REPORT: Obama Says Tea Party Members Fit Profile of Domestic Terrorists (Really?)

Tea PartyIn a press conference in Tanzania, the National Report notes an extraordinary exchange between a journalist from the Associated Press, Ramona Darlington, and President Barack Obama. According to the Report, Darlington asked Obama to explain what the profile of an American domestic terrorist is. Obama’s answer will surely raise the ire of the Tea Party and their members:

“Typically domestic terrorists in the U.S. are people who cling to obsolete beliefs from the time of the American Revolution. They are conservative Christians, reactionary Republicans and conspiracy theorists many of whom belong to racist hate groups. [...] Tea Partiers commonly own guns and stock up ammunition and food in anticipation of starting another civil war to overthrow the will of the governing body who represent all of the American people.”

This is a shocking statement coming from the President of the United States. Sure, the Tea Party has much in common with the Taliban and other violent extremists. They both believe that religion should be the foundation of government. They are both virulently anti-gay. They would both enforce a submissive role for women who must not be permitted to make decisions about their own bodies. They both have a perverse obsession with guns. They both advocate overthrowing the secular governments that they despise. And while these similarities are apparent to objective observers, for the President to express these thoughts openly is astonishing.

American Taliban
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Naturally, the mainstream media has suppressed the reporting of these controversial remarks. Why would they do that? Could it be because they are in the tank for Obama as conservatives have long argued? Or could it be that the source of the story, The National Report, is an obviously satirical web site and that the whole thing was a joke?

Despite all the evidence that the story is a fake, many on the Tea Party right have taken it to heart and are outraged that the President said these things that he never actually said. The story has already been picked up by FreeRepublic, TeaParty.org, TruthAboutGuns, and a popular Ron Paul fan site, the DailyPaul. These geniuses must have failed to notice the conspicuously comedic content filling the site’s home page. Here are samples of their current articles in addition to the one about the terrorist Tea Party:

  • Was Paula Deen Framed for Racism by Tasteless Food Trend Purists?
  • Lawmaker Corks Gay Talk Hole with God’s Law, Crowned D&D Champ.
  • Selfish Wendy Davis Rejects Rick Perry Compliment, Could Have Kidney Infection.
  • Poll: Can Zimmerman get a Mistrial if the Lady Jury is on Their Periods?
  • New CDC Study Indicates Pets Of Gay Couples Worse At Sports, Better At Fashion Than Pets Of Straight Couples.

Since this wasn’t enough to alert the Tea Party dimwits to the fact that the site peddles parody, they might have avoided making asses of themselves by reading the site’s rather humorous disclaimer:

“National Report is a news and political satire web publication, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All news articles contained within National Report are fiction, and presumably fake news. [...] Advice given is NOT to be construed as professional. If you are in need of professional help (and you may be if you are on this page), please consult a professional.”

Was that too vague as well? Then perhaps the Teabaggers should have done just a modicum of research whereby they would have discovered something that was later noted by a spokesman for the Associated Press:

“There is no AP reporter named Ramona Darlington, this is not an AP story and as best as I can tell, a few people have been had.”

This is fairly typical for the great thinkers of the Tea Party. They repudiate the science that overwhelmingly proves that Climate Change is occurring and is caused by humans. They reject evolution and cling to the biblical myth that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. And they have fallen for similar scams that range from Obama being a Muslim from Kenya, to FEMA building concentration camps, to the health care law creating death panels, to government plotting mass gun confiscations, and on and on.

Consequently, it isn’t much of stretch for them to buy into this phony news story. It presents a ridiculous notion that they want to believe so badly that it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s actually true, or even plausible. And that pretty much sums up their entire political philosophy. They’re wrong on the economy. They’re wrong on taxes. They are hysterically off-kilter on the Constitution, despite their neato costumes. And they are an imminent danger to satirical sites like the National Report because they are funnier in their own ineptness than anything a good satirist can invent.

