Humor

Comedy ‘Legend’ Ted Cruz Quips that Raul Castro ‘Will Become a Reporter for CNN’

Posted by on April 16, 2021 at 4:13 pm. 4 Comments :

What could possibly be funnier than Washington’s most hated senator posting punch lines on Twitter that only he could actually think are funny? That’s the sad state where we now find “Cancun” Ted Cruz of Texas (as long as the weather is nice).

Ted Cruz, Cancun

Back in February Cruz tried to skip out on his home state while it was in the midst of a historic and deadly winter freeze that left millions of his constituents suffering without power, heat, food, or water. He jetted off to the sunnier climes of Cancun, Mexico, to frolic at the beach of a seaside resort. The wingnut apologists at Newsmax thought Cruz would be more effective governing from there. But having been exposed for his callous selfishness, he rushed back to Texas to pretend to care, but then immediately left again for the CPAC convention in balmy Orlando, Florida.

Pretty funny, huh? But nearly as funny as Cruz’s latest attempt at humor. Especially for a guy who has brought laughs to tens of people with his “War on Christmas” book series, or his dramatic reading of Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham” on the Senate floor during a filibuster. That’s particularly relevant now that Republicans are so obsessed with the imaginary “canceling” of Dr. Seuss.

What has tickled Cruz’s funny bone now is the “news” that Raul Castro is stepping aside as the leader of Cuba. Never mind that that actually happened three years ago and today’s news is only that he’s relinquishing a largely ceremonial post. You just can’t stop a comic mind like Cruz who tweeted a reply to CNN’s Jim Acosta:

Have you stopped laughing yet? That’s okay, I’ll wait. The humor in this might be a little too subtle for many. What makes this truly hysterical is that the only transitions from politico to journo have been former members of Donald Trump’s reality TV administration to Fox News shills. So far we have…

  • Mike Pompeo, Trump’s former secretary of state, and current guest on Hannity and Fox & Friends.
  • Kayleigh McEnany, the former press secretary who is now a co-host of Fox’s Outnumbered.
  • Larry Kudlow, the former economic advisor who has replaced Fox’s Lou Dobbs, who was fired in connection with the billion dollar lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems.
  • Lara Trump, who, for the moment, is the wife of Eric Trump – her only qualification for the job.

Hysterical, isn’t it? Perhaps Cruz is getting ready to take his stand-up routine to Havana. It should go over well there as his parents are Cuban, although he was born in Canada. He could hook up with his pal Trump and try to rebuild the gambling mecca that thrived there before Fidel. He could have his own Cruz Comedy Showcase at the Trump Caribbean Towers. And with any luck it won’t go bankrupt like Trump’s four other casinos. In the meantime it would get him out of the Senate – and the country – and we’d all be better off.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. Also, Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse on Instagram. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Greg Gutfeld’s New Fox News ‘Comedy’ Show is a Bad Joke

Posted by on April 6, 2021 at 12:07 pm. 11 Comments :

If anyone still wonders why there isn’t very much conservative comedy, Fox News has helpfully provided an object lesson in why right-wingers just aren’t funny. Comedy requires a certain finesse and an understanding of your audience. It is a maxim of professional humorists that you cannot make fun of the under-privileged without exposing yourself as callous and cruel. In other words, you don’t punch down.

Fox News Bozo

Conservatives, however, still haven’t figured out that simple rule. And since their whole political ideology is one of fealty to the filthy rich and powerful, down is the only direction that they can punch. This wasteland of wit was perfectly illustrated in Monday’s premiere of “GUTFELD!” on Fox News (video below). Let’s set aside the unseemly blunder of programming a “comedy” on a so-called “news” network. It didn’t work for CNN’s “D.L. Hughley Show” or Fox’s doomed “Half-Hour Comedy Hour,” And from its debut, it doesn’t bode well for Greg Gutfeld either.

Gutfeld starts off with what appears to be a deliberate intention to offend. His first joke was about immigrant children in cages. He then segues to the always hilarious subject of child abuse. From that inauspicious beginning Gutfeld further embarrasses himself by making disparaging remarks about the cognitive state of seniors and the funny side of drug addiction. That’s comedy gold by conservative standards.

