Fox News Promotes Rush Limbaugh’s Attack On Fox News

For the second time today, Fox News has attacked itself. Earlier this morning Fox Nation posted an article meant to disparage MSNBC, but also included a quote saying that Fox News is “ridiculously fact-free.” But apparently they weren’t through self-flagellating because this afternoon they decided to heap more punishment on themselves.

Rush Limbaugh
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The incident began when Rush Limbaugh took a call from a particularly incensed dittohead who was in a frenzy over something he heard on Fox News. The caller whined furiously for several minutes about the “Alinskyite Obama Democrats” who are “steeped in Leninism with their Global Warming.” Amongst those to whom he was referring were Fox contributors Bob Beckel, Geraldo Rivera, Juan Williams, Alan Colmes, and Julie Roginsky. Limbaugh didn’t know who Roginsky was, and when told that she was on Neil Cavuto’s program Limbaugh said…

“Oh, somewhere on Fox. You know, you need to stop watching these people. Because they’re not gonna change. […] Your blood pressure is gonna suffer if you keep watching these people. They’re designed to get you ticked off. They’re designed to make you question your sanity. You’re gonna watch these people and you’re gonna say ‘How in the world can we have such idiotic people?'”

Let’s set aside for the moment the ironic projection that Limbaugh is engaging in by portraying others as idiotic people designed to tick you off. That may be the best description of Limbaugh I’ve ever heard. But the real point here is that Limbaugh has just told his listeners to stop watching Fox News. That bit of unintentionally worthwhile advice led to a swarm of media stories noting this brazen blasphemy.

It didn’t take long for Limbaugh to lash out at these reports and to deny that he was telling people not to watch Fox. Read the quote again and decide for yourself.

However, an even more absurd development occurred when Fox News itself took up Limbaugh’s retort saying that “Rush Limbaugh squashes claims he told listener to tune out Fox News.” The problem with this is that Limbaugh didn’t squash anything. In fact, by getting Fox to comment on it, the whole affair just escalates. And even if you buy Limbaugh’s explanation, the best you could say is that he only told people to stop watching the alleged “liberals” on Fox. That would be an interesting thing to observe. Would they have to sit there with the remote and mute the TV anytime Alan Colmes came on?

In the end, Fox came to Limbaugh’s defense in a matter that blasted their own pundits as idiots. So Fox is now on record as advising their viewers not to watch certain members of their staff. Sean Hannity? OK. Juan Williams? No way. Hand me the remote. You really have to wonder what those lefties on Fox must be thinking to continue to appear on the network. If fake liberals like Beckel and Roginsky serve out their contracts, they are admitting that they are idiots. And this begs the question, why would any self-respecting liberal ever go on Fox News in the first place?

By Rush Limbaugh’s Logic George Bush Should Be Executed As A War Criminal

This is one of those rare moments when we are compelled to thank Rush Limbaugh for settling an argument that liberals have been making for years. Specifically, that Bush has escaped accountability for gross malfeasance in office. Of course, Limbaugh doesn’t know what his remarks portend and would deny it he were told, but we’ll take what we can get. If Obama is guilty of political mischief, Bush’s guilt is of a far more deadly variety.

Rush Limbaugh
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On yesterday’s radio broadcast, Limbaugh went full-on Godwin as he tried (for the umpteenth time) to compare the Obama administration to Hitler’s Nazi regime. This time he inserted a brief disclaimer stating that he wasn’t saying Obama was Hitler, then went on to finish his lecture about how Obama is so much like Hitler. The inspiration for this rant came from a former Reagan national security adviser, Herbert Meyer, whom Limbaugh cited as his source for this extended bit of nonsense:

“[W]hether you believe it or not, there is not one document linking Adolf Hitler to the holocaust. Adolf Hitler never put it on paper what he intended to do. There is no smoking gun. And yet what happened? We know that the Nazis engaged in the Holocaust. Herb Meyer’s point was that the people Hitler hired didn’t have to be told. They didn’t have to be given instructions. All they had to do was listen to what Hitler was saying. All they had to do was listen to what his objectives were. And he said the same thing’s happening here with this administration.”