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22 thoughts on “REPORT: Obama Says Tea Party Members Fit Profile of Domestic Terrorists (Really?)

  1. I’m sure that anyone who buys the crap Beck sells, the constant lies of Fox, and the garbage of Limbaugh will have no problem believing every word of that fake story. And don’t bother trying to talk them out of it. The funny thing about satire is, to be effective, there must be a grain of truth to it. Sure, Obama didn’t say those things, but had anyone said it, they would be 100% correct. And I think that’s what irks them the most: being pointed out as the potential terrorists they all are.

    • Yes, we are terrorists for sure. Sitting in our lawn chairs with signs that say things like “no taxation without representation.” Of course,haven’t you seen the news, “Old ladies in lawn chairs hijack airliner and politely ask the pilot if he could drive it into the new Freedom Tower. If you had watched the 6pm newscast today you would have seen a story on crazy t-party members who strapped US flags to their bodies and screamed, “Secure our borders first, pretty please, cause, ah, you know, that’s what the current law calls for.”

      I mean, you are right. These t-party people once held a rally in Washington, DC, where, instead of cleaning up after themselves, they left an empty cup of what was ice cream, and they left an empty pint container of Vitamin D milk.

      These T-Part guys had a wild game of flag football, where it got out of hand. The balls were flying “fast and furious” …… Oops, I’m sorry, I think I used a bad term there…”Fast and Furious? That might be associated with BO in some way, sorry.

      Anyway, back to the topic…I remember reading a story about some group of wild a$s Tea Party types who decided to throw a weekly party at the old South Barn in Chase Dixie, Alabama. The party got so crazy that they had to check each and every Smoors to make sure everyone got a fair amount of chocolate.

      I mean, the list could go on and on, but I think you get it. I was emphasizing the word “terrorist” as pointed out by the directly preceding blog entry.

      But I have something more interesting. Let’s talk about our wonderful, benevolent, “non-terrorist” government. Let’s use the quiz format made famous by Representative Vern Buchanan of Florida, who uses “quizzes” or “instant polls” in a vain attempt to arose the interest of his constituents in politics:

      Has your view of the US Congress (House and Senate) changed since the 2010 elections three years ago? Pick one:

      YES: I originally opposed the Congress but now support it
      YES: I originally supported the Congress but now have concerns
      NO: I supported Congress then and I support it today
      NO: I opposed Congress then and I oppose it today

      SEE BELOW FOR CURRENT RESULTS

      RESULTS:

      The US House and Senate have a 6% approval rating and they keep shoving things down the throats of the constituency, who don’t want what they are selling. Shoving OCare down our throats and then trying to exempt themselves, shoving immigration reform down our throats and we want border security first. Did you see the little boys being blown to bits in Boston? That’s why we want border security first, including clamping down on who gets Visas and Visa over-stays. We don’t want the bu$$ s$&t coming from DC.

      Next Question:

      Where was BO the night of the Benghazi attacks?

      A) He was in the War Room leading the response planning.
      B) He was in bed sleeping.
      C) He was playing checkers with Hillary Clinton.
      D) He was planning his trip to Las Vegas the following morning.

      The answer is B, yet, the media AND the US Congress fail to push their Speaker as hard as they can to form a Special Select Committee to investigate the entire Benghazi affair, including the actions of the President. A majority of Americans want this, yet only 62% of Republicans in the House are pushing the Speaker to form one. Why aren’t Republicans pushing harder? Where are the voices of the likes of Vern Buchanan? Are they too busy, like he is, sending out polls they can gauge votes for their next election? The public wants Vern to speak LOUDLY to the Speaker to get him to MOVE FORWARD WITH A SELECT COMMITTEE!!

      Next Question:

      Why are Republcans like Jeb Bush openly mocking Conservatives, especially “WHITE” Conservatives?

      A) Because it is easy to mock peaceful, God-fearing Americans.
      B) Because the Republicans have significantly mis-read the will of Americans and the Electorate.
      C) Because if you mock non-White groups then you will surely be labeled as racist.
      D) Because Republicans have lost all hope.
      E) All of the above.

