Humor

Lauren Boebert Tells Newsmax that They Eat Dogs In Venezuela Because They Don’t Have Guns

Posted by on August 1, 2022 at 12:14 pm. 2 Comments :

At what point do we throw up our hands in the air and concede that Republicans are are just a perverse comedy troupe trying to punk America? Because that appears to be only way to make any rational sense of some (most) of the blitheringly idiotic things they do and say.

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Lauren Boebert

It would explain so much. It would explain how every Republican can get away with voting against the gouging of gas prices. It would explain how the GOP can vote against healthcare for veterans poisoned in the line line duty. It might even explain how a former reality TV game show host, who believes that windmills cause cancer and bleach injections cure COVID, came to occupy the White House, and still has supporters after being impeached twice and trying to overthrow the government.

RELATED: Trump Projects His Own Dementia on Biden in a Nauseating Mash Up of COVID and Election Fraud

The Republican Party is really giving Saturday Night Live some serious competition. And there could be no better example of that then what Rep. Lauren Boebert (CO-QAnon) said during an interview with former Trump flunky Sebastian Gorka on Newsmax Sunday night:

“If the citizenry of America is disarmed, then we are no longer citizens. We are subjects. You know, here in America we have gourmet treats for puppies. We have these amazing groomers for dogs. Well in Venezuela they eat the dogs. And it started because they don’t have firearms. They do not have a way to protect themselves, to defend themselves against a tyrannical government.

Indeed. American citizenry is defined by each individual’s personal arsenal. And American democracy is admired around the world because it provides “gourmet treats for puppies,” just like it says in the Constitution. Never mind that Boebert is imagining a scenario wherein all Americans are disarmed., something no Democrat has ever suggested. Although, perhaps we shouldn’t dwell on Boebert’s affinity for “amazing groomers.”

The key point that this GOP member of Congress was intent on making was that America’s lax gun policies have kept the nation from consuming it’s canine friends. Having the freedom to own all manner of weaponry, even military assault rifles, is what separates us from the heathens in Venezuela.

Boebert doesn’t mince her words. She flatly states that the reason Venezuelans eat dogs is because “they don’t have firearms.” That’s true. After all, if the dogs had firearms they would mow us down in the street if we tried to approach them with steak knives and BBQ sauce.

It’s difficult to grasp how Boebert got from gun regulation to doggie dinners. But that’s because we don’t have the kind of twisted sense of humor that she does. It’s because we don’t ignore facts, such as that much of the Venezuelan population is so poor that often dogs are the only source of food available.

Boebert’s stab at comedy comes at time when actual comedians are taking more serious positions on matter of critical importance to the nation. Jon Stewart has been lobbying Congress to pass the veteran’s healthcare legislation that the Republicans have been voting against. And Stephan Colbert sent Triumph, the insult comic dog, a rubber puppet, to Capitol Hill to confront members about the January 6th insurrection that was incited by Donald Trump.

RELATED: Stephen Colbert Hysterically Mocks Tucker Carlson’s ‘Comedy’ on the Arrest of His Staff in D.C.

Triumph is lucky that the hungry Democrats in the House of Representatives didn’t tie him to a spit with an apple in his mouth. Although, it is important to note that Triumph managed to escape with his life even though he and his human handlers were all unarmed. And with no help from Boebert, either.

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Rudy Giuliani is OUTRAGED that Fox News Isn’t Hyping the ‘Vicious’ (Gentle Pat) He Suffered

Posted by on June 27, 2022 at 11:25 am. 8 Comments :

This is terrible news for The Onion and other producers of political satire. It has been long coming that the alternative “reality” of right-wing politicians and pundits would supersede the work of comedians. Donald Trump has led the MAGA (Make America Gag Again) movement with his increasingly preposterous outbursts that would make a street-corner schizoid cringe.

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Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump

With cartoonish figures like Marjorie Taylor Greene and MyPillow’s Mike Lindell challenging the professional humorists, it was bound to happen that the balance of parody power would shift to the Trumpian GOP crackpots who present their gags as truth.