See? Exactly the same thing is happening now as happened with Hitler (minus the millions of corpses). Obama is deploying coded messages to his minions who will carry out the secret assignments that all two million federal employees know via telepathic transmission and, of course, the ObamaPhone.

The problem with this conspiracy blathering is that the central premise is utterly false. There were numerous documented links between Hitler and the tactics used by his regime to exterminate millions of people. The Wannsee Protocols and the doctrine of the “Final Solution” were explicit instructions to engage in mass murder. The Nuremberg Trials also made public documentary evidence of Hitler’s direct participation in the Holocaust. So right off the bat Limbaugh is revealing nothing other than his own ignorance of history, as well as his gross insensitivity to the victims of the Nazi horrors.

More to the point, the notion that Obama is somehow responsible for what has occurred at the IRS because his agenda was being carried out by underlings who just absorbed his intentions through intuition, is ludicrous. Furthermore, Rush’s twisted logic has repercussions that he may not have considered. During the Bush administration there was an abundance of initiatives that were carried out by people under his authority that were unambiguously illegal. U.S. attorneys were fired for their political affiliations. Covert CIA agents were outed in the press. Lies were used to justify military invasions of countries with whom we were not at war. Prisoners of war were tortured in violation of the Geneva Conventions.

At the time, there were no documentary links definitively tying Bush to these activities. There were also no investigations conducted to ascertain the facts. But by Limbaugh’s reasoning, none of that is necessary. Bush is obviously guilty because the perpetrators worked for him and thus were aware of his unspoken approval for what they did. And since some of those actions are war crimes, then according to Limbaugh, Bush should go on trial ala Nuremberg.

Where once there was a requirement that a “smoking gun” be found to seal the guilt of a criminal defendant, Limbaugh has literally said that such evidence is no longer needed. But the lunacy of his legal ramblings went even further:

“You don’t need to link Obama to it. He hired these people. Lois Lerner and everybody at the IRS who’s doing this is doing everything they can to please Obama.”

Limbaugh might have a point except for the fact that Lois Lerner and IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman are both Republicans who were hired by George Bush. There has not been a single person affiliated with this so-called scandal who has been identified as a Democrat or was hired by a Democratic political appointee. The IRS line workers are either career employees or were hired by the GOP managers at the tax-exempt organizations division (i.e. Lerner).

So if Limbaugh wants to blame everything that happens at the IRS (or the DoJ, or the State Department, or Benghazi, or Sandy Hook, or the JFK assassination) on Obama, then I say we send Bush to the Hague. What do you say, Rush?

The Talk Radio Congress: Mainstreaming The Madness Of Conspiracy Theories

Once upon a time, the most outlandish fantasies of fringe political fabulists were confined to a narrow spectrum on the AM radio dial. They concocted delusional narratives that ranged from murderous first ladies to galactic alliances with Martians. It was an entertaining world of fiction and a guilty pleasure for some, even as the true believers were convinced of the frightening fate that was unfolding.

Today, however, the boundaries between rational political discourse and raving madness have been erased. The extremist peddlers of nightmare scenarios who were once thought to be charmingly eccentric at 1:00am are now advising elected representatives of the people to initiate investigations and draft bills addressing these non-existent threats. Congress today hosts members who are no more reliable (or sane) than the wooly denizens of Alex Jones-land or the lie factory of Fox Nation. Here are just a few of the urban legends that are now circulating in the halls of state and federal legislative bodies courtesy of the whack job broadcasting set.

The UN Arms Treaty That Threatens US Sovereignty
ButtheadsThe United Nations recently passed an initiative to address the proliferation of “illegal” arms trading amongst terrorists and rogue nations. As expected, the right-wing Chicken Little Brigade immediately began protesting that this was another attempt to dilute national sovereignty and bring about a one-world government. Of course, there is nothing in the proposal that would infringe on the rights of any nation to set their own standards for gun ownership. The actual resolution explicitly states that countries will “exclusively” maintain the right within their borders to, “regulate internal transfers of arms and national ownership, including through national constitutional protections on private ownerships.“

This perfectly reasonable attempt to disarm criminals and tyrants was opposed initially by Alex Jones and similar fringe broadcasters. But eventually their outrage bubbled up to singe Republicans in congress who managed to prevent the treaty’s ratification. The GOP opposition was notable for the fact that it concurred with the only three UN nations that also opposed it: Syria, Iran, and North Korea.