      The answer is E, all of the above.

      But of course it is ok to mock “Whites” and run zero risk of being labeled a racist. Republicans somehow think this is great, because they can mock whites risk free and pander to illegals and gain mre points with illegals because some illegals are racist and would themselves openly mock whites. There is however a big gaping hole in the Republican strategy: that is, they somehow believe that they will either replace the votes of the Conservative White, or, they have concluded that White Conservatives will still vote for them even though the White Conservative is being openly mocked. Gee, whatever happened to MLK’s dream: Judge me by the content of my character, not the color of my skin?

      Here is the bottom line. The Republican Party has lost its’ soul, if it ever had one. We Conservatives, btw, are largely mixed race, but we HATE the race card. We are first and foremost Constitutionalists, Patriots. We love our country and we believe this country was Divinely inspired, with the inspiration coming from God, manifested in the men who fought for the country’s birth. That statement alone, that we were divinely inspired, is a source of material for those who would mock us.

      Instead of mocking us as “terrorists”, why don’t you simply get to work and govern with “the consent of the governed.” If you do that, you won’t have to worty about re-election because winning will come naturally.

      .

      • You are absolutely batshit. 100%, industrial grade, batshit. You’re taking the calling you terrorists thing seriously? …Why? There is so much wrong with that rant. So much. The divinely inspired thing makes it just epicly batshit though. You are the Odysseus of batshit, the Gilgamesh of guano, so crazy. You should have ended that rant with ‘ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!’ It was fun though, you should do more posts here.

      • In case you didn’t notice — the Democrats have been winning. They just won the White House again, plus gained seats in both the House and the Senate in a year that every forecast said they would lose seats.

        The reason Congress gets such low marks from the American people is that the GOP has obstructed every attempt to make any progress on the issues that are important to them. The people want immigration reform, gun control, higher taxes on the wealthy, protection of the environment, etc.

        I’m not sure what your rambling diatribe was supposed to prove, but I hope you feel better.

      • Too long, didn’t care. Go back to church, and take your AR-15 with you.

      • So BO was in bed in the middle of the afternoon? You do realize that Libya is in a different time zone?

    • It’s funny how you can say those intolerant words with no sense of facts. If you read this article you can clearly see that intolerance and an inability to dialogue with fellow Americans is what the author is saying. By labeling the Tea Party as this author and you yourself have done as a negative goes to show your intolerance of others. Our forefathers fought for the rights and privileges we enjoy today, among those the right to free speech which has allowed you to spew your opinion on this website. While we don’t have to agree with each others views we do however need to understand that truth is truth. While we don’t have to like it and we don’t have to agree on the outcome, we should strive to be of one accord with each other. This is a United nation, one our forefathers fought with blood for. The Tea Party has never been the instigator of violence and while they may not agree that Homosexuality is right or the killing of innocent life is right, they are made up of more than a stereotype, (which by the way was started by the liberal media and not by their actions) If you look at the last election the Tea Party was made up of over 50 men and women who were tired of the lies. Some were Republican and some were democrat, what they had in common was they were fed up with the parties they belonged too. The government has overstepped it’s bounds and continues to infringe on our freedoms even if we like it or not. While we don’t have to agree on sexuality, life and death choices we should have the common decency to respect each others decisions and not allow an entity to force laws on us that restrict our freedoms. What really gets me is that this article is all about hate speech toward the Tea Party and those that rally behind this smut are the same that cry out when anyone bashes their crusades. Take the LGBT movement. They expect that the Christian community accept them and they cry out if some crazy religious zealot bashes them. Which I would agree should not happen. But now those same people that cry out for injustice are slinging mud at the Tea Party because they don’t agree. We don’t have the right to force people to agree with us. IT takes love and dialogue to change people not hate and anger. Just saying.

