Paranoia Runs Deep: Fox News Fears Sinister White House Renovations

In a never ending effort to scare the bejesus out of their glassy-eyed congregation, Fox New is now speculating that President Obama is building something nefarious under the White House lawn:

Fox Nation

Oh my. What ever could it be? The suggestion that it might be a bunker is obviously a rouse because the White House already has an underground bunker (Dick Cheney famously hid out there after 9/11). Maybe it’s a lab where they are attempting to reanimate Karl Marx. Perhaps they are moving the classified artifacts from Area 51 to Washington. Could it be a secret prison to hold Rush Limbaugh and Michele Bachmann? Just think of the unholy experiments they could conduct on them.

Whatever it is, we should be dreadfully frightened. Obama is, after all, the Anti-Christ plotting to launch an Apocalyptic holocaust. We must ignore the facts that have already been revealed about this mysterious project. We can’t trust facts. As Stephen Colbert has advised us, facts have a well-known liberal bias. It is our patriotic duty to presume that the most outlandish conspiracies are behind everything that emerges from the Obama White House. What else can we do when we have a Muslim from Kenya steering the nation toward communism? Take heed, America.

Fox News Cooks Up A Toxic Menu Of Pepper Sprayed Lies

The latest travesty of justice celebrated by Fox News is the horrific use of excessive force on a group of peaceful protesters at UC Davis. Lt. John Pike of the Campus Police casually and callously sprayed students with an abrasive substance that has been known to cause permanent harm and even death.

Fox News typically sided with the perpetrators of torture. Just as they cheer the use of waterboarding and drool over the prospect of nuking everything from Iran to Tijuana (and even San Francisco), Fox News embraces the police state oppression of citizens who oppose the economic rape of our nation by wealthy corporations and their benefactors in Washington.

Recently Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told her colleague Bill O’Reilly that pepper spray was just “a food product, essentially.” O’Reilly agreed with Kelly that the police did nothing wrong and he went further to make the absurd claim that “I don’t think we have the right to Monday morning quarterback the police.”

We don’t? Does Bill O’Reilly believe that we live in a society where law enforcement authorities are indisputable? Isn’t that the sort of tyranny that he constantly (and falsely) accuses President Obama of attempting to enact?

The notion that pepper spray is merely a food product, or that waterboarding is just a bath, or that mustard gas is simply a condiment, is evidence of the brutal ignorance that has infected so much of modern conservatism. But it is also evidence of their obsession with diets that are harmful to your health. In the past few months Fox has published numerous articles castigating any effort to educate the American people about the benefits of good eating habits. Fox is similarly dismissive of any effort to protect children from harmful foods. Here is a brief compilation of some of the headlines from their gastronomic propaganda:

  • This Thanksgiving, Media Still Stuffed with Food Police Message
  • NYC Food Police Reach New Low
  • Even Obama’s School Potato Bill Fails
  • Liberals Going After Hot Dogs
  • SF Food Police Urge Meat-Free Mondays
  • Minneapolis Schools Ban Chocolate Milk
  • Food Police Try to Retire Ronald McDonald
  • Obama Identifies the Enemy: Tony the Tiger
  • Food Police Kill Cap’n Crunch
  • Obama Administration Getting Ready to Ditch Food Pyramid
  • Nanny Staters Crack Down on School Chocolate Milk
  • The Food Police Are Back! Coke and Pepsi Banned in S.F.!
  • Obama Food Police Messes With Your Chips
  • Food Police Attack Chocolate Milk
  • SF Hold First Public Hearing to Ban Happy Meals
  • Tater Nots: Gov’t Eyes School Lunch Potato Ban
  • Ronald McDonald Under Attack

With their abundant expertise in the culinary arts, it was only a matter of time until Fox launched their own show dedicated to diet and cooking. And now, with Lt. John Pike of the UC Davis Campus Police, they even have a star talent to helm the program. So stayed tuned to Fox News for the spring premiere of Pike’s Palate.