Communists Have infiltrated The US Government
This may seem like a throwback to the 1950’s and the Red Scare promulgated by Sen. Joseph McCarthy and others. But make no mistake, this is all too current. Commie hunters in the fringe media are still accusing all liberals of having pinko sympathies. And they have an ally in former representative Allen West, who is now hosting his own web cast. West told a group of supporters that “I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party who are members of the Communist Party. It’s called the Congressional Progressive Caucus.” West lost his seat last November, but it is important to note that the leadership in the House never rebuked him or dissociated themselves or the GOP from his remarks.

Muslims Have Infiltrated The US Government
This is a corollary to the commie conspiracy updated to smear a more contemporary foe. Originally this allegation was espoused by the infamous Islamophobe Pamela Geller. She latched unto the fact that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had a close aide with a Muslim-sounding name. Huma Abedin has worked for Clinton for more than a decade and is respected by all who know her. She was even defended by House Speaker John Boehner and Sen. John McCain. That didn’t stop a cabal of House members, led by Tea Party queen Michele Bachmann, to fire off a letter to the State Department demanding an investigation and alleging that Abedin had ties to the Muslim Brotherhood.

There was never any evidence provided to support these allegations. Nor is there any evidence accompanying the new accusations by Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, who told WorldNetDaily that Obama deliberately “bungled” the investigation of the Boston marathon bombing because “this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence.”

Benghazi Is Obama’s Watergate
Fox Nation - BenghaziThe king of right-wing talk radio, Rush Limbaugh got the ball rolling with this one. He alleged on his program that Obama was deliberately blocking the investigation into the attack on the US facility in Libya. Limbaugh could not come up with an explanation for why Obama would want to stymie the inquiry, so the implication left hanging was that he had some connection to the attack that he wanted to cover up.

Numerous other media outlets jumped on this mini-bandwagon with Fox News assuming a prominent role. Every Fox program began banging the Benghazi drum, and integral to their publicity push was escalating the scandal to include congressional players to add Washington credibility (such as it is). Republicans like Lindsey Graham and John McCain were happy to comply.

The Most Important Story In History
Not one to be ignored, Glenn Beck joined the fray with what he considered to be the “most important story in history.” The plot involved a Saudi man who was briefly questioned following the Boston marathon bombing. It was quickly discovered that he was a victim, not a suspect, and he was released to recover from his injuries. Beck, however, would not let go of the story. He threatened the White House that if they were not forthcoming with the truth about this, he would reveal the evidence he had that would blow the roof off the White House.

Beck’s deadline came and went with no revelations of scandal. He merely repeated what he had previously alleged, which had already been debunked. Which makes it all the more curious that four members of congress are officially demanding answers from the Department of Homeland Security based on what they call “media reports,” but are really just Beck’s psychotic discharges.

The Government Is Stockpiling Ammunition To Kill Us All
Last year there was a flurry of panicky hand-wringing by notorious conspiracy mongers over reports that agencies of the federal government had purchased large caches of ammunition. In the minds of the nutcases on the right, that was evidence that the DHS is plotting a response to some impending disaster scenario wherein they will be forced to kill every person in America five times. That is precisely what Mark Levin, Sean Hannity’s replacement for Sarah Palin, is terrorizing his radio listeners with.

This phony horror story was summarily dismissed by the DHS with documentation and proof that nothing out of the ordinary was occurring. It was merely a purchase contract to lock in lower prices for ammunition used commonly by several law enforcement agencies for regular use and training. Nevertheless, congressional overreaction to the “news” has resulted in a General Accounting Office inquiry into the purchase request. That inquiry was spurred by GOP senator (and Levin listener) James Inhofe who has also drafted a bill to prohibit ammunition purchases in amounts larger than those of previous administrations. Presumably that’s to make sure that the black guy doesn’t get any ideas.