Continuing on a theme, Gutfeld runs a tedious video about MSNBC’s Brian Williams anchoring his program from Mars. Then he mocks Black CNN host, Don Lemon, for reporting on racism. Then he rattles off a series of lame attacks on those he considers his competition: Stephen Colbert (who Gutfeld complains doesn’t “ruffle feathers”), Jimmy Kimmel (who Gutfeld mocks for crying, a reference to episodes where Kimmel spoke eloquently and heart wrenchingly about his infant son who almost died), as well as Jimmy Fallon, Seth Myers, and Trevor Noah. That’s a move that exposes his insecurity and fear of comedians with real talent.

Gutfeld asserts that all of the late night comedians have “got the market cornered for calling Americans stupid”. The truth is, however, that they all respect the intelligence of their audience by presenting comedy that assumes they are well informed, otherwise they wouldn’t get the jokes. Gutfeld, on the other hand, is lashing out with ad hominin attacks against his foes on a network famous for lying to its viewers and that assumes they are dimwitted enough to believe their propaganda.

Well, Gutfeld they might be right about that. Fox News viewers actually believe their nonsense about cancel culture, radical Democratic socialism, and flagrant falsehoods about the severity of the COVID pandemic that are downright dangerous. They also believe everything that their cult leader, Donald Trump, says, including his recent reality-defying claim that the Capitol riots on January 6th were all “hugging and kissing” and “posed zero threat.” Except for the 140+ cops who were assaulted and injured, three of whom died. Fox’s relentless lies on that subject have resulted in half of Republicans believing those riots were “mostly peaceful.”

Gutfeld claims that he likes “bashing creeps in power,” but apparently that only applies to personal insults aimed at powerful people like … Hunter Biden? He proves that point by calling them “stupid talking piñatas.” And he asserts that “The only way they make money is by making people hate each other.” But isn’t the Fox News business model? All they do all day is divisive and insulting. And yet, Gutfeld has the nerve to talk about “respectful disagreement” during this disrespectful tirade. And in addition to these childish antics, Gutfeld went on a Mitch McConnell inspired, extended harangue triggered by the business backlash to Georgia’s voter suppression legislation. He ranted…

“Screw all corporations. You stupid execs are cowards and bad golfers. You cheat on your taxes and you cheat on each other. I hope Dems raise taxes to 99%. Except for Fox which should be tax exempt. Maybe I’m turning socialist, but after years of proclaiming corporations as engines of free markets, I realize they’re locomotives run by meth heads who’ll do anything to save their own hides. It’s profit over people no matter how many inclusion coordinators they hire.”

If it weren’t for his infantile insults, Gutfeld might have scored some points regarding the self-serving greed of corporations and their bosses. The problem is that he only realized this after those corporations responded appropriately to the concerns of consumers who objected to their voting rights being trampled in Georgia. So once again, Gutfeld was punching down on the people who had expressed themselves and successfully persuaded some powerful companies to act responsibly.

Gutfeld and his ilk repeatedly prove that all they care about are the privileged classes that generally includes themselves. They insist on demonstrating their innate hatred of average Americans. And in the process of expressing those repugnant views they think they’re being funny. The problem is that knee-jerk right-wingers like Gutfeld are too desperate to have a foothold in humor. And since they can’t grasp why their biases aren’t funny, they keep putting their foot up their own ass.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. Also, Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse on Instagram. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Newsmax’s Idea of ‘Healthy’ Comedy is Ridiculing Biden’s Stutter with a Fake Laugh Track

Posted by on March 15, 2021 at 4:29 pm. 2 Comments :

Conservatives frequently complain about the prominence of left-leaning comedy. And they often try to make up for it by presenting pitifully unfunny characters on so-called “news” networks like Fox News, where goofball Greg Gutfeld just got his Saturday show promoted to five nights a week. Then again, there’s already a lot on Fox that is laughable.

Fox News Bozo

The argument that comedy has a left-wing bias (just like reality, according to Stephen Colbert) could be supported if all one looks at is the content of late night talk shows and Saturday Night Live where most of the targets of the jokes are Republicans or other right-wing figures. It is undeniable that they supply an abundance of raw material for humor.