Pike's Palate

Lyin’ Ass Bitch: Michele Bachmann Appears on the Jimmy Fallon Show

You gotta love this. When Michele Bachmann was introduced on last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, the show’s house band, played a particularly appropriate number as she walked out onto the stage:

Yep, that was “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” by the incomparable Fishbone. This was an inspired selection by The Roots that went undetected by Bachmann. However, Glenn Beck took note and was overwhelmed with apoplexy. He called Fallon a “despicable human being,” and insisted that Fallon fire the band, saying…

“Fire them! You won’t. You know why? Because you’re a girl.”

Way to go, Glenn. The best insult you can come up with is one that shows contempt for all women? And this is what you use for your defense of a woman running for president. Would Bachmann also be incapable of terminating an employee? What would your pal Sarah Palin say?

Beck claimed that he never would have done such a vile thing. He said that he wouldn’t even do that to Michelle Obama or George Soros. But Beck’s phony indignation is repudiated by the fact that he has been far more repulsive in his attacks. He routinely insults Michelle Obama’s appearance and refers to her as a dictator just because she advocates healthy diets for children. And speaking of children, Beck has called the Obama kids stupid. And after apologizing for that he called John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, fat.

As for George Soros, Beck produced a three day series on his Fox News show dedicated solely to Soros whom Beck labeled the “Puppet Master,” an old Nazi slur for Jews. Beck also falsely accused Soros, a Holocaust survivor, of sending fellow Jews to the gas chambers. Soros was nine years old at the time.

And then there’s Beck’s comments on President Obama. Beck has called the President a liar, an idiot, a racist, and a traitor. While the Fallon show, a comedy program, merely played a few bars of a song with a provocative title without ever mentioning the title or the lyrics, Beck has used explicit language to express his repulsive thoughts and he did so on a so-called “news” network.

Does Beck really think that his direct and repeated insults are less abhorrent than a suggestive musical introduction for Bachmann? It should also be noted that this morning Beck made an announcement on his radio program that, although he does not endorse candidates, he would vote for Bachmann, and then he spent several minutes explaining why she is now his choice for president.

This disgusting little hypocrite continues to prove that he has no moral center whatsoever. He behaves like an emotionally stunted delinquent who mocks people he despises but shrinks back into a defensive crouch if anyone should mock him or his idols. I can’t wait for him to appear on Fallon’s show. The band wouldn’t even have to learn a new song. Beck is at least as much a lyin’ ass bitch as Bachmann.

If All Political Ads Were Made Like Mitt Romney’s Ads

Yesterday perennial GOP presidential frontrunner-up, Mitt Romney, released an ad that contained an unambiguously dishonest soundbite. The ad played a clip of President Obama saying…

“…if we keep talking about the economy, we’re going to lose.”

However, that clip was taken from a speech in 2008 where Obama was quoting a John McCain campaign spokesman. Here is full quote in context:

“Senator McCain’s campaign actually said, and I quote, if we keep talking about the economy, we’re going to lose.”

Political advertising is an activity that has seen more than its share of lies and deliberate distortions. But this perversion of reality will go down as one of the most brazenly disreputable misrepresentations on record. And to compound the deceit, Romney is defending his ad saying…

“Now, the tables have turned. … President Obama and his team don’t want to talk about the economy and have tried to distract voters from his abysmal economic record.”

So not only does Romney have no regrets about his false representation, he absurdly asserts that Obama isn’t talking about the economy. Of course, anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention knows that Obama has talked about almost nothing but the economy. Does Romney really expect voters to believe his nonsense?

Well, if they believe Fox News then he has a chance. Fox viewers will believe anything they are told. That’s why it would be great to see this alternative version of Romney’s ad played on Fox News:

Sarah Palin’s Top 10 Reasons To Support Occupy Wall Street

The Occupy Wall Street movement is a bona fide phenomenon that, in two short months, has grown to levels no one could have predicted. And despite the inability of the media to discern the goals of the OWS protesters, their agenda could not be more apparent. The movement’s core convictions revolve around the abuse and corruption of politics by the wealthy and corporations, and the economic inequities that have virtually vaporized America’s middle class.