And Then There’s Agenda 21
Amongst the conspiracy theory elite there is only one supreme and all encompassing doctrine of apocalyptic disaster: Agenda 21. The furor over this initiative dates back to the John Birch Society. In reality it just a UN guide to sustainable environments that recommends some completely voluntary measures aimed at advancing smart growth and safer, more livable communities. It was adopted by 178 countries and signed for the U.S. by President George H.W. Bush. It was, however, never ratified by the senate.

Glenn Beck - Agenda 21Somehow this benign project was transformed in the minds of conservative mythmakers into a monstrously evil plot to steal the liberty of all mankind. Glenn Beck even wrote a book about it wherein he describes it as “centralized control over all of human life on planet earth.” But the panic doesn’t stop there. Multiple state resolutions banning its implementation with a foreboding tenor have been enacted. For example, Tennessee’s resolution condemned its “destructive and insidious nature” and began by saying…

“WHEREAS, the United Nations Agenda 21 is a comprehensive plan of extreme environmentalism, social engineering, and global political control that was initiated at the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development…”

That’s fairly typical of the numerous legislative measures aimed at defending America from a tyrannical, global, one-world government, orchestrated by despotic environmentalists and the liberal media. And we might as well throw in George Soros because that’s who freshman senator Ted Cruz of Texas believes is responsible for the whole affair. Cruz has promised that he will “…continue leading the fight, to stop Agenda 21 and any other globalist plan that tries to subvert the U.S. Constitution and the liberties we all cherish as Americans.”

These delusional and thoroughly discredited inventions from the paranoia factories of Glenn Beck, Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh, etc., were once the province of the radio backwoods and militia ham operators. And as frightening as these grim fairy tales are, what’s truly scary is that this conspiratorial fiction is now being embraced by elected officials in Washington and state houses across the country.

Why Does Rush Limbaugh Hate Free Market Capitalism?

It never fails to surface that, whenever a conservative principle inures to a negative result for conservatives, they abandon their principles and whine like colicky babes.

Rush Limbaugh

This is the case now with Rush Limbaugh who is upset with one of his radio distributors and is threatening to jump ship. The CEO of Cumulus Media, whose stations carry Limbaugh in some of the nation’s biggest markets including New York, has publicly lamented the decline in revenue from Limbaugh’s program ever since he insulted student Sandra Fluke as a “slut.” The subsequent advertiser exodus was severe and sustained, costing Cumulus millions of dollars in lost ad sales.

According to Politico, Limbaugh is perturbed at Cumulus for correctly attributing the losses to Limbaugh’s fat mouth and boorish manner. The advertiser boycott that resulted is one of the most successful market protests in recent history.

Rather than conduct a clear-eyed self-examination and try to determine the root of the problem, Limbaugh has instead decided to lash out at his partners and, effectively, free market economics. He blithely spends hours on end delivering slobbering paeans to the virtues of capitalism, but when the market expresses its distaste for his rampant vulgar misogyny, he cowers in a defensive posture and hypocritically attacks the financial system he pretends to revere.

Should his threats prove to be more than a calculated tantrum to squeeze out a better contract, Limbaugh could find himself off the air in some major cities. He would likely find other stations to pick up the show, but he would also suffer from the transition. His show could go dark until new stations are found and they can unwind current contracts to make room for him. He would also create some heavyweight competition in what ever Cumulus puts on in his place.

In the end it’s fun to watch hypocrites flounder around when the tides turn against them and they have to make excuses for why the markets they swear by are rejecting them so fiercely.

The Bible Proves That Climate Change Is Real, But Science Cannot Prove That Rush Limbaugh Is

Yesterday, Rep. Joe Barton of Texas (where else?) spoke at a hearing on the Keystone XL pipeline and revealed his divine justification for denying the science behind climate change. Barton’s source for his reasoning was the biblical story of Noah and the great flood:

Barton: “I would point out that if you’re a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn’t because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.”