However, there are numerous reasons for what the right believes is a conspiracy by the Comedy Overlords to suppress and malign Republicans. But you have to look deeper than the surface level evidence of TV jokesters.

Anyone who wonders why there isn’t very much conservative comedy is inadvertently acknowledging a significant truth: Conservatives just aren’t funny. Comedy is a delicate art that requires a certain finesse to pull off successfully. And the subject of the jokes is as important as the punch line. Experienced comedians will tell you that the target must always be someone of privilege. You cannot make fun of the poor without exposing yourself as callous and cruel. In other words, you don’t punch down.

Conservatives still don’t get that simple rule. And since their whole political ideology is one that is dedicated to advancing the interests of the upper-crusters, down is the only direction that they can punch. So the available targets for their humor are limited to the under-privileged who are already suffering hardships. Not only is that an empty source for comedy, it risks insulting the majority of the audience.

Even when conservatives have potential targets who are among the elite, they still manage to flub their efforts at fun-making. An example of that was conveniently supplied by Benny Johnson of the rightist “news” channel, Newsmax. He did a segment about the importance of comedy to a healthy society. And he demonstrated its use by mocking President Joe Biden, a viable target.

The problem is that, even though Biden is a member of an elite class of political power players, the joke that Johnson chose to feature was about Biden’s well-known speech impediment. That was a bad choice. You simply don’t make fun of people’s disabilities. While an able-bodied man slipping on a banana peel could be funny, no one is going to laugh at a paraplegic who fell out of his wheel chair.

With that in mind, check out what Johnson has to say about comedy in his introduction to a bit on Joe Biden. Note that most of of the “funny” parts are making fun of Biden’s stutter with an added laugh track that Johnson must have thought made it even funnier:

“Big tech censors are working in lock-step with the current administration to suppress comedy and criticism of the Biden administration. Cancel culture has eroded the joy in American culture to the point of absurdity. This is why it is more important than ever in American history to keep humor and ridicule alive. Because it is now clear that we could very well be on the verge of losing it. And lastly guys, if we can just admit, right now, together, that we are living under one of the funniest administrations in American history.”

Oh yeah. That was hilarious. A supercut of a man with a stutter, plus some random moments taken utterly out of context to make him look demented. What’s more, Johnson’s whining about imaginary “Big Tech censors” oppressing conservative comics is – well – hysterical. But as for that pressing question of the modern era: Why aren’t there any conservative comedians? Johnson has helped us answer it by his boorish and infantile example. Coming soon on Newsmax: Blind Truckers and America’s Funniest Epileptic Seizures.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. Also, Be sure to visit and follow News Corpse on Instagram. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

All the (Fake) Reasons Joe Biden Will Be a Worse President than Donald Trump

Posted by on January 16, 2021 at 11:10 am. 4 Comments :

In less than a week Joe Biden will be inaugurated as the 46th President of the United States of America. Kamala Harris will become the first woman to serve as Vice-President. Many people are hopeful that they will undo much of the damage caused by the negligence, incompetence and deliberate malfeasance of Donald Trump and his right-wing Republican enablers in Congress and the press. That’s a monumental task. And, sadly, the lives lost to Trump’s mismanagement of the coronavirus can never be restored.

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Donald Trump, King

For his part, Trump will sink into the lowest state of despair and self pity to date for a sociopathic narcissist who resides in that mental state as a matter of routine. He is already planning his own pathetic farewell party because no one else cares enough to throw a party for him. What will stand as his final address to the American people – delivered following the storming of Congress by his traitorous insurrectionists – will be a video wherein he pleads for “common ground” with the racist, seditionist, violent, conspiracy crackpots who comprise his cult following.

Joe Biden, meanwhile, has his own problems. The nation has spent the last four years bombarded with Trump’s egomaniacal interruptions into their lives on a daily basis. They have probably forgotten the blissful times when they could go for weeks without hearing anything from the White House.