These issues have unprecedented support from a broad swath of the American people. More than 70% support raising taxes on the rich. More than 70% oppose cutting Social Security and Medicare. And both of those include majorities of Republicans and Independents. Even a majority of our nation’s millionaires support these positions. Support for these principles is so universal that the only rebuttal opponents can muster are juvenile comments about socialism or hygiene.

For these reasons, perhaps it should not be surprising that Sarah Palin has jumped on the bandwagon. Her star has been fading rapidly since she stopped pretending to be a candidate for president. And while the press used to chase after her tour bus like whimpering puppies, the only attention she gets today is from her most devoted disciples and her boss, Rupert Murdoch, and the entities he controls such as Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.

It is in the pages of the latter that Palin has published a critique of the political-financial complex that is driving the nation to ruin. Her title for the op-ed is “How Congress Occupied Wall Street.” Many of her laments mirror the philosophy of the Occupy movement. While there is some obvious hypocrisy embedded in some of her remarks, it is still notable that these perspectives are being expressed by someone like Palin and published by an enterprise like the Wall Street Journal. Following are ten points that were extracted from Palin’s article that inadvertently endorse the principles of Occupy Wall Street.

1) How do politicians who arrive in Washington, D.C. as men and women of modest means leave as millionaires?
Good question. Do you suppose it has something to do with the unholy relationships between members of Congress and their wealthy benefactors? If anyone can answer this question it’s Palin, who has personal knowledge of how to earn millions by exploiting political opportunity.

2) The corruption [is] an entire system of public servants feathering their own nests.
Indeed. Although it may be a stretch to refer to a political Mafia who shakedown constituents and accept bribes from special interests as public “servants.” And once again, Palin’s personal experience with nest feathering is invaluable.

3) The moment you threaten to strip politicians of their legal graft, they’ll moan that they can’t govern effectively without it.
What politicians refer to as contributions and earmarks are what citizens regard as graft. And while the politicians make a lot of noise about cleaning up Washington, they have no genuine interest in doing so.

4) [T]heir idea of reform is to limit the right of “We the people” to exercise our freedom of speech in the political process.
It is unclear what Palin is referring to here because she has not exactly been forced into silence, much to America’s dismay. But 26 journalists covering OWS have been arrested so far. What’s more, the GOP is working at the state level to suppress voting for millions of citizens, primarily seniors, students, and minorities.

5) [T]he only solution to entrenched corruption is sudden and relentless reform.
Could Palin have come up with a phrase that better describes OWS? When protesters occupied Zuccotti Park in Lower Manhattan it was a spontaneous response to an untenable situation. And the fact that they planted themselves in the park, and other sites across the country, demonstrates just how relentless this movement intends to be.

6) We need reform that provides real transparency.
Welcome to the club, Sarah. Progressives have been arguing for more openness by government and public agencies for years. And a major component of the OWS agenda is the reversal of the Citizens United decision by the Supreme Court that permits corporations and others to bankroll political initiatives without revealing their identity.

7) We need equality under the law.
Absolutely! Equality and fairness and a sense of shared sacrifice. It is time for the wealthy, who have benefited more from their position of privilege than anyone else, to be treated equally under the law. No more special treatment. Palin should give this more than lip service.

8) No more sweetheart land deals with campaign contributors.
This is just another method of funneling bribes into the pockets of politicians and it must stop. Including the land deals where politicians advocate on behalf of contributors to get oil leases in protected wild spaces in Alaska.

9) [N]o transitioning into a lobbying career after leaving office. No more revolving door, ever.
Here is another plank of the progressive platform that has been beaten down by entrenched politicos every time it was proposed.

10) This call for real reform must transcend political parties. The grass-roots movements of the right and the left should embrace this.
Amen!

