Glenn Beck: It Is Time To Build An Ark

Glenn Beck looks to the Book of Genesis for inspiration. But it is most decidedly not of the divine variety.

6:5) And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
6:6) And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
6:7) And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
6:13) And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.
6:17) And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall DIE.

I guess it had to come to this. Glenn Beck had long ago ceased to be a pundit or talk show host. He had evolved into a preacher and a prophet of doom. He had supplanted the old televangelists with his new age sermonizing on socialists, fascists, and other minions of the evil one who had risen to assume power like that of the oak from an ACORN.

The earth had become corrupted by the flesh of men. The nations of the earth were lost. Our own country had been stolen from us and the cries went forth to take it back. But these were dark days, the most dangerous in a score of generations. The hearts of the fathers, the founders, would have grieved that they had made this nation and for what it had become. It was a time for redemption, for revolution.


1:1) I want to announce a change, and maybe it’s just a change in me. But a change in me means a change to the program. So I don’t know exactly what it means yet
1:2) I was thinking this weekend that if Noah were here, if he was around today, there would come a point where he would just stop trying to convince people, “Hey guys it’s gonna rain an awful lot.” He’d probably say, “You want to help, fine. You don’t want to help, fine. I’ve got to go and build the Ark”
1:3) The last few weeks I have this feeling – I just know it – you get it. I don’t need to convince you. If you’re here every night I don’t need to convince you that there are people intentionally destroying our country. Both on the right and the left.
1:4) The rain is coming. I think you feel it in your gut. It is time to build an Ark. It is time to prepare yourself for some tough times.
1:5) In the coming months I’m changing. I’m sensing you are too. I think you know it’s time to build an ark, because the rain is COMING.

Beck is a lonely beacon of the abominations approaching. He is boldly forecasting times of trepidation that we might board his sacred vessel, escape God’s wrath, and sail to salvation. Beck’s call to build an Ark has to be regarded with the same sense of urgency that God impressed upon Noah. Beck knows the Bible story of the flood. He knows that it prophesied the end of all life on earth, except for those gathered on God’s vessel. He knows that God’s fury was due to man’s wickedness and that man deserved, therefore, to be destroyed. He knows exactly what he is saying.

Beck too has observed man’s wickedness. He has proclaimed that these are the most dangerous times for the country in his lifetime. He sees conspirators plotting to destroy America in every shadow – from the White House to the National Endowment for the Arts to the Centers for Disease Control. He sees the evil in the Nobel Peace Prize, the Olympics, and the architecture of Manhattan. He sees it in children’s books and videos, and in the children themselves. Glenn Beck sees things you people wouldn’t believe:

“I’m trying to show you the things that seem to be hidden but they’re not. They are out in plain sight. Those with eyes will not see and those with ears will not hear. You’re awake. You need to see the things that are hidden in plain sight.”

Beck is a seer of a catastrophic future. He believes that all must be destroyed in order to save the righteous. He has previously agreed with the notion that America’s only hope is for Osama Bin Laden to blow us up again. Now it is the flood that will wash us clean. He embodies the mentality of an Apocalyptic cultist who is convinced of his infallibility. And like his cultist predecessors (David Koresh, Jim Jones, etc.), he views himself as a target of the evil that surrounds him and us. While he claims to fear for the country, he fears for nothing more than he does his own safety:

“You ever see those movies where they say, ‘I gave a note to my attorney, and if I’m found dead, open the note.’ I kind of feel like you’re my attorney. If I show up, you know, in Thailand, dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation, don’t believe it.”

“I fear that there will come a time when I cannot say things that I am currently saying. I fear that it will come to television and to radio, and I will stop saying these things. Understand me clearly. Hear me now. If I ever stop saying these things, you will know why. Because I will have made a choice that I can only say certain things, and I haven’t lost all of the rights. But know that these things are true. And if you hear me stop saying these things, it’s because I can no longer say them to you. But hear them between the sentences. Hear them, please. I will be screaming them to you.”

The question then arises, who would Beck assemble and permit to board his Ark? Certainly not the blasphemers who voted for Barack Obama. Nor the liberals who he deems betrayers of traditional values. It would, of course, be the Tea Baggers. those he has praised as righteous. The ones he has said should have received the Nobel Peace Prize. These folks:

Tea Baggers

The Ark would be a haven for 912ers, the group Beck created to restore the national mood that he cherishes from the day following the terrorist attacks of 2001. That seems somewhat disconcerting to me. On that day I was still in shock. I was disgusted and despondent and afraid. I was consumed with remorse for the thousands of innocent victims. And I was grieving for my country that would be forever changed. There is nothing about that day that I would want to recreate. But for Beck and his disciples it is a day of glorious celebration that reflects some perverse sense of fortitude. Never mind that the determination to bring to justice the perpetrators of that historic crime has gone unfulfilled.

Beck’s Ark would be populated by the most demented, intolerant, sanctimonious, hypocritical, ill-informed, pseudo-patriotic, phonies on God’s formerly green, now fatally soggy, earth. They would be a congregation of crackpots united by a common longing for a bloody and cleansing Armageddon. And they could take the buses straight from the Tea Party Express, now in progress, to the Ark’s gangway. The Tea Baggers have dubbed their current expedition “Countdown to Judgment Day.” So the themes are conveniently in sync.

It’s all about the end of days. The BeckPods are stockpiling food, water, and ammunition. They are fortifying their homes and neighborhoods. They are convinced that the end is near. In fact, they pray for it. And now with Beck’s encouragement they pray for God to smite the earth like he did when the wickedness of Noah’s time required 40 days and nights of torrents. But Beck, with his pious omnipotence, knows the final outcome:

“Because of my faith, I know how this story ends. The truth will set you free! America, you prepare to witness mighty and powerful miracles in your lifetime!”

Beck is promising that God will crush the blasphemers. He will impose his holy punishment on those who betray the values and principles of righteousness. And he will rescue the believers and the Fox viewers who come unto him through the miracle of cable. The gruesome irony is that the prayers of Beck and his disciples are for something that is not unlike what Bin Laden did on 9/11, just with a few more planes and a few million more fatalities.

Update: The day following this naval gazing sermon, Beck switched from floods and Arks to crashing planes:

“Find the exit closest to you and prepare for a crash landing, because this plane is coming down, because the pilot is intentionally steering it into the trees. Most likely it will happen sometime after Christmas. You’re going to see this economy come up – we’re already seeing it – and now it’s going to start coming back down again. And when you see the effects of what they’re doing to the economy, remember these words, “We will survive.” No, we will do better than survive, we will thrive. As long as these people are not in control. They are taking you to a place to be slaughtered.

Scary, isn’t it? Beck is now accusing the President of “intentionally” destroying the economy (just as Limbaugh did a couple of days ago). He must think that Obama has abandoned any interest in running for reelection, because that would make a terrible platform. Nevertheless, Beck tries to remain positive by saying that we will thrive – as long as “these people are not in control.” He does not, however, explain how these people will lose control sometime after Christmas. There are no elections scheduled, so he must be plotting a coup. And why wouldn’t he when he believes that Obama is getting ready to slaughter us?

It must be painful to be a voice in Glenn Beck’s head.


2 thoughts on “Glenn Beck: It Is Time To Build An Ark

  1. Beck is summoning the God-fearers, a group encompassing a concept as foreign to me as the Teabaggers themselves. All God-lovers and God-deniers need not apply.

  2. The Beck Boat people might be interesting, but f#$k knows where they are gonna seek asylum. Maybe one of the nasty socialist european countries might take them in….ow ow maybe NZ will take them, Becks head at the bottom of a rugby maul is a pleasant concept.

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