That’s correct. There is no evidence that the flood was caused by hydrocarbon energy exploitation. However, that does not mean that it wasn’t caused by mankind in some other manner. Barton may be listening to too much of Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck's Ark

Let’s take a look at the factual basis for the argument that Barton is propounding. The bible’s account of Noah asserts that sometime after he was 600 hundred years old he was singled out by God as the only righteous man of his generation and was instructed to build an ark that would preserve the continued existence of every species of life on the planet. So Barton’s opposition to the findings of 1,000’s of atmospheric scientific studies begins with an angry deity, a 600 year-old man, and a magical boat.

More to the point, according to the bible, God was motivated to destroy the vast majority of Earth’s lifeforms due to the prevailing “wickedness of man.” Therefore, it was indeed the behavior of humans that resulted in the climate change that occurred in Noah’s day. That would set the precedent for faithful Christians to concede that humans are responsible for climate change in the present, just as they were in the past. And it could even be the result of the same divine umbrage at our species, because it would be difficult to argue that there isn’t an abundance of wickedness here on Earth today. And for all we know, that wickedness, from God’s perspective, might be related to our defiling of the planet for which he commanded us to be “good stewards.”

In addition to Barton’s rejection of science, his ideological compatriot, Rush Limbaugh, also entered the fray in defense of his science adviser, a thirteen year old kid who called his radio program. Limbaugh proclaimed that “much of science today” is “just a branch of the Democrat Party.”

Rush: “The global warming scientists are just Democrats, folks. They all have a political preference. They’re all part of an agenda … at the end of the story they have to put in this snarky comment that basically implies this kid Alex doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Science responded by noting that Limbaugh is a yet unproven hypothesis who, if he exists, also has an agenda and a political preference. Science further states that they will put up their rigorous, peer-reviewed studies against any ill-informed opinions from children and drug-abusing talk radio hosts.

Rush Limbaugh’s Dementia-Riddled Post-Oscar Blabbering

Rush Limbaugh entered the post-Oscar analysis circus to add to the ludicrous accusations directed at the First Lady’s perfectly harmless appearance to present the award for Best Picture. Limbaugh charged her with “hijacking the Academy Awards” because of some unintelligible conspiracy having to do with the Obamas being “snubbed” by the Academy. See if you can decipher what he’s talking about:

“They had to throw the Obamas a crumb cause I think, in truth, the Obamas got snubbed. Not only did his campaign ad, Zero Dark Thirty, not win, but his semi-autobiography lost out too. […] Lincoln? That’s about Obama. Everybody knows that.”

Rush Limbaugh

So they had to mollify the Obamas because Zero Dark Thirty and Lincoln didn’t win? And they did this by inviting Michelle to present an award? But that invitation was sent two weeks before anyone other than the Academy’s outside accounting firm knew who the winners were.

What makes Limbaugh think that the Obamas care whether or not Zero Dark Thirty won is never explained. Even worse, Limbaugh thinks that President Obama wrote Lincoln – about himself! And everybody knows it? What part of that film depicts anything associated with Obama? As close as I can figure it is just Limbaugh’s fantasy that Obama will meet the same end as Lincoln.

A little later in his rant, Limbaugh totally loses his mind. He confesses that “I can’t figure Twitter out,” and elaborates on that for several minutes. He also discusses the old “1984” TV ad for Apple, about which he says “you can’t find this ad on the Internet.” He is referring to this one – that I found on the Internet:

Limbaugh manages to find similarities between the dour Big Brother character in the ad with Obama’s cheerful and positive presentation on the Oscar broadcast. And he speculates that the Oscar gig was “a giant propaganda effort by the White House to put ‘Moo-chelle’ up there,” and that “this was the opening salvo of a Michelle Obama for president effort.” Somehow, he doesn’t find any irony in the fact that he is stretching reason to cast Mrs. Obama as a would-be dictator with robotic disciples, while he forgets that he proudly refers to his own followers as “dittoheads.”