Now, is Sarah Palin actually getting behind Occupy Wall Street? Of course not. She undoubtedly considers them unclean, unfocused, and un-American. But the positions she appears to advocate here could be interpreted as aligned with the goals of OWS, even if it is entirely accidental on her part. Perhaps she deliberately plagiarized the platform in a desperate attempt to steal some of its popularity for herself. There is a delicious irony in that Palin has published this piece in Murdoch’s paper. You could say that these ideas have Occupied the Wall Street Journal, albeit from a back entrance.

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Sarah Palin OWS

PolitiChicks: Victoria Jackson & Co. Love Muslims And Gays

Here’s a logic puzzle for you: What comes next in this list?

Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich…

Of course, it’s former Saturday Night Live bimbo Victoria Jackson, who is continuing her performance as the greatest comedy hoax of all time. There is simply no way that what she has been doing and saying can be real. The only place her antics could be taken seriously would a Republican primary debate. In fact, if she were to announce her candidacy today she would probably be the next front-runner within days.

Jackson’s latest project (video below) is an Internet talk show that aspires to be a right-wing version of The View. In the debut episode Jackson shines with her Dadaist comedic stylings. She gets the show rolling with her song about Muslims that casts them as bloodthirsty pedophiles. The ensuing conversation leads to the shared conclusion that “all Muslims are not terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims. That’s just a fact.”

Jackson is quick to point out that she loves Muslims, she just hates what they believe. It’s her Christian faith that requires that she love these people whom she regards as mass murderers. What’s more, she simply can’t understand “why liberals are pro-Muslim and pro-gay, because Muslims kill gays.” I supposed she is similarly confused as to why conservatives are anti-Muslim and anti-gay, for the same reason. The truth about liberals, however, is that they are pro-Constitution, and they know that American Muslims are no more likely to kill gays than extremist, Republican evangelicals like Jackson.

The happy talk continued with Jackson almost opining on matters ranging from Obama’s support for “the thing built on ground zero” [a mosque], to meat preparation “like how Jews do” [keeping Kosher]. This open and freewheeling discussion then turned to the subject of free speech, which Jackson and her co-panelist lamented as having been abolished decades ago:

Jackson: It used to be America, you could say whatever you want. Now everyone can say what you want except if you love the country and God and the family.
Ann-Marie Murrell: If you’re conservative you basically have to shut up and listen and let them say whatever they want. That’s the way it’s been for about 40 years now.

Exactly. Which is why everything they just said has been banned and cannot be heard by anyone, and warrants have been issued for their arrest. Neither can anyone hear their complaints about gay marriage because it infringes on the rights of others. For example, the churches that would be forced to perform marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples. Of course, that isn’t true, but how could Jackson know that. Her research ability has been hobbled by a recent startling and terrifying discovery:

“I just found out that Snopes is owned by George Soros.”

Uh oh. Now where will she go to get the truth about rumors she reads in anonymous chain emails? Rumors like Snopes being owned by George Soros. Just to be sure, I did some research myself on this rumor and discovered this on Snopes:

“The snopes.com web site is (and always has been) a completely independent, self-sufficient entity wholly owned by its operators, Barbara and David Mikkelson, and funded through advertising revenues. Neither the site nor its operators has ever received monies from (or been engaged in any business or editorial relationship with), any sponsor, investor, partner, political party, religious group, business organization, government agency, or any other outside group or organization.”

That’s pretty definitive, but what else would you expect from a Soros controlled web site? The unabridged idiocy of this group is both hilarious and frightening. And the scariest part is that very little of what is said strays far from the mainstream of the Republican Party and its current crop of presidential candidates. Watch the whole video here:

And if that’s not enough, catch episode #2 here. It’s a classic that focuses on President Obama’s fake citizenship and contains another song by Jackson (“Yes, I am a Birther and I’m really, really proud”). Somewhere Andy Kaufman is squirting milk through his nose.

Anatomy Of A Fox News Manufactured Political Scandal

It was a blustery November morning. I was in my mother’s basement Tweeting waffle recipes to chums in my Marxist study group. My fingers were still sticky with maple syrup. Then she walked in. Or rather, she showed up in my Google news alerts. Her name was Winter, and it fit her like an Old Navy Fleece hoodie. Jana Winter. She said she was a reporter for Fox News. I should have known right then that she couldn’t be trusted. Everyone knows there aren’t any reporters at Fox News.