RELATED: Trump Does a Great Job of Proving How Pitifully Stupid He and His Cult Followers Are

On Sunday Trump’s disgraced lawyer, Rudy Giuliani (whose license has been suspended), suffered a “horrific” assault in a Staten Island grocery store. He claimed that the attack resulted in severe injuries and, but for his astonishing good health, would have killed him. See the frightful thwacking here for yourself…

“All of a sudden I feel a shot on my back, like somebody shot me. I went forward, but luckily I didn’t fall down. Luckily I’m a 78 year old in pretty good shape, cause if I wasn’t I would have hit the ground and probably cracked my skull.”

The following day, and after the video had been widely distributed, Giuliani continued to portray the incident as a heinous act of domestic terrorism…

“I got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me. It knocked me forward a step or two. It didn’t knock me down, but it hurt tremendously.”

However, the grisly violence was only the beginning of what infuriated Giuliani. The media response was like a the knife twisting in his near fatal wound…

“One of the only two living ex-mayors of New York – and probably, I’d say modestly, the most famous – was assaulted, was not even on Fox. Even if Putin got assaulted, it would be on Fox.”

First of all, you have to wonder which of the three living ex-mayors (Giuliani, Bill de Blasio and Michael Bloomberg) Giuliani thinks is dead. Perhaps he thinks he actually did succumb to the grocery store stunt. Secondly, if Vladimir Putin received a little love tap like the one Giuliani got it would only have made Fox News if it came from that RINO, Melania.

It isn’t surprising that Giuliani is upset with Fox News. He has already been banned from the network because he wouldn’t stop lying about election fraud on behalf of Trump. Fox is apparently sensitive about that sort of deceit since they are being sued for billions of dollars by two voting systems companies that they defamed – Dominion and Smartmatic.

Giuliani is named as a defendant in both lawsuits. And it can’t be helpful to his defense that he is making up stories about being attacked. Not that his credibility wasn’t already shot long ago. Now he is whining that a harmless, albeit non-consensual, touching is akin to an actual shooting. This is what it’s come to. And satire is the real victim here.

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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Fox Nation vs. Reality:
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Stephen Colbert Hysterically Mocks Tucker Carlson’s ‘Comedy’ on the Arrest of His Staff in D.C.

Posted by on June 21, 2022 at 9:59 am. 3 Comments :

Last week Senior Fox News Blow Hard, Tucker Carlson, went completely off the rails with a ludicrous segment accusing Stephen Colbert of having “committed insurrection” at the Capitol when members of his staff were detained during production of comedy routine featuring Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. Carlson bizarrely asserted that it was “exactly like what happened on January 6th.”

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Fox News. Tucker Carlson

Sure. It was “exactly” like the deadly insurrection by hundreds of hostile thugs incited by Donald Trump to break through barricades, injure more than 140 police officers, five of whom died, shatter windows and bust through locked doors, threaten to kill or hang government officials, and cause $30 million dollars in damages.

RELATED: Trump is Covertly Recruiting More Violent Insurrectionists With Promises of Future Pardons

On Monday night Colbert responded to the preposterous ravings of Carlson with both humor and insight. In his opening monologue, Colbert was noticeably shocked by the pure idiocy of Carlson’s take on the incident. He allusively referred to Carlson’s latest harangue saying that…

“… a couple of the TV people claimed that my puppet squad had “committed insurrection” at the U.S. Capitol building. First of all…What? Second of all…Huh? Third of all, they weren’t in the Capitol building. fourth of all – and I am shocked that I have to explain the difference – Insurrection involves the lawful actions of Congress and howling for the blood of elected leaders all to prevent the peaceful transfer of power. This was first degree puppetry. This was hijinks with intent to goof.” […]

“Drawing any equivalence between rioters storming the Capitol to prevent the counting of electoral ballots, and a cigar-chomping toy dog is shameful and a grotesque insult to the memory of everyone who died. And it obscenely trivializes the service and courage of the Capitol Police showed on that terrible day. But who knows. Maybe there was a vast conspiracy to overthrow the United States with a rubber Rottweiler.”