If there was any doubt before, it is now indisputable that Limbaugh is in an advanced stage of dementia, perhaps brought on by age, Oxy-Contin, and/or exposure to dangerous levels of Teabaggery. His abnormally enlarged ego couldn’t be helping matters either.

Rush Limbaugh Is Ashamed Of America. The Feeling Is Mutual.

In yet another example of crybaby Republicans bugging out when they don’t get their way, Rush Limbaugh is whining about how he is “ashamed” of his country.

Rush Limbaugh

This isn’t really anything new. Limbaugh has been in fits of hysteric embarrassment ever since America elected its first African-American president. And having done it twice hasn’t helped soothe his frayed nerves. So now he is ranting about how the country is sliding down a path to a hellish fiscal doom (also not new for Rushbo) even though the deficit has declined every year of Obama’s presidency. And this imagined impending apocalypse has so disturbed Rush that he has become racked with shame, poor thing.

Limbaugh’s pride deficiency has spread to infect his pals at Fox News.

Limbaugh - Fox

Over at Fox Nation they think that his tantrum is just the thing to revive the Tea Party that Americans have come to hate in droves. How appropriate that they believe that shame for America will re-energize the Tea-publicans. And at the Hannity show, the rash of embarrassment is epidemic. Hannity goes off on an extended rant about how he, too, is embarrassed. Ironically, he makes a couple of good points:

“It’s embarrassing with our wealth and all that we have, that 50 million Americans are on food stamps, one in six Americans are in poverty, it’s embarrassing we import oil.”

Indeed, that is embarrassing. Too bad Hannity and his right-wing cohorts are opposed to every initiative that would address those issues. Apparently they enjoy being mired in embarrassment.

But it was Hannity’s guest, Herman Cain that totally went off the deep end by latching on to the argument that almost single-handedly sunk the Romney campaign:

“Look, 51 percent of the voters elected Barack Obama. Forty nine percent of us are not that stupid. That’s what [Rush] was saying.”

Oh, I see. Rush was saying that the majority of the nation is stupid. What a great way to invigorate Tea Partiers and win voters over. If this is a preview of their campaign strategy for 2014-16, then get ready for Speaker Pelosi and President Clinton. They can recycle leftover Romney posters that said “Believe in America” by simply editing them to read “Ashamed of America.” That’s the new GOP slogan for the foreseeable future.

Obama Calls Out Fox News For Punishing Republicans When They Work With Democrats

President Obama just sat down for a wide-ranging interview with The New Republic. In the course of the discussion he articulated what is a long-standing problem for Republican politicians that prevents them from engaging in reasonable legislative compromises. The President said…

Fox News

“One of the biggest factors is going to be how the media shapes debates. If a Republican member of Congress is not punished on Fox News or by Rush Limbaugh for working with a Democrat on a bill of common interest, then you’ll see more of them doing it.”

That is an astute observation. Many Republicans live in fear of being criticized in the conservative media. They regard people like Roger Ailes and Rush Limbaugh as Godfathers whose rings must be kissed. And divergence from the doctrine prescribed by the most extreme elements of the far-right can land them in primary trouble with Tea Partiers. The President also recognized that dilemma:

“The House Republican majority is made up mostly of members who are in sharply gerrymandered districts that are very safely Republican and may not feel compelled to pay attention to broad-based public opinion, because what they’re really concerned about is the opinions of their specific Republican constituencies.”

The result of having to cater to perpetually outraged absolutists on the right is that GOP attention whores will do or say anything that gets them more airtime. And the media is all too happy to accommodate them. Obama addressed that journalistic failing as well.

“Nobody gets on TV saying, ‘I agree with my colleague from the other party.’ People get on TV for calling each other names and saying the most outlandish things.”

That’s a theory that has been proven many times over by folks like Glenn Beck, Allen West, Donald Trump, and a menagerie of other bombastic loudmouths.