Biden is unlikely to be as obsessed with making himself the center of attention 24/7. And that isn’t the only downside to the Biden presidency. Compared to the unprecedented performance of Trump, Biden will be huge letdown. You know it, I know, Everyone knows it. What follows are just a few of the areas where Biden falls short of his glorious predecessor:

  • Only one ex-wife, and she’s dead
  • No Pillow Lobby representative
  • No experience bankrupting multiple businesses
  • Won’t appoint his unqualified children to White House jobs
  • Rejects “alternative facts”
  • Doesn’t golf
  • Has read and understands the Constitution
  • Hasn’t renounced Muslims, Mexicans, or other liberal commies
  • Believes America is already great
  • Respects the “enemy of the people” (aka free press)
  • Has never been spanked by a porn star
  • Two fewer impeachments than predecessor
  • Released decades of confidential tax returns
  • Prefers Tom Hanks and Beyoncé to Scott Baio and Ted Nugent
  • Evangelicals haven’t declared him “sent by God”
  • No plan to relieve the onerous tax burden of the rich
  • Doesn’t support “very fine people” (white nationalists and Nazis)
  • Owns not one, but two dogs
  • Favors clean air and water over corporate profits
  • Is not BFF with Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong Un
  • Not a single cabinet appointee vows to destroy their department
  • Hires lawyers who reject the legal principle that “truth isn’t truth.”
  • Is still allowed to tweet
  • Isn’t responsible for the deaths of 400,000 Americans
  • Doesn’t spend hours every day watching and regurgitating Fox News

These fatal personality flaws of Biden are the prelude to a fundamentally different country. Those who have worshipped Trump’s manly management style and embrace of the swamp politics of Washington, D.C., are going to be sorely disappointed when Biden brings to the White House the competence and compassion that Trump and his cult disciples have been trained to abhor.

Despite these drawbacks, the nation must somehow steady itself in the face of the certain turmoil that Biden will unleash. Four years from now the people will have another opportunity to restore hate and greed as the dominant values of Republican “leadership.” So long as American isn’t already a socialist sh*thole country by then, with national healthcare, free education, fair elections, an end to racial injustice, rolling back the climate crisis, and all the other horrors promised by those evil progressives.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. And you can follow this surrogate Twitter account here. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Trump Plans His Own Ego-Soaked Farewell Party As His Approval Hits Record Low

Posted by on January 15, 2021 at 1:11 pm. 8 Comments :

In the few days left before Joe Biden is inaugurated the 46th President of the United States, Donald Trump is laying low, confined to the bunker in the White House. He has an empty calendar with no speeches, meetings, or Fox News interviews scheduled. So it’s likely that his last public address will the one he gave on January 6th, where he commanded his cult disciples to storm Congress, resulting in at least five deaths and his second impeachment.

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Donald Trump Rally, Sieg Heil

Trump has already announced that he will not attend Biden’s inauguration. At one point he was considering staging a counter event to compete with the official ceremonies and to launch his 2024 campaign. But that appears to have been abandoned. Now, as he becomes increasingly despondent, Trump may be planning his own farewell to the White House that he always considered a dump. As reported by CNN’s Jim Acosta:

What a sad, pathetic shell of an impotent former reality TV game show host. If Trump goes though with this it will be ready-made for mockery and serve as a pre-written satirical script for Saturday Night Live. It would be impossible to keep from laughing while watching the biggest loser, who has twice the impeachments of any other president, paying tribute to himself as he flees Washington.

Just picture the spectacle of Trump luminaries like Kayleigh McEnany, Stephen Miller, Roger Stone, and Rudy Giuliani (if Trump decides to pay him), lined up on either side of an orange brocade runway holding MAGA banners aloft, and “You Can’t Always Get Want You Want” playing in the background. Naturally, it will be covered only by Fox News, with Sean Hannity and Maria Bartiromo providing commentary to accompany a parade of celebrities including Scott Baio, Jon Voight, Roseanne Barr, and Ted Nugent.

Perhaps Trump will produce a video to recall his “accomplishments” of the past four years: Separating hundreds of children from their parents; erecting about four miles of wall on the southern border that Mexico didn’t pay for; befouling the environment; making healthcare less accessible and more expensive; alienating international allies; and killing nearly 400,000 Americans via his incompetent mismanagement of the coronavirus pandemic. That’s a record of failure that will surely stand the test of time.

