The Gospel According To Beck

In the beginning FOX created the Cable and the TV. And the TV was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Murdoch moved upon the face of the waters. And Murdoch said, Let there be lie: and there was lie. And Murdoch saw the lie, that it was profitable: and Murdoch divided the lie from the psychotic. And Murdoch called the lie Day, and the psychotic he called Primetime. And the evening and the morning were the first day. [Everything that follows are the actual words of his Holiness, Glenn the Beck]

THE FLOOD

1:1) I want to announce a change, and maybe it’s just a change in me. But a change in me means a change to the program. So I don’t know exactly what it means yet
1:2) I was thinking this weekend that if Noah were here, if he was around today, there would come a point where he would just stop trying to convince people, “Hey guys it’s gonna rain an awful lot.” He’d probably say, “You want to help, fine. You don’t want to help, fine. I’ve got to go and build the Ark”
1:3) The last few weeks I have this feeling – I just know it – you get it. I don’t need to convince you. If you’re here every night I don’t need to convince you that there are people intentionally destroying our country. Both on the right and the left.
1:4) The rain is coming. I think you feel it in your gut. It is time to build an Ark. It is time to prepare yourself for some tough times.
1:5) In the coming months I’m changing. I’m sensing you are too. I think you know it’s time to build an ark, because the rain is COMING.


DESTRUCTION

2:1:1) You’re gonna see a black and white world, man, that is nothing but destruction and ugly.
2:1:2) I don’t know why no one else will tell you the truth about these things. I don’t know and I don’t care. All I I know is they are all there. Embedded in each one of these bills, in plain sight.
2:1:3) Barack Obama and Congress are selling you a bill of goods. It is only when you take down the mask of sunshine and lollipops that you will see the real thing – the real image.
2:1:4) Destruction. These bills are creating the path to America’s destruction. How many months ago did I say “Please, please America, don’t debate, don’t compromise on these things.”.
2:1:5) There are things in these bills that you don’t even know. They’re building a machine and they’re about to turn the darn thing on. You don’t compromise on your destruction.

2:2:1) Don’t you see, this is not about the almighty dollar?
2:2:2) This is not about your job. It’s not about your job. It’s not about your pension.
2:2:3) This is about man’s freedom. This is it, gang.
2:2:4) If we fail here the world is plunged into global darkness.

PERSECUTION

3:1:1) You know… I… I’d really like to share with you a personal story from today, but I can’t, because it puts my family in danger.
3:1:2) Do you think I want to get on the air every night and tell you this stuff? Do you know who I am?
3:1:3) The media will say “he’s just a clown.” Well you know what, I am a clown. I am a guy who just…I just want to have laughs and fun, I’m a capitalist, I want to make money, all that stuff.
3:1:4) I want to live my life with my family. I don’t want to have to live with security, and walls, and gates, and everything else. Do you think I want to live that way? Maybe there are some people like that. That aint me. That is not me.
3:1:5) I don’t want to believe these things, but unfortunately I find them true.

3:2:1) They can take my job and they can take my wealth but that’s okay….even if the powers to be, right now, succeed in making me poor, drum me out, and I’m just a worthless loser… which I’m just about that much above that now… I will only be stronger for it.
3:2:2) I will use American ingenuity and my ingenuity to pull myself up, and I will find another way to get my message out on a platform that will be a thousand times more powerful!
3:2:3) Because of my faith, I know how this story ends. The truth will set you free! America, you prepare to witness mighty and powerful miracles in your lifetime!

3:3:1) Many people will ask you, “Well, if these things are so true, why is that only Glenn Beck is saying them?”
3:3:2) Believe me, I have asked myself that question many, many nights. Usually about 2:00am when I couldn’t sleep. Why is no one else asking these questions?

3:4:1) You ever see those movies where they say, “I gave a note to my attorney, and if I’m found dead, open the note.”
3:4:2) I kind of feel like you’re my attorney. If I show up, you know, in Thailand, dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation, don’t believe it.

3:5:1) If I’m ever in a weird car accident, or I commit suicide or something, after the media stops celebrating my death, could they check into it?
3:5:2) Because I’m not suicidal. And I’m a pretty good driver.

3:6:1) I fear that there will come a time when I cannot say things that I am currently saying. I fear that it will come to television and to radio, and I will stop saying these things.
3:6:2) Understand me clearly. Hear me now. If I ever stop saying these things, you will know why.
3:6:3) Because I will have made a choice that I can only say certain things, and I haven’t lost all of the rights. But know that these things are true.
3:6:4) And if you hear me stop saying these things, it’s because I can no longer say them to you. But hear them between the sentences. Hear them, please. I will be screaming them to you.

3:7:1) Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet. I want what they have.
3:7:2) And for those who say somehow or another that I am distorting the socialist view of social justice, oh my goodness.
3:7:3) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother.
3:7:4) Holy cow. You’ve broken three commandments. Three of them. Three of them all on one principle. That’s amazing.
3:7:5) And for those of you in the administration who are coming after me on this one, I mean, remember, you’ve broken three, let’s not make it four.
3:7:6) Thou shalt not kill.