The interview is well worth reading in its entirety, however, the observations about the press and anxiety-driven Republicans are a refreshing blast of realistic insight. It is important for these truths to be articulated by the President. Now it remains to be seen if Obama will apply that insight to his actions when dealing with those in the media and the Republican Party who engage in kneejerk opposition to anything proposed by the White House or Democrats in congress. Because, as the President noted in the interview…

“Until Republicans feel that there’s a real price to pay for them just saying no and being obstructionist, you’ll probably see at least a number of them arguing that we should keep on doing it.”

Exactly! Make them pay the price. And the price is the respect and support of the American people who are sick and tired of the games played by Washington’s opportunists.

If [fill in the blank] Had Guns Hitler Would Have Married Gandhi On Matching Unicorns

The Reality-Challenged Case For Arming Everyone

The conservative congregation of gun worshipers is pulling out all the stops to prevent any dialogue on gun safety and common sense measures that might protect citizens from the sort of mass carnage that has shocked Americans recently in places like Newtown, Aurora, and Tuscon. With the help of right-wing media, notably Fox News, they are promulgating fear and hostility as a response to a political difference of opinion over how to make our communities safer.

Gun Nutz Problem Solver

The mantra from the right is that Obama is a tyrant who will abolish the Constitution and confiscate all guns. While there is not even an inkling of evidence that any of that is true, the terrifying specter of a dictatorial slave state is flushing through the veins of pseudo-patriots who pretend to revere America and the soldiers who defend it, but are adamant that they retain sufficient firepower to massacre them if necessary. That’s how they thank our heroes for their service.

In the rhetorical battle to preserve their alleged right to carry weapons of carnage into schools and bars and laundromats and baseball stadiums, the Gunnies are now declaring that every threatened or oppressed group of people would have been better off if they had been armed to the hilt and prepared to blow away their assailants. Reality is at variance with these apocryphal claims, but that doesn’t lessen their feverish insistence that a fire-with-fire response to every conflict will bring about a peaceful, secure society. Despite the obvious contradiction in that view, conservative mouthpieces are expressing remarkably similar themes that arrive at the same conclusion: If [fill in the blank] had guns the good guys would always win and violence would become a thing of the past (er, like the wild west?). It’s a Fox Nation style argument that dispenses with truth in favor of hyperbole and historical revisionism. For instance…

If Civil Rights Activists Had Guns…

Rush Limbaugh: “If a lot of African-Americans back in the ’60s had guns and the legal right to use them for self-defense, you think they would have needed [to march at] Selma?”

This astonishingly blockheaded statement ignores the fact that the civil rights activists protesting segregation and discrimination in Selma, Alabama were devoted to peaceful change. They were led by Martin Luther King who was inspired by the non-violent methods practiced by Gandhi. It was a successful strategy that resulted in profound changes in both government and people’s hearts. In effect Limbaugh is expressing solidarity with the Black Panthers and suggesting that armed protesters shooting at southern sheriffs would have brought about a better result. However, the presence of guns would only have put everyone in greater danger, sapped the moral advantage of the protesters and produced more corpses all around. And Limbaugh would have been the first to condemn them for their reliance on violence.

If Slaves Had Guns…

Gun advocate Larry Ward: “If African Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country’s founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.”

Of course. If the slave traders had given each of their human “cargo” a musket along with their shackles they would have been able to kill off their prospective masters and enjoy life in the new world. I’m sure that Ward and the others propounding this theory would have been delighted to hear that armed slave rebellions had put folks like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson in their graves before they ever got around to declaring independence from the British. Furthermore, the unorganized, disoriented, involuntary African immigrants would have had no problem dispatching the southern slave states that a civil war with the rest of the nation struggled with for years at horrendous human cost.

If Jews Had Guns…

Judge Andrew P. Napolitano, Fox News: “If the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto had had the firepower and ammunition that the Nazis did, some of Poland might have stayed free and more persons would have survived the Holocaust.”

Once again, the dimwits on the right think that civilians of an oppressed minority would have managed to overcome a military power that held at bay most of the free world. Apparently Napolitano believes that the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto had some superpowers that, were they armed, would have made them a more ominous opponent than the Americans, the Russians, the English, and the French combined.