Trump’s self-exalting parade of narcissistic obsession will come at a time when his popularity reaches a record low. He has never approached 50% approval, but as he departs he just sunk to a dismal 29% in the Pew Research poll. The same poll found that a sizable majority of Americans (68%) “do not want Trump to remain a major political figure in the future.” About 76% (including 52% of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents) say that Trump “bears at least some responsibility” for the riots at the Capitol.

So it is in that light that Trump is anxious to throw himself a party to celebrate his own awesomeness. This is going to be received with the same thrill of being informed of a positive herpes diagnosis. And it will also be the prelude to the next chapter in Trump’s latest impeachment as the Senate prepares to take up the matter in the days following. If there’s one thing we can be certain of, it’s that Trump seems determined to make his exit from the world stage as humiliating as possible. Which is nothing less than what we expected.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. And you can follow this surrogate Twitter account here. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Is Trump Preparing to Expose Mike Pence as Part of the Fabled Deep State?

Posted by on January 5, 2021 at 11:04 am. 4 Comments :

The psychotic decline of Donald Trump is rapidly progressing to the point where he is utterly incapable of recognizing reality. He continues to whine about having lost the election to Joe Biden, a candidate he maligned as a mentally deficient socialist, and still couldn’t beat him. What does that say about Trump?

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Donald Trump, Deep State

The debate over the mental soundness of Biden vs. Trump was decided by American voters who, according to a Fox News poll, said Trump was the most unsound. They reiterated that view by soundly rejecting Trump’s reelection bid. Trump, though, seems determined to affirm the Fox survey’s results with every new tweet he posts. Take this tweet Tuesday morning for instance…

Trump is reprising his remarks from Monday night at his cult rally in Georgia that was ostensibly to support the reelection campaigns of David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler, although he rarely mentioned them. But he did mention his vice-president saying “I hope Mike Pence comes through for us, I have to tell you. Of course, if he doesn’t come through, I won’t like him quite as much.”

That would be totally in character for Trump, who is known for attacking his own staffers when he deems them less than 100% worshipful and obedient. Just ask the dozens of former administration officials he’s flipped on (i.e. John Kelly, Jim Mattis, John Bolton, Rex Tillerson, Jeff Session, etc.).

More recently, Trump has viciously turned on some other previously appreciated allies who he now regards as conspirators in the “Deep State” that, in his deep state of paranoia, he imagines are plotting against him:

For the record, Pence has no more power to decide who won the election than Oscar presenters have to decide who won an Academy Award. In fact, his role is nearly identical. He opens the envelopes and announces the result. The election was already decided, first by a decisive majority of voters, then by the certification of all fifty states. That, of course, includes the states run by both Democrats and Republicans.

Likewise, the Republicans in Congress who have announced that they will object to the Electoral College count have no power to effect a change. The only possibility of an upset would be if one or more states failed to certify a slate of electors. That, however, didn’t happen in any state. But even if it had, Pence would still have no power to alter the outcome. The House of Representatives and the Senate would both have to vote separately to uphold the objection and seat an alternate slate. And it’s highly unlikely that the Democratic majority in the House would vote to reject Biden electors and seat those committed to Trump instead.

It is also highly unlikely that Pence will stray from the purely ministerial role he has in this congressional session to certify the Electoral College vote. Consequently, Trump appears to be setting Pence up to expose him as a “Deep Stater,” bent on sabotaging what Trump thinks was his landslide victory. But the true leader of the anti-Trump cabal is really someone that nobody expects: Donald J. Trump!

After all, what do all of the conspirators have in common? They were all appointed by or staunchly supported by Trump. Open your eyes, Trumpians. There are no coincidences. How could Trump have been so integral to the configuration of the conspiracy without being in control of it himself? The absence (suppression) of any credible evidence is further evidence that it’s all true. It all makes sense now.

UPDATE: At the Trump rally in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday, Trump again implores Pence to take an action that he has no authority to take, and then whines that he’s “not hearing good stories” about Pence.