For his part, Carlson spent the entire A-block of his show blasting Colbert and his “seven saboteurs” who Carlson said had “breach[ed] the Capitol grounds” on “a hunt for sitting members of Congress.” And if you think he was kidding – because Carlson’s delivery always seems too asinine to take seriously – he followed up those allegations by affirming that “That happened, ladies and gentlemen!” That, in fact, did not happen .

Carlson went on to call the Colbert comedy routine “a meticulously planned coup … under the direct control of an extremist called Stephen Colbert.” He claimed that Colbert’s team “trashed the place, committing violence against our democracy.” Which is an absurd distortion of reality. Then he mocked the trauma experienced by journalists and members of Congress who were terrorized by the hundreds of StormTrumpers who were marauding through the Capitol calling for their deaths.

Was Carlson joking? It hardly matters. So much of what he said was uttered with a straight face and followed by a statement of affirmation. If it was satire it was executed so badly that its alleged humor was totally lost. And if it were his perverse attempt at comedy, it was a nauseatingly callous display that belittled the serious physical and emotional injuries suffered by the victims of Trump’s seditionists on January 6th.

But then, does anyone expect anything from Carlson other than malicious dishonesty and crackpot conspiracy theories? His whole raison d’etre is to spread ultra-rightist propaganda and divide the American people with flagrant lies. Pretty much exactly what his Dear Leader Trump is best known for. After all, he was actually defended in a defamation lawsuit by Fox News lawyers who told the court that “no reasonable person” would believe anything he said.

RELATED: Fox News Court Ruling: No ‘Reasonable Viewer’ Takes Tucker Carlson Seriously

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

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LOL: Donald Trump Jr is Peddling Mail-Order Meat in a Pathetic Reprise of Trump Steaks Debacle

Posted by on June 11, 2022 at 6:00 pm. 1 Comments :

Fifteen years ago Donald Trump suffered another in his seemingly endless stream of humiliating bankruptcies. His “tRump Steaks” went belly up when they couldn’t move them at either Sharper Image or QVC. Trump’s notorious record for catastrophic business failures encompasses such infamous fiascos as casinos (four of them), airlines, games, vodka, universities, and even fraudulent charities.

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Donald Trump Jr

Undaunted, Trump spawn Donnie Jr has embarked on another swing at beating his meat in public. If there’s one thing you can say for the Trump family, it’s that they are persistently free range grifters. It isn’t enough that Trump is pushing his failing social media scam on his dimwitted followers. Now, in honor of Father’s Day, Junior is reaching out to get his own daddy’s attention by beefing up his business flank:

RELATED: Elon Musk’s Bid for Twitter is in Big Trouble, and So is Trump’s TRUTH Social

https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast/status/1535708091810910213

Two things are notable right off the bat. First of all, the alleged meat is never seen in this commercial. You just have to take Donnie’s word for it that it’s not from an actual bat. Secondly, his use of the phrase “MAGAKING” to trigger the free grift is a reminder of Daddy Trump’s tyrannical and cult like aspirations. Fortunately for the Trump clan, their glassy-eyed disciples will follow the herd and consume whatever a Trump is selling. Including the cow pie deserts that come with the daily special. And for good measure, the company Donnie is fronting for has had its accreditation from the Better Business Bureau revoked.

So get yer doggies rollin’ folks. This is the only mail-in offer that Trump supports, and it won’t last long. Especially since these thawing steaks have already been in cold storage since the 2007 downfall of the original Trump Bar-B-QAnon. And don’t forget… They have the Bill Barr seal of approval…

NOTE: Twitter suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly.

Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse
on Facebook and Instagram.

And check out my books on Amazon:

Fox Nation vs. Reality:
The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.

Thanks so much for your support.