If Schools Had Guns…

Ann Coulter: “Only one policy has reduced these mass shootings and the number of casualties, and that is concealed carry permits. If you want to reduce the number of dead, and the number of times this is going to happen in an area, you sort of sense this, because they so often happen at public schools.”

Something that the Gunnies seem all to willing to excise from the debate is the fact that prior incidents of shootings at schools occurred despite there being armed guards present. That was the case at Columbine. It was also the case at Virginia Tech where they had a whole armed police squad on campus. Despite their best intentions, guards cannot be everywhere at once. And they also are often at a disadvantage when confronted by an assailant with a military style arsenal and bullet-proof gear who gets the jump on them.

If Teachers Had Guns…

Pat Robertson: “The truth is, if teachers had guns in classes, these shooters wouldn’t come in because they would be afraid of getting shot themselves.”

The truth is, that teachers are frequently the first victims of school shootings. The time it would take them to retrieve a weapon from a place that is safe enough for it to be stored in a classroom full of students would be plenty of time for an assailant with an AR-15 to riddle them with bullets. Robertson also forgets that most of these assaults are perpetrated by people who end up taking their own lives, so it is ridiculous to regard them as being afraid of getting shot themselves. And the presence of others with weapons certainly didn’t deter the shooter at the Ft. Hood Army base in Texas, where he certainly had reason to believe that there were other armed persons in the vicinity.

The speculative query as to whether there would have been a different outcome in any of these situations if [fill in the blank] had guns is just plain lunacy. It would be dubious under any circumstances to pretend to predict what might have occurred in these after-the-fact scenarios, but the specific examples chosen by these Gunnies demonstrate how blinded they are by their prejudices and violent, video game fantasies. The speculation could go on indefinitely. What if the women suffragettes had guns? What if the students at Kent State had guns?

What if Jesus and his disciples had guns? Pontius Pilate might have been riddled with armor-piercing bullets. There would have been no crucifixion. In fact, the soldiers and pharisees who arrested Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane would have been slaughtered. It was there that Jesus admonished his disciple Peter, who took up his sword to defend him, saying “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.” That’s a lesson the sanctimonious gun evangelists still haven’t learned 2,000 years later.

Rush Limbaugh: Flu Epidemic Is “Trained Media” Making Excuses For Obama

In an epic rant that abandons all semblance of sanity, Rush Limbaugh today blasted media outlets that have been alerting the public to the serious nature of this year’s flu season. Already dozens of Americans have died and thousands have been hospitalized across the nation. But Limbaugh sees a conspiracy in the press to use this “phony” flu epidemic as a preemptive explanation for the coming economic collapse. He says…

“The purpose of this story is to give everybody in Washington an excuse before the flu outbreak even hits. I know that the reports of the flu outbreak are starting to trickle in now. But we do not have an epidemic yet. We may, who knows? But what’s being established now is that if and when we have a flu epidemic, that’s why the economy slowed down.”

The news that set Limbaugh off was a story published by CNBC that noted that a “Major Flu Outbreak Threatens to Slow Economy Further.” Limbaugh declared that “This headline is a made-to-order, built-in excuse to cover for slipshod economic policies out of Washington.” The article on CNBC stated correctly that…

“On average, seasonal flu outbreaks cost U.S. employers $10.4 billion in direct costs of hospitalization and outpatient visits, according to the Centers for Disease Control. That doesn’t include the indirect costs related to lost productivity and worker absenteeism.”

Apparently, amongst the news outlets that are serving as “trained media” for Obama is Fox News. All day they have been broadcasting warnings about how serious the flu is, including its potential cost to the economy. Neil Cavuto’s business program featured both Fox Business Network contributor, Charles Payne And Fox’s senior medical contributor, Dr. Marc Siegel, to specifically discuss the flu’s impact on business.

If it weren’t already clear that Limbaugh had degenerated into an incoherent nut case spewing delusional tales for his dimwit followers, this nonsensical commentary should remove all doubt. And his dittoheads would do well to recall what he said on election day back in November:

Rush Limbaugh