Some people just don’t know when to leave bad enough alone. And at the top of the list of those pitifully oblivious meatheads is the Fox News Senior Schmuck and Fascist Asslicker, Tucker Carlson. For someone who has been savagely steamrolled so often in the past, you might think that Carlson had learned something. You would be wrong.
On Thursday night’s episode of Carlson’s White Nationalist Hour on Fox News, he felt compelled to malign America’s most beloved humorist, Jon Stewart. The impetus for this attack was that Stewart had the gall to speak out on behalf of American soldiers who were poisoned while serving, but for whom the country was not providing necessary healthcare. Stewart’s efforts contributed to the bipartisan passage of the PACT Act (despite eleven Republicans voting against it) that will finally deliver the care that they need.
So what on Earth could have triggered Tucker into such a tempestuous tantrum? Well, apparently it has something to do with his looks, particularly his height. Carlson lashed out maniacally at Stewart accusing him of…
“…looking like a guy who lives in the men’s room at your public library, eating imaginary insects out of the air. And he was there to get, for some reason, into a shouting match with the senior editor of Human Events called Jack Posobiec. […] He looks demented.”
This raises the question of how Carlson is so familiar with denizens of men’s rooms at libraries. More to the point, Carlson completely misunderstood the reason Stewart was there. It wasn’t to argue with Posobiec, a notorious racist and conspiracy theorist. It was to help the heroes that Fox News pretends to support. But Carlson was just getting started. After playing a brief, and purposely edited video clip intended to make Stewart look bad, Carlson went on to rant…
“That’s Jon Stewart? The famous Jon Stewart? He looks like a homeless mental patient. He’s shrieking and disheveled. And very short. Really short. Too short to date. Was he always that short? What happened? Where’s he been the last 7 years? If you know, let us know. We want answers.”
Tucker complains that Jon Stewart is too short to date pic.twitter.com/BTQdks0IaH
— Acyn (@Acyn) August 5, 2022
Yes, Tuckums. That’s the famous Jon Stewart, passionately standing up for sick veterans, which is more than you’ve ever done for anyone else. And while Stewart may be only 5’7″, if he 6’7″ he still wouldn’t date you. So take a cold shower in a library men’s room and get over it. Or go try to get a date with the “sexy” cartoon M&Ms that make you so hot.
It’s interesting that Stewart works so hard on behalf of others, but Carlson can only find fault with his height. Carlson’s hatred of short people says much more about himself than it does of Stewart. However, Stewart had a prompt and appropriate response…
“Friends. Tonite I am sad. @TuckerCarlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.”
Friends. Tonite I am sad. @TuckerCarlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.
— Jon Stewart (@jonstewart) August 5, 2022
OUCH! Did Carlson really think he could beat Stewart in a battle of the burns? Stewart’s retort was both funny and topical. Hungarian dictator Orbán just spoke at the ultra-rightist CPAC conference where the conservative crowd cheered his racist and authoritarian views. Carlson is a huge fan of Orbán, having traveled to Hungary in order to do a slobberingly softball interview late last year.
What’s more, Carlson’s infatuation with Orbán is reciprocal. Orbán recently praised Carlson saying that “programs like his should be broadcasted day and night. Or as you say 24/7.'” He better be careful or Vladimir Putin, who Carlson is also enamored of, will get jealous.
This, of course, isn’t the first battering that Carlson has had by Stewart. In 2005 Stewart appeared on CNN’s Crossfire which was co-hosted by Paul Begala and Carlson. In that encounter Stewart told Carlson that he was “not going to be your monkey,” and that he is “as big a dick on [Crossfire] as you are on any show.” A few weeks later Crossfire was canceled and Carlson was fired. It’s clear that Carlson has never gotten over it. Watch the classic exchange below.
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