignorance on most subjects that is pitiful. And he has become wealthy by deceiving people into thinking that he is a redneck hillbilly. In short, he shares all of the same rightist positions and personality traits of the rest of the Fox News roster and will fit in nicely at their holiday parties.

Critics, however, object to the characterization of racism and homophobia as traditional Christian values and they reject Fox’s effort to claim to be the authority on such matters. Open-minded Christians put their faith in the actual teachings of Christ (who admonished his followers to refrain from judging others) and not in the sanctimonious bellowing of cable TV pundits. They also recognize that free speech is available to everyone, not just bigots who want to be able to spew their hatred without consequence.

Fox News CEO Roger Ailes is said to have personally directed the Robertson signing. It is consistent with his philosophy of demonizing the gay community that he lived in fear of, and built a bomb-proof office to protect himself from. Likewise, his security measures shielded him from dark-skinned and Muslim people of whom he was also afraid.

With Robertson’s addition to the Fox family, Ailes will have another ideological ally to advance his Tea Party agenda. Plus, there will be an experienced marksman in the building in the event of an attempt on on his life or an outbreak of civil unrest. Insiders are speculating that the new program will have spring premiere so as not to interfere with duck season.

Deep in the basement of Fox News headquarters in New York, there is windowless suite of offices staffed with social misfits who shun sunlight and reason. They have been trained by specialists in disinformation and propaganda to manipulate stories and statements in a manner that reflects badly on President Obama and his administration.

The “Phony Scandals Unit” (PSU) has been busy during Obama’s term as president. Their production has been industrious and creative. Some of their notable achievements include Fast and Furious, Solyndra, New Black Panthers, Benghazi, and Tea Party targeting at the IRS. Of course, none of these have been associated with the White House, but that’s beside the point. The PSU’s purpose is not to report factually. It is to create suspicion and innuendo, and to give useless members of congress excuses to conduct frivolous hearings.

However, something is obviously wrong with the PSU team. While their previous scandal output was weak and contrived, it managed to draw the attention of the media to some degree. But their current projects seem to be lacking in plausibility to the extent that the whole division could become an embarrassment. For instance…

Hurtful Tax Cuts

The GOP has spent decades defining itself as the enemy of taxes in any form. No matter what the state of the economy, they advocate cutting taxes as the best way forward. In boom times or bust, it’s cut, cut cut, those taxes. After all, the government doesn’t need any money to operate or provide services or fight wars. If children starve of senior citizens suffer, it’s their own fault for not being wealthy.

So what might have caused the anti-tax Republicans to suddenly advance the notion that a corporate tax cut would hurt small businesses?

How could this happen when tax cuts are deemed by the GOP to be ordained by God? The answer is that the corporate tax cuts in question were proposed by President Obama, and the only doctrine that Republicans adhere to more strictly than tax cuts, is to oppose Obama regardless of what he says. So as soon as he proposed cutting taxes, Fox’s PSU went to work.

Government Nudging

The PSU was working overtime to uncover a clandestine White House operation that they contend has a sinister mission. The “Behavioral Insights Team” is alleged by Fox wingnuts to be a Svengali-like operation charged with “tweaking behavior so people do everything from saving more for retirement to saving more in energy costs.” Saints preserve us. It’s the devil’s work.

The seeds of this dastardly plot lay in the work of a former White House aide, Cass Sunstein. He actually wrote the book “Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness.” Glenn Beck, when he was still on Fox News, had singled Sunstein out as “the most dangerous man in America.” And with good reason. The tactics about which he wrote could be used to get people to pay their taxes on time, or buckle their seat belts, or “say no to drugs” (thanks Nancy “the Nudge” Reagan).

The IRS Army

Finally, The right wing freakout hit a new low with the folks at Fox Nation, who are prone to freaking out without much encouragement. It appears that the number of agents at the IRS was a problem for the conservatives who hate the agency anyway.

So the PSU and the Fox Nationalists looked around and found that there were other organizations that had fewer people than the IRS. For some reason they settled on the German army as their comparison. Certainly they had no intention of implying anything.

Now, what does the number of German soldiers have to do with the number of IRS agents? Absolutely nothing. The IRS staff is determined by the workload and operational efficiencies. It’s requirements are in no way similar to those of the German military. General Motors has twice as many employees as either of them. So what? Walmart has 20 times as many employees. Does that suggest something evil about Walmart? Well, that might be a bad example.

Aside from being irrelevant, The story is wrong. It assumes that every employee of the IRS is an agent. Obviously that would come as news to the accountants, secretaries, lawyers, computer techs, file clerks, etc. This phony scandal is almost as idiotic as the one when Fox fear mongers said that the IRS was hiring thousands of armed agents to enforce ObamaCare.

Conclusion

What these three stories tell us is that the ability of the Phony Scandals Unit has deteriorated substantially. They are apparently incapable of developing a new scandal that isn’t laughably asinine. If this is the standard for the types of scandals that Fox News will be foisting on the American public for the next couple of years, then we are in for some rollicking good times. I can’t wait to see what they will cook up for Hillary. Perhaps it will have something to do with the buttons on her pants suits transmitting state secrets to the planet Kardash.