NOTE: Twitter recently suspended the News Corpse account after 11 years without giving a reason. So if anyone wants to tweet articles from my website, please feel free to do so often and repeatedly. Thanks for your support.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

HUH? White House Lawyers Tell Court That Trump is Afraid Reporters Will ‘Moon’ Him

Posted by on June 7, 2020 at 1:27 pm. 3 Comments :

Donald Trump has a well-established and all-consuming hatred for the media. That’s despite his fierce embrace of it when he needs to disseminate his lies and propaganda. It’s further affirmation that he is an unstable heap of contradictions and logical short-circuits. One day he is bellowing in Stalinist terms that “the media is the enemy of the people.” The next day he’s retweeting the Washington Post or Fox News (about which he has an abundance of other acute cognitive lapses.

Donald Trump, Subway

Trump’s aversion to media is rooted in two character flaws that dominate his warped persona: dishonesty and fear. With regard to his ceaseless deceit, Trump is a pathological liar who has been documented as having told more than 18,000 lies since his inauguration. With regard to his snow-flakiness, Trump trembles like a reed in a hurricane whenever the press dares to tell the truth about him. For an alleged “leader of the free world,” Trump whines like a colicky infant in the face of ordinary scrutiny by the media. His obsession exceeds the standard parameters of paranoia.

Last year Trump’s White House press office blew a gasket when Brian Karem, a report for Playboy Magazine, engaged in banter with Nazi-apologist, and Trump shill, Sebastion Gorka. Afterward, press secretary Stephanie Grisham suspended Karem’s White House press pass. Karem sued to get his credentials restored and won a court judgment on the basis that his constitutional rights of freedom of the press (1st Amendment) and due process (5th Amendment) were infringed. The White House appealed the ruling and Karem once again prevailed. But in the course of the proceedings we learned something peculiar about Trump and his regime. The ruling in the case admonished, and even mocked, White House attorneys saying that…

“Raising the specter of the absurd, the White House argues that it cannot be the case that ‘the Press Secretary would be powerless to take action even were a reporter to “moon” the President, shout racial epithets at a foreign dignitary, or sexually harass another member of the press corps.’” […] “The White House can rest assured that principles of due process do not limit its authority to maintain order and decorum at White House events by, for example, ordering the immediate removal of rogue, mooning journalists.”

That’s right, in seeking to censor a journalist, Trump’s lawyers argued that there was some risk that reporters would bare their behinds to the President and they sought legal relief from that terrifying prospect. Of all the things that Trump is afraid of, this may be the most delectably bizarre. Perhaps this fear played a role in Trump retreating to the White House bunker this week when protesters where gathered across the street at Lafayette Park. And one cannot help but wonder if this contributed to Trump’s decision to deploy the military against American citizens, each of which is armed with a possibly loaded derriere.

It gives a hole new meaning to the threat of assassination. Butt, to be fair, Trump has never been able to deal with other people’s wise cracks. And it would get confusing if he weren’t the only arsehole in the room. So getting rid of Karem and the other potential mooners is a policy that he could really get behind. In fact, that’s something everyone can drink to. So bottoms up, America!

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Trump Executive Order Prohibits April Fools Day For the Remainder of His Term Due to Redundancy

Posted by on April 1, 2019 at 11:16 am. 1 Comments :

On April 1, 2019, the White House released an official statement regarding a new Executive Order signed by President Donald Trump. The Order officially prohibits the observance of April Fools Day for the remainder of the term that Trump is in office. It is the forty-sixth Executive Order by Trump who once criticized President Obama for issuing Executive Orders.

Donald Trump, April Fools

This Order is designed to forestall the “observance, celebration, recognition, ceremony, ritual, or tribute,” of any of the traditions associated with April Fools Day. The Order cites the “redundancy and profusion of mockable events and occurrences” that obviate the necessity for formal state acknowledgement of further “satirization, sarcasm, ridicule, farce, and/or parody.” Additionally, the Order enumerates examples of ludicrous and embarrassing behaviors that justify its issuance.