Fox News - ACORNWinter had been writing articles about how ACORN, the group of community organizers that ceased to exist more than a year ago, was secretly still operating and was behind the Occupy Wall Street protests. Her stories were obvious fabrications that posed absurd theories wherein the bankrupt ACORN could somehow afford to pay homeless people tens of thousands of dollars to attend rallies that were already populated by thousands of genuine protesters who attended for free.

Winter wrote three progressively more delusional articles on this subject in as many weeks. She was able to be so prolific because she never bothered to gather any actual evidence or testimony from anyone other than anonymous sources. The first article laid out the imaginary ACORN plot to subvert capitalism from beyond the grave. The second alleged that the resurrected ACORN, spooked by Winter’s first article, scrambled to destroy every remnant of its reincarnated existence. Once again, almost every assertion was absent an attribution. Winter is a master at coaxing incriminating confessions from ghosts.

But it’s the third article that reveals the depths of Winter’s deviousness. After laying the groundwork for a scandalous tale of corruption and clandestine schemes, Winter’s latest composition divulges the efforts of Darrell Issa, Congress’ self-appointed hall monitor, to bully the Department of Justice into launching an investigation of the gossip spread in Winter’s columns:

“In a letter dated Monday, Issa, R-Calif., called for U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch of the Eastern District of New York to launch a probe into allegations first reported by FoxNews.com.”

Notice the meticulous attention to journalistic precision in Winter’s description of Loretta Lynch as the Attorney General. That would be an interesting detail if it happened to be true. But even more interesting is the way she refers to “allegations first reported by FoxNews.com” without noting that she is talking about herself. It was her own reporting from which Issa derived his accusations of scandal. Several times in the article Winter cites “reports from FoxNews.com” and even noted that “Issa’s letter quotes from the initial FoxNews.com report.” Later Winter added that “Issa also referenced a second FoxNews.com report.” That second report was also Winter’s handiwork.

So what we have here is a circular wheel of affirmation wherein a Fox News “reporter” invents a phony scandal by writing thinly sourced articles that allege fraudulent activity by a defunct organization. Then a United States congressman cites those articles as evidence that an investigation should ensue. Then the same Fox News reporter writes an article about the congressman’s request for an investigation. I suppose that the next thing we’ll see is Issa citing the Fox News report on members of Congress demanding that the Justice Department investigate. And around it goes.

To be clear, there is absolutely no evidence of any wrongdoing by the non-existent ACORN, the New York Communities for Change (NYCC), whom Winter and Issa are slandering, or the Occupy Wall Street movement. Winter’s articles contain dozens of citations from anonymous sources that are uncorroborated. Yet in the latest article she doesn’t even bother to attempt to interview anyone representing the other side of Issa’s baseless accusations (fair and balanced?).

To her credit, Winter notes the inherent problem with bias in the media on the part of influential news enterprises:

“A leading force in online journalism appears to be making a strong effort to be anything but fair and balanced.”

The only problem is that she is not referring to the bias in her own reporting. That quote was from an article she wrote last month criticizing Arianna Huffington for “injecting her endorsement of the demonstrations into her media outlets’ coverage of the events in lower Manhattan.” It’s another proud moment for Winter who has somehow managed to out Huffington as a liberal. Who knew?

Winter has a bright career ahead of her, so long as she stays at Fox News. She doesn’t know who the Attorney General is. She doesn’t know that the Huffington Post is not a neutral media outlet. She doesn’t know how to compose an article without relying solely on anonymous sources and right-wingers. She doesn’t know that it’s bad form to cite herself as a source for subsequent reporting without disclosure. Best of all, she is not the least bit embarrassed by exhibiting her ignorance in public. If she’s an attractive young blond then she is everything Fox News could hope for.