3:8:1) Is it possible, maybe, that pointing out every night that there are radicals Marxists, and communists in the White House, maybe that struck a nerve?
3:8:2) Has someone decided that they must destroy my career and silence me because we’ve stumbled onto something? […]
3:8:3) Has there ever been a case in American history…where an American president administration tried to destroy the livelihood of a private citizen with whom they disagree.
3:8:4) Can’t think of any.

3:9:1) Things are changing and there is no bad news here.
3:9:2) Because what I am feeling in myself, and what is happening to my physical body, to some extent, and what is happening to me mentally, is not a depression, is not a death.
3:9:3) It is a transformation. It is a transcendence.
3:9:4) It is a reaching out of the slime and pulling yourself out.
3:9:1) So it is not bad news. It is just a transition period.


THE SLAUGHTER

4:1) Find the exit closest to you and prepare for a crash landing, because this plane is coming down, because the pilot is intentionally steering it into the trees. Most likely it will happen sometime after Christmas.
4:2) You’re going to see this economy come up – we’re already seeing it – and now it’s going to start coming back down again.
4:3) And when you see the effects of what they’re doing to the economy, remember these words, “We will survive.” No, we will do better than survive, we will thrive. As long as these people are not in control. They are taking you to a place to be slaughtered.


LIBERTY (STATUE OF)

5:1) You send the worst of the worst to America. The people you’ve rejected. The ideas you don’t like.
5:2) And freedom will free them. Free their minds. Liberty will change everything.
5:3) My friends, we are in troubled, troubled times.


THE STRUGGLE

6:1) I’ve been talking for several years now – two in particular.
6:2) Because I know what our country is headed towards. I know the struggles that are ahead in my life and I know the struggles that are ahead in your life.
6:3) It’s not going to be pretty, but it’s going to be good.
6:4) We are going to again transform the world. We are going to have a miraculous rebirth. Things are all going to change.


GOD’S FATE

7:1:1) Progressives had to get rid of God.
7:1:2) Who is the government to tell us what to do? It’s our power. Wrong again! It is not our power. It is God.
7:1:3) Our founders knew it comes from God to us and we give it to the government.
7:1:4) The earth is bigger than you. And the government is just protecting the earth. It all comes down to this: The climate cult is teaching your children that the earth is God.

7:2:1) It is a bizarre world. It is an upside down, inside out, quantum physics world.
7:2:2) It is the eve of destruction in America.
7:2:3) I believe in God. I believe rights come from man, and this Constitution, and the founding of this nation, were divinely inspired. These are God’s rights and God’s freedoms.
7:2:4) If we appreciate those rights, if we do the right thing […] we are going to have to pay the consequence for our living and mistreating these rights.
7:2:5) But in the end, have no fear, because nothing will thwart Him. Because these are His rights. This was His Constitution. This was His country for His purposes, not ours.
7:2:6) And nothing…nothing will thwart Him in the end.

Pope Glenn Beck


SOCIAL INJUSTICE

8:1) I’m begging you, your right to religion and freedom to exercise religion and read all of the passages of the Bible as you want to read them and as your church wants to preach them are going to come under the ropes in the next year.
8:2) If it lasts that long it will be the next year.
8:3) I beg you, look for the words ‘social justice’ or ‘economic justice’ on your church Web site.
8:4) If you find it, run as fast as you can.
8:5) Social justice and economic justice, they are code words.
8:6) Now, am I advising people to leave their church? ….. YES!


GOD’S PLAN

9:1) It’s darkness, and I can just feel it coming.
9:2) The problem is that God is giving a plan, I think, to me that is not really a plan.
9:3) The problem is is that I think the plan that the Lord would have us follow is hard for people to understand. But I’m telling you, here’s what I feel with everything in me. If you’ve listened to this program – oy, are they gonna use this against me – If you’ve listened to this program for a long time you know who I am. And you know that many of the things that I have done and said that have put me in, you know, harm’s way, one way or another, they always start at the same place. They always start at my gut or my heart.
9:4) I beg of you to pray for clarity on my part. The plan that He would have me articulate, I think, to you, is “Get behind me.”


PROVERBS

1:1) Fall to your knees and thank God for Fox News. Pray for Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch. Pray for them. Pray for strength and spine.
1:2) Our faith is down. Our churches are emptying. Do you know why? Because our churches don’t stand for anything anymore.


THE LORD RESPONDS

God is pissed and is meting out his punishment. Deuteronomy 28:27-29 explains clearly what God will do to you if you fail to follow his laws:

27: The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
28: The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart.
29: And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.

The emerods (or hemorrhoids) Beck has already had, and it nearly killed him. The potential blindness he announced earlier this year. The madness is self evident. And even his prosperity has suffered in that nearly 300 advertisers have refused to permit their ads to be run during his program.

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