  • Trump calls the media “the enemy of the people.”
  • Trump names Fox News personality to White House post(s).
  • Trump tells rally goers that he “fell in love with” Kim Jong Un.
  • Trump asserts that Democrats will “obliterate ObamaCare.”
  • Trump expresses desire to be “president for life” like Xi Jinping.
  • Trump insists that he did not conspire with Russia or obstruct justice.
  • Trump thinks that he is responsible for the economic environment produced by Obama.
  • Trump declares a phony national emergency for funding for his border wall.
  • Trump accuses Democrats of colluding with Russia.
  • Trump honors neo-Nazis as “fine people.”
  • Trump calls himself “the most fabulous whiner.”
  • Trump praises his “very large a-brain.”
  • Trump threatens to investigate Saturday Night Live.
  • Trump says he will “make America great again.”

These are just a few of the instances when Trump has done or said something that were so painfully ludicrous that they could not be mocked, even by professional comedians. The full list goes on for more than forty pages and over 1,000 more such examples.

Consequently, the observance of April Fools Day in the era of Trump has been assigned to the White Office of the Department of Redundancy Department. The Department’s new director will be Fox News host (and Trump’s personal friend and advisor) Sean Hannity, who has a decades long record of established credentials for being thoroughly redundant, as well as irrelevant and expendable.

This Order will only be operative on the first of April of each year. For the rest of the year it will be permitted to lampoon the President and his laughably wacko deeds and utterances. In fact, it will be almost impossible to resist. But on the appointed days Trump will be temporarily relieved from having to endure the humiliation that he has earned and so richly deserves.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.

Judge Jeanine Pirro Returned Saturday Night – on Fox News and SNL – And Both Were Hysterical

Posted by on March 31, 2019 at 8:55 am. 1 Comments :

Two weeks ago “Judge” Jeanine Pirro was suspended from her weekly perch on Fox News after she made comments so reprehensible that they even offended the suits at Fox. Pirro attacked Rep. Ilhan Omar whose Muslim faith, according to Pirro, was incompatible with the United States Constitution. Despite the nearly universal disgust for Pirro’s hate speech, she retained the fervent support of Donald Trump. who begged Fox News to return her to the air.

Jeanine Pirro Fox News

On Saturday night Trump got his wish. Pirro once again hosted her Trump-fluffing White Nationalist Hour with all the drooling ferocity she had before her brief suspension. She obviously learned nothing from her time-out, and offered no apology. Her “Opening Statement” segment addressed the release of the “summary” of special counsel Robert Mueller’s report by Trump’s plant in the Justice Department, Attorney General William Barr. However, it began with a torrid tirade that might better have been directed at Trump:

“When someone lies to you, do you just say ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it’? Well that’s not how our system works. There has to be accountability. There has to be a consequence. Because as the President himself said ‘This should never happen again.’ And I can guarantee you it will happen again unless we make an example of the traitorous, treasonous group that accused Donald Trump of being an agent of the Russian government.”

Except for that last line that disputed accusations of Trump being a Russian agent, Pirro’s rant could have been a righteous assault on the relentless dishonesty of Trump. His flagrant lies and avoidance of accountability really is not the how system ought to work. And there definitely should be consequences for Trump and his vast army of criminal accomplices.

Pirro went on to warn that investigations like the one Mueller conducted could become “a blueprint for a future effort to overthrow the government.” But she got it completely backwards. Mueller was probing activities that included undermining our democratic election by Trump and a hostile foreign country. He was the one working to prevent government corruption. She further advised her viewers not to be “satisfied with the Mueller report,” which makes sense considering the fact that neither she nor any of her viewers have seen it. What’s more, what little we do know about the report is insufficient to vindicate the President. But what she meant was that they shouldn’t be satisfied with what she claimed was Trump’s exoneration, a conclusion that the report explicitly denied. And finally, she closed with a demand to stop all of Trump’s critics, by throwing them in jail, with what she called “behind the bars justice.”

A little later in the evening, Saturday Night Live weighed in with an appearance by Pirro (as played by Cecily Strong) during the Weekend Update news segment. It was a nearly identical portrayal of the injudicious judge who is pretty funny herself, albeit unintentionally. She made a point of thanking her superfans, the “mean, horny men laying on in-home hospital beds and white prison gangs who control the remote on Saturdays.” And I defy anyone to differentiate between Pirro’s wild-eyed raving and Strong’s satirical take on it. If anything, Strong’s impression was too understated.