And therein lies the mystery. Why isn’t she already appearing as part of Bill O’Reilly’s harem? Why hasn’t she filled in for Gretchen Carlson on Fox & Friends? Does Megyn Kelly have some nasty dirt (or dirty pictures) on her? Who can say? As for me, I’ve got bigger fish to fry and can’t be distracted by every dame that Fox throws in my path. Winter’s a big girl and can take care of herself. She’s demonstrated her willingness and ability to peddle Fox’s snake oil with the best of them. And she is adept at feigning being shocked – SHOCKED – to find that there are ACORN shenanigans going on here.

Artist Says Fox News Lies While Being Interviewed On Fox News

On today’s broadcast of Happening Now on Fox News, host Jenna Lee interviewed New York artist Jay Shells on his “Subway Etiquette” street art project. The works consist of mock signs saying things like “Pull up your pants.”

At the end of the interview, Shells slips in a little personal note for the network:

“It’s ironic that I’m here actually. I was gonna do a sign that said “Fox News Lies” and put that up. But then it got bumped for “Clean Up After Your Horse” so I couldn’t do it.”

Lee gasped upon hearing this, but recovered her composure and thanked Shells for appearing.

I’d like to thank him too. Nice work Jay.

Fox News: Earthquake In D.C. Obama’s Fault

Fox News Obama Earthquake

The massive 5.9 earthquake that struck Washington, D.C. and caused panic throughout much of the east coast is causing rumblings across the political landscape as well.

Republicans have stepped forward to criticize President Obama for not having an effective anti-earthquake policy.

Michele Bachmann: In my administration I can promise you that, in addition to $2.00 gas, there will be no earthquakes.

Rick Perry: As I have said before, there are some problems that Washington cannot solve. That’s why I am calling for a day of prayer to bitch at God for causing these earthquakes.

Mitt Romney: If an earthquake destroyed my home in New Hampshire, I could easily relocate to California or Colorado or any of my other luxury residences. That’s why we have to run the government like a business and build several Washingtons around the country.

Herman Cain: When I ran Godfather’s Pizza I learned to be prepared for everything. After all, science knows that this ObamaQuake was caused by lunar cycles that stretch the earth’s crust like the tides. Now we have to watch out for Sue Nawmee.

Ron Paul: Audit the Federal Reserve and abolish all regulations and we wouldn’t have any problem with an earthquake every now and then.

Sarah Palin: In these troubling times the good patriotic citizens of our rich heartland know that America’s greatness relies on having real leaders who love their country and do not pal around with tyrannical tectonic plates.

Glenn Beck: Thank God I’m in Israel today. The far-left, and their cohorts in the Muslim Brotherhood, have infiltrated the political class in the Capital and the time has come for them to receive the vengeance of the Lord. And if you want to see this all happen live, be sure to sign up for GBTV right away.

In other news:

  • Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi’s compound was overrun by rebels who, with help from the United States, have succeeded in toppling his four decades of dictatorship.
  • The stock market rose over 300 points despite the earthquake that rattled the east coast.
  • Hurricane Irene is hurtling toward Florida.
  • Millions of Americans are still unemployed or under-employed.
  • Casey Anthony did something or other.

Yet the media had several hours of blanket coverage of an earthquake that caused no injuries and did no significant damage. Stay tuned for more coverage – of Casey Anthony.

Mitt Romney: Corporations Are People, My Friend

The front-runner for the Republican nomination for president, Mitt Romney, took a courageous stand today in support of the browbeaten, wealthy corporations of America:

That’s right. Corporations are people. They’re born, they live, they dream, they love. And that’s not all…

Soylent Green is people. Corporations are people. And don’t even get me started on Depeche Mode.

It’s about time somebody stood up for the downtrodden multinationals. When will society treat them fairly and allow them to marry and to serve in the armed forces? While they can’t vote, at least they can manipulate elections with their riches because the Supreme Court has ruled that money is speech. And since corporations have more money than “ordinary” people, they get more speech.

Aint Democracy grand? Way to go, Mitt.