      • I am surprised so much of your post is correctly written, you must have had someone help you to write this. The same anntiquated and unhinged ideas written in decent English is a bit surprising. I hope this person teaches you how to improve your reading comprehension so so you can expand your mind beyond this Tea Party nonsense. Between parroting the same talking points and trying to say “we’re not hateful, loud ignorant racists, this is a valiant effort to deny what the rest of the world has observed since the tea party’s inception.

  2. A shame he didn’t say it. Because he would’ve been 100% right.

      • Wow, Scott, that was a very cogent argument. What is next, “I know you are so what am I”?

  3. There are all kinds of comments over on the actual article on The National Report from the right wing retards that actually fell for it. They wouldn’t be so mad if it wasn’t really true. I would laugh if it wasn’t so pathetically sad. I’m curious to see if Fox falls for it like they do everything else.

  4. Wasn’t this the purpose of the satire, to create a non-story story? But in truth, BO does believe these things about Tea Partiers, so it kind of doesn’t matter does it. The KING wants these things to be true about the TParty, so he will make it so. 50% of the American people voted for someone who HATES them.

    • Um, the purpose of the satire was to make people laugh. And I don’t what KING you’re talking about (Elvis?), but these things about the Teabaggers ARE true. And that’s why the majority of the American people voted for Obama – TWICE!

    • You really can’t help yourself can you? I’m starting to feel pity for you people, not realizing that you prove the writer correct….I suppose the silver lining is that, academically speaking, it actually is quite fascinating how stupid some people can be.

  5. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that the tea party doesn’t actually exist. It’s just republicans who found a door opening that allowed them to voice their most extreme ideas without the threat of dwindling donations. A co-opted fringe element designed to take ONE MIDTERM and state houses to help gerrymander the map in favor of the right. It’s only still around, (kind of), because A LOT of republicans are extremists finally hearing their know nothing voices being used by the do nothing party. For some reason, the fringe voice is now their base, and the moderate and willing to compromise republican is just as good as a democrat. Everything points to the death knell of the GOP, a fracture within the party, a changing demographic that doesn’t align with the right, extremism becomes the norm, and just working with the opposition to solve our problems is tantamount to treason to the party. I’ll give the GOP another 2 presidential elections before they split into 2 parties. Or more. Probably more. They don’t even realize yet that the tea party is a detriment.

  6. There is no sense in trying to speak rationally to conservatives or much less the Tea Party portion of conservatives. First of all you cannot continue to use religion, whatever your beliefs may be, to create policy you just can’t. This is what causes so many problems within our population. Yes we need a party that cares about debt, inflation, wages, and family values, but that party doesn’t need to push its religious beliefs on the rest of the population, you don’t like abortion? Don’t have one, don’t like gay marriage? Don’t marry the same sex. It’s pretty simple, how about getting back to “job creation”. I’m also tired of people just dismissing actual facts if they don’t align with their side of the argument as liberal media blah blah. There are plenty of things that we don’t know, that we could possibly learn, but instead it seems that blatant ignorance is now a virtue, to double-down is a courageous thing. This can only end one way for these people either they come to terms with their ridiculous behavior or they will slowly be phased out as the rest of the nations population continues the inevitable progressive state.

  7. Just to prove a point. I thought Alessio actually sounded intelligent until I noticed they didn’t know how to spell s’mores, that’s short for some-mores I think. Yet to be so particular about everything else.Truly sad at what teathuglicans will believe. By the way how many of those non-aborted, crack, food-stamp,abused babies are you planning to adopt Alessio. You want them born but don’t want them to survive…..

  8. Greetings,

    The publisher at the National Report, Allen Montgomery posted this News Corpse story in our newsroom yesterday. I wrote the article concerning President Obama’s comments in Tanzania to AP Reporter Romona Darlington. After reading your story here and checking out this website I’d say you’ve gained a couple of new fans here. Great job! Thank you from all of us at the National Report.

    NJC III
    Editor-in-Chief
    http://wp.me/p3dd01-1aC

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