Trump Has a Fear of Comedians that’s Rooted in His Fear of Looking Like a Fool – Too Late

Posted by on November 21, 2018 at 1:25 pm. 2 Comments :

The White House Correspondents Dinner (WHCD) is an annual affair that raises funds to provide scholarships for gifted journalism students. In past years it has featured notable comedians who often skewer both the press and the politicians who attend the event. The President of the United States is almost always in attendance. However, Donald Trump has been a no-show for two years in a row.

Donald Trump

The last president to decline to attend was Ronald Reagan. But he had a pretty good excuse. He was recovering from the bullet wounds of a would-be assassin. Trump’s reason for snubbing the event is pure cowardice. For years Trump has whined about comedians making jokes at his expense. His skin is so thin that it needs a coat of orange primer before he can go out in a light breeze. And many of the targets of his animated anus (sorry, that was the auto-correct) animus have been comedians that deigned to make him the butthead of their jokes. From Rosie O’Donnell to Bill Maher to Stephen Colbert to Jon Stewart, and so many more, Trump has devoted an incredible amount of time on maligning them personally and professionally.

Trump has focused particular attention on the past guest comedians of the WHCD. The routine by Seth Meyers in 2011 (video below) really set him off, and some say contributed to his decision to run for president as some sort of perverse revenge. But it was last year’s comic, Michelle Wolf, who brought out Trump’s inner (and outer) petulant child. Wolf did a brilliantly cutting monologue that burned both Trump and his surrogate, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who showed up in his place.

The controversy generated by Wolf’s routine has now caused the WHCD to announce that they will not have a comedian next year. It’s a pathetically weak response to controversy by an organization that is supposed to stand for freedom of speech. Instead they will feature a historian, Ron Chernow. And this news has pleased Donald Trump to no end. He even tweeted about:

First of all, Trump needs to be corrected, again. Wolf bombed so badly that she got her own TV show on Netflix. Poor thing. And she had an epic reply to Trump’s petty criticisms:

Nevertheless, Trump is so thrilled with the WHCD’s decision to host an author that he is hinting that he might actually attend this year. Or more accurately, threatening. Because no one really wants him to be there. His presence would be a disruption wherein he would demand all of the attention and then complain about it afterwards. However, Trump might be sorely disappointed if he musters the gumption to attend. Chernow is not exactly one of the Trump-fluffers that populate Fox News. He has some pointed opinions about Trump that could very well make their way into his presentation. According to Politico:

“During the 2016 election campaign, Chernow said he was disturbed by Trump’s campaign and feared that Americans ‘can forget who we are as a people and succumb to historical amnesia.’

“‘Make no mistake about it, when the past is scrubbed clean and American history becomes a blank slate, Donald Trump or any other demagogue can come along and write upon it whatever the hell he wants. And that disturbs me most of all,’ he said in a video posted on Facebook. ‘Please, please, please folks, don’t let it happen here.'”

A dinner affair with the press is not an especially good fit for this president who hates the media with a passion. And the journalists present surely would object to sitting next to a bloviating ignoramus who just tried to ban a CNN reporter, Jim Acosta, from the White House, and insulted three African-American journalists. As a result of those confrontations, Trump has now issued a decree to “govern the conduct of journalists,” something the press corps certainly won’t tolerate. In addition, Trump’s siding with the murderers in Saudi Arabia who killed and dismembered a Washington Post correspondent and American resident, Jamal Khashoggi, can’t sit well with an organization committed to the welfare of journalists.

However, the prospect of Trump attending the dinner could have a brighter side. It might be worth it to see Trump grimace through twenty minutes of a historian bashing his disrespect for the First Amendment and his Stalinist rhetoric about the media being “the enemy of the people.” The camera picking up his reactions to Chernow’s academically reinforced criticisms could be funnier than any of the comedians that might have been on the bill. Because there is one thing that hurts Trump even more than Melania laughing at his trouser toadstool (h/t Stormy). And that’s looking like a fool. But unfortunately for him, that ship of fools has sailed. And Trump has to eventually accept the fact that “The whole world is watching laughing. At him.

How Fox News Deceives and Controls Their Flock:
Fox Nation vs. Reality: The Fox News Cult of Ignorance.
Available now at Amazon.